confessions

trustycoffeemug

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switzerland

trustycoffeemug
a tiny alpine country nestled between france, germany, and italy. throughout history it has managed to stay wealthy and peaceful by providing other countries with things they need (formerly mercenaries, nowadays tax havens) without otherwise getting involved in international politics in any way whatsoever.

offers nice skiing, decent education, clean, orderly cities and quiet seclusion, but the price for this is that there's virtually no nightlife. you can have swiss banks or french brothels, but, it would appear, not both.

byzantine

trustycoffeemug
(adj.) describing any system with excessively complicated administrative obstacles to circumvent

originates from the eastern half of the roman empire, where red tape spread like cobwebs across the minarets

blind

trustycoffeemug
(adj.) lacking the ability to see things

"Roses are red; violets are blue. Or so I'm told. Spare a dollar or two?"

"I think that I shall never see. My cataracts have blinded me."

authority

trustycoffeemug
(n.) the ability to compel one to obey commands

the general food chain of authority begins with god, standing above popes, emperors, royalty and presidents, who in turn stand above important officials, who are above unimportant officials, and thence scary looking men in suits, scary looking men in military uniform, mayors, bureaucrats, police officers, school principals, and, at the bottom tier, landlords, employers, and the clergy.

and then there's you maggots

coin

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a small metallic disk used as an insignificant quantity of money; so insignificant, in fact, that you'll often find it used for other purposes like resolving two-sided disagreements

circus

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a traveling attraction which offers clowns, stunt performances and trained animals.

circus is also the latin word for "circle," which explains why Piccadilly Circus is one of London's most disappointing tourist attractions next to pall mall

train

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a vehicle that consists of one or more carriages that are propelled down a railway track. neither as loving as the o'jays would have you believe nor as sentient as thomas the tank engine would

lumberjack

trustycoffeemug
(n.) one who is in the business of producing lumber. for some reason this invariably involves wearing red flannel shirts and cultivating a beard like the guy in amityville horror

rabbit

trustycoffeemug
(n.) one of the more tolerated rodents, perhaps due to its twitchy nose and big flappy ears. tends to jump around looking for carrots and being very velveteen and watership downy and so on

south africa

trustycoffeemug
The part of Africa where the natives got screwed by the Dutch, and then the British screwed both the natives and the Dutch, and then the Dutch and the British teamed up to really brutally screw the natives for decades.

Today the system of screwing ('apartheid') is dismantled and its aftereffects slowly being undone, but there's no help to be had for those crazy accents.
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