president

the devils dictionary
The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater
To have been a simple and undamned spectator.
Behold in me a man of mark and note
Whom no elector e'er denied a vote! —
An undiscredited, unhooted gent
Who might, for all we know, be President
By acclamation. Cheer, ye varlets, cheer —
I'm passing with a wide and open ear!
—Jonathan Fomry
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

mount everest

boo
(n.) /ˌmaʊnt ˈɛvərɪst/ - The highest mountain in the world, located in the Himalayas between Nepal and Tibet. Its summit reaches an elevation of 29,032 feet (8,849 meters) above sea level, making it a challenging and dangerous feat to climb. Despite its treacherous reputation, climbers from all over the world attempt to conquer the mountain every year, drawn by the allure of standing at the top of the world and the bragging rights that come with it.

rumor

the devils dictionary
A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
—Joel Buxter
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

santa claus

cam
An imaginary all knowing, all seeing being that children are taught to believe in, who rewards them once a year for behaving well.

Also (God for children)

honor

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a quality of esteem conferred upon individuals by their community, usually to mark bravery and a sense of fair play

cultural constructs such as these probably evolved as a way of ensuring our nobler instincts can occasionally override our deep-seated desire to be self-preserving dicks

serial

the devils dictionary
A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each instalment is a "synopsis of preceding chapters" for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a synopsis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read them. A synopsis of the entire work would be still better.
The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to us. They wrote, not jointly but alternately, Bowman supplying the instalment for one week, his friend for the next, and so on, world without end, they hoped. Unfortunately they quarreled, and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task, he found his work cut out for him in a way to surprise and pain him. His collaborator had embarked every character of the narrative on a ship and sunk them all in the deepest part of the Atlantic.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

aeneid

trustycoffeemug
an epic poem written by the 1st century roman poet virgil, it describes the flight of trojan refugees following the destruction of their home city in the conclusion of the trojan war. the central character, a young royal named aeneas, leads his people west, hoping to find a place of sanctuary, finally finding it in alba longa.

the strong implication of the story is that aeneas and his band of trojan refugees will eventually be responsible for founding the city of rome, thus giving romans a more impressive and mythical pedigree (the story even attempts to explain the long rivalry between romans and carthaginians by having aeneas get up to hanky panky with a carthaginian woman with the somewhat stupid name of dido).

do you believe this story? you probably shouldn't.

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