transformers

trustycoffeemug
only the best toy ever if you grew up in the 80s and 90s

in 1981, honorable japanese toy company takara released "diaclone," a line of toy robots that could be twisted and folded into nifty futuristic vehicles. one of their corporate samurai got the very original idea to market a line of these car-robot toys to horrible american children (probably because tonka and milton-bradley was already doing that with gobots and robotix), and also got the bright idea to make new ones modeled on real cars such as the formidable Toyota Land Cruiser, and the Volkswagon Beetle (called "the people's car" by adolf hitler himself)

to achieve this they sold the license for these "transformers" to the execs of american toy company hasbro, who decided to advertise their new cash cow with a crappy 80s cartoon and a marvel tie-in comic. the transformers were a smash hit; through the 80s you could always tell whose parents were rich enough to afford them (or at least, had formerly been rich before buying them). naturally they were so successful that hasbro has made every effort to run the franchise into the ground with a new cartoon every decade or so, plus letting michael bay make a series of porno movies that happen to occasionally feature transformers.

infinity

douglas adams
Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow that's big," time. Infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.
(also: space)

united states of america

keke
(also: Alabama)
(also: Alaska)
(also: Arizona)
(also: Arkansas)
(also: California)
(also: Colorado)
(also: Connecticut)
(also: Delaware)
(also: Florida)
(also: Georgia)
(also: Hawaii)
(also: Idaho)
(also: Illinois)
(also: Indiana)
(also: Iowa)
(also: Kansas)
(also: Kentucky)
(also: Louisiana)
(also: Maine)
(also: Maryland)
(also: Massachusetts)
(also: Michigan)
(also: Minnesota)
(also: Mississippi)
(also: Missouri)
(also: Montana)
(also: Nebraska)
(also: Nevada)
(also: New Hampshire)
(also: New Jersey)
(also: New Mexico)
(also: New York)
(also: North Carolina)
(also: North Dakota)
(also: Ohio)
(also: Oklahoma)
(also: Oregon)
(also: Pennsylvania)
(also: Rhode Island)
(also: South Carolina)
(also: South Dakota)
(also: Tennessee)
(also: Texas)
(also: Utah)
(also: Vermont)
(also: Virginia)
(also: Washington)
(also: West Virginia)
(also: Wisconsin)
(also: Wyoming)

conscience

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a figment of one's conscious mind that rates the moral consequences of one's actions; the central aim of civilization is learning that the conscience's dictates cannot be ignored, and thus must be more cleverly circumvented

physics

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an academic discipline that discusses and researches the motions of physical bodies, from tiny atoms up to massive stars and our entire galaxy.

physics was invented when archimedes was running home from the bathhouse to write down his thoughts on fluid displacement; he slipped and fell into a temporal anomaly, landing on the head of isaac newton, who thus also got some neat ideas about gravity in one of history's rare twofers.

... well, okay, it wasn't exactly that, but it was something like that.

mountain

trustycoffeemug
a very big and pointy rock that thrusts upwards from the surface of the earth, as though a magnificent pimple or blackhead on our planet's glorious face. i guess the sinkholes are sweat glands, or something. but never mind.

the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there

superhero teacher

sese
(noun phrase) The caped crusader of education, equipped with an arsenal of dry-erase markers and a utility belt stocked with endless supplies of patience. They possess the extraordinary ability to keep a straight face while defusing classroom chaos and turning learning into a thrilling adventure. With their superhuman multitasking skills, they grade papers at the speed of light and deliver knowledge with the power of a thousand encyclopedias.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

lumberjack

trustycoffeemug
(n.) one who is in the business of producing lumber. for some reason this invariably involves wearing red flannel shirts and cultivating a beard like the guy in amityville horror

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