n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem — a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.
'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men
That poor Salmasius died of Milton's pen.
Alas! we cannot know if this is true,
For reading Milton's wit we perish too.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: transylvania twist)
(n.) not to be confused with a black pearl. This is a common Asian tea ingredient that turns 20 year old boys into 14 year old highschool girls when they go out with members of the opposite sex party.
Coofl is a useless website that the founder begging for help. He should find different method and place to promote his website (also: naked tax advice)
The ratio of people tired of someone else's shit. Typically measured by county, city, or state, where applicable.
(also: North Carolina)
(also: North Carolina)
that dance people from russia do with the squatting and the kicking and the "hey, hey, hey, hey!"
it is vital to bear in mind the two essential credos of the prisiadki dancer: one, we don't need no drugs cuz folk dancing is our drug. two, once you go cossack you never go back.
it is vital to bear in mind the two essential credos of the prisiadki dancer: one, we don't need no drugs cuz folk dancing is our drug. two, once you go cossack you never go back.
vlad iii (1428ish-1476ish) was a ruler in romania who became famous for brutally massacring turkish people to get out of paying them back for their assistance in brutally massacring the hungarians
he was not a vampire, but at some point bram stoker, and then the entire world, decided he would be more interesting if he were a vampire. so now everyone just pretends he was. today, dracula-the-vampire is one of the most prolific characters in all of fiction, but has probably not seen a penny of the royalties himself, which just goes to show who the real bloodsuckers are.
he was not a vampire, but at some point bram stoker, and then the entire world, decided he would be more interesting if he were a vampire. so now everyone just pretends he was. today, dracula-the-vampire is one of the most prolific characters in all of fiction, but has probably not seen a penny of the royalties himself, which just goes to show who the real bloodsuckers are.
(n.) one who exists to prevent things from happening, on the off-chance those things might be dangerous.
euclid was a student of the great mouseion ("temple of the muses") in alexandria, like his later successor archimedes. among his many impressive scholarly works was a treatise outlining the four elements of the natural world.
of course, as any modern schoolchild knows, there are hundreds of natural elements, demonstrating that even a brilliant man like euclid was ultimately an ignorant savage in the grand scheme of things. suck it, old man.
of course, as any modern schoolchild knows, there are hundreds of natural elements, demonstrating that even a brilliant man like euclid was ultimately an ignorant savage in the grand scheme of things. suck it, old man.
(n.) the element Superman came from
(noun, fem) refers to the Devil himself; Satan; comes straight from hell to cause misery and pain; will enter your life and make it 100 times worse, then will take your kids and don't even let you visit them; Why don't you let me see the kids Rachel, I think the agreement on the divorce papers was that I get to see the kids at least twice in a week, but no, you have to complicate everything, like you did in our marriage, and. that's why we broke up in the first place! Please at least let me see them, I miss them so much
in ancient egypt: a poo-bah, a big shot. the king (not elvis... except in semipopular musical stageplay "joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat")
a direct translation to english apparently would be "great house"
a direct translation to english apparently would be "great house"
(n.) human male's penis, also known by other names
n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, of 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence.
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
Wedded a wandering English lord—
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell—suffering Cæsar!—in love with her dad!
—G.J.
(also: royalty)
(also: loyalty)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
Wedded a wandering English lord—
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell—suffering Cæsar!—in love with her dad!
—G.J.
(also: royalty)
(also: loyalty)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(n.) often found in white-collar companies. a type of bullshit job. and the more they shout they're vital and important and irreplaceable, the more you can be assured that they're standing on a very precarious cliff.
(also: paper-pusher)
(also: bullshit jobs)
(also: paper-pusher)
(also: bullshit jobs)
a very big and pointy rock that thrusts upwards from the surface of the earth, as though a magnificent pimple or blackhead on our planet's glorious face. i guess the sinkholes are sweat glands, or something. but never mind.
the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there
the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there
In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
(also: america)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: america)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(n.) buffoonery or clowning-around
sucks to be tom, i guess
sucks to be tom, i guess
The process by which hardened figurines and statues are created, beginning with brown goop and ending with a finished, painted, ceramic object.
Most commonly seen in the form of illuminated trees and piggy banks, though nearly anything can be found in a ceramic form.
Most commonly seen in the form of illuminated trees and piggy banks, though nearly anything can be found in a ceramic form.
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