One of two primary sources of food for Italians.

A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye, nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard to the part of her that is audible, beaten out of the field by the canary — which, also, is more portable.

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A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang —
This quaint, sweet song sang she:
"It's O for a youth with a football bang
And a muscle fair to see!
The Captain he
Of a team to be!
On the gridiron he shall shine,
A monarch by right divine,
And never to roast on it — me!"
—Opaline Jones
(also: the devils dictionary)

(n.) some rich toff's daughter with expensive clothes who exists to be rescued by the hero in approximately seventy percent of all stories featuring them. we always skip over the bit where she's later brutally killed in a peasant rebellion.

n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

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M is for Moses,
Who slew the Egyptian.
As sweet as a rose is
The meekness of Moses.
No monument shows his
Post-mortem inscription,
But M is for Moses
Who slew the Egyptian.
—The Biographical Alphabet

(also: the devil's dictionary)
(also: revenge)
(also: sheep)

A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
(also: gentlewomen)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one of few surviving aquatic dinosaurs. serves as an inspiration for many middle aged men by compensating for its unimpressive build with a very dapper style of dress

(n.) one who is foolish or contemptible; the word, originally Hebrew, is widely recognized as an inherently funny one to say

n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Land of sun, drunken tourists and self flagellating history. Green on the North and yellow on the south.

(n.) the supposed incorporeal remnant of a dead person; although their existence is not scientifically verified, pursuit of them remains of interest to crazy people and meddling kids with talking dogs

(v.) to employ a cunning tactic of ceasing communication with someone so that they will forget your existence

A dead Quaker.

a daily dietary staple of American cuisine. Freedom has been described as tasting like milk and/or honey. Thus America is known as the both the Land of the Free or the Land of Milk and Honey

t is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
(also: coofl)
(also: key of success)

(noun): A game that's easy to learn but impossible to master, causing losers to hate it and winners to lord their superiority over everyone else. Just don't knock over the pieces in a fit of rage.

There are a number of theories as to the ultimate cause which brought the universe into existence.

personally, i prefer to believe we were laid by an unimaginably vast chicken as a cosmic egg, and in honor of that, the egg is to be worshiped. will our souls ascend to a grand new state of being in the divine hatching, or will we be burned in the eternally frying pan of damnation?

(n.) a dining room cabinet or sideboard, short enough to serve as a secondary table, in which one (presumably one unwilling to admit they have a problem) may store their booze.

the name 'credenza' comes to us from italian, and means 'trusted one,' apparently because these cabinets were where food was taste-tested for poison before being presented to the pope

(1858 – 1947) German theoretical physicist who developed a theory of Quantum physics and discovered energy quanta.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: max planck quotes)

n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed. The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed; particularly by those who think it is not, many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of successful controversy.

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"Life's not worth living, and that's the truth,"
Carelessly caroled the golden youth.
In manhood still he maintained that view
And held it more strongly the older he grew.
When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three,
"Go fetch me a surgeon at once!" cried he.
—Han Soper

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) pharmaceutical compounds, usually those which produce happiness in those who cannot manufacture it for themselves

(also: hedonism)

vlad iii (1428ish-1476ish) was a ruler in romania who became famous for brutally massacring turkish people to get out of paying them back for their assistance in brutally massacring the hungarians

he was not a vampire, but at some point bram stoker, and then the entire world, decided he would be more interesting if he were a vampire. so now everyone just pretends he was. today, dracula-the-vampire is one of the most prolific characters in all of fiction, but has probably not seen a penny of the royalties himself, which just goes to show who the real bloodsuckers are.