alien

trustycoffeemug
(adj.) that which has the audacity to be other and different

(n.) a hypothetical creature that is extraterrestrial in nature, which is to say, very audaciously other and different. as with ghosts, bigfoot, fairies, and god, one of those things that is not confirmed to actually exist but many people insist they've seen

ley lines

trustycoffeemug
one of the more pervasive postulates in the field of hooey.

in summarium, the idea that veins of vague, unquantifiable "energy" crisscross the planet, intersecting at points of equally vague significance, usually ones humans handily chose to mark with photogenic landmarks such as stonehenge

equivalent to "dragon paths" in chinese culture, to "songlines" in australian aboriginal culture, and (functionally) to aliens building the pyramids in sane person culture.

chess

boo
(noun): A game that's easy to learn but impossible to master, causing losers to hate it and winners to lord their superiority over everyone else. Just don't knock over the pieces in a fit of rage.

the first day in teaching

mama gump
(noun phrase) A whirlwind of nerves, anticipation, and boundless enthusiasm as a teacher steps into the classroom for the very first time. It's a symphony of introductions, establishing authority, and setting the stage for a year of growth. Excitement mingles with jitters as the teacher navigates a delicate balance of creating a welcoming environment, building connections with students, and conveying a passion for learning. It's a pivotal moment, a blank canvas waiting to be filled with knowledge, inspiration, and the joy of discovery.

(also: i left my textbook at home)

optimist

the devils dictionary
A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
A pessimist applied to God for relief.

"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them."

"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something — the mortality of the optimist."

mummy

the devils dictionary
n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said,
Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.
We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint,
Distil him for physic and grind him for paint,
Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame,
And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.
O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:
For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?
—Scopas Brune

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

pornography

trustycoffeemug
material intended to elicit erotic enjoyment in the consumer, usually by virtue of including naked people engaging in carnal acts. most pornography decays after too long (likely due to, ah, use), but if it survives for an extended period it may be promoted to normal art and placed in a museum. nowadays pornography mostly exists on the internet and is apparently doing its part to help close the gender income gap.

"there are two things you never want to see made: laws and kids' college funds."

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