a closet for keeping food, wines, bandages, Caprisun, gum, earplugs, paper plates, and plastic utensils

(n.) a perturbing sea creature resembling a big slug with eight suction-cupped tendril arms. as with most perturbing creatures, someone has eaten it and decided it is a delicacy

n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem — a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

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'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men
That poor Salmasius died of Milton's pen.
Alas! we cannot know if this is true,
For reading Milton's wit we perish too.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) if a shelf does not hold books or spices, is it a real shelf?

n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A super fighting robot who fights to save the world from the evil machinations of Dr. Wily and his robot masters. He's the main playable character in the series of challenging platform video games by the same name.

Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

And don't go through your sister's drawers

Anyone not from 'round these parts. And we don't like those types 'round here.

The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) persistent, dogged, and not easily dispelled or dissuaded. like a stall vendor in a latin american tourist trap. or a d, i suppose.

where dreams are made and broken, but always fabulous

(also: broken dreams)

(adj.) the condition of low temperature, pertaining variously to the weather, to food, to a sensation experienced when one touches a physical surface, to the cruel behavior of my heartless ex-wife, and various other referents

One forgotten of the gods and living to a great age. History is abundantly supplied with examples, from Methuselah to Old Parr, but some notable instances of longevity are less well known. A Calabrian peasant named Coloni, born in 1753, lived so long that he had what he considered a glimpse of the dawn of universal peace. Scanavius relates that he knew an archbishop who was so old that he could remember a time when he did not deserve hanging. In 1566 a linen draper of Bristol, England, declared that he had lived five hundred years, and that in all that time he had never told a lie. There are instances of longevity (macrobiosis) in our own country. Senator Chauncey Depew is old enough to know better. The editor of The American, a newspaper in New York City, has a memory that goes back to the time when he was a rascal, but not to the fact. The President of the United States was born so long ago that many of the friends of his youth have risen to high political and military preferment without the assistance of personal merit. The verses following were written by a macrobian:

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When I was young the world was fair
And amiable and sunny.
A brightness was in all the air,
In all the waters, honey.
The jokes were fine and funny,
The statesmen honest in their views,
And in their lives, as well,
And when you heard a bit of news
'Twas true enough to tell.
Men were not ranting, shouting, reeking,
Nor women "generally speaking."

The Summer then was long indeed:
It lasted one whole season!
The sparkling Winter gave no heed
When ordered by Unreason
To bring the early peas on.
Now, where the dickens is the sense
In calling that a year
Which does no more than just commence
Before the end is near?
When I was young the year extended
From month to month until it ended.

I know not why the world has changed
To something dark and dreary,
And everything is now arranged
To make a fellow weary.
The Weather Man — I fear he
Has much to do with it, for, sure,
The air is not the same:
It chokes you when it is impure,
When pure it makes you lame.
With windows closed you are asthmatic;
Open, neuralgic or sciatic.

Well, I suppose this new régime
Of dun degeneration
Seems eviler than it would seem
To a better observation,
And has for compensation
Some blessings in a deep disguise
Which mortal sight has failed
To pierce, although to angels' eyes
They're visibly unveiled.
If Age is such a boon, good land!
He's costumed by a master hand!
—Venable Strigg

a ludicrous idea that some people had to explain the creation of the universe. you would think if the universe were an egg it would be healthier for us.

Acting upon the Cain instinct.
(also: Cain instinct)

A magical device for sedentary lifestyle enthusiasts that lovingly cushions your butt cheeks, like the babysitter your parents threatened to kill.
(also: enthusiasts)
(also: cushions)
(also: babysitter)

(n.) a shirker, a slacker, a loafer, an idler, a layabout, a goldbricker, a lazybones, a laggard, a skiver, an indolent, a sloth, a faineant, an otiose, a lollygagger

the list goes on

To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession; it meant "own," and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.

(n.) a party that celebrates surviving one year past a certain event. if the event is a birth it's called a birthday