(1809 -– 1882) –Scientist who proposed and popularised theory of evolution.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: charles darwin quotes)

The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

describing the middle class who ascended to prominence and superceded the landed aristocracy in the seventeenth century. they successfully embarrassed their social betters by proving there was a path to success beyond an inborn divine mandate, while selling out the lower class by perpetuating the cycle of labor exploitation.

also their taste in decor leans incontestably toward the brummagem.

A house of atonement, or expiatory chapel, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Nobody's sure what art is exactly, but they know what they like

the ancient chinese art of mystical housekeeping

sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay not because you enjoy it but because you're not going to let fall pass by without once sitting on a moving truck-car on a seat covered with hay

(n.) the romanticized image of a homeless vagabond, often depicted as a lovably unshaven traincar-hopping bum clad in battered clothing, whose meager belongings are carried over the shoulder on a bindle.

this depiction is, admittedly, slightly at odds with the type of homeless person one tends to meet in practice.

a quarantine or infirmary for the care and separation of the impoverished

(n.) one afflicted by madness or frenzy; one who dances like they've never danced before

an indisputable truth that cannot be argued about, as opposed to an opinion, which is subjective, and pointless to argue about.

hell

(n.) a device used to do a thing. the use of tools is a major component of intelligence.

the four main tools include the lever, the pulley, the inclined plane and their older brother the internal combustion engine. tools without good agents include hammers, screwdrivers, gimlets, tongs, other hammers, backscratchers, and many more.

(n.) a small tree able to be held between two fingers, used to scrape leftovers from between your teeth or debris from other hard-to-reach spaces.

... usually it is considered a bad idea to do both with the same toothpick.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe
(also: life)
(also: Marilyn Monroe)

A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

---

TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An animal that will be amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

(also: tin opener)

(noun):
The mind's ability to take a step back and observe itself, resulting in a profound realization that you are, in fact, stuck inside your own head. It's like discovering an inner narrator who constantly comments on your thoughts, actions, and embarrassing moments.

(also: Realizing you're stuck)

An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(551 – 479 BC) – Chinese philosopher.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: confucius quotes)