a lovely woman, really. I won't hear a word spoken against her character.

have you called your mom lately? she would probably appreciate it.

(also: color)

An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

n. The mummy of a pig embalmed in brine. To "save one's bacon" is to narrowly escape some particular woman, or other peril.

---

By heaven forsaken,
By Justice o'ertaken,
He saved his bacon
By cutting a single slice of it;
For 'twas cut from the throat,
And we venture to quote
Death, hell and the grave as the price of it.
—S. F. Journal of Commerce


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries, but it appears to have been imperfectly expounded. An example of this faulty exposition is found in the only extant sermon of the pious Bishop Rowley, a characteristic passage from which is here given:
"Now righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of mind, nor yet in performance of religious rites and obedience to the letter of the law. It is not enough that one be pious and just: one must see to it that others also are in the same state; and to this end compulsion is a proper means. Forasmuch as my injustice may work ill to another, so by his injustice may evil be wrought upon still another, the which it is as manifestly my duty to estop as to forestall mine own tort. Wherefore if I would be righteous I am bound to restrain my neighbor, by force if needful, in all those injurious enterprises from which, through a better disposition and by the help of Heaven, I do myself refrain."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun):
A charming little surprise that life throws at you when you least expect it, like a mischievous imp hiding in the shadows. It's a tiny annoyance that grows into an epic saga, making simple tasks feel like climbing Mount Everest with a rubber chicken.



(also: rubber chicken)

Appointing your party to various offices for the good of your grandmother

bil·lion·aire CEO lives on em·ploy·ee's sal·a·ry | ˌbilyəˈner ˌsēˈēˈō ˈlivz ɒn ɛmˈplɔɪˌiz ˈsæləri |
noun
a modern-day fairytale in which a billionaire CEO, known for their insatiable greed and exploitation of workers, miraculously sustains their extravagant lifestyle by siphoning off meager salaries from their hardworking employees.

to oil up for God, who said "only the slickest shall enter my kingdom"

To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.
(also: maid)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

people you're bound to by blood and birth, with no choice in the matter (also: hematology)

a process of converting someone to a specific belief, perspective, or series of behavior processes. These methods vary by culture, and by government. an ancient alien race known as the reapers may or may not be the originators of these complex and multi-faceted techniques of behavior (and thought) modification.

(also: military)
(also: minecraft)

a politician who gets the electorate involved.

the last year

(also: year)

Shaming people just because they are dictators. It is illegal in many 3rd world countries.

(also: most common shaming practices)
(also: necessary shaming practices)

the ancient gaelic harvest festival, held at the midpoint between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice. by happenstance this causes the date to coincide with the modern holiday of halloween

the word would most properly be pronounced as "so-when," because the irish evidently just do not give a damn

The loss of one's soul; also the place in which it can be found.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: the creator)

so undeniably true that you cannot possibly take the risk that you might accidentally show it false

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
(also: Gandhi)