definitive
(also: guide)

(n.) a large feline predator of south asia that takes a rather odd approach to camouflage but is always dressed in the right colors for halloween parties

some also come in monochrome and tones of gold

(n.) plural = teeth

those little bone nubs in your mouth that help you tear up food

A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a government composed of poopyheads

to burgle with bravado

An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A person who goes to the capital of his country to increase his own; one who makes laws and money.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An exuse your blood relatives will use to take advantage of you.

(n.) little black bird that suddenly appears every time roadkill is near

blækˌlaɪt/ (n.):
A type of ultraviolet lamp that makes certain substances fluoresce. Often used to uncover the evidence of a dog's indiscretions around the house, or to highlight the bodily fluids and questionable stains from a wild night of partying.

(also: party)

a sport involving the use of mallets to guide wooden balls through metal hoops. presumably, it must follow that croquet + baseball = cricket.

adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) people within an organization commonly giving disproportionate weight to trivial issues.

(also: peter's principle)

A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
(also: the devils dictionary)

The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.
(also: humans)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(phrase) The hapless predicament experienced by students desperately seeking knowledge but thwarted by the absence of a crucial educational tome. A masterclass in forgetfulness, resulting in panic, creative improvisation, and daring acts of textbook retrieval. A tale of woe that ignites the sympathy of teachers, evokes theatrical sighs, and teaches the valuable lesson of double-checking one's backpack before embarking on academic adventures.


(also: I didn't have enough time to finish it)
(also: I left it at home by mistake)
(also: I was sick and couldn't complete the work)
(also: I had a family emergency)
(also: I didn't have access to the necessary resources)

(phrase) The optimistic assessment delivered by educators, serving as a beacon of hope amidst the vast landscape of academic possibilities.

(also: student's parents)

(n.)
narcotics? yes.
your prescription at the pharmacy? yes.
psychedelics? yes.
coffee? yes.

the associations, implications, and moral judgments behind 'drugs' varies widely. so instead of 'drugs', use the specific category you mean.

the most limited definition I've seen is, "a substance recognized or defined by the US Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act."
a drug is a drug because of the effects it has on a person when used, not because of a label slapped on it by some top-down council. this definition only works in its legal function. and yet, this narrow style of thinking about 'drugs' (for example, all drugs are bad; drug use is always drug abuse; see also, thinking such as https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2djwbhadeY) is pervasive beyond the legal system.

(also: medicine)
(also: harm reduction)
(also: addiction)

(also: immoral vs illegal)
(also: social norms)
(also: black and white thinking)

A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

---

Juno drank a cup of nectar,
But the draught did not affect her.
Juno drank a cup of rye —
Then she bade herself good-bye.
—J.G.