a frightfully important person working in the army. if such a person works instead for the navy, they are an admiral. if they don't like the sound of either of those names then they might instead call themselves marshal.

when one is not general, then one is actually specific, and the specific is on the opposite side of the world from the atlantic, and tyler perry built a film studio in atlantic, georgia, and georgia patton is a very famous general so you see, it's all coming together.

the existence of a postmaster-general, an attorney-general, or a surgeon-general does not imply that they lead an army of postmasters, lawyers or surgeons, although that would be mildly amusing.

(742 – 814) United Europe to form the Carolingian Empire. First western Emperor since the fall of Rome.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: charlemagne quotes)

a world-wrecking bitch
(also: troy)

(n.) one of few surviving aquatic dinosaurs. serves as an inspiration for many middle aged men by compensating for its unimpressive build with a very dapper style of dress

(n.) a force. the water we swim through, in every conscious and unconscious moment, and take woefully for granted.

(also: death)
(also: this is water)

Greenland is the one and only country in the world that is invulnerable to disease. No disease can reach it, now matter how infectious said disease is. I learned it from losing too many times in Plague Inc.

an antiquated slang term for a plainclothes detective. the name probably originates from the popular image of them sneaking about as if wearing gumshoes- that is, galoshes, rubberized boots worn in mud or other messy conditions, in which one would feel compelled to walk more gingerly.

there is no known tendency for detectives or people in galoshes to get gum on a shoe. it could happen, sure, but still.

when someone cancels plans you've made together and you realize you now have some free time to yourself.

(also: introvert)

(n.) a corrupted term deriving from bantu by way of haiti. according to folklore the zombie is a hollowed-out shell of a human being, utterly devoid of any semblance of free will, just like (insert-adherents-of-unpopular-political-movement here).

if there is any truth to the stories of zombies, it may derive from the shamanic use of pufferfish toxin to place individuals in a state of excited catatonia. whereas this is a topic best analyzed by historians, and therefore boring, the concept has influenced a number of popular horror movies in which masses of zombies are presented as a stand-in for consumerism or man's inhumanity to man or some nonsense.

irish rock band the cranberries once expressed interest in the contents of a zombie's head

Archaic practices designed to rob scalps and backs of the most pleasurable sensation the nerve endings within can experience.

A sovereign's right to do wrong.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a somewhat popular condiment commonly enjoyed on emulsified meat tubules, pulverized cow viscera, and sometimes pretzels.

the snobbish moutardier should always remember this mnemonic: if it's tangy and yella, you got crap there, fella. if it's gritty and brown, you're in quality town.

A search engine that uses a trojan to use my processor illegally. When you search about "the answer of life universe and everything" a calculator appears and display and answer as 42.
Everybody knows that it is copyrighted content of me.
(also: great question of life the universe and everything)
(also: copyrights)
(also: 42)

a voluntary legal agreement between a company and an unsuspecting customer

(1822 – 1895) French biologist. Developed a cure for rabies and other infectious diseases.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: louis pasteur quotes)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Winston S. Churchill
(also: Winston Churchill)

(n.) the internet's child of grammar and humour, of play on words, of interweaving references

n. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man's disillusion given.
The King of Manchuria had a magic looking-glass, whereon whoso looked saw, not his own image, but only that of the king. A certain courtier who had long enjoyed the king's favor and was thereby enriched beyond any other subject of the realm, said to the king: "Give me, I pray, thy wonderful mirror, so that when absent out of thine august presence I may yet do homage before thy visible shadow, prostrating myself night and morning in the glory of thy benign countenance, as which nothing has so divine splendor, O Noonday Sun of the Universe!"

Pleased with the speech, the king commanded that the mirror be conveyed to the courtier's palace; but after, having gone thither without apprisal, he found it in an apartment where was naught but idle lumber. And the mirror was dimmed with dust and overlaced with cobwebs. This so angered him that he fisted it hard, shattering the glass, and was sorely hurt. Enraged all the more by this mischance, he commanded that the ungrateful courtier be thrown into prison, and that the glass be repaired and taken back to his own palace; and this was done. But when the king looked again on the mirror he saw not his image as before, but only the figure of a crowned ass, having a bloody bandage on one of its hinder hooves—as the artificers and all who had looked upon it had before discerned but feared to report. Taught wisdom and charity, the king restored his courtier to liberty, had the mirror set into the back of the throne and reigned many years with justice and humility; and one day when he fell asleep in death while on the throne, the whole court saw in the mirror the luminous figure of an angel, which remains to this day.

(also: life lessons from boomers)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj. or n., e.g., 'the classics'): of or relating to something which nobody has read and which everyone pretends to have read

(n.) the same as pugilism, although "boxing" is more commonly used among those who are not toffs