X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not, as is popularly supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name — Xristos. If it represented a cross it would stand for St. Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape. In the algebra of psychology x stands for Woman's mind. Words beginning with X are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary
(also: xbox)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a feline predator of the americas, of a spotty complexion

to be sure you're looking at a jaguar, as opposed to a leopard, or cheetah, examine the spots closely to see if they resemble big splotches rather than small dots. Go on, get right up near that thing.

The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

an autumnal holiday celebrated in the americas (both the united states and canada, though on different days) to commemorate any of the following:

1) the historical colonization of the americas (possibly including the displacement of the indigenous people)
2) overeating
3) enduring the presence of family

A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
(also: poor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) that which follows the dissolution or destruction of government authority; like most philosophical things, we are assured it would be really cool if we did it correctly next time

(n.) an attempt to locate and kill an animal, usually to eat. much of human history has been our attempt to get the upper hand against those damn animals

(v.) to do the thing i just said

A powerful group of mysterious forces that exist which every country use economic-based magic in a vain attempt to control. It is said that he who gain true control of the Market will achieve godhood but because it has never been done it is hard to say if it is fact or fiction.

(n.) avoiding an excessive or impolitic amount of truthfulness

(also: truth)

(1542-1604) third ruler of the mughal empire, which was based in india but whose ruling class was persian. akbar was a fascinating study in contradictions; although illiterate (possibly dyslexic), he was a patron of intellectuals and philosophers. although an accomplished military leader in a land of sectarian conflict, he promoted peace and understanding between his muslim and hindu subjects

under his rule, the mughal empire grew to encompass much of india, and reached a golden age characterized by unimaginable heights of prosperity. then everything just sort of fell apart after he died. ah well.

no, he was not a space squid, and he did not help destroy the death star

(n.) things you don't notice until someone else starts using them! (eg. mini)

(also: categories)
(also: hashtags)

(n.) an insectivorous animal no doubt brimming with resentment about the aardvark.

(also: aardvark)

a method of poverty reduction in which poverty is located and bombed to oblivion

(n.) a thing in the middle (see monkey, malcolm)

usually refers specifically to the thing in the middle of an atom

where dreams are made and broken, but always fabulous

(also: broken dreams)

backed up by a multitude of reasons, not that I'm going to say any

n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authenticity and authority. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax, and attached to the paper, sometimes into the paper itself. Sealing, in this sense, is a survival of an ancient custom of inscribing important papers with cabalistic words or signs to give them a magical efficacy independent of the authority that they represent. In the British museum are preserved many ancient papers, mostly of a sacerdotal character, validated by necromantic pentagrams and other devices, frequently initial letters of words to conjure with; and in many instances these are attached in the same way that seals are appended now. As nearly every reasonless and apparently meaningless custom, rite or observance of modern times had origin in some remote utility, it is pleasing to note an example of ancient nonsense evolving in the process of ages into something really useful. Our word "sincere" is derived from sine cero, without wax, but the learned are not in agreement as to whether this refers to the absence of the cabalistic signs, or to that of the wax with which letters were formerly closed from public scrutiny. Either view of the matter will serve one in immediate need of an hypothesis. The initials L. S., commonly appended to signatures of legal documents, mean locum sigillis, the place of the seal, although the seal is no longer used — an admirable example of conservatism distinguishing Man from the beasts that perish. The words locum sigillis are humbly suggested as a suitable motto for the Pribyloff Islands whenever they shall take their place as a sovereign State of the American Union.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the best video game ever made
(also: spider)