n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

---

By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said,
Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.
We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint,
Distil him for physic and grind him for paint,
Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame,
And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.
O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:
For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?
—Scopas Brune

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a partnership between russia and a number of other eastern european states that existed between 1922 and 1991. this union formed one of the major blocs in world politics at that time, along with the nato bloc consisting of the united states and its buddies, and the third bloc that didn't give a damn.

the soviet union and the nato bloc were in a state of cold war for decades following world war ii, which was such a bonding experience that everyone felt a little let down when it finally ended. as a memory of those happier times, america and russia continue to occasionally dick with each other.

a game that begins to lay the psychological framework of addictive personality disorder within the minds of children, in a subtle-enough way that parents do not notice it, until the process is long-completed.

(also: indoctrination)

The modern-day equivalent of a digital witch hunt fueled by outrage and virtue signaling.

A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.
(also: apparatus)
(also: elevator)

---

Once I seen a human ruin
In an elevator-well,
And his members was bestrewin'
All the place where he had fell.

And I says, apostrophisin'
That uncommon woful wreck:
"Your position's so surprisin'
That I tremble for your neck!"

Then that ruin, smilin' sadly
And impressive, up and spoke:
"Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,
For it's been a fortnight broke."

Then, for further comprehension
Of his attitude, he begs
I will focus my attention
On his various arms and legs —

How they all are contumacious;
Where they each, respective, lie;
How one trotter proves ungracious,
T'other one an alibi.

These particulars is mentioned
For to show his dismal state,
Which I wasn't first intentioned
To specifical relate.

None is worser to be dreaded
That I ever have heard tell
Than the gent's who there was spreaded
In that elevator-well.

Now this tale is allegoric —
It is figurative all,
For the well is metaphoric
And the feller didn't fall.

I opine it isn't moral
For a writer-man to cheat,
And despise to wear a laurel
As was gotten by deceit.

For 'tis Politics intended
By the elevator, mind,
It will boost a person splendid
If his talent is the kind.

Col. Bryan had the talent
(For the busted man is him)
And it shot him up right gallant
Till his head begun to swim.

Then the rope it broke above him
And he painful come to earth
Where there's nobody to love him
For his detrimented worth.

Though he's livin' none would know him,
Or at leastwise not as such.
Moral of this woful poem:
Frequent oil your safety-clutch.
—Porfer Poog

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An exuse your blood relatives will use to take advantage of you.

(AD 50 – 121) Inventor of paper.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: ts'ai lun quotes)

according to encyclopedia galactica

institutionalized social system in which men dominate over others.

A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude — a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.

(also: Birthday Suit)

A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to some one that it might be taught to talk.

Greek poet who wrote Iliad and Odyssey
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: homer quotes)

A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) to be nice with an ulterior motive

a belief that Jesus will return for 1000 years of paradise, after which He will say "that was great, but I gotta go", leaving us to spend the rest of eternity in our wretched godlessness.

n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) someone who knows much, much less than they think they do

(also: wise guy)

(n.) drops of water which condense within clouds and fall from the sky. this tends to happen only when the weatherman said it would not

a game where you wait in line, shoot a basketball, get back in line, shoot again, nope, you missed, now wait for the next game.

privacy policy and user agreement

this privacy policy describes our policies and procedures on the collection, use and disclosure of your information when you use the service and tells you about your privacy rights and how the law protects you.

we use your personal data to provide and improve the service. by using the service, you agree to the collection and use of information in accordance with this privacy policy.

usage data is collected automatically when using the service

usage data may include information such as your device's internet protocol address (e.g. ip address), browser type, browser version, the pages of our service that you visit, the time and date of your visit, the time spent on those pages, unique device identifiers and other diagnostic data.

when you access the service by or through a mobile device, we may collect certain information automatically, including, but not limited to, the type of mobile device you use, your mobile device unique id, the ip address of your mobile device, your mobile operating system, the type of mobile internet browser you use, unique device identifiers and other diagnostic data.

we may also collect information that your browser sends whenever you visit our service or when you access the service by or through a mobile device.

if you decide to register through or otherwise grant us access to a third-party social media service, we may collect personal data that is already associated with your third-party social media service's account, such as your name, your email address, your activities or your contact list associated with that account.

you may also have the option of sharing additional information with the company through your third-party social media service's account. if you choose to provide such information and personal data, during registration or otherwise, you are giving the company permission to use, share, and store it in a manner consistent with this privacy policy

we use cookies and similar tracking technologies to track the activity on our service and store certain information. tracking technologies used are beacons, tags, and scripts to collect and track information and to improve and analyze our service.

retention of your personal data

the company will retain your personal data only for as long as is necessary for the purposes set out in this privacy policy. we will retain and use your personal data to the extent necessary to comply with our legal obligations (for example, if we are required to retain your data to comply with applicable laws), resolve disputes, and enforce our legal agreements and policies.

the company will also retain usage data for internal analysis purposes. usage data is generally retained for a shorter period of time, except when this data is used to strengthen the security or to improve the functionality of our service, or we are legally obligated to retain this data for longer time periods.

children's privacy
our service does not address anyone under the age of 13. we do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from anyone under the age of 13. if you are a parent or guardian and you are aware that your child has provided us with personal data, please contact us. if we become aware that we have collected personal data from anyone under the age of 13 without verification of parental consent, we take steps to remove that information from our servers.

if we need to rely on consent as a legal basis for processing your information and your country requires consent from a parent, we may require your parent's consent before we collect and use that information.

links to other websites
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