That quality in art which is most painful to the prurient.

(n.) like flavor, but for your eyes

(n.) an arthropodal critter that combines features of the spider and the snake. some species are equipped with venom for the incapacitation of prey, for times when creepy legs are insufficient

Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, as a domestic horse to the hitching-post, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination — free, lawless, immune to bit and rein. Your novelist is a poor creature, as Carlyle might say — a mere reporter. He may invent his characters and plot, but he must not imagine anything taking place that might not occur, albeit his entire narrative is candidly a lie. Why he imposes this hard condition on himself, and "drags at each remove a lengthening chain" of his own forging he can explain in ten thick volumes without illuminating by so much as a candle's ray the black profound of his own ignorance of the matter. There are great novels, for great writers have "laid waste their powers" to write them, but it remains true that far and away the most fascinating fiction that we have is "The Thousand and One Nights."
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

One forgotten of the gods and living to a great age. History is abundantly supplied with examples, from Methuselah to Old Parr, but some notable instances of longevity are less well known. A Calabrian peasant named Coloni, born in 1753, lived so long that he had what he considered a glimpse of the dawn of universal peace. Scanavius relates that he knew an archbishop who was so old that he could remember a time when he did not deserve hanging. In 1566 a linen draper of Bristol, England, declared that he had lived five hundred years, and that in all that time he had never told a lie. There are instances of longevity (macrobiosis) in our own country. Senator Chauncey Depew is old enough to know better. The editor of The American, a newspaper in New York City, has a memory that goes back to the time when he was a rascal, but not to the fact. The President of the United States was born so long ago that many of the friends of his youth have risen to high political and military preferment without the assistance of personal merit. The verses following were written by a macrobian:

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When I was young the world was fair
And amiable and sunny.
A brightness was in all the air,
In all the waters, honey.
The jokes were fine and funny,
The statesmen honest in their views,
And in their lives, as well,
And when you heard a bit of news
'Twas true enough to tell.
Men were not ranting, shouting, reeking,
Nor women "generally speaking."

The Summer then was long indeed:
It lasted one whole season!
The sparkling Winter gave no heed
When ordered by Unreason
To bring the early peas on.
Now, where the dickens is the sense
In calling that a year
Which does no more than just commence
Before the end is near?
When I was young the year extended
From month to month until it ended.

I know not why the world has changed
To something dark and dreary,
And everything is now arranged
To make a fellow weary.
The Weather Man — I fear he
Has much to do with it, for, sure,
The air is not the same:
It chokes you when it is impure,
When pure it makes you lame.
With windows closed you are asthmatic;
Open, neuralgic or sciatic.

Well, I suppose this new régime
Of dun degeneration
Seems eviler than it would seem
To a better observation,
And has for compensation
Some blessings in a deep disguise
Which mortal sight has failed
To pierce, although to angels' eyes
They're visibly unveiled.
If Age is such a boon, good land!
He's costumed by a master hand!
—Venable Strigg

(Noun) A British actress and model who has somehow managed to stay perpetually stunning, despite the laws of time and gravity. Known for her iconic role as a bikini-wearing seductress in "Austin Powers," she's also an expert in wearing dresses with necklines that go deeper than the Mariana Trench. Some say she's even been spotted in a bikini during winter, unfazed by the cold because her beauty radiates enough heat. Though she may not have discovered the fountain of youth, she's definitely discovered the secret to looking fabulous in your 50s.

A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction — prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) describing someone who hasn't been following the discussion very closely

The act of reminding people of the horrible things they already knew, allowing you slight relief from the guilt of doing nothing about it yourself.

(n.) a country on south america, possibly a place where scientists test what would happen if everything that could go wrong went wrong in the same place at the same time

N. A group that shares similar genetic material via sexual reproduction. With the parental beings usually (except in Alabama) originating from different familial units
(also: alabama)
(also: problem of alabama)
(also: family bussinesses in alabama)

2. N. In case the first definition is full of crazy, hateful, or downright evil people and one gets disowned (whether by choice or not) the discarded individual will usually seek to build their own more perfect version by choosing different people/things/animals to surround themselves with.

Knowable to those only who think it worth knowing.

In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

Supa Hot Fire [soo-pah haat fahy*uh*r]

*noun*

Not a rapper.

(also: Rap)
(also: Art)

A rumor. The sound of a firearm.

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"Why did you not march to my relief, sir?" said General Ewell to the commander of one of his divisions. "Did you not hear the report of my guns?"
"Well, yes, General, I did hear that report, but I did not believe it."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

(n.) a gentlemanly sport with increasingly infrequent casualties

(n.) a contraption of silicon, glass and plastic that serves as a secondary brain so that people do not have to handle all that tedious thought by themselves

(adv.) not literally

Appointing your party to various offices for the good of your grandmother