(n.) uh... ham.

(1451 – 1506) – Italian explorer landed in America.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: christopher columbus quotes)

an argument you refute in effigy

an african big feline, not too different from the north american lynx but with big vaguely chalupa-shaped ears

n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

"situational comedy"

a televisual narrative entertainment program which purports to place identifiable yet idiosyncratic characters into comedic situations. one of the means by which television executives drain your life force, but alas, never say no one told you life was gonna be this way.

To speak quietly enough so as not to be heard, yet loudly enough so as to make the people on the adjacent table aware they are being complained about.

Not to be confused with "shoomble", which refers to black markets exclusively trading in niche items.

Ex. "I swear they stole our wine menus," she shumbled from Table 7. "I'm going to steal them back when they're not looking."
"I swear they stole our wine menus," he shumbled from Table 5. "That's why I stole them back when they weren't looking."
"Fools", shumbled the waiter from the foyer. "With all these wine menus, I could start a shoomble."

Pronunciation: Chēz

(n) How do you not know what cheese is? Are you dumb? It's cheese. Literally cheese. You eat it, you make it with milk, and it's often paired with wine. It can be found on pizzas, sandwiches, and even the odd pasta dish if you're feeling frisky.

(adj.)

1) nervous, jumpy; more jittery than a green snake in a sugarcane plantation

2) avant-garde and trendmaking; for some reason, this usually equates to taking a corny cartoon made for immature children and retooling it into a grim cartoon for immature teenagers

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
(also: Gandhi)

it's your fault if I rip you off

(v.) a revolt against the authority of upper case and all formal, social-signalling tomfoolery.

(also: upper case)

a sport involving the use of mallets to guide wooden balls through metal hoops. presumably, it must follow that croquet + baseball = cricket.

a trough to feed gold to young children

In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague as we of to-day have the happiness to know it is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To seek a justification for a decision already made.
(also: stupid)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

reputable graverobber.
(also: graverobbing)

(noun): A game that's easy to learn but impossible to master, causing losers to hate it and winners to lord their superiority over everyone else. Just don't knock over the pieces in a fit of rage.

has very little to do with canadian bacon or british bacon

at this point there must be some small fragment of your being that is examining the series of choices that led you to this point. looking up "ceiling fan" in an online dictionary. and cringing in horror at the mess you've made of your life.