n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig — Maria pseudo-hirsuta. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Porter, Thaddeus of Warsaw.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a spotter's guide to clowns. Remember to exercise discretion when approaching.

Order: Clownidae
* Family Stanczykae (medieval jesters and harlequins)
* Family Commediae
** Genus Marceau (mimes and other street performers)
**Genus Emmitkellidae (classic clowns, birthday clowns, sad clowns, punch and judy puppets
*** Subgenus Vaudevillae (the Three Stooges, Charlie Chaplin, the Marx Brothers)
*** Subgenus Nightmaridae (scary clowns)
*** Subgenus Clussi (sexy clowns)

The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an ideal tool for the harvesting of grain, parting souls from the body of the living, or staging a peasant rebellion, consisting of a long handle and a sharp curvaceous blade. once upon a time in russia, partnered with the hammer but they aren't on speaking terms anymore.

an exhortation to work together to achieve my goals, which can never happen if people are working on their own goals.

Pittbull is an American music artist. It is widely believed that he is enjoyed but not a very good one.

For we're do the sails of life lead?
Rudderless in direction.
The captain knows
Yet lest we see
Blow winds to far off destinations.

- Pittbull (song: Timber feat. Ke$ha)

Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a creature with the head of a deer, the feet of a rabbit, and a long ratlike tail, as well as a distinctive tummy-pouch. astoundingly enough, this creature really does exist, though predictably only in australia

(n.) curdled lactate. intended to be eaten.

One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Half-way in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like to ask," said he.
"Name it."

"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."

"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul — you ask for the right to make his laws?"

"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself."

It was so ordered.
(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a real fun guy

wears a cool toque and might be into the goth scene, as he's often seen relishing in darkness and decay. can be a good guy to have around on pizza night.

A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

To carry on business candidly.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Obstinate in a course that we approve.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

used to indicate that a statement is not true in any practical way, thus having the sole purpose of making the stater feel smart

A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries, but it appears to have been imperfectly expounded. An example of this faulty exposition is found in the only extant sermon of the pious Bishop Rowley, a characteristic passage from which is here given:
"Now righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of mind, nor yet in performance of religious rites and obedience to the letter of the law. It is not enough that one be pious and just: one must see to it that others also are in the same state; and to this end compulsion is a proper means. Forasmuch as my injustice may work ill to another, so by his injustice may evil be wrought upon still another, the which it is as manifestly my duty to estop as to forestall mine own tort. Wherefore if I would be righteous I am bound to restrain my neighbor, by force if needful, in all those injurious enterprises from which, through a better disposition and by the help of Heaven, I do myself refrain."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Orville (1871 – 1948) – Wilbur (1867 – 1912) – Created and flew the first aeroplane.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: orville and wilbur wright quotes)

(n.) East Asian culture fetish; when weeabooism goes too far

(field.)Field of problems that affects everyone other than me.
(also: air pollution)
(also: world peace)