where to begin? egyptian history spans over 5000 years. egypt was ancient long before the single day on which rome was built.

to be as brief as is feasible, the upper and lower portions of egypt first became unified sometime between 3200 and 3000 BC, possibly by somebody named Narmer or Menes, who thus became the founder of the first dynasty of pharaohs. narmer's dynasty dicks around for a bit, leave behind a few prototype tombs in the village of saqqara, and is replaced by a second dynasty. that dynasty does more dicking around and is replaced again. this more or less sets the tone for the rest of egyptian history.

old kingdom egypt (3rd-6th dynasties); the big pointy pyramids you're thinking of come from the fourth dynasty
* an intermediate period (7th-11th dynasties)
middle kingdom egypt (11th-13th dynasties); the book of the dead, that famous egyptian book you've heard of, only shows up in rough draft form around this period
* another intermediate period (13th-17th dynasties)
new kingdom egypt (18th-20th dynasties); tutankhamun, the one pharaoh everyone has heard of, was the second-to-last pharaoh of the 18th dynasty
* sure, why not another intermediate period (21st-25th dynasties), followed by some twilight years (the late period extending to the 31st dynasty), during which egypt got conquered by persians


By this point it's already the 330s BC, and greece (led by alexander the great) took over egypt and left it in control of some doofus named ptolemy. not too long after that, it was conquered again by the romans, by which time we've only just arrived at caesar boinking cleopatra.

The macabre altar used by capable comedians of all sort to display their priestly talent for reciting masses. The beneficiaries pay nothing less than 100% humiliation.

(also: the creator)

The opposite of noise

(also: noise)

If their food had some flavor, maybe Helen wouldn't have grown up to be such a world-wrecking bitch.

(n.) one of the more tolerated rodents, perhaps due to its twitchy nose and big flappy ears. tends to jump around looking for carrots and being very velveteen and watership downy and so on

(n.) the bad thing that happens to balance the universe out after a good thing. sometimes vice versa

“Where there are ruins, will undoubtedly be snakes.”
—Indiana Jones

a partnership between russia and a number of other eastern european states that existed between 1922 and 1991. this union formed one of the major blocs in world politics at that time, along with the nato bloc consisting of the united states and its buddies, and the third bloc that didn't give a damn.

the soviet union and the nato bloc were in a state of cold war for decades following world war ii, which was such a bonding experience that everyone felt a little let down when it finally ended. as a memory of those happier times, america and russia continue to occasionally dick with each other.

(n.) the eternal cycle of violence and poor career decisions which keeps us all occupied until death

(742 – 814) United Europe to form the Carolingian Empire. First western Emperor since the fall of Rome.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: charlemagne quotes)

(1878 – 1953) Absolute ruler of the Soviet Union from 1924 to his death. Led the Soviet Union in WWII.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: joseph stalin quotes)

(1642 – 1727) – British mathematician and scientist.
(also: isaac newton quotes)
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)

One who foregoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a quote whose author needn't be MLA-cited

(n.) a boss-man or pooh-bah, usually in sinister secret societies or chess clubs

Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

ripe for the adulterating.

(n.) a large feline predator of africa (formerly of other places), whose men wear wigs while the women go crew-cut