making the beast with two backs when you've only got the one back

there are two kinds of people in the world, those who just got done masturbating and those who are still doing it right now

Something god prohibit me to do or else I will be so powerfull.

Letters indicating the degree Legumptionorum Doctor, one learned in laws, gifted with legal gumption. Some suspicion is cast upon this derivation by the fact that the title was formerly ££.d., and conferred only upon gentlemen distinguished for their wealth. At the date of this writing Columbia University is considering the expediency of making another degree for clergymen, in place of the old D.D. — Damnator Diaboli. The new honor will be known as Sanctorum Custos, and written $$.¢. The name of the Rev. John Satan has been suggested as a suitable recipient by a lover of consistency, who points out that Professor Harry Thurston Peck has long enjoyed the advantage of a degree.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

(n.) one who can of course quit anytime they want but they're still working out how to want.

(also: drunk)

(n.) see lies, of the sort told by a lying liar

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.

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The pig is taught by sermons and epistles
To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
—Judibras

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a middle tier tyrant, above school principals but below agents of the government; roughly on the same level as a landlord but ruling at a place of work rather than domestic environment.

(n.) a bunch of weird rituals and confected historical narratives intended to make fraternities for the middle-aged seem more respectable and mysterious. the rites and practices of freemasonry are very secretive and not shared with outsiders on pain of severe punishment; these practices can however be read about in countless publicly-available books on the subject

A republican form of government deriving its powers from the conceit of the governed — in thinking they govern.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a sweet substance that is employed as a condiment on a wide variety of foodstuffs. nigh miraculously, the substance can endure the utmost marauds of time without losing its palatability.

it is made from bee vomit.

(v.) a concept used by those who feel imposter syndrome at growing up & taking charge of their own lives.
a consequence of the lack of spirited maturity traditions in a particular culture & context.

(also: maturity tradition)
(also: coming of age ritual)

(also: imposter syndrome)
(also: discomfort)
(also: doubt)

A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

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Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
—Joel Buxter
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.

To assist with obstructions and objections.

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How lonely he who thinks to vex
With badinage the Solemn Sex!
Of levity, Mere Man, beware;
None but the Grave deserve the Unfair.
—Percy P. Orminder

Skilled in the art and practice of dissimulation.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The downfall of all villains.

(also: the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)

(n.) a complicated coat hanger to drape your skin over. made from a white hard stuff made from hardened milk or something