an ever increasing field that threatens to consume all unless someone comes up with a solution but that is someone else's problem…oh god it is already here.

n. The number which represents a hen's periodical output of eggs.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) elongated fragments of potato that have had the nutritional value fried and salted out of them. a highly accessible food sold in many venues as a side dish

playfully referred to as "french fries," though our best intelligence suggests they may have come from belgium instead (they may also be called "freedom fries" if the french are going through a period of significant unpopularity)

(n.) the ability to compel one to obey commands

the general food chain of authority begins with god, standing above popes, emperors, royalty and presidents, who in turn stand above important officials, who are above unimportant officials, and thence scary looking men in suits, scary looking men in military uniform, mayors, bureaucrats, police officers, school principals, and, at the bottom tier, landlords, employers, and the clergy.

and then there's you maggots

as it happens, i think you'll find i'm the one who's spartacus

(1881-1955) Scottish biologist who discovered penicillin.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: alexander fleming quotes)

remember back in, what, 3rd grade, was it? when at the end of the school year there was nothing to do in class and we just sat in a line and gave the person in front a back rub? Back when we could be intimate, bonding like that. Nowadays we'd be all self-conscious and we would all be uncomfortably joking about sexual undertones, but back then it was just a thing we did as peers. But now that we're teenagers we can never be in that state of innocent, friendly intimacy.

(1856 – 1939) An Austrian neurologist who founded psychoanalysis, which involved the investigation of the subconscious, dreams and human mind.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: sigmund freud quotes)

n. Lucid intervals in a disordered life.

---

The Judge:
You lazy dog! all industry you shirk
As 'twere a crime — why don't you go to work?

The Tough Citizen:
I'm always planning to, but, may it please your
Honor, I do never get the leisure.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

sex-neutral version of penis

A filial coup de grâce whereby one is released from the lingering torments of paternity.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Thing for writing
(also: writing)

A distance where you can recognize details and how the subject you face works.

The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-morality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the state after having cleared all the muckity muck from the mucky pond -- the doubts, worries, envies, misfortunes. when giving something new a chance becomes possible.

(also: debt jubilee)
(also: phoenix)
(also: newborn)
(also: baby)

(n.) the sincerest form of flattery which mediocrity can pay to greatness. also the insincerest form of crab meat.

(also: crab)

Noun. Everyone knows what a horse is

Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer. When disturbed by his voice the ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his pride of distinction.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(british) a sport originally played in britain in the middle ages. it is played by two opposing teams who stand on opposite ends of a lawn and try to kick a ball into the opposing side's net. conceptually a fairly mind-numbing pastime, most people watch it in hopes of seeing the game degenerate into violence.

"classic" brutish british football is played according to strict association rules developed over centuries, and is thus called soccer (mostly by americans). however, several "unofficial" variations of the sport exist, including those that evolved into rugby, american football (see below) and probably some other, even worse ones.

(n.) a way of life and appreciating nature.
Original perception of tea in ancient China influenced and was influenced by major philosophies, in particular Taoism as many taoists found life's reflection in simplicity and depths of tea.