the last year

(also: year)

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison
(also: Thomas Edison)

A very commen misspelle of the f word

A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.

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He extracted from his quiver,
Did the controversial Roman,
An argument well fitted
To the question as submitted,
Then addressed it to the liver,
Of the unpersuaded foeman.
—Oglum P. Boomp
(also: sex)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) dough that's been shaped into long strands. a most versatile form of food.

supposedly invented by the chinese and then introduced to italians by marco polo. this supposition is untrue, but everyone will still say it anyway so you might as well

(also: pasta)

n. An African animal having three horns, two on the head and one on the nape of the neck by which to hang up the carcass after the head has been removed. In those varieties that are not hunted by man, this third horn is imperfectly developed or wholly wanting.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

when someone cancels plans you've made together and you realize you now have some free time to yourself.

(also: introvert)

(n.) european country; country you call when you need a replacement germany. famous for old classical musicians or something

(n.) a device used to do a thing. the use of tools is a major component of intelligence.

the four main tools include the lever, the pulley, the inclined plane and their older brother the internal combustion engine. tools without good agents include hammers, screwdrivers, gimlets, tongs, other hammers, backscratchers, and many more.

(n.) an intense windstorm which forms around a low pressure front over warm tropical water.

generally sent by divine providence to shake florida up every once in a while, when things have gotten too sane

The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Considered next to prostitution to be one of the world's oldest professions.

a sport involving fighting from Eastern Asia. While sports such as boxing and wrestling do involve fighting, they are not from Eastern Asia, and are thus not classified as martial arts

n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration. "In a multitude of consellors there is wisdom," saith the proverb. If many men of equal individual wisdom are wiser than any one of them, it must be that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act of getting together. Whence comes it? Obviously from nowhere — as well say that a range of mountains is higher than the single mountains composing it. A multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey him; if not, it is no wiser than its most foolish.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
(also: negative)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) untrue things said for the sake of deception or convenience

(also: liar)

n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

(also: the devil's dictionary)

to desire a situation that didn't happen due, usually due to making a decision that was more logical or convenient or more beneficial (at that point-in-time)
example: i regret not going to community college and then transferring to university because i would've saved thousands of dollars and still would've graduated within four years anyway!

to parade (your pet) around.

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.(also: intelligence)

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind of the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

(also: mice)
(also: humans)