marcus antonious (83-30 BC) is a dead roman guy.
once a sidekick to julius caesar, whom he served faithfully as a general but also humiliated a few times by routinely turning up to the senate pig-bastard drunk (this got him into a pissing match with cicero).
when julius kicked the bucket, marc took over as big cheese and set to work thrashing his old master's assassins. however, he was beaten to the punch by augustus caesar, the adopted son of the late caesar, who managed to take control of rome while marcy went skulking around the eastern world looking for allies. this led marc antony to shack up with cleopatra vii, with whom he had a torrid love affair. this sordid romance came to an end when marc antony's armies were well and truly smashed in actium, and he committed suicide to escape octavian's reprisal.
a dead british guy named william shakespeare wrote a little ditty about it.
One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a mighty poor way to spell muskeeter.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
when something is born it will die after its life
meaning we are all born to die
meaning we are all born to die
A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
A pessimist applied to God for relief.
"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them."
"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something — the mortality of the optimist."
A pessimist applied to God for relief.
"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them."
"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something — the mortality of the optimist."
a wonderfully imperfect creation that sinners want to perfect
The urge to slap, hit, punch, kill, or otherwise physically harm your sibling.
Named after Cain who, in biblical canon, commited the first murder by hitting his brother on the head with a rock.
(also: fratricide)
(also: bible)
Named after Cain who, in biblical canon, commited the first murder by hitting his brother on the head with a rock.
(also: fratricide)
(also: bible)
One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded recognition in the Hebrew. (Leviticus, xvii, 7.) The satyr was at first a member of the dissolute community acknowledging a loose allegiance to Dionysus, but underwent many transformations and improvements. Not infrequently he is confounded with the faun, a later and decenter creation of the Romans, who was less like a man and more like a goat.
(also: mythology)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: mythology)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Suicide but with help from another human being.
a pagan holiday ruined by a christian holiday ruined by commercialism
A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth century.
When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!
"Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged monarch. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off by the public executioner at three o'clock? And is it not now 3:10?"
"Son of a thousand illustrious deities," answered the condemned minister, "all that you say is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The executioner appeared with his bare scimitar, ostentatiously whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck, strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable and treasonous head."
"To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.
"To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh — I know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi."
"Let him be brought before me," said the Mikado to an attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the Presence.
"Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!" roared the sovereign — "why didst thou but lightly tap the neck that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"
"Lord of Cranes and Cherry Blooms," replied the executioner, unmoved, "command him to blow his nose with his fingers."
Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close, without incident.
All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled and his breath came in gasps of terror.
"Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried; "I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimitar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office."
So saying, he grasped his top-knot, lifted off his head and advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!
"Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged monarch. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off by the public executioner at three o'clock? And is it not now 3:10?"
"Son of a thousand illustrious deities," answered the condemned minister, "all that you say is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The executioner appeared with his bare scimitar, ostentatiously whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck, strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable and treasonous head."
"To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.
"To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh — I know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi."
"Let him be brought before me," said the Mikado to an attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the Presence.
"Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!" roared the sovereign — "why didst thou but lightly tap the neck that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"
"Lord of Cranes and Cherry Blooms," replied the executioner, unmoved, "command him to blow his nose with his fingers."
Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close, without incident.
All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled and his breath came in gasps of terror.
"Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried; "I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimitar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office."
So saying, he grasped his top-knot, lifted off his head and advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(n.) 1) a foul play in the grand game of civilization. 2) that which cannot be further discussed without the consultation of a lawyer.
Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
(also: alcohol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: alcohol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
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A very commen misspelle of the f word
not exhibiting the cheating, hypercompetitiveness, or general lack of integrity expected of athletes
(n.) one who's for hire by anyone with cold hard cash, especially a soldier
(adj.) describing one who's in it for the cold hard cash
(also: privateer)
(adj.) describing one who's in it for the cold hard cash
(also: privateer)
the destination
To ask a higher price that you can get.
sign-up or face the consequences!
“"observers" must obey the call.”
join