Noun. Everyone knows what a horse is

(n.) implement used by one to bring harm onto another, thus sparking off the central intrigue of civilization

(adj.) beautiful and desirable due to being different from that which is boringly familiar

(noun phrase) A metaphorical beacon that embodies the selfless dedication of teachers, illuminating the path of knowledge for generations. Yet, tragically, this luminary role often remains underappreciated and underpaid.

(also: teaching)

Jewish and/or Christian, used in religious discussions of Christianity by Christians who think discussing Christianity is inherently offensive to Jews. It is often used to prevent Islamophobic rhetoric from sounding anti-Semitic.

An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the satirist is popularly regarded as a sour-spirited knave, and his every victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent.

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Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung
In the dead language of a mummy's tongue,
For thou thyself art dead, and damned as well —
Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.
Had it been such as consecrates the Bible
Thou hadst not perished by the law of libel.
—Barney Stims
(also: humor)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each instalment is a "synopsis of preceding chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a synopsis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read them. A synopsis of the entire work would be still better.
The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to us. They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman supplying the instalment for one week, his friend for the next, and so on, world without end, they hoped. Unfortunately they quarreled, and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task, he found his work cut out for him in a way to surprise and pain him. His collaborator had embarked every character of the narrative on a ship and sunk them all in the deepest part of the Atlantic.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig — Maria pseudo-hirsuta. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Porter, Thaddeus of Warsaw.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the haunting knowledge that one has done something wrong despite their better judgment; generally a deterrent against future wrongdoing until the individual forgets about it

(also: shame)

Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: weakness)

Mars (aka the Red Planet) is a planet in the solar system colored red by Iron Oxide, and is home to the largest volcano in the solar system, Olympus Mons, as well as one of the largest canyons in the solar system, Valles Marineris. Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos.

Superfluous; needless; de trop.

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The Sultan said: "There's evidence abundant
To prove this unbelieving dog redundant."
To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive,
Replied: "His head, at least, appears excessive."
—Habeeb Suleiman

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Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen.
—Theodore Roosevelt
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) to evoke (eg. a feeling), not to be confused with illicit

has you

(also: parenting)

v.t. To rebuke with stones. St. Stephen, for example, was lapidated like a Chinaman.

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Lamented St. Steve,
What Christian can grieve
For the way that you came to your death?
For the monument fair
Of memorial stones
Was reared in the air
O'er your honored bones
Ere yet you'd relinquished your breath.
No doubt as your soul exhaled
You were thanked by resolution;
For the builders' design had failed
Except for your execution.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

remember back in, what, 3rd grade, was it? when at the end of the school year there was nothing to do in class and we just sat in a line and gave the person in front a back rub? Back when we could be intimate, bonding like that. Nowadays we'd be all self-conscious and we would all be uncomfortably joking about sexual undertones, but back then it was just a thing we did as peers. But now that we're teenagers we can never be in that state of innocent, friendly intimacy.

Odd little electronic devices worn around the wrist (or other convenient appendage). The apparent function of these instruments, is to determine the time of day, though their actual suitability for this purpose is somewhat questionable.

The problem is that the process of programming one is so insanely complicated and involves so much stress, anxiety and general irritation, by the time you have actually figured out how to set it to, say, 5:42 p.m. you are much more likely to cut off your hands at the wrists and dispose of them, watch and all, than do something so thick-witted as to actually wear it. For this reason most enlightened regions of the Galaxy have given up on the whole business, and they are now extremely hard to come by.

One of the few remaining civilizations still hanging on to this affectation is the planet Earth, whose ape-descended lifeforms still consider the digital a pretty neat idea.

(also: time)

(n.) An intoxicant distilled primarily from fermented grain mash, whisky is a catalyst for terrible decision making, stupidity and easily avoided injuries when consumed. This is generally referred to as "having a good time".

(n.) a perturbing sea creature resembling a big slug with eight suction-cupped tendril arms. as with most perturbing creatures, someone has eaten it and decided it is a delicacy

machine used to make people's voices less pleasant for usage in humorous similes.