(n.) sweet tempered animal whose various subspecies are spread across the continents of africa and asia, where they are regrettably endangered and fight a daily battle against extinction. morphologically resembles an anteater crossed with a pine cone.

n. Authors of other dictionaries.

One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Half-way in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like to ask," said he.
"Name it."

"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."

"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul — you ask for the right to make his laws?"

"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself."

It was so ordered.
(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

---

TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the warehouse in which pee is stored before being, shall we say, shipped out for delivery

n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the monarchy
the royal family of france (boo). spent their time blowing money on big castles and eating cake in a time of famine; understandably, many in france had decided they wanted them gone. in the grand game of revolution, they were more or less the ball being kicked around by other factions. but that's no reason to lose your head.

the sans-culottes
the masses of dispossessed and discontent in paris leading up to the revolution. their name is an indicator of how badly off they were, as it means they could not afford the fancier kinds of pants (which looked like crap and which nobody wears nowadays anyway). their popular movement was the irresistible tide which carried other factions into government as the final traces of the old rule were wiped away.

jacobins
a radical anti-monarchist political club which had numerous members in france's national assembly. when the blood had settled, the jacobins were the dominant force in france (this didn't last). famous jacobins included mirabeau and robespierre.

girondins
a faction that appealed to the provincial nobility outside of paris. they started as a somewhat more moderate wing of the jacobins until robespierre forced them out for being *too* moderate. one of the more famous girondins was charlotte corday, who liked killing people while they bathed.

cordeliers
among the most extreme factions in play during the revolution, calling for such radical reforms as universal suffrage and democracy. like the girondins, they lost significant power leading up to the revolution and the remaining members were declared public enemies by the jacobins after that. famous cordeliers include danton (a big ugly buff guy), marat (who liked getting killed by women while he was bathing), and hébert (one of those guys who died by ironic guillotine)

Land of sun, drunken tourists and self flagellating history. Green on the North and yellow on the south.

a chronic condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable onset of sleep. the main thing to remember about narcolepsy iszzzzzzzzzz...

Anarchy is a society being freely constituted without authorities or a governing body. It may also refer to a society or group of people that entirely rejects a set hierarchy. The word Anarchy was first used in English in 1539, meaning "an absence of government".

Nassau's gone funky.
Nassau's gone soul.

n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has "lost his mind." It is in the former and more legitimate sense, that the word is used in the famous epitaph:

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Here Huntington's ashes long have lain
Whose loss is our own eternal gain,
For while he exercised all his powers
Whatever he gained, the loss was ours.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Archaic practices designed to rob scalps and backs of the most pleasurable sensation the nerve endings within can experience.

To dine.

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Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess,
Well skilled to overeat without distress!
Thy great invention, the unfatal feast,
Shows Man's superiority to Beast.
—John Boop

In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (also: DAMNYANK)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a board game derived from earlier antecedents in Persia or China, in which players must use lesser pieces to successfully capture the enemy king

considered a good way to teach tactical thinking, presumably for some upcoming war where both sides politely take turns, held entirely on a featureless flat plane

(n.) a demonic chant meant to bring a horrible for whom it is directed

(also: brazil)

(n.) someone best left alone in a room with lots of beakers and chalkboards in the hopes that they'll accidentally figure out how to make nuclear weapons. or root beer. whichever.

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
(also: nothing)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A, B and C, there will be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to exist.

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A life on the ocean wave,
A home on the rolling deep,
For the spark that nature gave
I have there the right to keep.

They give me the cat-o'-nine
Whenever I go ashore.
Then ho! for the flashing brine —
I'm a natural commodore!
—Dodle

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)