(adj.) describing any system with excessively complicated administrative obstacles to circumvent

originates from the eastern half of the roman empire, where red tape spread like cobwebs across the minarets

n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a party that celebrates surviving one year past a certain event. if the event is a birth it's called a birthday

a form of music once popular in cuba, generally characterized by quick pace, jaunty drums, bells, flute and violin sounds. usually meant to be accompanied by salsa dancing. goes down great with cocaine, one assumes

sort of the spanish tarantella

to behave under the knowledge that you could be taken out by a drone strike ten seconds from now, so it's no use waiting for anything ever.

(216 – ) Iranian founder of Manichaeism, a gnostic religion which for a time was a rival to Christianity.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: mani quotes)

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

"O servant of the Prophet," said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, "how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?"

"Upholder of the Faith," that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda, "they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!"

"And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?" he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy.

"Uncle of the Full Moon," was the reply, "deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!"

For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then, "Sons of angels," he said, "the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned."

(also: war)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The founding or endowing of universities and public libraries by gift or bequest.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Away some people use to say that their life have no meaning because they just destroid the only reason for their life.

(n.) the opposite of signal

(n.) not to be confused with a black pearl. This is a common Asian tea ingredient that turns 20 year old boys into 14 year old highschool girls when they go out with members of the opposite sex party.

(also: earth)

n.

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Once Law was sitting on the bench,
And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
"Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench!
Nor come before me creeping.
Upon your knees if you appear,
'Tis plain you have no standing here."

Then Justice came. His Honor cried:
"Your status? — devil seize you!"
"Amica curiæ," she replied —
"Friend of the court, so please you."
"Begone!" he shouted — "there's the door —
I never saw your face before!"
—G.J.

(also: law of triviality)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) lacking the ability to see things

"Roses are red; violets are blue. Or so I'm told. Spare a dollar or two?"

"I think that I shall never see. My cataracts have blinded me."

(1564- 1616) English poet and playwright.
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(also: william shakespeare quotes)

A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth century.
When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court. Soon after the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!
"Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged monarch. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off by the public executioner at three o'clock? And is it not now 3:10?"

"Son of a thousand illustrious deities," answered the condemned minister, "all that you say is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The executioner appeared with his bare scimitar, ostentatiously whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck, strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable and treasonous head."

"To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.

"To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh — I know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi."

"Let him be brought before me," said the Mikado to an attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the Presence.

"Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!" roared the sovereign — "why didst thou but lightly tap the neck that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"

"Lord of Cranes and Cherry Blooms," replied the executioner, unmoved, "command him to blow his nose with his fingers."

Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close, without incident.

All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled and his breath came in gasps of terror.

"Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried; "I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimitar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon, I resign my office."

So saying, he grasped his top-knot, lifted off his head and advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a deep story, which, when measured against literal-mindedness, seems a lie (hence the popular use of the term 'myth' to indicate a falsehood). a story children will ask to hear again and again, not because they are stupid or have low standards, but because they are absorbing cultural and existential patterns.

hear my vow,
I reclaim this term 'myth',
here and now!

(also: vow)
(also: oath)

(also: stake-claiming flag)
(also: flag on the moon)

. In ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph." In modern English the word is improperly used to signify any loose and spontaneous expression of popular homage to the hero of the hour and place.

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"I had an ovation!" the actor man said,
But I thought it uncommonly queer,
That people and critics by him had been led
By the ear.

The Latin lexicon makes his absurd
Assertion as plain as a peg;
In "ovum" we find the true root of the word.
It means egg.
—Dudley Spink

(n.) An intoxicant distilled primarily from fermented grain mash, whisky is a catalyst for terrible decision making, stupidity and easily avoided injuries when consumed. This is generally referred to as "having a good time".