scale used to measure how impressed you should be when I eat a pepper

sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay not because you enjoy it but because you're not going to let fall pass by without once sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay

(adj.) describing one who reduces culture to a matter of determining the latest fads before they can become insufficiently latest

(n.) an unexpectedly successful colony of the americas originally established as a free range insane asylum. at one point was marketed as a luxury vacation destination until the tourism board realized they weren't fooling anyone.

(n.) ain't it the most common kind?

rsvp, répondez s'il vous plaît
asap, as soon as possible
lmao, laughing my ass off
rofl, rolling on the floor laughing
wdym, what do you mean
fwiw, for what it's worth
iirc, if I recall correctly
imho, in my honest/ humble opinion
ttyl, talk to you later
tyvm, thank you very much
tgif, thank god it's friday
byob, bring your own beer/ bottle
nsfw, not safe for work
acab, all cops are bastards
awol, absent without leave
ymmv, your mileage may vary

http, hyper-text transfer protocol
fifo, first in, first out
adhd, hyperactivity disorder
mdma, 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine
nasa, National Aeronautics and Space Administration
ussr, union of soviet state republic

/rɛd/ (adj.):
A hue resembling a ripe tomato or a Marxist manifesto. Also used to describe a balance sheet that's "in the red," which is financial jargon for "totally screwed."

a component of the social fabric of pre-meiji japan, samurai were warrior nobles sworn to the service of lords and emperors. in times of war they were highly trained combat elites in swordsmanship, horsemanship, archery and tactics; in peacetime they were expected to take on administrative duties or enjoy their own cultural pursuits such as calligraphy, poetry, and hanging out with geishas (not prostitutes... okay, mostly)

for the purposes of foolish ignorant pig westerners, samurai are just guys with ponytails and white robes who go around making "ho! ha! hokkaido!" noises.

An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science. The modern Theosophist holds, with the Buddhists, that we live an incalculable number of times on this earth, in as many several bodies, because one life is not long enough for our complete spiritual development; that is, a single lifetime does not suffice for us to become as wise and good as we choose to wish to become. To be absolutely wise and good — that is perfection; and the Theosophist is so keen-sighted as to have observed that everything desirous of improvement eventually attains perfection. Less competent observers are disposed to except cats, which seem neither wiser nor better than they were last year. The greatest and fattest of recent Theosophists was the late Madame Blavatsky, who had no cat.
(also: buddha)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the part of time that has not yet happened; the state of being the world shall eventually achieve when we all have jet-packs

(also: past), an antonym

(n.) a pair of organs that are somewhere in the backish region or thereabouts, probably slightly above the buttocks

like a slightly disgusting reservoir, the kidney filters toxins out of the bloodstream and directs them to the bladder so that they may be appropriately vented somewhere discreet like the neighbor's fence

where to begin? egyptian history spans over 5000 years. egypt was ancient long before the single day on which rome was built.

to be as brief as is feasible, the upper and lower portions of egypt first became unified sometime between 3200 and 3000 BC, possibly by somebody named Narmer or Menes, who thus became the founder of the first dynasty of pharaohs. narmer's dynasty dicks around for a bit, leave behind a few prototype tombs in the village of saqqara, and is replaced by a second dynasty. that dynasty does more dicking around and is replaced again. this more or less sets the tone for the rest of egyptian history.

old kingdom egypt (3rd-6th dynasties); the big pointy pyramids you're thinking of come from the fourth dynasty
* an intermediate period (7th-11th dynasties)
middle kingdom egypt (11th-13th dynasties); the book of the dead, that famous egyptian book you've heard of, only shows up in rough draft form around this period
* another intermediate period (13th-17th dynasties)
new kingdom egypt (18th-20th dynasties); tutankhamun, the one pharaoh everyone has heard of, was the second-to-last pharaoh of the 18th dynasty
* sure, why not another intermediate period (21st-25th dynasties), followed by some twilight years (the late period extending to the 31st dynasty), during which egypt got conquered by persians


By this point it's already the 330s BC, and greece (led by alexander the great) took over egypt and left it in control of some doofus named ptolemy. not too long after that, it was conquered again by the romans, by which time we've only just arrived at caesar boinking cleopatra.

(n.) a tiny little insect that compensates for its shrimpiness with endless reinforcements. attracted to exposed foodstuffs, some of the more vicious varieties bite. known also for its monarchist sympathies

Afflicting us with greater or less frequency. That, however, is not the sense in which the word is used in the phrase "occasional verses," which are verses written for an "occasion," such as an anniversary, a celebration or other event. True, they afflict us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no reference to irregular recurrence.

n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. (See MOLECULE.) According to Leibnitz, as nearly as he seems willing to be understood, the monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation — Leibnitz knows him by the innate power of considering. He has founded upon him a theory of the universe, which the creature bears without resentment, for the monad is a gentleman. Small as he is, the monad contains all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher of the first class — altogether a very capable little fellow. He is not to be confounded with the microbe, or bacillus; by its inability to discern him, a good microscope shows him to be of an entirely distinct species.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Any disagreeable act, considered from the viewpoint of the victim of it. A denial of immunity

God is a concept by which we measure our(also: humans) pain

(n.) the angels are not limited to human form.
so maybe, be a little afraid, just don't go off the deep end.

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/biblically-accurate-angels-be-not-afraid


"Basically, when the people writing Scripture tried to describe what they saw when they saw an angel… they run into the end of their imagination… they can never quite seem to fully explain it because they had trouble even comprehending what they saw, let alone being able to describe it to someone else."




(also: angels)
(also: multi-headed)
(also: multi-handed)
(also: bible)
(also: doctor who)

Is a breed of human that chooses to identify in society" as people who play video games"

An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde
(also: Oscar Wilde quotes)