(n.) heir to a centuries-long tradition of warlord-employed assassins and spies hailing from japan. very easily identified by distinctive black full-body pajamas (one would think this might interfere with the spying and assassinating but evidently not)

When have brevity, mean fast

“Because paper has more patience than people. ”
― Anne Frank

(american) an american variation of football, refined to have even more complicated rules so that the on-field action becomes even more slow and excruciating. while nobody in recorded history actually knows how this game is played, and americans are too embarrassed to admit it, it seems to involve large men trying to dogpile each other while a pig's bladder is thrown out of bounds.

a neutral political stance sitting between the extremes of egalitarian not-quite-free-market bureaucratic republicanism and not-quite-egalitarian free-market bureaucratic republicanism

when you ride a bike without the seat on just the pole

(also: pole dancing)

a blind human who insists that every sighted person is a liar

n. The kind of political and social reformer who is more concerned to bring others down to his plane than to lift himself to theirs.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Every German who chugs a beer! Every Zulu with an assegai spear!
Every Chinaman in a junk! Every Mexican in a trunk!
Every Bedouin on a dune! Every Frenchman playing Claire de Lune!
Every Syrian and Kazakhstani! Every Giorgio and his Armani!
Every Spaniard playing second flute! Every Dane, Norwegian and Aleut!
Every single guy who's Aborigine! Every Englishman who's Walter Pidgeon-y
From Hollywood, home of big celebrities- to Vanuatu in the Outer Hebrides!
From New Yorkers eatin' steak tartare! To every friend of Pablo Escobar!
From the Taiwanese and Cuban Petes, to the Russians with their soup of beets
Every Tamil, Tatar, Thai, Tibetan; everybody else that we're forgettin'
Everyone from Niger, Tonga, Bali; the French Sudan which is now called Mali
Everybody up in Katmandu! Every Canadian, cuz we're there too
Every Tajikistani with a yak! Every Bolivian in a sack!
Every caner in Singapore! Everybody who's really sore!
Every Turk in a Teaneck diner, or South African diamond miner
Every gypsy playin' finger cymbals! Everyone who ever shopped at Gimble's
We are there.

n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

---

One day a wag—what would the wretch be at?—
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god's name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
Amazed, the populace the rites attend,
Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend,
And, inly edified to learn that two
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
Than Nature's hairs that never have been split,
Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,
And sell their garments to support the priests.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
(also: cats)

(n.) the mental state in which all people live at all times while doing their best not to let it show

A vindictive sociopath, who will manipulate, abuse, discard and then exploit anyone who serves some sort of purpose to further her motives, without having any regrets while doing so.

Mars (aka the Red Planet) is a planet in the solar system colored red by Iron Oxide, and is home to the largest volcano in the solar system, Olympus Mons, as well as one of the largest canyons in the solar system, Valles Marineris. Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos.

Considered the origin point of the modern human species. While Y-Chromosomal Adam, or the current one, was in the Spain and is roughly 58000 year old. Alongside Mitochondrial Eve, he is considered the oldest ancestor of humanity.

(also: Mitochondrial Eve)

In a math textbook, a self-important term for a word problem

One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

there were many cleopatras in history, but if you'll permit me to duck the niceties, there is virtually no chance you mean any other cleopatra beside cleopatra vii

cleopatra vii (70-30 BC) was a descendant of ptolemy and queen of egypt (in her time a country ruled not by the tourism board but greek nobles). known for having affairs with both julius caesar and marc antony, and somewhat less known for marrying her ten year old brother when she was 18. often depicted as a schemer, a seductress, and an exotic beauty by those who forget ancient people did not use the same hairstyles or makeup styles as modern people.

(n.) a human being between the ages of approximately 13 and 19, characterized by having reached the developmental stage during which even their parents can no longer pretend they're cute

bitter old age may be considered a sort of sequel to teen-age, being the point where a well-adjusted adult finally kills their inner child

possibly derived from "looming naughties," which sums the concept up rather nicely