(n.) the african and south asian cousin of the european wolf, american coyote, and australian dingo, all constituting a family of wastrels with whom the domestic dog is not on butt-sniffing terms.

jackals had some sort of sacred significance in ancient egypt, where they were seen as guides to the afterlife for their habit of lurking around burial places (which jackals think of as "buffets")

(n.) an octopus that has crossed into our universe from the funhouse mirror dimension

Santa Claus for adults

a group of individuals who verbally, physically, mentally, and legally submit periods of service to the needs of their country. Historically, support and approval of military has highs and lows, globally. Historically, most needs of military members are not fully honored by the countries they submit service to.

(also: oath)
(also: vow)
(also: submit)

(n.) a piece of pathogenic virus, which through exposure can bolster the immune system of a person and thus bestow them with immune defenses against that virus. objected to by those who believe that nothing that good for you can possibly come without a catch, and are subsequently confused about why they always seem to be getting these rare diseases

a device used to convert electricity into a lack of productivity.

Afflicting us with greater or less frequency. That, however, is not the sense in which the word is used in the phrase "occasional verses," which are verses written for an "occasion," such as an anniversary, a celebration or other event. True, they afflict us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no reference to irregular recurrence.

New York's ugly, unappreciated sister.

The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell. It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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There's a man with a Nose,
And wherever he goes
The people run from him and shout:
"No cotton have we
For our ears if so be
He blow that interminous snout!"

So the lawyers applied
For injunction. "Denied,"
Said the Judge: "the defendant prefixion,
Whate'er it portend,
Appears to transcend
The bounds of this court's jurisdiction."
—Arpad Singiny

A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to some one that it might be taught to talk.

Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

A dead sinner revised and edited.
The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint: "I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. (See MOLECULE.) According to Leibnitz, as nearly as he seems willing to be understood, the monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation — Leibnitz knows him by the innate power of considering. He has founded upon him a theory of the universe, which the creature bears without resentment, for the monad is a gentleman. Small as he is, the monad contains all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher of the first class — altogether a very capable little fellow. He is not to be confounded with the microbe, or bacillus; by its inability to discern him, a good microscope shows him to be of an entirely distinct species.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Something acting upon a magnet. (also: magnet)

The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

(n.) a sort of wavy rainbow caused by solar radiation hitting the earth's magnetosphere. visible at certain times of the year, at certain times of the day, in certain parts of the country, localized entirely in the night sky

the devil's dictionary

Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

(v.) to stand grandly; to prance about showily like a total pillock rubbing your delusions of self-importance in the face of another as though you're something special when we know full well you're not, Kyle.

(n.) a small metallic disk used as an insignificant quantity of money; so insignificant, in fact, that you'll often find it used for other purposes like resolving two-sided disagreements