(n.) human male's penis, also known by other names

(n.) a real fun guy

wears a cool toque and might be into the goth scene, as he's often seen relishing in darkness and decay. can be a good guy to have around on pizza night.

Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller, nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) um... ask your mother.

(n.) a repository for the unwell, so that their unwellness does not become a source of distress for those whose unwellness is easier to conceal.

n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

(also: misfortune)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a chronic condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable onset of sleep. the main thing to remember about narcolepsy iszzzzzzzzzz...

(noun): The state of mind where you're not sure if you're one step away from a breakdown, or if everyone else is just really bad at dealing with life.

In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one. Subordinate deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually their claims to adoration and propitiation. The Trinity is one of the most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. In rejecting it because it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of theological fundamentals. In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The point in the heavens directly overhead to a standing man or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though from this view of the matter there was once a considerable dissent among the learned, some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. These were called Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresy was finally extinguished by Xanobus, the philosopher-king of Abara, a zealous Verticalist. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter, he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them to determine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the heels outside. Observing that it was the head of their leader, the Horizontalists hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the Crown might be pleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its place among fides defuncti.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the academic discipline of measuring time, usually making clocks.

... you thought it was something else. Admit it.

the twentieth letter of the English alphabet, was by the Greeks absurdly called tau. In the alphabet whence ours comes it had the form of the rude corkscrew of the period, and when it stood alone (which was more than the Phœnicians could always do) signified Tallegal, translated by the learned Dr. Brownrigg, "tanglefoot."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a chemical substance used to regulate one's more eccentric behaviors. no, booze does not count.

n. The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

attila (b. probably circa 406 AD) was a king of the huns and also ruled over a number of tribes in central asia and eastern europe between 434 and 453. he spent a lot of his time in office beating up the roman empire, which heaved a giant collective sigh of relief when he finally passed away on his wedding night. after that the huge kingdom he built basically dissolved into infighting.

sort of a western prototype for genghis khan.

according to a german opera-writer he is also the brother of brunnhilde, valkyrie and apparent queen of iceland, though he doesn't do much in the story besides marry Kriemheld (who wants revenge for the death of her husband siegfried, who was killed because he had a love triangle going with brunnhilde because he'd helped his friend woo her and yadda yadda yadda, there's a magic treasure involved or something)

one possible means by which the universe may have come into existence, which has eclipsed the "laid by a giant space chicken" hypothesis

succinctly put, this theory proposes that the universe originally existed in an infinitesimal, incomprehensibly small state, then exploded outward and has continued to grow and spread continually ever since, ably accounting for the blueshift of cosmic background radiation

the puzzle of how the universe can expand, implying the existence of an outward territory which is not part of it (despite it supposedly containing everything) is one of those cranium-confounders for big shot physicists to solve.

(adj.) that which has the audacity to be other and different

(n.) a hypothetical creature that is extraterrestrial in nature, which is to say, very audaciously other and different. as with ghosts, bigfoot, fairies, and god, one of those things that is not confirmed to actually exist but many people insist they've seen

n. A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a mighty poor way to spell muskeeter.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a candy consisting of a sugar-capsule with a decorative almond in the middle