a device used to convert electricity into a lack of productivity.

(n.) a craft intended to move across the top of a body of water. if it's really big it's called a ship. musical performer styx famously used one of these to saaaaaaaail away

Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the non-union, discounted equivalent of a penguin

the roman world was in a mess; the emperor caused no end of stress
then in the year four-forty-one, there came this guy, attila the hun
run away! Here comes attila
flee today! he'll sack your villa
can't you see? he's come to kill ya
swipe your bed, and then your pilla
attila was a nasty king; he and his huns wrecked everything
he lived by arson and the sword, burned down france cuz he got bored
run away! here comes attila
far away! go to manilla
kills more people than godzilla
swipes your sheets and then your pilla
to a wedding attila went, looking sharp like a hunnish gent
made a quick speech, went to bed; very next morning, was found dead
fare thee well, goodbye attila
bury him deep neath the rolling hillas
he wore shorts made of chinchilla
his favorite ice cream was strawberry

an engine component that increases the engine's impressiveness.

(also: amber heard)

n. A follower of Achilles — particularly when he didn't lead.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

so undeniably true that you cannot possibly take the risk that you might accidentally show it false

a world-wrecking bitch
(also: troy)

(n.) the sincerest form of flattery which mediocrity can pay to greatness. also the insincerest form of crab meat.

(also: crab)

A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

Acting upon the Cain instinct.
(also: Cain instinct)

A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

I'm sorry

A type fungi create zombies, then control their minds.

Incredibly good Swedish band led by mathematician composer papa Emeritus IV. The names of other band members - the Nameless ghouls - are secret. Former lead guitarist Omega however, revealed his identity after leaving the bandand founding Magna Carta Cartel. Their music overcombines many different instruments, genres and effects

(also: Thobias Forge)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Winston S. Churchill
(also: Winston Churchill)

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”
― Abraham Lincoln
(also: Abraham Lincoln)

n. Literally a freedman; hence, one who is in bondage to his passions.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)