a spotter's guide to clowns. Remember to exercise discretion when approaching.

Order: Clownidae
* Family Stanczykae (medieval jesters and harlequins)
* Family Commediae
** Genus Marceau (mimes and other street performers)
**Genus Emmitkellidae (classic clowns, birthday clowns, sad clowns, punch and judy puppets
*** Subgenus Vaudevillae (the Three Stooges, Charlie Chaplin, the Marx Brothers)
*** Subgenus Nightmaridae (scary clowns)
*** Subgenus Clussi (sexy clowns)

a flavoring that is nigh omnipresent on food products in the western world between late summer and autumn. presumably there is some deep ritualistic significance behind this custom, though it remains doggedly beyond the understanding of our finest minds

originally used on pumpkins, a variety of pumpkin spiced watermelon

(n.) an attempt to do oneself in through the most pleasant means at hand, including drunkenness, gluttony, and general revelry

(also: debauchery)
(also: hedonism)
(also: New Orleans)

a sport involving the use of mallets to guide wooden balls through metal hoops. presumably, it must follow that croquet + baseball = cricket.

(n.) an Australian creature similar to a dog; it rejects the human partnership of its domestic cousin in favor of a life of eating babies

The act of talking to oneself eloquently and grandiosely, as if someone were listening. To see it as anything but a sign of delusions of grandeur is to break the fourth wall.

tomato is a roundish (usually) fruit with seeds inside, that is suitable for eating raw or cooked. Works well in salads, soup, stews, grilled, fried, and other cooking methods. Can be pronounced multiple ways. Tomatoes come in a range of shapes and sizes and even colors. They are sometimes the cause of debate, as some people classify them as vegetables rather than fruits because of how they are used in food. Tomatoes are one of the most commonly eaten foods (in various forms) - for example ketchup and tomato sauce are one of the most popular condiments in the world.

attila (b. probably circa 406 AD) was a king of the huns and also ruled over a number of tribes in central asia and eastern europe between 434 and 453. he spent a lot of his time in office beating up the roman empire, which heaved a giant collective sigh of relief when he finally passed away on his wedding night. after that the huge kingdom he built basically dissolved into infighting.

sort of a western prototype for genghis khan.

according to a german opera-writer he is also the brother of brunnhilde, valkyrie and apparent queen of iceland, though he doesn't do much in the story besides marry Kriemheld (who wants revenge for the death of her husband siegfried, who was killed because he had a love triangle going with brunnhilde because he'd helped his friend woo her and yadda yadda yadda, there's a magic treasure involved or something)

The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

To seek a justification for a decision already made.
(also: stupid)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

some eastern european country. they might have roses or quaint folk dances or something. Who knows.

(n.) a phenomenon that blesses only the most dedicated. to know you have truly suffered in this life, your reward is the physical evidence of your suffering.

One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Half-way in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like to ask," said he.
"Name it."

"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."

"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul — you ask for the right to make his laws?"

"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself."

It was so ordered.
(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(c.5BC – 30 AD) Spiritual teacher and central figure of Christianity.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: jesus of nazareth quotes)

(n.) an expression meaning something is straightforward, obvious; not complicated or obscure.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ExactlywhatItSaysOnTheTin

A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

---

TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: cancel culture)

(n.) a place where animals are processed into meat products. excellent place to go if one is a vegetarian on the verge of lapsing

Long bound relationship, built from awkward moments, thinking about it and getting used to the other subject in order to work. Pretending friendship any closer than it actually is, emits the odor of fake, though it comes from a simple subconscious misunderstandding between the two people.
Source of life energy and certainty, home

a variety of large feline, with subvarieties dwelling in eurasia, iberia and north america, identifiable by the long wispy ears and pointy beard, giving its countenance sort of a "wise old man" mien

not to be confused with the links that lead to other pages on this site, or the ones on a golf course