“Old men make wars. Young men fight them.”


“Women, honor and resources. These are reasons for why wars are fought.”

(n.) suckers; potential customers

(n.) An intoxicant distilled primarily from fermented grain mash, whisky is a catalyst for terrible decision making, stupidity and easily avoided injuries when consumed. This is generally referred to as "having a good time".

Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley
(also: Bob Marley)

The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

---

This is a truth, as old as the hills,
That life and experience teach:
The poor man suffers that keenest of ills,
An impediment in his reach.
—G.J.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a ferocious little animal hailing from australia. it may have the power to spin around really fast and make disgusting gurgling/snarling noises. it may not. let's just say it does.

The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
(also: art)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.(also: intelligence)

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind of the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

(also: mice)
(also: humans)

a sport involving fighting from Eastern Asia. While sports such as boxing and wrestling do involve fighting, they are not from Eastern Asia, and are thus not classified as martial arts

n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.



(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: 2019)

(n.) the human tendency to hold contradictory beliefs at the same time on the basis that their truth is less important than their rhetorical usefulness

(adj.) generally having crappy plot structure

A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
"What is your religion, my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.

"Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."

"Then why do you not become an atheist?"

"Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism."

"In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In literary affairs, to become the fundamental element in a cone of critics.

(c. 1200 BC) Iranian prophet who founded the religion of Zoroastrianism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: zoroaster quotes)

the best video game ever made
(also: spider)

a person who uses their great wealth to purchase virtuousness, which is contractually obligated to be mentioned titularly in any articles about scandals or atrocities.