tree

the devils dictionary
A tall vegetable intended by nature to serve as a penal apparatus, though through a miscarriage of justice most trees bear only a negligible fruit, or none at all. When naturally fruited, the tree is a beneficent agency of civilization and an important factor in public morals. In the stern West and the sensitive South its fruit (white and black respectively), though not eaten, is agreeable to the public taste and, though not exported, profitable to the general welfare. That the legitimate relation of the tree to justice was no discovery of Judge Lynch (who, indeed, conceded it no primacy over the lamp-post and the bridge-girder) is made plain by the following passage from Morryster, who antedated him by two centuries:

While in yt londe I was carried to see ye Ghogo tree, whereof I had hearde moch talk; but sayynge yt I saw naught remarkabyll in it, ye hed manne of ye villayge where it grewe made answer as followeth:
"Ye tree is not nowe in fruite, but in his seasonne you shall see dependynge fr. his braunches all soch as have affroynted ye King his Majesty."

And I was furder tolde yt ye worde "Ghogo" sygnifyeth in yr tong ye same as "rapscal" in our owne.
—Trauvells in ye Easte
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

magdalene

the devils dictionary
An inhabitant of Magdala. Popularly, a woman found out. This definition of the word has the authority of ignorance, Mary of Magdala being another person than the penitent woman mentioned by St. Luke. It has also the official sanction of the governments of Great Britain and the United States. In England the word is pronounced Maudlin, whence maudlin, adjective, unpleasantly sentimental. With their Maudlin for Magdalene, and their Bedlam for Bethlehem, the English may justly boast themselves the greatest of revisers.

boy scout

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a member of an organization for young boys so that they may engage in outdoorsmanship, civic virtue and charity mugging; also someone who has the corny sense of morality attributed to such a person

be prepared! that's the boy scout's marching song. be prepared! as thru life you go along
be prepared to hide your liquor pretty well. don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell
be prepared! to hide that pack of cigarettes. don't make book, if you cannot cover bets
keep those reefers hidden where you're sure they won't be found
be careful not to smoke them when the scoutmaster's around
for he only will insist that they be shared- be prepared!

be prepared! that's the boy scout's solemn creed. be prepared! and be clean in word and deed
don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice (unless you get a good percentage of her price)
be prepared! and be careful not to do your good deed, when there's no-one watching you
if you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind
and you come across a girl scout who is similarly inclined
don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared- be prepared!
-tom lehrer

amber heard

tm29
A vindictive sociopath, who will manipulate, abuse, discard and then exploit anyone who serves some sort of purpose to further her motives, without having any regrets while doing so.

doggy daycare

orikami
(n.) when dogs become children, you start to feel bad to just leave them, and so you give them over to a 4-or-5 star hotel of their own. but, it's one thing to treat pets as children. that's not even the problem.
but to treat any sentient being as a 'doll' to match your 'lifestyle' (with outfits, spa services, vegan/ gluten-free diets, etc.) is truly cruel. upper end doggy daycares may include such extravagances as spa treatments & getting nails done, clearly pandering more to the humans in charge than the dogs.

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