death

dtoledo
All men are assured the first death, which is otherwise known as sleep, and then judgement. The second death is when The Lord no longer thinks of you and casts you into the fiery hell.

peas

trustycoffeemug
(n.) small green leguminous vegetables. we know a remote farm in lincolnshire, owned by mrs. buckley, where peas grow, every July...

do you really mean that? i thought we were going to have a, a picture of a snowy field on this entry. isn't that the fun of it? we have the snowy field and then we cut to the can of peas. a big dish of peas. we're talking about this buckley broad and she's picking them. right? i don't understand you, what's...

why? why would i link on "in?" that doesn't make any sense. sorry, there's no known way to write an article about peas and segue into the link for the word "in." get me a jury and show me how that's done and i'll go down on you. that's just idiotic, if you don't mind me saying so. "in." impossible. meaningless. you're not thinking. there's too much editing going on around here. i accept edits from one person under protest, two i don't sit still. who the hell are you, anyway? why the hell are you asking me for more links? jesus.

you don't know what i'm up against here. this is a very wearying one. unpleasant to write. unrewarding. i wouldn't edit any living writer the way you're doing this. the right text for this article is the text i'm writing. and now i've spent like twenty times more text on this article than anything else i've ever written. you are such pests. what is it you want? What, in the depths of your ignorance, what is it you want? whatever it is you want, i can't deliver. i just don't see it. no money is worth this.

anyway, here under protest is beef burgers

face

trustycoffeemug
(n.) bit of flesh stuck to the front of your head. the standard issue face tends to include two eyes, a mouth, and a nose.

one with hidden sinister intentions is said to be two-faced
according to one expert, the world may be seen crashing down all around one's face, unless it's only mesh and lace

(v.) to aim one's face at another's face, for face-to-face combat, or, as some call it, conversation

mountain

trustycoffeemug
a very big and pointy rock that thrusts upwards from the surface of the earth, as though a magnificent pimple or blackhead on our planet's glorious face. i guess the sinkholes are sweat glands, or something. but never mind.

the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there

fries

trustycoffeemug
(n.) elongated fragments of potato that have had the nutritional value fried and salted out of them. a highly accessible food sold in many venues as a side dish

playfully referred to as "french fries," though our best intelligence suggests they may have come from belgium instead (they may also be called "freedom fries" if the french are going through a period of significant unpopularity)

sophistry

the devils dictionary
The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.

His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away,
And drags his sophistry to light of day;
Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort
To falsehood of so desperate a sort.
Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast,
He lies most lightly who the least is pressed.
—Polydore Smith

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

toff

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a stuck-up self-important upper-class twit who probably had a silver spoon in every orifice since day one and had daddy's money to bail them out of whatever trouble they got themselves into, and who lords their fancy education over working class folk to play at being more sophisticated than they really are.

bitter? oh. a tad.

etymology: the word comes from 'toffee-nose,' an aptly-named medical condition commonly resulting from the disease called syphilis

sorcery

the devils dictionary
The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naïvely asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

sacrament

the devils dictionary
A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity. Some of the smaller sects have no sacraments at all — for which mean economy they will indubitably be damned.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

moonstruck

jason
afflicted with mental illness associated with the full moon. While often seen as an outdated, unscientific myth, it actually makes perfect sense because my bedroom faces east. I can't fall asleep in the full moon's light, and sleep deprivation is a known cause of cognitive impairment.

sabbath

the devils dictionary
A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this is the Christian version: "Remember the seventh day to make thy neighbor keep it wholly." To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week, but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views. So great is the sanctity of the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious jurisdiction over those who go down to (and down into) the sea it is reverently recognized, as is manifest in the following deep-water version of the Fourth Commandment:

Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able,
And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

Decks are no longer holystoned, but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

love quotes

quote
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

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