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The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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Moses Mendelssohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need an immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day."

"Pork?" shrieked the patient — "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"

"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.

"I swear it!"

"Good! — then I will undertake to cure you."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-morality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

These creatures are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vast hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings. The whole business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front.

They spent a lot of their time in behavioral research laboratories running round inside wheels and conducting frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. The fact that once again man completely misinterpreted this relationship was entirely according to these creatures' plans.

(also: Dolphins)

ex wife of johnny depp

definitive
(also: guide)

the minutia in a debate that is what it is you're arguing about

Friendship
(also: Friendship)

vlad iii (1428ish-1476ish) was a ruler in romania who became famous for brutally massacring turkish people to get out of paying them back for their assistance in brutally massacring the hungarians

he was not a vampire, but at some point bram stoker, and then the entire world, decided he would be more interesting if he were a vampire. so now everyone just pretends he was. today, dracula-the-vampire is one of the most prolific characters in all of fiction, but has probably not seen a penny of the royalties himself, which just goes to show who the real bloodsuckers are.

1847 – 1922) – Scottish inventor of the telephone.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: alexander graham bell quotes)

(n.) a boss-man or pooh-bah, usually in sinister secret societies or chess clubs

Society is a force that follow human since the start of time,the efects of the force are unclair but they vary from lusing the ability to make certains acts,and the feeling of need to gain money in any way possible to survive.

A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another — usually about as many times as it can be got there.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a somewhat roguish canine creature, not quite as rugged as a wolf, roughly analogous to wood-elves in the same manner domestic dogs are analogous to hobbits. usually red in color with splashes of white.

species of fox live on every continent except antarctica. the hunting of foxes in britain is an example of the kind of pointlessly cruel idiocy (see bloodsport) characteristic of the upper class.

(n.) life's way of screwing you out of half your Biblically allotted seventy-to-eighty years

The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.[hr
Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on ea]th again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost!
—Polydore Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the foremost of one's enemies, opponents, or adversaries. an archenemy can define one's character as much as a friend or ally can, and in a sense, having one is therefore a necessary step to self-actualization.

famous archenemies include:
united states and soviet union
britain and france
sherlock holmes and professor moriarty
batman and joker
humanity and nature
louis pasteur and antoine béchamp
elvis and robert goulet

and so on

(adj.) occurring in or belonging to the era before the Flood.
a wonderful way to describe a boat that's falling apart.


(also: three men in a boat (to say nothing of the dog))

The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)