A form of penance practiced by the medieval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.

(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(phrase):
The enlightening moment when you become acutely aware of being in a predicament that leaves you feeling like a bewildered squirrel trapped in a maze. It's a sudden realization that you've unwittingly stumbled into a situation from which escape seems as elusive as a unicorn on roller skates.


(also: Embracing the absurdity)

The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naïvely asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The first letter in every properly constructed alphabet. It is the first natural utterance of the human vocal organs, and is variously sounded, according to the pleasure and convenience of the speaker. In logic, A asserts and B denies. Assertions being proverbially untrue, the presumption would be in favor of B's innocence were it not that denials are notoriously false. In grammar, A is called the indefinite article, probably because, denoting a definite number, it is so obviously a numeral adjective.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an intense windstorm which forms around a low pressure front over warm tropical water.

generally sent by divine providence to shake florida up every once in a while, when things have gotten too sane

(n.) european country equally unwanted by the french and the dutch. the most famous belgian person is tintin, a fictional character.

n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn. In Russia and the Orient the monarch has still a considerable influence in public affairs and in the disposition of the human head, ((also: vladimir putin)) but in western Europe political administration is mostly entrusted to his ministers, he being somewhat preoccupied with reflections relating to the status of his own head.

(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) noodles prepared by italians, as opposed to noodles prepared by east asian people, which are referred to as "takeout"

v.t. To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a process of converting someone to a specific belief, perspective, or series of behavior processes. These methods vary by culture, and by government. an ancient alien race known as the reapers may or may not be the originators of these complex and multi-faceted techniques of behavior (and thought) modification.

(also: military)
(also: minecraft)

(interjection) An exclamation of frustration or desperation, often uttered by computer users experiencing technical difficulties. The phrase is a humorous adaptation of the Christian prayer "Jesus take the wheel," which implores Jesus to take control and guide one's life in a positive direction. In the context of computer problems, the speaker is similarly invoking divine intervention to resolve the issue at hand. However, it is unclear whether Jesus has any particular expertise in computer repair, or if he is simply being asked to take over out of a sense of desperation. Nevertheless, the phrase has become a popular meme in online communities, serving as a humorous expression of the exasperation many feel when confronted with malfunctioning technology.

piece of the former yugoslavia, and formerly united with the czech republic

artists andy warhol and steve ditko came from slovak immigrant families, suggesting that this is mostly a place people come from rather than go to

(adj.) of the same name

(also: name)
(also: names)
(also: naming)

(1564- 1616) English poet and playwright.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: william shakespeare quotes)

The major problem - one of the major problems, for there are several - one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

(also: people)
(also: problem)

britain's version of the deep south, located inconveniently in the north

known for its kilts, heather, bagpipes, fried things, beards, and jabbering. while england is represented by the lion, scotland is (less commonly) associated with the unicorn, and, like the unicorn, scotsmen look like a bunch of sissy girly skirt-wearers until they gore you in the stomach

n. An herb of the genus Lactuca, "Wherewith," says that pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted of the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg, salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with sugar. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1162 – 1227) – Military and political leader of the Mongols.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: genghis kahn quotes)

(n.) plural = teeth

those little bone nubs in your mouth that help you tear up food