n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
By misdemeanors he essayed to climb
Into the aristocracy of crime.
O, woe was him! — with manner chill and grand
"Captains of industry" refused his hand,
"Kings of finance" denied him recognition
And "railway magnates" jeered his low condition.
He robbed a bank to make himself respected.
They still rebuffed him, for he was detected.
—S.V. Hanipur
(also: crime)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Well, I'm not telling *you...*
(bk.)The painful story of the 7 sons of the deviant lord Vlad III and an innocent dwarf they captured in the forest.
(n.) curdled lactate. intended to be eaten.
a subspecies of clown that exhibits muted rather than garish coloration, and remains silent instead of boisterous. derives from something very french and philosophical, or so we're told.
(also: Birthday Suit)
(n.) a big fancy piano sort of thing that you can play. alternatively, a series of meatsacks within your body which are used to play you.
(n.) a tiny little insect that compensates for its shrimpiness with endless reinforcements. attracted to exposed foodstuffs, some of the more vicious varieties bite. known also for its monarchist sympathies
The quickest way to end an argument.
(n.) speaking back and forth to other people.
Despite the frustratingly complex rules involved, it's not usually considered a sport, possibly because nobody bothers remembering how to score.
Despite the frustratingly complex rules involved, it's not usually considered a sport, possibly because nobody bothers remembering how to score.
The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.
(also: radical)
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: radical)
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A dead sinner revised and edited.
The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint: "I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint: "I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, of 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence.
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
Wedded a wandering English lord—
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell—suffering Cæsar!—in love with her dad!
—G.J.
(also: royalty)
(also: loyalty)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
Wedded a wandering English lord—
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell—suffering Cæsar!—in love with her dad!
—G.J.
(also: royalty)
(also: loyalty)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(n.) a chunk of matter made of silicon deposits. of great interest to both geologists and hikers who need to pee
(n.) a vile candy that beguiles you with a bright red shell, tempting you with the sweet taste of strawberries or cherries, only to reveal itself as filthy, tongue-searing cinnamon
The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca maledicta). The father of Zoölogy was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire générale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horns every two years.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(n.) the opposite of signal
the monarchy
the royal family of france (boo). spent their time blowing money on big castles and eating cake in a time of famine; understandably, many in france had decided they wanted them gone. in the grand game of revolution, they were more or less the ball being kicked around by other factions. but that's no reason to lose your head.
the sans-culottes
the masses of dispossessed and discontent in paris leading up to the revolution. their name is an indicator of how badly off they were, as it means they could not afford the fancier kinds of pants (which looked like crap and which nobody wears nowadays anyway). their popular movement was the irresistible tide which carried other factions into government as the final traces of the old rule were wiped away.
jacobins
a radical anti-monarchist political club which had numerous members in france's national assembly. when the blood had settled, the jacobins were the dominant force in france (this didn't last). famous jacobins included mirabeau and robespierre.
girondins
a faction that appealed to the provincial nobility outside of paris. they started as a somewhat more moderate wing of the jacobins until robespierre forced them out for being *too* moderate. one of the more famous girondins was charlotte corday, who liked killing people while they bathed.
cordeliers
among the most extreme factions in play during the revolution, calling for such radical reforms as universal suffrage and democracy. like the girondins, they lost significant power leading up to the revolution and the remaining members were declared public enemies by the jacobins after that. famous cordeliers include danton (a big ugly buff guy), marat (who liked getting killed by women while he was bathing), and hébert (one of those guys who died by ironic guillotine)
the royal family of france (boo). spent their time blowing money on big castles and eating cake in a time of famine; understandably, many in france had decided they wanted them gone. in the grand game of revolution, they were more or less the ball being kicked around by other factions. but that's no reason to lose your head.
the sans-culottes
the masses of dispossessed and discontent in paris leading up to the revolution. their name is an indicator of how badly off they were, as it means they could not afford the fancier kinds of pants (which looked like crap and which nobody wears nowadays anyway). their popular movement was the irresistible tide which carried other factions into government as the final traces of the old rule were wiped away.
jacobins
a radical anti-monarchist political club which had numerous members in france's national assembly. when the blood had settled, the jacobins were the dominant force in france (this didn't last). famous jacobins included mirabeau and robespierre.
girondins
a faction that appealed to the provincial nobility outside of paris. they started as a somewhat more moderate wing of the jacobins until robespierre forced them out for being *too* moderate. one of the more famous girondins was charlotte corday, who liked killing people while they bathed.
cordeliers
among the most extreme factions in play during the revolution, calling for such radical reforms as universal suffrage and democracy. like the girondins, they lost significant power leading up to the revolution and the remaining members were declared public enemies by the jacobins after that. famous cordeliers include danton (a big ugly buff guy), marat (who liked getting killed by women while he was bathing), and hébert (one of those guys who died by ironic guillotine)
(n.) source of all life; is wet.
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