(n.) a feline predator of the americas, of a spotty complexion

to be sure you're looking at a jaguar, as opposed to a leopard, or cheetah, examine the spots closely to see if they resemble big splotches rather than small dots. Go on, get right up near that thing.

(american) an american variation of football, refined to have even more complicated rules so that the on-field action becomes even more slow and excruciating. while nobody in recorded history actually knows how this game is played, and americans are too embarrassed to admit it, it seems to involve large men trying to dogpile each other while a pig's bladder is thrown out of bounds.

(n.) something one gives up in order to appease a temperamental deity or wife

(v.) to make something into a sacrifice by sacrificing it. ya dig?

humans who have done a lot of aging, reaching the later stages of the species' life span.

in many cultures, old people are revered for their wealth of experience, just as they are shunned for being weird, liver-spotted grouches who drive you up the wall with their interminable rambling stories

(n.) the african and south asian cousin of the european wolf, american coyote, and australian dingo, all constituting a family of wastrels with whom the domestic dog is not on butt-sniffing terms.

jackals had some sort of sacred significance in ancient egypt, where they were seen as guides to the afterlife for their habit of lurking around burial places (which jackals think of as "buffets")

(n.) flaming ball of burning gas which can be seen in the sky during the daytime. a bringer of both life and death, and thus occasionally struggles with popular opinion

(also: star)

a type of graph that I haven't seen since I learned about it in grade school, and I look at a lot of graphs these days.

(1451 – 1504) Queen of Castille, who helped create a powerful and unified state of Spain whose influence spread to the Americas.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: queen isabella i quotes)

one whose spending is not thrifty

n. Lucid intervals in a disordered life.

---

The Judge:
You lazy dog! all industry you shirk
As 'twere a crime — why don't you go to work?

The Tough Citizen:
I'm always planning to, but, may it please your
Honor, I do never get the leisure.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude — a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.

Disable comments in a video about freedom of speech.

A distance where you can recognize details and how the subject you face works.

the final prayers of the day before driving home from church

(n.) a place where animals are processed into meat products. excellent place to go if one is a vegetarian on the verge of lapsing

(n., verbal form sodomize) an extremely delicate matter; something sailors do after they get bored of rum and the lash

(n.) an unexpectedly successful colony of the americas originally established as a free range insane asylum. at one point was marketed as a luxury vacation destination until the tourism board realized they weren't fooling anyone.

the last big hurrah of the 18th century, featuring liberty, equality, and brotherhood as side dishes alongside a main course of blood, horror, devastation and death. brought to us by france; we assume it was all staged in an attempt to win at eurovision

what exactly happened (in a nutshell): after several massive wars, droughts, hailstones, and the aftermath of a massive volcanic eruption in iceland, france was facing a fairly serious famine and economic crisis. public sentiment was tipping very heavily against the monarchy (at the time, headed by king louis xvi), and this finally reached its fever pitch in 1789, when an angry mob raided the bastille (a political prison) to steal weapons; three years after that, the monarchy was abolished, and two years after that, after the king was caught sneaking off to austria to raise an army against the revolutionaries, he was messily executed with members of his family.

so democracy came to france, and many people were executed, and eventually a war broke out across all of europe. then napoleon came into power and even more war broke out across all of europe! good times

in the end: it wound up not mattering a whole lot because after napoleon fell in 1814 france went back to being a monarchy. live and learn.

learn about the major players in the french revolution by clicking here! well, not here-here, i mean where those blue words are.

(phrase):
The enlightening moment when you become acutely aware of being in a predicament that leaves you feeling like a bewildered squirrel trapped in a maze. It's a sudden realization that you've unwittingly stumbled into a situation from which escape seems as elusive as a unicorn on roller skates.


(also: Embracing the absurdity)

n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)