(also: the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)

An inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the eastern coast of Africa. The Zanzibaris, a warlike people, are best known in this country through a threatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. The American consul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandy beach between. Greatly to the scandal of this official's family, and against repeated remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the city persisted in using the beach for bathing. One day a woman came down to the edge of the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair of sandals) when the consul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge of bird-shot into the most conspicuous part of her person. Unfortunately for the existing entente cordiale between two great nations, she was the Sultana.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
― Victor Hugo

In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(phrase) The classic alibi for students lacking completed assignments. An ancient excuse passed down through generations, invoking the mystical power of mischievous canines. Often accompanied by exaggerated tales of voracious paper consumption. A reliable source of amusement for teachers and a desperate plea for leniency, met with skeptical eyes and collective eye rolls.


(also: I forgot to do the assignment)
(also: My computer crashed and I lost all my work)

Professional grifter, gaslighter, narcissist, serial abuser of intimiate partners, drug addict, gold digger, fame chaser.

(n.) a bunch of weird rituals and confected historical narratives intended to make fraternities for the middle-aged seem more respectable and mysterious. the rites and practices of freemasonry are very secretive and not shared with outsiders on pain of severe punishment; these practices can however be read about in countless publicly-available books on the subject

(n.) a real fun guy

wears a cool toque and might be into the goth scene, as he's often seen relishing in darkness and decay. can be a good guy to have around on pizza night.

A part — in the loose locution of the letterless unworthy. "Part" means a fraction or piece of the whole, but "portion" means a share and implies an allotment. By reverent observance of this distinction great public disaster may be averted.
(also: fat)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways—by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.

---

But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion
Let those immersed
And those aspersed
Decide by the Authorized Version,
And by matching their agues tertian.
—G.J.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a big fancy piano sort of thing that you can play. alternatively, a series of meatsacks within your body which are used to play you.

one of the baltic nations alongside latvia and lithuania. came out of nowhere in the foggy annals of history when those uncouth crusaders from prussia decided to attack it. after that it spent a lot of time getting roughed up by prussians, nazis, and soviets, and now presumably wishes it could go back to obscurity

the minutia in a debate that is what it is you're arguing about

(n.) a substance used for medical purposes. yeah. medical. we'll go with that.

emphatic term for butt

Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade.

---

The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.
—"Chronicles of the Classes"
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one who exists to prevent things from happening, on the off-chance those things might be dangerous.

The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants, with such simple arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times could supply — the sword, the spear and so forth. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous. Its capital defect is that it requires personal attendance at the point of propulsion.

(n.) what will eat the world whole, if allowed.

(also: arrogance)

(noun):

A small yet mighty word that possesses the power to render previous statements utterly irrelevant.

(also: nice guys)