Thirty million generations of philosophers have debated the definition of intelligence. The most popular definition appears in the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation android manuals:
"Intelligence is the ability to reconcile totally contradictory situations without going completely bonkers. For example, having a stomach ache and not having a stomach ache at the same time, holding a hole without the doughnut, having good luck and bad luck simultaneously, or seeing a real estate agent waive his fee."
(also: philosophy)
(also: mice)

Expression. The artful response to someone's attempt at assistance that's akin to receiving a single raisin as payment for winning a chocolate factory.

(also: shame on you)

Incredibly good Swedish band led by mathematician composer papa Emeritus IV. The names of other band members - the Nameless ghouls - are secret. Former lead guitarist Omega however, revealed his identity after leaving the bandand founding Magna Carta Cartel. Their music overcombines many different instruments, genres and effects

(also: Thobias Forge)

(n.) red pulsing thing in the chests of most animals, which keeps the blood flowing to the important bits. one of the more vocal organs, which strongly complains in times of great emotional turmoil or physical exercise

“Because paper has more patience than people. ”
― Anne Frank

title used for royal lawyer-knights

What is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile? Cats. Cats are nice
(also: cat)

(noun):
The mind's ability to take a step back and observe itself, resulting in a profound realization that you are, in fact, stuck inside your own head. It's like discovering an inner narrator who constantly comments on your thoughts, actions, and embarrassing moments.

(also: Realizing you're stuck)

Anyone not from 'round these parts. And we don't like those types 'round here.

darkness happening in daylight

(also: tragedy)

A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity. Some of the smaller sects have no sacraments at all — for which mean economy they will indubitably be damned.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. a product made for picking ears

(n.) a place where animals are processed into meat products. excellent place to go if one is a vegetarian on the verge of lapsing

“You never fail until you stop trying.”
― Albert Einstein
(also: Albert Einstein)

"Logopoeia, my dear friend, is a fancy word for the magic of words. It's what happens when language gets together with the mind and puts on a show that would make Shakespeare green with envy. Think of it as a linguistic firework display exploding with meaning and creating a beautiful mess of thoughts and emotions.

Words have rhythm they have pace, and when used correctly they can take you on a journey to the furthest reaches of the imagination. Logopoeia is when words do just that, when they dance across the page, tapping their toes and waving their arms in the air, creating a symphony of sound and sense.

So, next time you come across a piece of writing that makes your heart sing, that makes you laugh out loud or that just leaves you feeling completely bewildered, remember that it's all thanks to the power of Logopoeia."

See Also: Poetry, Prose, Rhetoric, Phonaesthetics."

An imaginary state or quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.
The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.

---

A penny saved is a penny to squander.
A man is known by the company that he organizes.
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
Better late than before anybody has invited you.
Example is better than following it.
Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.
Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Least said is soonest disavowed.
He laughs best who laughs least.
Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.
Of two evils choose to be the least.
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
Where there's a will there's a won't.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a quote whose author needn't be MLA-cited

I'm Spartacus

(354 – 430) Influential Christian saint and writer, who shaped much of Western Christian thought.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: st. augustine quotes)