The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.
(also: humans)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

actually camels are not horses! horses are odd-toed ungulates, while camels belong to the order of even-toed ungulates, and are therefore more closely related to cows, pigs, goats, sheep, deer, antelope, giraffes, and even whales

now you know, and knowing is half the saddle.

(n.) the act of borrowing something at a very favorable rate to the borrower.

someone who wears an animal costume for their own amusement. this presumably excepts people who wear animal costumes for the amusement of audiences at sporting events (mascots). but I'm still keeping an eye on that phillie phanatic guy.

(adjective): A word used to express insincerity or sarcasm when something is actually terrible. A go-to for office small talk and passive-aggressive compliments.

(abbreviated to Piano), n. An instrument thoughtfully provided by American husbands and fathers for their wives and daughters, in observance of Bulwer's dictum that "the best way to keep the dear creatures from playing the devil is to encourage them in playing the fool."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

to oil up for God, who said "only the slickest shall enter my kingdom"

(n.) one who's for hire by anyone with cold hard cash, especially a soldier

(adj.) describing one who's in it for the cold hard cash

(also: privateer)

In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.
"Old books? The devil take them!" Goby said.
"Fresh every day must be my books and bread."
Nature herself approves the Goby rule
And gives us every moment a fresh fool.
—Harley Shum

Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) like a crab but longer. also a bit like a spider or scorpion but more fond of beaches.

A member of the Parliamentarian party in the English civil war — so called from his habit of wearing his hair short, whereas his enemy, the Cavalier, wore his long. There were other points of difference between them, but the fashion in hair was the fundamental cause of quarrel. The Cavaliers were royalists because the king, an indolent fellow, found it more convenient to let his hair grow than to wash his neck. This the Roundheads, who were mostly barbers and soap-boilers, deemed an injury to trade, and the royal neck was therefore the object of their particular indignation. Descendants of the belligerents now wear their hair all alike, but the fires of animosity enkindled in that ancient strife smoulder to this day beneath the snows of British civility.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers — particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

---

Hail, holy Lead! — of human feuds the great
And universal arbiter; endowed
With penetration to pierce any cloud
Fogging the field of controversial hate,
And with a swift, inevitable, straight,
Searching precision find the unavowed
But vital point. Thy judgment, when allowed
By the chirurgeon, settles the debate.
O useful metal! — were it not for thee
We'd grapple one another's ears alway:
But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee
We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."
And when the quick have run away like pullets
Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) you'd think this would be some sort of combination caravan and a carousel, but lamentably the term simply refers to a kind of boat.

(n.) code words used to make one's job sound more difficult than it, in fact, is

(n.) a variety of alcohol supposedly only made correctly in kentucky even though fifty thousand variations of the recipe can no doubt be accessed on the internet

separated from one's base instincts by a step of indirection.

(n.) the art of killing important people so as to prevent them from doing important things. assassinations are events of massive historical significance and have caused such tragedies as wars, revolutions, and walter cronkite tearing up during a public news broadcast.

An average sized man who was born on an island, and died on a different island. He als had some interesting adventures in between.

(n.) the cult of diffi. it's super hush-hush, I wouldn't expect anyone to have heard of it.
(adj.) a person who cannot get along with the common social norms (hence, the need to join a cult or become a hermit).

(also: cult)