(n.) a witticism. something oscar wilde would say at a party. basically what every entry on this website amounts to.

Our prostrate brother, Homo ventrambulans.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A stronghold of provincialism.
(also: list of all isims)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

---

He swore that all other religions were gammon,
And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon.
—Jared Oopf
(also: the devils dictionary)

A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors. In order to effect this purpose it is necessary to supply a contrast in the person of one who is called the defendant, the prisoner or the accused. If the contrast is made sufficiently clear this person is made to undergo such an affliction as will give the virtuous gentlemen a comfortable sense of their immunity, added to that of their worth. In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediæval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial. A beast that had taken human life, or practiced sorcery, was duly arrested, tried and, if condemned, put to death by the public executioner. Insects ravaging grain fields, orchards or vineyards were cited to appeal by counsel before a civil tribunal, and after testimony, argument and condemnation, if they continued in contumaciam the matter was taken to a high ecclesiastical court, where they were solemnly excommunicated and anathematized. In a street of Toledo, some pigs that had wickedly run between the viceroy's legs, upsetting him, were arrested on a warrant, tried and punished. In Naples an ass was condemned to be burned at the stake, but the sentence appears not to have been executed. D'Addosio relates from the court records many trials of pigs, bulls, horses, cocks, dogs, goats, etc., greatly, it is believed, to the betterment of their conduct and morals. In 1451 a suit was brought against the leeches infesting some ponds about Berne, and the Bishop of Lausanne, instructed by the faculty of Heidelberg University, directed that some of "the aquatic worms" be brought before the local magistracy. This was done and the leeches, both present and absent, were ordered to leave the places that they had infested within three days on pain of incurring "the malediction of God." In the voluminous records of this cause célèbre nothing is found to show whether the offenders braved the punishment, or departed forthwith out of that inhospitable jurisdiction.
(also: judge)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1596 – 1650) French philosopher and mathematician. “I think, therefore I am.”
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: rene descartes quotes)

(noun) The linguistic labyrinth where words don disguises as either the protagonists (nouns) or the action heroes (verbs) of sentences. Nouns, like steady sentinels, name people, places, or things, while verbs, the dynamic darlings, express actions, states, or occurrences. In this grammatical guessing game, identifying the noun-verb duo becomes a thrilling mental marathon, where triumph awaits those who conquer language's dual nature.

Teaching Tip: Make noun and verb identification engaging by using interactive games or activities. Provide sentences or short passages and have students identify the nouns and verbs within them. You can also create a fun classroom challenge where students compete to identify the most nouns and verbs in a given time frame, making learning both enjoyable and educational.

The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

---

They say that hens do cackle loudest when
There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
And there are hens, professing to have made
A study of mankind, who say that men
Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
Make the most clamorous fanfaronade
O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
They're not entirely different from the hen.
Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
His blazing breeches and high-towering cap —
Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
—Hannibal Hunsiker

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

some eastern european country. they might have roses or quaint folk dances or something. Who knows.

(n.) the supposed incorporeal remnant of a dead person; although their existence is not scientifically verified, pursuit of them remains of interest to crazy people and meddling kids with talking dogs

(v.) to employ a cunning tactic of ceasing communication with someone so that they will forget your existence

A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the buffone, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not inconsistent with disregard of the rights of others.

---

The owner of a powder mill
Was musing on a distant hill —
Something his mind foreboded —
When from the cloudless sky there fell
A deviled human kidney! Well,
The man's mill had exploded.
His hat he lifted from his head;
"I beg your pardon, sir," he said;
"I didn't know 'twas loaded."
—Swatkin

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) human male's penis, also known by other names

(n.) the point at which a married couple simply can't make the holy and sacred bond of matrimony work anymore

(also: divorce rate)

(n.) a garden-variety gastropod; a squishy, slow-moving booger-like entity that carries its house upon its back. when homeless, it is a slug

Censorious language by oneself concerning another. The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious writers of the fifteenth century — commonly, indeed, regarded as the founder of the Fastidiotic School.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a legendary monster made up by the people of far-off wisconsin in a desperate attempt to convince people to go there and buy merchandise. clear parallels can be detected between the aliens supposedly seen in roswell, new mexico; mothman in parts of west virginia; and leonardo dicaprio in hollywood.

in any case, supposedly the hodag looks a bit like someone added a lot of spikes and fangs to a bull.

An animal that will be amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

(also: tin opener)

An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
(also: Gandhi)