It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.(also: intelligence)

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind of the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

(also: mice)
(also: humans)

Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.
The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule, a most intelligent animal.

An informal way of saying “brother.”

(n.) a device used to do a thing. the use of tools is a major component of intelligence.

the four main tools include the lever, the pulley, the inclined plane and their older brother the internal combustion engine. tools without good agents include hammers, screwdrivers, gimlets, tongs, other hammers, backscratchers, and many more.

a death strip preventing pedestrians from entering a city without a car

Italy is a country in europe,people from italy use weird Sign language when they talk,they also consume pasta and pizza as their primary food,they also will go to war against you if you break the pasta to two.

a pitiable state in which one person is friends with another, rather than sexual partners

n. The kind of political and social reformer who is more concerned to bring others down to his plane than to lift himself to theirs.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Earth 1.0

(6th century BC) Principal figure of Jainism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: mahavira quotes)

a supposed king of england who supposedly ruled around the time the roman empire had withdrawn from the country in the late fifth century. supposedly.

known for being conceived by 'magical' rape-by-fraud, hanging out with wizards, pulling a sword out of a big rock, conquering a number of european places, being cuckolded by a frenchman, trying to drown hundreds of children, and finally getting killed by the one child he didn't manage to drown

although he probably did not actually exist, he is much better known than a majority of real english historical figures

collectively, all the processes required to get from ingredients to the desired finished food or dish. I include combining and arranging, like for a salad or a sandwich with ham and cheese, which require no actual heating or other transformation of the ingredients, but some may not (that is, they may only consider it cooking if you actually CHANGE the ingredient in some way like heat it or perhaps cure it).

(also: list of hobbies)

A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. The number of plans for its abolition equals that of the reformers who suffer from it, plus that of the philosophers who know nothing about it. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
(also: leaving the planet)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a political leader who uses cheap rhetoric to flatter and incite the badly informed public, exploiting their naïveté. But you folks are too smart to fall for that kind of thing

A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one of few surviving aquatic dinosaurs. serves as an inspiration for many middle aged men by compensating for its unimpressive build with a very dapper style of dress

(noun):
Hilariously disastrous stories that make you question humanity's ability to navigate the simplest of tasks, like opening a door or using a toaster without setting the house on fire.

(also: tales from pizza guy)

(n.) a reptilian animal that was at the back of the queue when evolution was handing out limbs

Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Tim Dillon Discord Server also known as a "Honeypot for retards"