n. One who worships at the shrine of his ancestral cell
(also: list of all isms)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
(also: creation of the universe)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

Action that either going to lead to kissing or an extreme act of violence.

(phrase) The optimistic assessment delivered by educators, serving as a beacon of hope amidst the vast landscape of academic possibilities.

(also: student's parents)

A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

(n.) one whose newfangled ideas indicate the imminent collapse of all proud and decent society, society evidently being constantly threatened by newfangled ideas

only the best toy ever if you grew up in the 80s and 90s

in 1981, honorable japanese toy company takara released "diaclone," a line of toy robots that could be twisted and folded into nifty futuristic vehicles. one of their corporate samurai got the very original idea to market a line of these car-robot toys to horrible american children (probably because tonka and milton-bradley was already doing that with gobots and robotix), and also got the bright idea to make new ones modeled on real cars such as the formidable Toyota Land Cruiser, and the Volkswagon Beetle (called "the people's car" by adolf hitler himself)

to achieve this they sold the license for these "transformers" to the execs of american toy company hasbro, who decided to advertise their new cash cow with a crappy 80s cartoon and a marvel tie-in comic. the transformers were a smash hit; through the 80s you could always tell whose parents were rich enough to afford them (or at least, had formerly been rich before buying them). naturally they were so successful that hasbro has made every effort to run the franchise into the ground with a new cartoon every decade or so, plus letting michael bay make a series of porno movies that happen to occasionally feature transformers.

Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow that's big," time. Infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.
(also: space)

(also: Alabama)
(also: Alaska)
(also: Arizona)
(also: Arkansas)
(also: California)
(also: Colorado)
(also: Connecticut)
(also: Delaware)
(also: Florida)
(also: Georgia)
(also: Hawaii)
(also: Idaho)
(also: Illinois)
(also: Indiana)
(also: Iowa)
(also: Kansas)
(also: Kentucky)
(also: Louisiana)
(also: Maine)
(also: Maryland)
(also: Massachusetts)
(also: Michigan)
(also: Minnesota)
(also: Mississippi)
(also: Missouri)
(also: Montana)
(also: Nebraska)
(also: Nevada)
(also: New Hampshire)
(also: New Jersey)
(also: New Mexico)
(also: New York)
(also: North Carolina)
(also: North Dakota)
(also: Ohio)
(also: Oklahoma)
(also: Oregon)
(also: Pennsylvania)
(also: Rhode Island)
(also: South Carolina)
(also: South Dakota)
(also: Tennessee)
(also: Texas)
(also: Utah)
(also: Vermont)
(also: Virginia)
(also: Washington)
(also: West Virginia)
(also: Wisconsin)
(also: Wyoming)

(n.) without hair; the condition of baldness in human men is often taken as a sign of dignified maturity, or at least that's what bald men are repeatedly assured

(n.) a figment of one's conscious mind that rates the moral consequences of one's actions; the central aim of civilization is learning that the conscience's dictates cannot be ignored, and thus must be more cleverly circumvented

A form of incantation to conjure up a hope that is to be exorcised later by inattention.

(n.) an academic discipline that discusses and researches the motions of physical bodies, from tiny atoms up to massive stars and our entire galaxy.

physics was invented when archimedes was running home from the bathhouse to write down his thoughts on fluid displacement; he slipped and fell into a temporal anomaly, landing on the head of isaac newton, who thus also got some neat ideas about gravity in one of history's rare twofers.

... well, okay, it wasn't exactly that, but it was something like that.

a very big and pointy rock that thrusts upwards from the surface of the earth, as though a magnificent pimple or blackhead on our planet's glorious face. i guess the sinkholes are sweat glands, or something. but never mind.

the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there

An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A depressed person typically between the ages of 17 and 18.
Commonly found crying into a empty cup noodles and wondering where they went wrong in life

(noun phrase) The caped crusader of education, equipped with an arsenal of dry-erase markers and a utility belt stocked with endless supplies of patience. They possess the extraordinary ability to keep a straight face while defusing classroom chaos and turning learning into a thrilling adventure. With their superhuman multitasking skills, they grade papers at the speed of light and deliver knowledge with the power of a thousand encyclopedias.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

(1473-1543) Renaissance mathematician and astronomer who believed Sun was the centre of the Universe – rather than earth.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: nicolaus copernicus quotes)

(n.) one who is in the business of producing lumber. for some reason this invariably involves wearing red flannel shirts and cultivating a beard like the guy in amityville horror