A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.

(n.) individual who commits unholy acts of tomfoolery

Helping you with historical methods and solving problems that are useless

(1712-1778) – French philosopher, author of Social Contract
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: jean-jacques rousseau quotes)

(n.) something meant to be sat upon. one of those modern conveniences that are thankfully easy to improvise in times of shortage

(n.) a big fancy piano sort of thing that you can play. alternatively, a series of meatsacks within your body which are used to play you.

Greenland is the one and only country in the world that is invulnerable to disease. No disease can reach it, now matter how infectious said disease is. I learned it from losing too many times in Plague Inc.

n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the angry next door neighbor of spain. considers olive oil to be a dietary staple

to stand on one's knees, shins, and hyperextended toes

The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a variety of music that gives one the impression of being bearhugged by a fat, friendly bavarian even when none are present

n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

to desire a situation that didn't happen due, usually due to making a decision that was more logical or convenient or more beneficial (at that point-in-time)
example: i regret not going to community college and then transferring to university because i would've saved thousands of dollars and still would've graduated within four years anyway!

(n.) an obsession of a sexual nature; one of the major drivers of activity on the internet. because of the diverse array of refined perversions that afflict humanity, virtually everything is someone's fetish: a certain body part, a certain article of clothing, a cartoon character, the inversion of traditional gender roles, one's ethnicity and cultural heritage, good dental hygiene, bad dental hygiene, smearing condiments all over yourself, dressing up as an animal and pretending to maul one's partner, actually letting one's partner be mauled by animals, etc.

the word 'fetish' has also been used as a synonym idol (i.e., a physical object of religious reverence), but this usage has mostly been phased out in favor of the aforementioned perversion.

(n.) a stubbornly elusive piece of knowledge.

life is full of mysteries, such as:
what keeps us from achieving world peace? is it greg?
are we alone in the universe, and if so why does god have such poor space management skills?
what kind of meat is used in salami, really?
who killed mr. black, and with what, and in which room?
why must trustycoffeemug make so many references to classic rock?

A woman that has sex with everyone and wears revealing clothing.

An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

also referred to by the more proper but less euphonic title 'alice's adventures in wonderland'

a famous 1865 work of literature written by lewis carroll. despite its surrealist subject matter, some fringe literary theorists actually believe the book was not written while hopped up on hallucinogenic toads at all (mostly because all the surrealist imagery turns out to be rooted in some rather dull puns that you'll only get if you took mathematics and classics)

famed for its beloved characters, such as tweedledum and tweedledee, the walrus and the carpenter, humpty dumpty, the jabberwock, the lion and the unicorn, the red queen, the mad hatter and the march hare... which only proves how few people have actually read the damn thing, since those characters aren't in the book, they're only in the sequel, 'through the looking glass' (well, okay, the hatter and the hare are in both, and the first book at least has the white rabbit).

see also 'yellow submarine,' the book's hippie grandchild

The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.
(also: America)
(also: the devils dictionary)