n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a very silly and not-at-all good thing that happened in south africa

sounds aptly and surprisingly like "apart-hate" when pronounced correctly.

No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer. Indeed, a writer's attitude toward "obsolete" words is as true a measure of his literary ability as anything except the character of his work. A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader.

In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
(also: Congress)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) uh... ham.

time with the only goal to make yourself/others happy.
some people have hard time keeping these two groups in ballance.

A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the imprudence of turning about to face Retribution when it is taking exercise:

---

What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go
Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know
That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun) A colorful candy that promises to "taste the rainbow," but really just tastes like sugar-coated disappointment.

A dead sinner revised and edited.
The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint: "I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) if a shelf does not hold books or spices, is it a real shelf?

(adj.) not in accordance with or otherwise disregarding the dictates of law. describing an action best taken well out of sight of all unbribed authority figures

A substance (a vapor i believe) in yiur brain that makes you forget what you like hate or want. Making the entire universe seem like game of shadows it washes your brain of the colourful passion which makes you drunk. You can say mood is decided by ratio of these two substances

Santa Claus for adults

The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
He lived in a period prehistoric,

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When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder,
Set down great events in succession and order,
He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
—Orpheus Bowen
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

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One day a wag—what would the wretch be at?—
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god's name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
Amazed, the populace the rites attend,
Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend,
And, inly edified to learn that two
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
Than Nature's hairs that never have been split,
Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,
And sell their garments to support the priests.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A mechanical marvel, that is powered by a mighty mainspring, which sends power through, typically, 4 gears and their pinions to a finely tuned balance. All that only to tell you the time of day.
Many watches also possess extra functions (or complications) such as:
-stopwatches (chronographs)
-showing the current date
-the ever beloved automatic winding of the mainspring

Though not as needed in the current times, they still are beautiful constructs, used to show status, or just to look nice.

(also: digital watches)
(also: time)

(n.) a sort of wavy rainbow caused by solar radiation hitting the earth's magnetosphere. visible at certain times of the year, at certain times of the day, in certain parts of the country, localized entirely in the night sky

a death strip preventing pedestrians from entering a city without a car

So called question that made humans leave me alone for 7.5 million years.
The answer is 42 ,because why not.

(also: 42)
(also: life)
(also: the universe)