the hindsight-fueled ramblings of older individuals who forget their own past mistakes and offer vague platitudes.

(also: Relationship advice)

In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

(n.) often found in white-collar companies. a type of bullshit job. and the more they shout they're vital and important and irreplaceable, the more you can be assured that they're standing on a very precarious cliff.

(also: paper-pusher)
(also: bullshit jobs)

(n.) a sort of wavy rainbow caused by solar radiation hitting the earth's magnetosphere. visible at certain times of the year, at certain times of the day, in certain parts of the country, localized entirely in the night sky

(adj.) generally having crappy plot structure

n. In the nature of an unprivileged excommunication.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

euclid was a student of the great mouseion ("temple of the muses") in alexandria, like his later successor archimedes. among his many impressive scholarly works was a treatise outlining the four elements of the natural world.

of course, as any modern schoolchild knows, there are hundreds of natural elements, demonstrating that even a brilliant man like euclid was ultimately an ignorant savage in the grand scheme of things. suck it, old man.

What is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile? Cats. Cats are nice
(also: cat)

(also: long pork)

The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

---

Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see,
And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be —
Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth,
With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.
While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incandescent youth,
From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth.
He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote
On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote —
For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:
"Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow."
—Halcyon Jones

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a device used to scan one's surroundings and convert the scan into a two-dimensional image which can later be shown to your neighbors at boring get-togethers.

may also steal souls.

cultural stuff that is more inherently edifying and intellectually stimulating; this means nobody wants to actually pay for it, but fortunately it usually qualifies for government subsidy

Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.
(also: boredom)

(n.) a mythical being that rises from a moldering grave to drain the life blood of unsuspecting prey; probably inspired by earlier tales of landlords or moochers

The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca maledicta). The father of Zoölogy was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire générale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horns every two years.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the final prayers of the day before driving home from church

(n.) the practice of expressing concern over the welfare of one's natural environment, for the ultimate goal of being able to say "I told you so"

n. The kind of political and social reformer who is more concerned to bring others down to his plane than to lift himself to theirs.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

People are usually confused about these two terms as they are equally prescious. Dreamers with nothing but dreams are useless as we know.

(also: creativity)

(noun.) dʒɑr bɛərn
(NPC) - a feisty living jar in Elden Ring's Jarburg, with standards higher than the Lord of Cinder himself. Requires soft hands for Potentate candidacy, and destroying jars will incite its wrath. Completing its questline yields a Companion Jar Talisman, and perhaps some extra moisturizer for your rough, barbaric hands.