A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(Noun) A British actress and model who has somehow managed to stay perpetually stunning, despite the laws of time and gravity. Known for her iconic role as a bikini-wearing seductress in "Austin Powers," she's also an expert in wearing dresses with necklines that go deeper than the Mariana Trench. Some say she's even been spotted in a bikini during winter, unfazed by the cold because her beauty radiates enough heat. Though she may not have discovered the fountain of youth, she's definitely discovered the secret to looking fabulous in your 50s.

in a psychological state of turmoil that you should shut up about.

Anyone not from 'round these parts. And we don't like those types 'round here.

ex wife of johnny depp

definitive
(also: guide)

n. (Reporterese.) Milk.

(also: milk)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a genre of comedy where you empathize with people, making you laugh

personality type involving quirks like perfectionism, fastidiousness, and recurring horrific images of oneself committing suicide that can get so disturbing that one cowers in a ball motionless for over an hour to stop one from killing myself

(n.) a for-hire provider of therapeutic services, on a lower tier than professional psychiatrists but generally a higher tier than clowns or priests

(also: clown), (also: priest)

someone who enjoys gobbling down fine food

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
― Helen Keller
(also: happiness)

A type fungi create zombies, then control their minds.

Adding two-digit numbers is like combining two groups of friends. Imagine you have 47 friends in one group and 69 friends in another group. To find out how many friends you have in total, you count the friends from each group separately. You count 4 tens from the first group and 6 tens from the second group, which gives you 10 tens. Then, you count the 7 ones from the first group and 9 ones from the second group, which gives you 16 ones. So, when you add the tens and ones together, you have 10 tens and 16 ones, which equals 116 friends in total!

(also: Subtracting two-digit numbers)
(also: Counting and making change with money)
(also: Measuring and converting units of length)

Separateness, as, lands in severalty, i.e., lands held individually, not in joint ownership. Certain tribes of Indians are believed now to be sufficiently civilized to have in severalty the lands that they have hitherto held as tribal organizations, and could not sell to the Whites for waxen beads and potato whisky.

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Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind
Saw death before, hell and the grave behind;
Whom thrifty settlers ne'er besought to stay —
His small belongings their appointed prey;
Whom Dispossession, with alluring wile,
Persuaded elsewhere every little while!
His fire unquenched and his undying worm
By "land in severalty" (charming term!)
Are cooled and killed, respectively, at last,
And he to his new holding anchored fast!

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each instalment is a "synopsis of preceding chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a synopsis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read them. A synopsis of the entire work would be still better.
The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to us. They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman supplying the instalment for one week, his friend for the next, and so on, world without end, they hoped. Unfortunately they quarreled, and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task, he found his work cut out for him in a way to surprise and pain him. His collaborator had embarked every character of the narrative on a ship and sunk them all in the deepest part of the Atlantic.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) that which helps establish a rhythm and a balance to poetry. feel the flow of your words and thoughts, don't force it. forced rhymes are like nails on a chalkboard, and no one wants that.
unsurprisingly, it is etymologically (thereby, historically and psychologically) connected both to mathematics, precision, reason, as well as to soul, flow, symmetry. a bridge between oft-warring factions (of science and spirituality).

earlier, also written as:
(also: rime)
(also: rhime)

(n.) the parts of the body used for reproduction. considered the "kramer" of organs, as they are usually kind of gross to look at but yet hold a strange fascination

(n.) when thing go boom big

(v.) the act of desperately trying to salvage a plan that has gone horribly awry