n. A tormenting vehicle in which a pirate jolts you through devious ways to the wrong place, where he robs you.
n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
n. A preposterous form of religious error perversely preferred by about three-fourths of the human race. According to the Rev. Dr. Stebbins it is infinitely superior to the religion which he has the honor to expound. Therefore it is.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. That which enables a member of the Californian Legislature to live on.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
v.t. To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva—a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of the Abracadabranese, are holy and learned men who are never naughty.
O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,
First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,
You sit there so calm and securely,
With feet folded up so demurely—
You're the First Person Singular, surely.
—Polydore Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,
First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,
You sit there so calm and securely,
With feet folded up so demurely—
You're the First Person Singular, surely.
—Polydore Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.
A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.
—Henry Ward Beecher
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.
—Henry Ward Beecher
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. An oracle consulted by Panurge as to whether he should marry. By the ancient Crapuli the bottle was worshiped as a deity, but since the great reformation the Amphoristic religion has prevailed among their descendants—that is to say, the worship of the Little Brown Jug, who, under the name of Juggernaut, is revered also by the Hindoos.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The science of vegetables—those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color and ill-smelling.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impenitent ignorance.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted by another to a third.
Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. "I need no bondsmen," he replied, "for I can give you my word of honor." "And pray what may be the value of that?" inquired the amused Regent. "Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. "I need no bondsmen," he replied, "for I can give you my word of honor." "And pray what may be the value of that?" inquired the amused Regent. "Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A besieger's argument in favor of capitulation, skillfully adapted to the understandings of the women and children.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
sign-up or face the consequences!
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