The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
(also: bypasses)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) sure, maybe, but don't count on it.

(also: up in the air)
(also: tba)
(also: tbd)
not (also: carved in stone)

(also: humans)

It always seems impossible until it's done. Nelson Mandela
(also: Nelson Mandela)

(v.) yes, a verb. magic is the universe alive. magic is no miracle (that is, no rarity), but precious all the same.

n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

(also: misfortune)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) a british regional term for dithering, babbling, or jabbering

A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
(also: time)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Batman is a furry who beats the shit outa poor people, and then wants them to talk after breaking ther jaw. If you see him run.

A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
—John D. Rockefeller
The reward of toil and virtue.
—J.P. Morgan

The savings of many in the hands of one.
—Eugene Debs

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To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

phrase used to get you to stop repeating the joke

has very little to do with canadian bacon or british bacon

n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1809 -– 1882) –Scientist who proposed and popularised theory of evolution.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: charles darwin quotes)

Nature's provision for wealthy American maids ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

The common battle cry of the American Hillbilly. It is typically proceeded by a challenge or a wager. Then a display of superiority followed by the death of the challenged. Though it is usually an epic display, the countless lives lost has some officials thinking of banning it.

(n.) ain't it the most common kind?

rsvp, répondez s'il vous plaît
asap, as soon as possible
lmao, laughing my ass off
rofl, rolling on the floor laughing
wdym, what do you mean
fwiw, for what it's worth
iirc, if I recall correctly
imho, in my honest/ humble opinion
ttyl, talk to you later
tyvm, thank you very much
tgif, thank god it's friday
byob, bring your own beer/ bottle
nsfw, not safe for work
acab, all cops are bastards
awol, absent without leave
ymmv, your mileage may vary

http, hyper-text transfer protocol
fifo, first in, first out
adhd, hyperactivity disorder
mdma, 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine
nasa, National Aeronautics and Space Administration
ussr, union of soviet state republic

(1542-1604) third ruler of the mughal empire, which was based in india but whose ruling class was persian. akbar was a fascinating study in contradictions; although illiterate (possibly dyslexic), he was a patron of intellectuals and philosophers. although an accomplished military leader in a land of sectarian conflict, he promoted peace and understanding between his muslim and hindu subjects

under his rule, the mughal empire grew to encompass much of india, and reached a golden age characterized by unimaginable heights of prosperity. then everything just sort of fell apart after he died. ah well.

no, he was not a space squid, and he did not help destroy the death star

a trough to feed gold to young children

used to indicate that a statement is not true in any practical way, thus having the sole purpose of making the stater feel smart