(n.) supposedly that which separates human beings from lowly animals, since animals are influenced largely by desire for things like food, water, and shelter, whereas humans are influenced by much more sophisticated things political demagoguery and subliminal advertising

(noun phrase) The caped crusader of education, equipped with an arsenal of dry-erase markers and a utility belt stocked with endless supplies of patience. They possess the extraordinary ability to keep a straight face while defusing classroom chaos and turning learning into a thrilling adventure. With their superhuman multitasking skills, they grade papers at the speed of light and deliver knowledge with the power of a thousand encyclopedias.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

Life...is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast

(n.) a professional who upholds the rule of law by finding ways for people to get around it

(adjective): A word used to express insincerity or sarcasm when something is actually terrible. A go-to for office small talk and passive-aggressive compliments.

(n.) a more polite form of argument where participants must listen to the dictates of a neutral arbitrator and pretend not to despise one another

A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

just like depression, it keeps you down.

n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The laurus, a vegetable dedicated to Apollo, and formerly defoliated to wreathe the brows of victors and such poets as had influence at court. (Vide supra.)


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1723-1790) Scottish social philosopher and pioneer of classical economics.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: adam smith quotes)

making the beast with two backs when you've only got the one back

there are two kinds of people in the world, those who just got done masturbating and those who are still doing it right now

(n.) the most direct breed of tyrant, maintaining their brand of tyranny by the sinister means of owning the place you live in

The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
(also: bypasses)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

When you can afford to give your dog the backyard it deserves.

See horse

n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) Foxes and humans lived close together in ancient Japan; this companionship gave rise to legends about the creatures. Kitsune have become closely associated with Inari, a Shinto kami or spirit, and serve as its messengers. This role has reinforced the fox's supernatural significance. The more tails a kitsune has – they may have as many as nine – the older, wiser, and more powerful it is. Because of their potential power and influence, some people make sacrifices to them as to a deity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitsune

(also: be not afraid)
(also: fox)

A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:

---

Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast
You keep a record true
Of every kind of peppered roast
That's made of you;

Wherein you paste the printed gibes
That revel round your name,
Thinking the laughter of the scribes
Attests your fame;

Where all the pictures you arrange
That comic pencils trace —
Your funny figure and your strange
Semitic face —

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not,
Nor art, but there I'll list
The daily drubbings you'd have got
Had God a fist.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Providence without industry. The thrift of power.
(also: power)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)