The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. They were in a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had exhaled were buried and burned; and they seem not to have been particularly happy afterward.
(also: the devils dictionary)

(noun): The state of mind where you're not sure if you're one step away from a breakdown, or if everyone else is just really bad at dealing with life.

(n.) a means of supposedly directly messaging a deity
(also: spam)

a ludicrous idea that some people had to explain the creation of the universe. you would think if the universe were an egg it would be healthier for us.

personality type involving quirks like perfectionism, fastidiousness, and recurring horrific images of oneself committing suicide that can get so disturbing that one cowers in a ball motionless for over an hour to stop one from killing myself

Flat earth is the truth that the government was trying to hide for years now,and any evidence that say that ear5h is not flat is a lie frop nasa,and 100% that isn't just a way for some people to feel that they are smart.

a logical fallacy where I don't follow

(n.) professional term for the more scrapey kind of boo-boo

A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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Altgeld upon his incandescent bed
Lay, an attendant demon at his head.

"O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief —
Some respite from the roast, however brief."

"Remember how on earth I pardoned all
Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall."

"Unhappy soul! for that alone you squirm
O'er fire unquenched, a never-dying worm.

"Yet, for I pity your uneasy state,
Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.

"Naught, for a season, shall your comfort mar,
Not even the memory of who you are."

Throughout eternal space dread silence fell;
Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.

"As long, sweet demon, let my respite be
As, governing down here, I'd respite thee."

"As long, poor soul, as any of the pack
You thrust from jail consumed in getting back."

A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide
While they were turning him on t'other side.
—Joel Spate Woop
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one who feels greater affinity for the clothes not customarily prescribed for those of their gender. famous transvestites include all lumberjacks and j. edgar hoover

A filthy paste of servitude, tyranny, fetishism, fear, vanity — and ignorance. The greatest offence one can commit against an ass is to call it a man.

(n.) the study of ailments which exist only in the mind, though the bill, unfortunately, does not

(n.) the red juice that makes one alive

Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To get the sense of something written, if it has any.Commonly, it has not.
(also: reading)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

No better.

(n.) the academic discipline of measuring time, usually making clocks.

... you thought it was something else. Admit it.

To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To effect a change of ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanished opportunity.
(also: valhalla calling me)
(also: my mother told me)
(also: bad parents)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In financial affairs, to contribute to the development of a transfer company — one that transfers money from the pocket of the investor to that of the promoter.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Providence without industry. The thrift of power.
(also: power)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)