privateer

trustycoffeemug
(n.) sort of a pirate for hire. not the same as a pirate of course; they have much more respectability due to fighting for the right reason (stealing money from foreigners) instead of the wrong reason (stealing money from anyone they please)

optimism

the devils dictionary
The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof — an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

your child is a good listener

snape
(phrase) The familiar refrain of educators adept in the art of white lies. A diplomatic declaration bestowed upon students who possess an uncanny ability to hear sound waves while conveniently ignoring their content. Like a selective audio sponge, they master the art of nodding and smiling while mentally vacationing on distant shores. A testament to their imagination and the perpetual optimism of teachers caught in the labyrinth of classroom diplomacy.

(also: Your child is a joy to teach)
(also: Your child is a quick learner)

millenarianism

jason
a belief that Jesus will return for 1000 years of paradise, after which He will say "that was great, but I gotta go", leaving us to spend the rest of eternity in our wretched godlessness.

rope

the devils dictionary
An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

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