The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

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If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater
To have been a simple and undamned spectator.
Behold in me a man of mark and note
Whom no elector e'er denied a vote! —
An undiscredited, unhooted gent
Who might, for all we know, be President
By acclamation. Cheer, ye varlets, cheer —
I'm passing with a wide and open ear!
—Jonathan Fomry
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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The Enemy of Human Souls
Sat grieving at the cost of coals;
For Hell had been annexed of late,
And was a sovereign Southern State.

"It were no more than right," said he,
"That I should get my fuel free.
The duty, neither just nor wise,
Compels me to economize —
Whereby my broilers, every one,
Are execrably underdone.
What would they have? — although I yearn
To do them nicely to a turn,
I can't afford an honest heat.
This tariff makes even devils cheat!
I'm ruined, and my humble trade
All rascals may at will invade:
Beneath my nose the public press
Outdoes me in sulphureousness;
The bar ingeniously applies
To my undoing my own lies;
My medicines the doctors use
(Albeit vainly) to refuse
To me my fair and rightful prey
And keep their own in shape to pay;
The preachers by example teach
What, scorning to perform, I preach;
And statesmen, aping me, all make
More promises than they can break.
Against such competition I
Lift up a disregarded cry.
Since all ignore my just complaint,
By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!"
Now, the Republicans, who all
Are saints, began at once to bawl
Against his competition; so
There was a devil of a go!
They locked horns with him, tête-à-tête
In acrimonious debate,
Till Democrats, forlorn and lone,
Had hopes of coming by their own.
That evil to avert, in haste
The two belligerents embraced;
But since 'twere wicked to relax
A tittle of the Sacred Tax,
'Twas finally agreed to grant
The bold Insurgent-protestant
A bounty on each soul that fell
Into his ineffectual Hell.
—Edam Smith
(also: donald trump)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. All acting is simulation, and the word simulation is from simia, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for his model Simia audibilis (or Pithecanthropos stentor) — the ape that howls.

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The actor apes a man — at least in shape;
The opera performer apes an ape.
(also: the devil's dictionary)

(n.) remedy, poison, and scapegoat -- a trifecta.
remedy because it can heal, in the right circumstances and the right amounts.
poison because it can cause damage, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, on the wrong person, in the wrong form.
scapegoat because the act of summoning all evils and fallings-short of, say, a community onto one person & then casting them out/ sacrificing them can lead to a clean slate and healing, or it can lead to things being swept under the rug and continued festering.

being reactive (aka, living within past assumptions; aka, blind to your current circumstances) can lead you astray. you may apply some substance, activity or method and expect to heal, but instead, it only causes damage. ready-made "cure-alls" and "easy fixes" fall into this category.

(also: paradox)
(also: damage)
(also: healing)
(also: pay attention)

(adj.) describing any system with excessively complicated administrative obstacles to circumvent

originates from the eastern half of the roman empire, where red tape spread like cobwebs across the minarets

the point at which you are most expected to pay attention

Sooner or later we're all someone's dog

(n.) a tiny little insect that compensates for its shrimpiness with endless reinforcements. attracted to exposed foodstuffs, some of the more vicious varieties bite. known also for its monarchist sympathies

(noun):maybe

a lovely woman, really. I won't hear a word spoken against her character.

have you called your mom lately? she would probably appreciate it.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
(also: Gandhi)

(n.) music for those long-haired snobby elitist artsy-fartsy types; derived from really old stuff

(noun phrase) A whirlwind of nerves, anticipation, and boundless enthusiasm as a teacher steps into the classroom for the very first time. It's a symphony of introductions, establishing authority, and setting the stage for a year of growth. Excitement mingles with jitters as the teacher navigates a delicate balance of creating a welcoming environment, building connections with students, and conveying a passion for learning. It's a pivotal moment, a blank canvas waiting to be filled with knowledge, inspiration, and the joy of discovery.

(also: i left my textbook at home)

exactly what it says on the tin.
not impossible, despite the popular belief and all those venn diagram memes about "choose 2 of 3"..
https://sive.rs/hsu

(also: omni-win)

(adjective): A term bestowed upon something so captivatingly enchanting that it could charm the socks off a grumpy troll. Like a unicorn on roller skates, it possesses an otherworldly allure that leaves mortals entranced and speechless. Use with caution, as excessive exposure may result in an uncontrollable urge to break into spontaneous song and dance.

The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants, with such simple arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times could supply — the sword, the spear and so forth. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous. Its capital defect is that it requires personal attendance at the point of propulsion.

(n.) a nauseating, slimy, greasy substance with a haunting fecal odor, processed from gunk extracted from the guts of whales. Naturally used to manufacture expensive perfumes.

(n.) if a shelf does not hold books or spices, is it a real shelf?

title used for royal lawyer-knights