n. A dead dog that is better than a living lion, but not to eat.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena.
"One night," a doctor said, "last fall,
I and my comrades, four in all,
When visiting a graveyard stood
Within the shadow of a wall.
"While waiting for the moon to sink
We saw a wild hyena slink
About a new-made grave, and then
Begin to excavate its brink!
"Shocked by the horrid act, we made
A sally from our ambuscade,
And, falling on the unholy beast,
Dispatched him with a pick and spade."
—Bettel K. Jhones
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
"One night," a doctor said, "last fall,
I and my comrades, four in all,
When visiting a graveyard stood
Within the shadow of a wall.
"While waiting for the moon to sink
We saw a wild hyena slink
About a new-made grave, and then
Begin to excavate its brink!
"Shocked by the horrid act, we made
A sally from our ambuscade,
And, falling on the unholy beast,
Dispatched him with a pick and spade."
—Bettel K. Jhones
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A trick formerly in great favor with women, but now fallen into disuse as a lost art, though by laborious practice the modern damsel is still able to achieve it at the risk of being taken in hand and treated for apoplexy.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A woman who for their slight of her personal charms revenges herself upon men by caricaturing science, art, letters or learning.
"They call me a blue-stocking!" madam exclaimed;
"why, of all ladies, should I, sir, be named
From the hue of my stockings, which man never spied?"
"Nor ever desired to," the villain replied
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
"They call me a blue-stocking!" madam exclaimed;
"why, of all ladies, should I, sir, be named
From the hue of my stockings, which man never spied?"
"Nor ever desired to," the villain replied
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The part of a whale which is to that creature what beauty is to a woman—the thing for which it is pursued.
During his past illness a dose of some kind of oil was administered to him by mistake, whereupon one of the ladies of his household began to weep. Some one attempting to comfort her, "Never mind," said the patient; "I've had my oil; let her have her blubber."
—Unpublished Memoirs of the late John B. Felton
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
During his past illness a dose of some kind of oil was administered to him by mistake, whereupon one of the ladies of his household began to weep. Some one attempting to comfort her, "Never mind," said the patient; "I've had my oil; let her have her blubber."
—Unpublished Memoirs of the late John B. Felton
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
adj. Addicted to the wanton wasting of blood—which is probably very good to drink.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters—the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market—the fine ones on top—have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Ætna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
, n. One of the oppressed of all nations, for whom our forefathers thoughtfully provided an asylum in our kitchens.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
pp. The condition of a man and woman who, pleasing to one another and objectionable to their friends, are anxious to propitiate society by becoming unendurable to each other.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.
Her locks an ancient lady gave
Her loving husband's life to save;
And men—they honored so the dame—
Upon some stars bestowed her name.
But to our modern married fair,
Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
No stellar recognition's given.
There are not stars enough in heaven.
—G.J.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Her locks an ancient lady gave
Her loving husband's life to save;
And men—they honored so the dame—
Upon some stars bestowed her name.
But to our modern married fair,
Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
No stellar recognition's given.
There are not stars enough in heaven.
—G.J.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
v.t. To generously give to another that which can be no longer denied somebody.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. Subscribing five dollars toward the relief of one's aged grandfather in the alms house, and publishing it in the newspaper.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
sign-up or face the consequences!
“"observers" must obey the call.”
join