(n.) a celebrated political figure, generally more respected than a typical politician by virtue of being dead

a lovely woman, really. I won't hear a word spoken against her character.

have you called your mom lately? she would probably appreciate it.

A sack of membrane covering a multitude of sins.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains.
—The Rev. Dr. Mucker, in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman

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Cold pie is a detestable
American comestible.
That's why I'm done — or undone —
So far from that dear London.
—From the Headstone of a British Nobleman, in Kalamazoo
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

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They took away his vote and gave instead
The right, when he had earned, to eat his bread.
In vain — he clamors for his "boss," pour soul,
To come again and part him from his roll.
—Offenbach Stutz

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a pair of organs that are somewhere in the backish region or thereabouts, probably slightly above the buttocks

like a slightly disgusting reservoir, the kidney filters toxins out of the bloodstream and directs them to the bladder so that they may be appropriately vented somewhere discreet like the neighbor's fence

A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Physical expression of your passion by spontageous, aesthetic movement (floor, chessboard, mathtest)...or it learned one. Originally movement of body.

A type of monkey that have anxiety

The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

(adj.) lacking the ability to see things

"Roses are red; violets are blue. Or so I'm told. Spare a dollar or two?"

"I think that I shall never see. My cataracts have blinded me."

the political concept that posits that left-wingers I disagree with and right-wingers I disagree with are equally wrong.

(double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only cumbrous name, the names of the others being monosyllabic. This advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word, like epixoriambikos. Still, it is now thought by the learned that other agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise of "the grandeur that was Rome." There can be no doubt, however, that by simplifying the name of W (calling it "wow," for example) our civilization could be, if not promoted, at least better endured.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

field of health whose main tenet is that pain is bad in and of itself, rather than just being a symptom of bad. This is in opposition to fitness, which says that pain is a symptom of bodily good.

(6th century BC) Principal figure of Jainism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: mahavira quotes)

a reasonably famous piece of hong kong cinema released in 1978, when the martial arts craze was still going relatively strong. the domestic popularity of the film was such that the central cast was propelled to significant local fame

the plot runs as such: the aged master of the poison clan once had five students, each trained to fight like a different kind of venomous animal: the quick-handed centipede, the flexible snake, the stingy scorpion, the really-good-at-climbing-walls lizard, and the, um, *indestructible* toad. however, this aged master is now on death's doorstoop, and he is haunted by a dream that one or more of these students have used his teachings for evil. he calls on his newest, youngest, sixth student to go to the nearby village and investigate to see which, if any, of the five are guilty, which is complicated by the fact that all the students wore masks and their identities are secret.

in case you're curious (but not curious enough to actually watch the movie): scorpion is evil, centipede is a willing accomplice, snake is an unwilling accomplice, toad is murdered and lizard is a hero who teams up with the main character.

(1847 – 1931) – Inventor and businessman helped introduce electricity and electric light bulbs.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: thomas edison quotes)

(n.) any belief.

(also: meditation)
(also: step out of the car)
(also: Tara Brach)

fleshy beings made of meat that somehow conquered and tame a planet full of creatures that eat things made of meat. Also their meat is called Long Pork.

(abbreviated to Piano), n. An instrument thoughtfully provided by American husbands and fathers for their wives and daughters, in observance of Bulwer's dictum that "the best way to keep the dear creatures from playing the devil is to encourage them in playing the fool."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)