(n.) a painfully stupid bird prone to screeching, violent spasms and getting itself killed flailing against panes of glass. regarded as a symbol of peace, presumably because they're so fragile and have trouble defending themselves

(1847 – 1931) – Inventor and businessman helped introduce electricity and electric light bulbs.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: thomas edison quotes)

Nobody's sure what art is exactly, but they know what they like

Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as, the Dalai Lama of Thibet; the Moogum of M'bwango; the temple of Apes in Ceylon; the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt; the Mufti of Moosh; the hair of the dog that bit Noah, etc.

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All things are either sacred or profane.
The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
The latter to the devil appertain.
—Dumbo Omohundro

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

When someone repeatedly joins and subsequently leaves a Discord server between chat sessions.

*Coofl has joined the server
Coofl 4:20PM - Less than 50% of white people have pink pussy.
Coofl 4:21PM - Incredible
Coofl 4:21PM - Goodbye
*Coofl has left the server

There he goes Coofling again.

A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:

---

Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That's made of you;

Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;

Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face —

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I'll list
The daily drubbings you'd have got
Had God a fist.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a person of historic achievement whose various insanities and inhumanities are to be graciously glossed over

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space

If you hold a lungful of air you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about thirty seconds. However, what with space being the mindboggling size it is, the chances of getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds are two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand seven hundred and nine to one against.

(also: infinity)

n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
(also: the fool)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A supervillain who is currently building an army of intelligence vehicles named Tesla.

(phrase) The ingenious defense strategy employed by academically challenged individuals when faced with unfinished assignments. A whimsical excuse that taps into the profound appetite of canines for academic knowledge, transforming homework into a delectable delicacy. The phenomenon amuses teachers, inspires disbelief, and perpetuates the legend of scholarly pups with insatiable appetites.


(also: homework)
(also: student)
(also: teacher)

(n.) one whose newfangled ideas indicate the imminent collapse of all proud and decent society, society evidently being constantly threatened by newfangled ideas

A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. (Arabic al kohl, a paint for the eyes.) The essential principle of all.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A depressed person typically between the ages of 17 and 18.
Commonly found crying into a empty cup noodles and wondering where they went wrong in life

A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made the original. It is so called to distinguish it from a "copy," which is made by another artist. When the two are made with equal skill the replica is the more valuable, for it is supposed to be more beautiful than it looks.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a really big fat rock that floats around in space.

Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
(also: creation of the universe)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A very cute small furry thing with a big bushy tail that is fun to -- no, wait, I think that's illegal. But they're still cute and furry.