A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.
(also: PHONOGRAPH)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The method employed by one's opponents in baffling one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.
So plain the advantages of machination

---

It constitutes a moral obligation,
And honest wolves who think upon't with loathing
Feel bound to don the sheep's deceptive clothing.
So prospers still the diplomatic art,
And Satan bows, with hand upon his heart.
—R.S.K.

a week that commemorates the week jesus christ returned to jerusalem, which ended with his betrayal, crucifixion and eventual resurrection. for catholic people this week marks the end of lent. for everyone else, it is simply the week leading up to discount chocolate at the grocery store.

* palm sunday: supposedly represents the day jesus returned to jerusalem
* holy monday: represents the day jesus cursed at a fig tree (or something)
* holy tuesday: represents the day jesus received the vision of his own impending death
* spy wednesday: represents the day judas iscariot arranged for jesus' betrayal. does not involve james bond.
* maundy thursday: no idea what a maundy is, but this supposedly represents the day of the last supper jesus enjoyed with his disciples
* good friday: represents the day of the crucifixion
* black saturday: represents jesus chilling while being dead
* easter

it can be assumed all of these involve some kind of praying or something.

a type of candy that is either unpalatable or made of sugar

(phrase) The hapless predicament experienced by students desperately seeking knowledge but thwarted by the absence of a crucial educational tome. A masterclass in forgetfulness, resulting in panic, creative improvisation, and daring acts of textbook retrieval. A tale of woe that ignites the sympathy of teachers, evokes theatrical sighs, and teaches the valuable lesson of double-checking one's backpack before embarking on academic adventures.


(also: I didn't have enough time to finish it)
(also: I left it at home by mistake)
(also: I was sick and couldn't complete the work)
(also: I had a family emergency)
(also: I didn't have access to the necessary resources)

(v.) yes, a verb. live your poetry, people. Otherwise it's no bueno.
https://onbeing.org/poetry/stone-thobar-phadraig/

(also: magic)
(also: logopoeia)

a sport involving the use of mallets to guide wooden balls through metal hoops. presumably, it must follow that croquet + baseball = cricket.

there were many cleopatras in history, but if you'll permit me to duck the niceties, there is virtually no chance you mean any other cleopatra beside cleopatra vii

cleopatra vii (70-30 BC) was a descendant of ptolemy and queen of egypt (in her time a country ruled not by the tourism board but greek nobles). known for having affairs with both julius caesar and marc antony, and somewhat less known for marrying her ten year old brother when she was 18. often depicted as a schemer, a seductress, and an exotic beauty by those who forget ancient people did not use the same hairstyles or makeup styles as modern people.

(n.) the stuff that makes a great man or woman.
(v.) "I will my life forward." "I will (to) keep my promises."

(also: willing)
(also: voluntary)
(also: volition)

(n.) a corrupted term deriving from bantu by way of haiti. according to folklore the zombie is a hollowed-out shell of a human being, utterly devoid of any semblance of free will, just like (insert-adherents-of-unpopular-political-movement here).

if there is any truth to the stories of zombies, it may derive from the shamanic use of pufferfish toxin to place individuals in a state of excited catatonia. whereas this is a topic best analyzed by historians, and therefore boring, the concept has influenced a number of popular horror movies in which masses of zombies are presented as a stand-in for consumerism or man's inhumanity to man or some nonsense.

irish rock band the cranberries once expressed interest in the contents of a zombie's head

(n.) a celebrated political figure, generally more respected than a typical politician by virtue of being dead

n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Liability to attacks of laughter is one of the characteristics distinguishing man from the animals — these being not only inaccessible to the provocation of his example, but impregnable to the microbes having original jurisdiction in bestowal of the disease. Whether laughter could be imparted to animals by inoculation from the human patient is a question that has not been answered by experimentation. Dr. Meir Witchell holds that the infectious character of laughter is due to the instantaneous fermentation of sputa diffused in a spray. From this peculiarity he names the disorder Convulsio spargens.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a european who eats spicy food and is despised by portuguese

(n.) intense physical activity used to improve one's physical condition so that they may justify overeating and laziness to their own conscience

The highly comical sound that an 80's Sci-fi gun makes.

Can also be the following sounds.

"PEEEEW PEW PEW PEW"

"PEW PEW PEW"

A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

---

TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The uniform of the poor, serving to distinguish these creatures from their creators.
(also: poor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
(also: humans)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a board game derived from earlier antecedents in Persia or China, in which players must use lesser pieces to successfully capture the enemy king

considered a good way to teach tactical thinking, presumably for some upcoming war where both sides politely take turns, held entirely on a featureless flat plane

A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
(also: revolution)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)