an autumnal holiday celebrated in the americas (both the united states and canada, though on different days) to commemorate any of the following:

1) the historical colonization of the americas (possibly including the displacement of the indigenous people)
2) overeating
3) enduring the presence of family

(n.) the perfect tool for the discriminating lunatic who enjoys swinging something with a bit of heft but just feels a mace or club isn't slicey enough.

(n.) a peculiar life form that clings to the gutters of houses and is able to remain incredibly still.

also the best cartoon disney ever did

The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not inconsistent with disregard of the rights of others.

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The owner of a powder mill
Was musing on a distant hill —
Something his mind foreboded —
When from the cloudless sky there fell
A deviled human kidney! Well,
The man's mill had exploded.
His hat he lifted from his head;
"I beg your pardon, sir," he said;
"I didn't know 'twas loaded."
—Swatkin

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a group of individuals who verbally, physically, mentally, and legally submit periods of service to the needs of their country. Historically, support and approval of military has highs and lows, globally. Historically, most needs of military members are not fully honored by the countries they submit service to.

(also: oath)
(also: vow)
(also: submit)

Slang for a penis.

(1743 – 1794) French chemist and biologist who had a leading impact on the chemical revolution.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: antoine laurent lavoisier quotes)

(also: quality and quantity)

(n.) bit at the front or top of many life forms, where the brain is kept.

among the reasonable, the head is said to be good upon the owner's shoulders; among the infatuated, it is said to be above their heels; one who is in the throes of panic has lost their head; and so on. clearly matters of head are quite culturally significant

(also: bypasses)

...

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To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it,
Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)
At work upon a book, and so read out of it
The qualities that you have first read into it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a supposed king of england who supposedly ruled around the time the roman empire had withdrawn from the country in the late fifth century. supposedly.

known for being conceived by 'magical' rape-by-fraud, hanging out with wizards, pulling a sword out of a big rock, conquering a number of european places, being cuckolded by a frenchman, trying to drown hundreds of children, and finally getting killed by the one child he didn't manage to drown

although he probably did not actually exist, he is much better known than a majority of real english historical figures

cultural stuff that is more inherently edifying and intellectually stimulating; this means nobody wants to actually pay for it, but fortunately it usually qualifies for government subsidy

Sea hoes is a word used to describe mermaids. They use their songs to lure people in. Because they want all that attention, they can be called sea hoes, rather than mermaids.

Example:

Dood1: Bro we're gonna get all the sea hoes

Dood2: yeah and we're gonna give them crabs

(n.) a monstrous bird-beast that ruled the earth in a simpler, less hectic time before the hustle and bustle of urban living. also that which is antiquated or obsolete.

(n.) the bio-capsule in which an unborn life form resides before finally being evicted in a process known as birth

Nobody's sure what art is exactly, but they know what they like

a type of candy that is either unpalatable or made of sugar

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.