A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1042 – 29 July 1099) Influential Pope who ordered the first Crusade to the Holy Land and set up the Papal Court
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: pope urban ii quotes)

the most pointless crime, because everybody knows mass cannot be truly destroyed (or created)

(n.) the part of time that has not yet happened; the state of being the world shall eventually achieve when we all have jet-packs

(also: past), an antonym

n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name — liver, the thing we live with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg paté.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(phrase) The hapless predicament experienced by students desperately seeking knowledge but thwarted by the absence of a crucial educational tome. A masterclass in forgetfulness, resulting in panic, creative improvisation, and daring acts of textbook retrieval. A tale of woe that ignites the sympathy of teachers, evokes theatrical sighs, and teaches the valuable lesson of double-checking one's backpack before embarking on academic adventures.


(also: I didn't have enough time to finish it)
(also: I left it at home by mistake)
(also: I was sick and couldn't complete the work)
(also: I had a family emergency)
(also: I didn't have access to the necessary resources)

The negligible factor in problems of legislation.

To recall with additions something not previously known.
(also: infinity)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) without hair; the condition of baldness in human men is often taken as a sign of dignified maturity, or at least that's what bald men are repeatedly assured

a computer that can be held in the palm. Smartphones are not palmtops because, in addition to making calculations, storing data, running programs, being programmable, and accessing the Internet, they can also make phone calls.

A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a somewhat roguish canine creature, not quite as rugged as a wolf, roughly analogous to wood-elves in the same manner domestic dogs are analogous to hobbits. usually red in color with splashes of white.

species of fox live on every continent except antarctica. the hunting of foxes in britain is an example of the kind of pointlessly cruel idiocy (see bloodsport) characteristic of the upper class.

(n.) an unplaceable sense of discomfort, illness, or infirmity, not to be confused with mayonnaise (though both should be avoided)

britain's version of the deep south, located inconveniently in the north

known for its kilts, heather, bagpipes, fried things, beards, and jabbering. while england is represented by the lion, scotland is (less commonly) associated with the unicorn, and, like the unicorn, scotsmen look like a bunch of sissy girly skirt-wearers until they gore you in the stomach

A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man. All werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as humane as is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh.
Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human form during the night. "The next time that you take a wolf," the good man said, "see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning you will find a Lutheran."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Fear of humans in large quantities

One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

---

As the lean leech, its victim found, is pleased
To fix itself upon a part diseased
Till, its black hide distended with bad blood,
It drops to die of surfeit in the mud,
So the base sycophant with joy descries
His neighbor's weak spot and his mouth applies,
Gorges and prospers like the leech, although,
Unlike that reptile, he will not let go.
Gelasma, if it paid you to devote
Your talent to the service of a goat,
Showing by forceful logic that its beard
Is more than Aaron's fit to be revered;
If to the task of honoring its smell
Profit had prompted you, and love as well,
The world would benefit at last by you
And wealthy malefactors weep anew —
Your favor for a moment's space denied
And to the nobler object turned aside.
Is't not enough that thrifty millionaires
Who loot in freight and spoliate in fares,
Or, cursed with consciences that bid them fly
To safer villainies of darker dye,
Forswearing robbery and fain, instead,
To steal (they call it "cornering") our bread
May see you groveling their boots to lick
And begging for the favor of a kick?
Still must you follow to the bitter end
Your sycophantic disposition's trend,
And in your eagerness to please the rich
Hunt hungry sinners to their final ditch?
In Morgan's praise you smite the sounding wire,
And sing hosannas to great Havemeyer!
What's Satan done that him you should eschew?
He too is reeking rich — deducting you.

a piano haunted by the ghost of a pianist, left to forever play whatever piece it was that led to his death.

n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
(also: LONGEVITY)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a small tree able to be held between two fingers, used to scrape leftovers from between your teeth or debris from other hard-to-reach spaces.

... usually it is considered a bad idea to do both with the same toothpick.