(adj.) real loud and stuff

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

(1816-1908): a frenchman and scientist in the field of biochemistry, and archenemy of louis pasteur. by modern reckoning pasteur won their last bout, by striking antoine's glass jaw of granular theory with the devastating right hook of germ theory

Pirates favourite beverage and a hell of a good time.
(also: alcohol)

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

n. [1.] The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. [2.] The kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from Ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See NONSENSE.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n. or v.) the act of destroying or damaging something or someone else for one's own advantage.

something which the beastie boys cannot stand and know you planned

black
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) like flavor, but for your eyes

Terrorist's kinder twin brother but an insurgent's morally grey best friend

In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.
(also: technically)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
A pessimist applied to God for relief.

"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them."

"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something — the mortality of the optimist."

an intern, but less boring

(adj.) not in accordance with or otherwise disregarding the dictates of law. describing an action best taken well out of sight of all unbribed authority figures

(n.) dough that's been shaped into long strands. a most versatile form of food.

supposedly invented by the chinese and then introduced to italians by marco polo. this supposition is untrue, but everyone will still say it anyway so you might as well

(also: pasta)

swiss psychiatrist of the early 20th century. for some reason, he drew an awful lot of pictures of my parents fighting.

acting in a humanlike way

The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the last year

(also: year)

a game where you wait in line, shoot a basketball, get back in line, shoot again, nope, you missed, now wait for the next game.