flɔrɪdə/ (noun): a state in the southeastern United States, known for its warm climate, beaches, and tourist attractions. Florida is pronounced as "FLAW-ruh-duh" or "FLOR-uh-duh" in the IPA. It is also where "Florida man" lives

(1878 – 1953) Absolute ruler of the Soviet Union from 1924 to his death. Led the Soviet Union in WWII.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: joseph stalin quotes)

A magical elixir that transforms non-morning people into semi-functioning human beings.

(n.) a quality historically defining the upper class (noblemen); considered to be roughly synonymous with grace, dignity, erudition and composure, in practice it's more shorthand for "friends in high places and doesn't have to work for a living"

A sack of membrane covering a multitude of sins.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a holiday which appears to originate from Gaelic traditions surrounding the autumn harvest festival

in modern america, a typical halloween consists of children wearing expensive costumes to disguise their identities, and wandering from house to house begging for candy, a custom which was difficult to explain to the soviet union

for adults, the custom consists largely of watching horror-themed movies with various levels of eroticism, and dressing up in costumes with various levels of eroticism.

(also: sex); a more sophisticated word for the same

that which occurs between two people who love each other very much, or alternatively if they just sort of liked each other, or even if they despised each other but were particularly drunk, lonely or desperate for affection.

n. A lawyer with a roving commission.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Not depicted on a 4k 120hz monitor in the basement of your parents house, also near something untouched e.g grass

six hundred two sextillion, two hundred fourteen quintillion, seventy-five quadrillion, and eight hundred sixty-two trillion

being a bystander, i.e. being an aggressor

food for lower-downs

(phrase) The classic alibi for students lacking completed assignments. An ancient excuse passed down through generations, invoking the mystical power of mischievous canines. Often accompanied by exaggerated tales of voracious paper consumption. A reliable source of amusement for teachers and a desperate plea for leniency, met with skeptical eyes and collective eye rolls.


(also: I forgot to do the assignment)
(also: My computer crashed and I lost all my work)

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.”
― John Lennon
(author: John Lennon)

(n.) an edible grass that is traditionally hunted and served in a thick milky soup alongside herbs known as marshmallows

(1903 – 1967) American biologist who created the oral contraceptive pill.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: gregory pincus quotes)

Someone who spends his life drunk half of the time, while either sleeping or getting drunk the other half.

(also: Me)
(also: Drunk)

Long bound relationship, built from awkward moments, thinking about it and getting used to the other subject in order to work. Pretending friendship any closer than it actually is, emits the odor of fake, though it comes from a simple subconscious misunderstandding between the two people.
Source of life energy and certainty, home

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

(n.) one who is foolish or contemptible; the word, originally Hebrew, is widely recognized as an inherently funny one to say