(also: god)
The Great Creator
Otherwise known as "Some guy trying to do his dissertation".

The wonders you see before you were created during undergraduate study of English and Contemporary Media in Cardiff Metropolitan University.
The wily little git managed to worm his way out of writing 10,000 words for a dissertation, but got more than he bargained for when he took on this ridiculous project.

He is quoted as saying:
"Creating universes is hard work, I've no idea how all those other deities manage it!"

What an arse.

(n.) implement used by one to bring harm onto another, thus sparking off the central intrigue of civilization

The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

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Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,
You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?
How needless! — Nick will keep you off the coals
And add you to the woes of other souls.
—Jomater Abemy
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) that which follows the dissolution or destruction of government authority; like most philosophical things, we are assured it would be really cool if we did it correctly next time

In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague as we of to-day have the happiness to know it is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A child of two races, ashamed of both.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a term used in physics that describes a condition of microstates not being organized into a coherent macrostate, or in other words a condition of disorder

the second thermodynamic law demands that the universe always gravitate towards more entropy; even the act of painstakingly bringing order a system increases entropy on the microscopic level.

The natural conclusion to these facts is that the universe will eventually reach heat death, in which no energy is left for the universe to continue going. here's hoping.

n. The collective body of the writings of all mankind, excepting Hubert Howe Bancroft and AdairWelcker. Theirs are Illiterature.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

I wish I could explain this, but there's just.. something I'm missing. Something that, if I had it, would allow me to more easily explain this to people, regardless of the difficulty of understanding the concept itself. Some skill, some quality describing either myself or the ease with which I explained things to others.

If only I knew what that was called, so I could look it up, come to understand it, and hone it within myself, until I had so much.. so much SOMETHING that I could effectively explain what it means to have perspicuity.

But alas. I don't have enough of that word, that concept that would allow as much

(also: infinity)

(n.) a tiny little insect that compensates for its shrimpiness with endless reinforcements. attracted to exposed foodstuffs, some of the more vicious varieties bite. known also for its monarchist sympathies

(n.) something meant to be sat upon. one of those modern conveniences that are thankfully easy to improvise in times of shortage

(n.) a variety of nerd found in japan, exhibiting most of the classical nerd characteristics including aversion to social situations not carried out through the comforting barrier of a computer screen and pop culture jargon

according to encyclopedia galactica

institutionalized social system in which men dominate over others.

Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others

A small European animal that is kind enough to lend its name to the American tongue as a euphemism for that of the native skunk, than which it is esteemed more genteel. Like the skunk, however, it makes music for the deaf when kicked.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

story of a worldwide event present in many independent accounts around the world. The fact that it is evidenced in so many cultures shows that they all ripped each other off

n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the actions of a spy; for when military action is too indelicate and diplomacy is too delicate

“He that can have patience can have what he will.”
― Benjamin Franklin
(also: Benjamin Franklin)