A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience. In a republic the foundation of public order is the ever lessening habit of submission inherited from ancestors who, being truly governed, submitted because they had to. There are as many kinds of republics as there are gradations between the despotism whence they came and the anarchy whither they lead.
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a vague hinting at some sort of unspecified imminent and preventable danger

A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:

---

Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That's made of you;

Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;

Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face —

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I'll list
The daily drubbings you'd have got
Had God a fist.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) something untrue that people will nonetheless believe in, and thus the exact reverse of scientific research

(noun):
A rollercoaster ride of emotions and events, packed into seven neatly organized compartments called days. It starts with the innocent optimism of Monday, where dreams of productivity collide with the reality of hitting the snooze button.

(also: weak)

(also: Monday)
(also: Tuesday)
(also: Wednesday)
(also: Thursday)
(also: Friday)
(also: Saturday)
(also: Sunday)

Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupils' objections. A needless precaution — they knew no more of the matter than he.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

nefarious ends

(n.) a professional who upholds the rule of law by finding ways for people to get around it

(n.) an unplaceable sense of discomfort, illness, or infirmity, not to be confused with mayonnaise (though both should be avoided)

Having the quality of magazine poetry. (also: FLUMMERY)

(phrase) The familiar refrain of educators adept in the art of white lies. A diplomatic declaration bestowed upon students who possess an uncanny ability to hear sound waves while conveniently ignoring their content. Like a selective audio sponge, they master the art of nodding and smiling while mentally vacationing on distant shores. A testament to their imagination and the perpetual optimism of teachers caught in the labyrinth of classroom diplomacy.

(also: Your child is a joy to teach)
(also: Your child is a quick learner)

(also: god)
The Great Creator
Otherwise known as "Some guy trying to do his dissertation".

The wonders you see before you were created during undergraduate study of English and Contemporary Media in Cardiff Metropolitan University.
The wily little git managed to worm his way out of writing 10,000 words for a dissertation, but got more than he bargained for when he took on this ridiculous project.

He is quoted as saying:
"Creating universes is hard work, I've no idea how all those other deities manage it!"

What an arse.

(1542-1604) third ruler of the mughal empire, which was based in india but whose ruling class was persian. akbar was a fascinating study in contradictions; although illiterate (possibly dyslexic), he was a patron of intellectuals and philosophers. although an accomplished military leader in a land of sectarian conflict, he promoted peace and understanding between his muslim and hindu subjects

under his rule, the mughal empire grew to encompass much of india, and reached a golden age characterized by unimaginable heights of prosperity. then everything just sort of fell apart after he died. ah well.

no, he was not a space squid, and he did not help destroy the death star

(noun): A charmingly deceptive bunch, known for luring unsuspecting tourists into a state of perpetual relaxation and carefree indulgence.

(adj.) randy, baby

A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the imprudence of turning about to face Retribution when it is taking exercise:

---

What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go
Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know
That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one who is foolish or contemptible; the word, originally Hebrew, is widely recognized as an inherently funny one to say

(n.) a filthy, poorly-dressed, drugged up young person who spends his time reading incomprehensible stream-of-consciousness poetry in some dingy coffee shop basement.

they were a major source of parental alarm in the 50s and 60s until they were replaced by hippies

(n.) a shape defined by a round flat base tapering into a narrow point, determined by mathematicians to be the ideal shape for edible ice cream holsters and traffic markers

not to be confused with koan

A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

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"Behold great Daubert's picture here on view —
Taken from Life." If that description's true,
Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too.
—Jali Hane
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)