(n.) music for those long-haired snobby elitist artsy-fartsy types; derived from really old stuff

The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. In literature, and particularly in poetry, the elements of success are exceedingly simple, and are admirably set forth in the following lines by the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape, entitled, for some mysterious reason, "John A. Joyce."

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The bard who would prosper must carry a book,
Do his thinking in prose and wear
A crimson cravat, a far-away look
And a head of hexameter hair.
Be thin in your thought and your body'll be fat;
If you wear your hair long you needn't your hat.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a hard confection made from molten sugar and butter. resembles the nose of a late-stage syphilis sufferer, or at least that's what popular knowledge would have us believe

A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.
"Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division at Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; "move forward, sir, at once."

"General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The kind of fortune that never misses.
(also: life)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Nassau's gone funky.
Nassau's gone soul.

(n.) the skin of a pig

this entry would have been funnier if you had read ham and pork first. i guess that's your problem.

grown-up word for umbrella step

I am right even if you disagree

a nation that exists to give Greece extra bonus points in eurovision

Orville (1871 – 1948) – Wilbur (1867 – 1912) – Created and flew the first aeroplane.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: orville and wilbur wright quotes)

the point at which you are most expected to pay attention

(n.) a possibly nonexistent place to which the soul will supposedly immigrate following death. in the west such a place would generally be referred to as heaven if it's a good place and hell if it's a bad one.

(n.) a probably nonexistent cosmic force that supposedly determines whether chance-based outcomes are positive or negative. the central figure in a strange modern religion usually practiced in casinos and stock exchanges

(also: 2019)

marcus antonious (83-30 BC) is a dead roman guy.

once a sidekick to julius caesar, whom he served faithfully as a general but also humiliated a few times by routinely turning up to the senate pig-bastard drunk (this got him into a pissing match with cicero).

when julius kicked the bucket, marc took over as big cheese and set to work thrashing his old master's assassins. however, he was beaten to the punch by augustus caesar, the adopted son of the late caesar, who managed to take control of rome while marcy went skulking around the eastern world looking for allies. this led marc antony to shack up with cleopatra vii, with whom he had a torrid love affair. this sordid romance came to an end when marc antony's armies were well and truly smashed in actium, and he committed suicide to escape octavian's reprisal.

a dead british guy named william shakespeare wrote a little ditty about it.

n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

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The rising People, hot and out of breath,
Roared round the palace: "Liberty or death!"
"If death will do," the King said, "let me reign;
You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain."
—Martha Braymance

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(Site). Where you took the idea of this page

(n.) one who ensures that entertainment does not become too spicy for the mental digestion of the audience

(v.) to do what a censor does, much as an engineer engineers, or a doctor doctors. no, wait.

adj. "Raised" instead of brought up.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)