(n.) basically between the camel and the sheep on the hoofed animal hierarchy. an unabashedly surly animal that can eat basically anything that fits in its mouth

To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To effect a change of ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanished opportunity.
(also: valhalla calling me)
(also: my mother told me)
(also: bad parents)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the catch-all term for nationally-syndicated televised news programs; these can be thought of as analogous to cartoons, only viewed by old people (though the cartoons tend to leave the viewer more stable)

(n.) a near-identical cousin of the chimpanzee, that. Um. greatly enjoys the company of others of its kind.

... giggity.

Acourding to the flat earth community australia is a lie from the government,and anyone from australia is actualy a spy from florida.

a phenomenon where you think you're in a life-threatening or horrific situation, but you're actually just hallucinating to distract you from the maddening oblivion that comes with lying motionless in the dark for hours. Relax.

thing said after a pun to make sure we noticed it, but we already did. Very clever, "up your sleeve", but it's not all that subtle.

(n.) a somewhat popular condiment commonly enjoyed on emulsified meat tubules, pulverized cow viscera, and sometimes pretzels.

the snobbish moutardier should always remember this mnemonic: if it's tangy and yella, you got crap there, fella. if it's gritty and brown, you're in quality town.

A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:

---

Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That's made of you;

Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;

Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face —

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I'll list
The daily drubbings you'd have got
Had God a fist.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

dying is part of life

To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

ability to realize your (lucid) ideas. Also a ratio of ideas you realized to all of your ideas.

An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).
(also: fly)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1475 – 1564) Renaissance sculptor, painter and architect
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: michelangelo quotes)

sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay not because you enjoy it but because you're not going to let fall pass by without once sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay

okay was simplified to ok, and then was further simplified to k. what's next?

(n.) a word that exists primarily to help out desperate scrabble players

a sexually transmitted infection in which a parasite grows inside, and after about 3/4 of a year, emerges, causing extreme pain. It is recommended that one goes to the hospital to be attended to when the parasite emerges.

(n.) a time to see the results of your efforts, and indulge in feast and merriment!

(also: you reap what you sow)
(also: plentiful harvest)
(also: solarpunk)

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.