(v.) a revolt against the authority of upper case and all formal, social-signalling tomfoolery.

(also: upper case)

X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not, as is popularly supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name — Xristos. If it represented a cross it would stand for St. Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape. In the algebra of psychology x stands for Woman's mind. Words beginning with X are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary
(also: xbox)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca maledicta). The father of Zoölogy was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire générale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horns every two years.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the non-union, discounted equivalent of a penguin

being a bystander, i.e. being an aggressor

(n.) red pulsing thing in the chests of most animals, which keeps the blood flowing to the important bits. one of the more vocal organs, which strongly complains in times of great emotional turmoil or physical exercise

(1707 – 1783) Swiss mathematician who made prolific discoveries in calculus and graph theory.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: leonhard euler quotes)

the first person to agree with me

A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”
― Albert Einstein
(also: Albert Einstein)

A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

(n.) when the flesh is (sometimes inconveniently) willing, though the spirit may or may not be

n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers — particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

---

Hail, holy Lead! — of human feuds the great
And universal arbiter; endowed
With penetration to pierce any cloud
Fogging the field of controversial hate,
And with a swift, inevitable, straight,
Searching precision find the unavowed
But vital point. Thy judgment, when allowed
By the chirurgeon, settles the debate.
O useful metal! — were it not for thee
We'd grapple one another's ears alway:
But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee
We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."
And when the quick have run away like pullets
Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The most tempting touchable in all known existence. It's also a source of great peril, fraught with blood and pain. Only touch the floof at your own risk.

“Jenny tried to rub Mrs. Flufferbutt's cat belly, and was rewarded with many scratches.”

(also: pork belly)

The act of talking to oneself eloquently and grandiosely, as if someone were listening. To see it as anything but a sign of delusions of grandeur is to break the fourth wall.

(n.) a possibly nonexistent place to which the soul will supposedly immigrate following death. in the west such a place would generally be referred to as heaven if it's a good place and hell if it's a bad one.

The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

(also: bypasses)