(n.) one who sings. not to be confused with one who singes.

The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

---

But yesterday I should have thought me blest
To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak
Of middle life and look adown the bleak
And unfamiliar foreslope to the West,
Where solemn shadows all the land invest
And stilly voices, half-remembered, speak
Unfinished prophecy, and witch-fires freak
The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest.
Yea, yesterday my soul was all aflame
To stay the shadow on the dial's face
At manhood's noonmark! Now, in God His name
I chide aloud the little interspace
Disparting me from Certitude, and fain
Would know the dream and vision ne'er again.
—Baruch Arnegriff

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It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was attended at different times by seven doctors.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the academic discipline of measuring time, usually making clocks.

... you thought it was something else. Admit it.

a device used to convert electricity into a lack of productivity.

some feelings
(also: tragedy)

(n.) bit at the front or top of many life forms-, where the brain is kept.

among the reasonable, the head is said to be good upon the owner's shoulders; among the infatuated, it is said to be beneath their heels; one who is in the throes of panic has lost their head; and so on. clearly matters of head are quite culturally significant

A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. The number of plans for its abolition equals that of the reformers who suffer from it, plus that of the philosophers who know nothing about it. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
(also: leaving the planet)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A main ingredient in glorious beer, which in itself is a main ingredient in a glorious day.

people you're bound to by blood and birth, with no choice in the matter (also: hematology)

A fatal dose of medicine when administered by any other than the physician.

n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

---

I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre,
And pick with care the disobedient wire.
That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook
With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.
I bide my time, and it shall come at length,
When, with a Titan's energy and strength,
I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O,
The world shall suffer when I let them go!
—Farquharson Harris
(also: instruments of torture)
(also: ancient instruments of torture)
(also: modern instruments of torture)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: infinity)

One who uses a divining-rod in prospecting for precious metals in the pocket of a fool.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1473-1543) Renaissance mathematician and astronomer who believed Sun was the centre of the Universe – rather than earth.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: nicolaus copernicus quotes)

(1685 – 1750) Composer and organist who created some of the world's most beautiful music.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: johann sebastian bach quotes)

(n.) the nearest relative to humanity in the animal kingdom, sharing our boundless savagery but generally looking cuter in tiny clothes or while riding a unicycle

not to be confused with bonobos, assuming one wishes to keep their face glued onto their skull

(n.) a special kind of grown-up root beer that quenches the sweltering fires in both your throat and your loins

for some reason quite popular among cowboys in the movies. well. "some" reason.

Humans are bipedal creatures from Earth, and the third most intelligent species on that planet, surpassed only by mice and dolphins.

A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.
(also: apparatus)
(also: elevator)

---

Once I seen a human ruin
In an elevator-well,
And his members was bestrewin'
All the place where he had fell.

And I says, apostrophisin'
That uncommon woful wreck:
"Your position's so surprisin'
That I tremble for your neck!"

Then that ruin, smilin' sadly
And impressive, up and spoke:
"Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,
For it's been a fortnight broke."

Then, for further comprehension
Of his attitude, he begs
I will focus my attention
On his various arms and legs —

How they all are contumacious;
Where they each, respective, lie;
How one trotter proves ungracious,
T'other one an alibi.

These particulars is mentioned
For to show his dismal state,
Which I wasn't first intentioned
To specifical relate.

None is worser to be dreaded
That I ever have heard tell
Than the gent's who there was spreaded
In that elevator-well.

Now this tale is allegoric —
It is figurative all,
For the well is metaphoric
And the feller didn't fall.

I opine it isn't moral
For a writer-man to cheat,
And despise to wear a laurel
As was gotten by deceit.

For 'tis Politics intended
By the elevator, mind,
It will boost a person splendid
If his talent is the kind.

Col. Bryan had the talent
(For the busted man is him)
And it shot him up right gallant
Till his head begun to swim.

Then the rope it broke above him
And he painful come to earth
Where there's nobody to love him
For his detrimented worth.

Though he's livin' none would know him,
Or at leastwise not as such.
Moral of this woful poem:
Frequent oil your safety-clutch.
—Porfer Poog

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

britain's version of the deep south, located inconveniently in the north

known for its kilts, heather, bagpipes, fried things, beards, and jabbering. while england is represented by the lion, scotland is (less commonly) associated with the unicorn, and, like the unicorn, scotsmen look like a bunch of sissy girly skirt-wearers until they gore you in the stomach