n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Ætna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The spore of insomnia, as distinguished from Conscience, the bacillus of the same disease. Indigenous to New Jersey, where the marshes in which they multiply are known as meadows and the mosquitoes themselves are affirmed by the natives to be larks.

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"I am the master of all things!" Man cried.
"Then, pray, what am I?" the Mosquito replied.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a singer (to be precise, both a wailer and a crooner) who enjoyed enormous popularity between the nineteen-fifties and nineteen-seventies, culminating with his going to seed and an ignominious death on the toilet

known for his distinctive voice and sense of style, he has been called the king of rock and roll. although he had a surname (presley), it is rarely necessary to use it, as he is the most famous bearer of the name 'elvis' in history.

these facts, taken into consideration with the hordes of those who seek to impersonate him at las vegas and who insist they have seen him alive and well long after his death, suggest that he is roughly on par with jesus of nazareth in his religious significance

blækˌlaɪt/ (n.):
A type of ultraviolet lamp that makes certain substances fluoresce. Often used to uncover the evidence of a dog's indiscretions around the house, or to highlight the bodily fluids and questionable stains from a wild night of partying.

(also: party)

Outdoor eating event and memory challenge. You always forget something.

(also: picnic checklist)

(n.) a means of supposedly directly messaging a deity
(also: spam)

(n.) a zebra crossed with a kangaroo. probably evolved from a population of kangaroos that strayed into southern africa and developed a stripey coat in order to camouflage in the treeless grasslands, analogously to other grazing animals of the region.

... does not actually exist. But then again, if it doesn't exist, why do I have a picture of it?

An erroneous appraisement

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Santa Claus for adults

a government composed of poopyheads

(1766 – 1844) English chemist and physicist. Made contributions to atomic theory.
(also: john dalton quotes)

He is also shortest member of dalton brothers, even his criminal years everybody were expecting him to become scientist.
(also: dalton brothers)

(also: tragedy)

(1874 – 1937) Italian engineer who helped develop radio transmission.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: guglielmo marconi quotes)

(n.) a somewhat popular condiment commonly enjoyed on emulsified meat tubules, pulverized cow viscera, and sometimes pretzels.

the snobbish moutardier should always remember this mnemonic: if it's tangy and yella, you got crap there, fella. if it's gritty and brown, you're in quality town.

Long bound relationship, built from awkward moments, thinking about it and getting used to the other subject in order to work. Pretending friendship any closer than it actually is, emits the odor of fake, though it comes from a simple subconscious misunderstandding between the two people.
Source of life energy and certainty, home

(272 AD – 337) Roman Emperor who accepted Christian religion.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: constantine the great quotes)

A dead Quaker.

Someone who dwells in conscious dreams (can be even when dreaming asleep).

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”
― Robert Marley

Consciousness of a brief immunity from something disagreeable.

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Stunning events cast their shadows before.
—Scampbell
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)