Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

(n.) the closest thing to god that humanity has yet created, and very likely to destroy us some time in the future. the internet is like a vast beehive of information of which computers are mere waxy cells.

according to legend, the heart of the internet is a gigantic central server built into a volcano, guarded by armies of orcs in little button-down shirts and maybe al gore or something

(n.) a complicated coat hanger to drape your skin over. made from a white hard stuff made from hardened milk or something

(v.) a tactic employed in contests of athletic or academic skill, which enables craftier competitors to level the playing field with superior athletes and academics

(also: lie)
(also: steal)

A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be judged by the light that the doer had when he performed it.

they're pretty much all like this

An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

adjective: lacking resources, whether in the material worldor the metaphysical sense
example: when the love of my life passed away, i felt poor with no hope for companionship or reciprocated love to be experienced again.

In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable — omnipotent on condition that it do nothing. (The word is Aristocratese, and has no exact equivalent in our tongue, but means, as nearly as may be, "soaring swine.")
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

---

I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre,
And pick with care the disobedient wire.
That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook
With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.
I bide my time, and it shall come at length,
When, with a Titan's energy and strength,
I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O,
The world shall suffer when I let them go!
—Farquharson Harris
(also: instruments of torture)
(also: ancient instruments of torture)
(also: modern instruments of torture)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A candid man of affairs.
It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companions lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. When Voltaire's turn came he said: "Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues." Saying nothing more, he was encouraged to continue. "That," he said, "is the story."
(also: story)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) something that is not what it is perceived to be, like the way you perceive me as someone who gives a crap

(n.) one of nature's more impressive primal displays, a huge arc of electricity that courses through the air during atmospheric storms, striking the nearest convenient point of low electrical potential, and superheating the air to cause an explosion we call thunder

if it could only be greased, then lightning might well prove to be automatic, systematic, and hydromatic, and indeed, may be a useful way to get lots of tit.

A period of leisure, which, when looked at closely, often consists of aimlessly scrolling through social media feeds and refreshing emails, interspersed with fleeting moments of productivity that are quickly overshadowed by feelings of guilt and self-doubt.

It is a peculiar phenomenon that one can simultaneously feel both bored and overwhelmed during free time, as if the endless possibilities of what to do next are both too many and too mundane.

A mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man- from The encyclopedia galactica.

"Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With."- from the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.

In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
(also: Congress)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

truce
(also: truce)

n. A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a mighty poor way to spell muskeeter.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

"O servant of the Prophet," said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, "how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?"

"Upholder of the Faith," that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda, "they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!"

"And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?" he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy.

"Uncle of the Full Moon," was the reply, "deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!"

For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then, "Sons of angels," he said, "the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned."

(also: war)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) activity meant to occupy most of a person's life, both to keep the person out of trouble and to help establish their value to society, which is represented by money

(also: job)