(n.) a contradiction that, once really accepted and explored and understood, reveals a deeper truth. but, as they say, it's turtles all the way down, so don't get cocky now. your deeper truth probably (99.9999% of the time) leans on an even deeper truth.

(also: koan)
(also: thesis-antithesis-synthesis)
(also: turtles all the way down)

n. A lawyer with a roving commission.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A super fighting robot who fights to save the world from the evil machinations of Dr. Wily and his robot masters. He's the main playable character in the series of challenging platform video games by the same name.

An animal that will be amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

(also: tin opener)

Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

(n.) a stabbier form of tooth

(n.) a craft intended to move across the top of a body of water. if it's really big it's called a ship. musical performer styx famously used one of these to saaaaaaaail away

the roman world was in a mess; the emperor caused no end of stress
then in the year four-forty-one, there came this guy, attila the hun
run away! Here comes attila
flee today! he'll sack your villa
can't you see? he's come to kill ya
swipe your bed, and then your pilla
attila was a nasty king; he and his huns wrecked everything
he lived by arson and the sword, burned down france cuz he got bored
run away! here comes attila
far away! go to manilla
kills more people than godzilla
swipes your sheets and then your pilla
to a wedding attila went, looking sharp like a hunnish gent
made a quick speech, went to bed; very next morning, was found dead
fare thee well, goodbye attila
bury him deep neath the rolling hillas
he wore shorts made of chinchilla
his favorite ice cream was strawberry

(n.) the joy that accompanies seeing a rival or enemy suffer; sort of the reverse of an empathetic cringe of embarrassment

Skilled in the art and practice of dissimulation.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

---

The Enemy of Human Souls
Sat grieving at the cost of coals;
For Hell had been annexed of late,
And was a sovereign Southern State.

"It were no more than right," said he,
"That I should get my fuel free.
The duty, neither just nor wise,
Compels me to economize —
Whereby my broilers, every one,
Are execrably underdone.
What would they have? — although I yearn
To do them nicely to a turn,
I can't afford an honest heat.
This tariff makes even devils cheat!
I'm ruined, and my humble trade
All rascals may at will invade:
Beneath my nose the public press
Outdoes me in sulphureousness;
The bar ingeniously applies
To my undoing my own lies;
My medicines the doctors use
(Albeit vainly) to refuse
To me my fair and rightful prey
And keep their own in shape to pay;
The preachers by example teach
What, scorning to perform, I preach;
And statesmen, aping me, all make
More promises than they can break.
Against such competition I
Lift up a disregarded cry.
Since all ignore my just complaint,
By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!"
Now, the Republicans, who all
Are saints, began at once to bawl
Against his competition; so
There was a devil of a go!
They locked horns with him, tête-à-tête
In acrimonious debate,
Till Democrats, forlorn and lone,
Had hopes of coming by their own.
That evil to avert, in haste
The two belligerents embraced;
But since 'twere wicked to relax
A tittle of the Sacred Tax,
'Twas finally agreed to grant
The bold Insurgent-protestant
A bounty on each soul that fell
Into his ineffectual Hell.
—Edam Smith
(also: donald trump)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun):
A lovably mischievous creature that serves as the loyal sidekick to an evil mastermind, often seen wearing adorable overalls and speaking in their own unique language that sounds like a mix of gibberish and silliness.


(also: serving as a loyal sidekick)
(also: wearing adorable overalls)
(also: speaking in unique language)
(also: sounding like gibberish and silliness)
(also: being mischievous and lovable)
(also: accompanying an evil mastermind)

piece of the former yugoslavia, and formerly united with the czech republic

artists andy warhol and steve ditko came from slovak immigrant families, suggesting that this is mostly a place people come from rather than go to

(n.) the flesh of a pig

n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A kind of inlaid work. From Moses, who when little was inlaid in a basket among the bulrush.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
― Victor Hugo

The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
(also: poor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)