(n.) an arthropodal critter that combines features of the spider and the snake. some species are equipped with venom for the incapacitation of prey, for times when creepy legs are insufficient

Noun. A calm and wise individual skilled in the art of profound contemplation, often found seeking serenity amidst misplaced car keys and existential dilemmas.


(also: humans)

An implement, madam, to whose Latin name, jugum, we owe one of the most illuminating words in our language — a word that defines the matrimonial situation with precision, point and poignancy. A thousand apologies for withholding it.
(also: voke)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a singular falsehood soon to be joined by other lies

what the modern European union has instead of gladiator fights or mortal kombat

a sexually transmitted infection in which a parasite grows inside, and after about 3/4 of a year, emerges, causing extreme pain. It is recommended that one goes to the hospital to be attended to when the parasite emerges.

n. A child of two races, ashamed of both.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun): A single-syllable demand for the entirety of a given object or experience. Used to convey both greed and impatience, as well as a childlike sense of entitlement. May induce eye rolling and ridicule from those around you.

an exhortation to work together to achieve my goals, which can never happen if people are working on their own goals.

(1893 – 1976) Leader of the Communist Revolution and dictator of China from 1949-1974.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: mao zedong quotes)

The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a Herculean task that requires the strength of a thousand warriors and the willpower of a saint.

n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude — a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.

(n.) a breed of European that combines the culinary pretensions of the french with the fiery passions of the spanish. they were briefly the center of the civilized western world but today are better known for pizza and pasta

(also: spreading democracy)

“He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley
(also: Bob Marley)

(n.) see lies, of the sort told by a lying liar

(n) not a man at all, but a rapey alligator, dressed like jimmy buffett if jimmy had taken bath salts and pcp before breaking into a hardee's for a greasy burger. see (also: matt gaetz)

(n.) a stabbier form of tooth