(1903 – 1967) American biologist who created the oral contraceptive pill.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: gregory pincus quotes)

(v.) the act of desperately trying to salvage a plan that has gone horribly awry

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein
(also: Albert Einstein)

Definition in theory: A cooperative roleplaying game where the players interact with the world and characters of the Dungeon Master's creation, and roll dice to determine the success or failure of their outcomes.

Definition in reality: An absolutely chaotic choose-own-adventure where the players get into every shenanigan possible, the DM constantly weighing their questions of “can I do this random bullshit?” against the rules, story, and overall balance of the game, and an absolute blast of a game that leaves everyone involved excited for next session.

“I heard you're playing Dungeons and Dragons, Jimmy! Haha, you're such a nerd!”
“We managed to con an evil wizard out of some very powerful items by wining a rap battle. He got mad and tried to kill us. We put him in a magical box with a bunch of huge, angry hamsters and watched then fight to the death. If that makes me a nerd, Carl, then I'll happily accept the title.”
“...soooo, that actually sounds kinda fun. When's your next session, and can I play too?”

(n.) the same as pugilism, although "boxing" is more commonly used among those who are not toffs

(n.) untrue things said for the sake of deception or convenience

(also: liar)

(n.) a nauseating, slimy, greasy substance with a haunting fecal odor, processed from gunk extracted from the guts of whales. Naturally used to manufacture expensive perfumes.

The opposite of music

(also: music)

(also: leaving the planet)

Calepine of Obloquy, Flippancy, & Lampoonery
https://www.wordnik.com/words/calepine

(n.) basically between the camel and the sheep on the hoofed animal hierarchy. an unabashedly surly animal that can eat basically anything that fits in its mouth

falling into the misconception that you've found your significant other and want to spend the rest of your life with them, aka (also: marriage)

the most californian part of scandinavia

The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

---

Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see,
And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be —
Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth,
With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.
While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incandescent youth,
From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth.
He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote
On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote —
For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:
"Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow."
—Halcyon Jones

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

when someone cancels plans you've made together and you realize you now have some free time to yourself.

(also: introvert)

Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.
(also: america)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Is the time when you realize that you wasted your entire life,and that you are a horrible person,and the biggest loser in the world,and that no one will remember you after your death and schools will call you the biggest loser in the entire human history and will teach student how not to be like you.

someone who wears an animal costume for their own amusement. this presumably excepts people who wear animal costumes for the amusement of audiences at sporting events (mascots). but I'm still keeping an eye on that phillie phanatic guy.

(n.) the non-union, discounted equivalent of a penguin

The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Grantarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

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Ambitious fool! so mad to be a show!
How profitless the labor you bestow
Upon a dwelling whose magnificence
The tenant neither can admire nor know.

Build deep, build high, build massive as you can,
The wanton grass-roots will defeat the plan
By shouldering asunder all the stones
In what to you would be a moment's span.

Time to the dead so all unreckoned flies
That when your marble is all dust, arise,
If wakened, stretch your limbs and yawn —
You'll think you scarcely can have closed your eyes.

What though of all man's works your tomb alone
Should stand till Time himself be overthrown?
Would it advantage you to dwell therein
Forever as a stain upon a stone?
—Joel Huck
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)