Is this real life? Or is it just fantasy?
Cause in a landslide with no escape from reality.
Open your eyes.
Look to the skies and seeeee.

A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this is the Christian version: "Remember the seventh day to make thy neighbor keep it wholly." To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week, but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views. So great is the sanctity of the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious jurisdiction over those who go down to (and down into) the sea it is reverently recognized, as is manifest in the following deep-water version of the Fourth Commandment:

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Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able,
And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

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Decks are no longer holystoned, but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

series of letters of decreasing size that you could certainly memorize. Every eye chart is the same sequence, and it's only 66 letters.

ZEALA certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward
He went away exclaiming: "O my Lord!"
"What do you want?" the Lord asked, bending down.
"An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown."
—Jum Coople
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

(n.) a frightfully important person in the religion of Catholicism and other religions that are catholic-flavored. apparently known for habit of moving diagonally.

(n.) remarks stemming from a lack of trust or faith (in the statement, person, group or existence in general), thereby using humour and disbelief as protection.

The worst part of an egg

(also: egg)

(n.) code words used to make one's job sound more difficult than it, in fact, is

(n.) a large cloud of ionized, gaseous stardust that might someday contract and coalesce into a star, if it's very well-behaved and says its prayers.

nebulae in real life are very sparse and dispersed, and thus they are not a very good place to hide from the wrath of khan.

n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.
(also: drugs)
(also: the devils dictionary)

A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer. Indeed, a writer's attitude toward "obsolete" words is as true a measure of his literary ability as anything except the character of his work. A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader.

the destination

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”― George Eliot

(n.) a filthy, poorly-dressed, drugged up young person who spends his time reading incomprehensible stream-of-consciousness poetry in some dingy coffee shop basement.

they were a major source of parental alarm in the 50s and 60s until they were replaced by hippies

to oil up for God, who said "only the slickest shall enter my kingdom"

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

(n.)(also: problem)