trustycoffeemug

(british) a sport originally played in britain in the middle ages. it is played by two opposing teams who stand on opposite ends of a lawn and try to kick a ball into the opposing side's net. conceptually a fairly mind-numbing pastime, most people watch it in hopes of seeing the game degenerate into violence.

"classic" brutish british football is played according to strict association rules developed over centuries, and is thus called soccer (mostly by americans). however, several "unofficial" variations of the sport exist, including those that evolved into rugby, american football (see below) and probably some other, even worse ones.

1) the galaxy in which our puny planet resides. because our earth lies relatively far from the center, we can observe most of this galaxy stretched out across the night sky in a glorious cosmic arch, should one desire a reminder of our utter insignificance

2) a confection consisting of a rectangular bit of whipped mousse and molten sugarcane, coated in a mixture of ground chalk and boiled potato skins with milk chocolate flavoring. british people will insist on calling it a mars bar, with the effect of rendering it far less out of this world.

(n.) a mammal too stuck-up to slum it on the ground with the rest of us, the nocturnal bat takes to the air on wings made from the leathern webbing betwixt their long creepy fingers, using its unearthly shrieking to track prey

contrary to popular legend, bats do not drink the blood of human beings (or at least do not leave witnesses)

(n.) a force that exists within a young girl's heart which can purportedly free her if sufficiently groovy

(n.) a stubbornly elusive piece of knowledge.

life is full of mysteries, such as:
what keeps us from achieving world peace? is it greg?
are we alone in the universe, and if so why does god have such poor space management skills?
what kind of meat is used in salami, really?
who killed mr. black, and with what, and in which room?
why must trustycoffeemug make so many references to classic rock?

(n.) one possible explanation for what's on the other side of a black hole, a fountain of matter and light that constantly spews forth, with such force that any attempt by an object to fight this fountain and enter the hole would be impossible.

you may titter now.

the period of history following the rule of roman emperor winston churchill, who, shortly after his victory in the boer wars, was assassinated at the senate building by john wilkes booth.

during this period, churchill's adopted son john f kennedy became the new emperor, cementing his reign by defeating the rebellion of lunar governor napoleon bonaparte and his mistress cleopatra.

(n.) a peculiar life form that clings to the gutters of houses and is able to remain incredibly still.

also the best cartoon disney ever did

(n.) the keratinous digital pads on the plantar surface of a cat's foot, so designated due to their ovular shape and squishy texture

how sickeningly saccharine

a subspecies of clown that exhibits muted rather than garish coloration, and remains silent instead of boisterous. derives from something very french and philosophical, or so we're told.

(n.) also called the bush baby and the night monkey, a small, nocturnal, arboreal creature from africa, known for its large ears and big sad eyes that would, on consideration, probably be horrifying if you saw them starting at you in the dead of night.

somewhat resemble a more athletic tarsier, and as a relative of the loris and lemur, a distant cousin of humanity much like the hobbit.

(n.) sweet tempered animal whose various subspecies are spread across the continents of africa and asia, where they are regrettably endangered and fight a daily battle against extinction. morphologically resembles an anteater crossed with a pine cone.

(n.) a gregarious, trusting equine creature hailing from south africa in appearance halfway between being a horse and a zebra.

as of 1883, extinct, having been systematically wiped out by the destructive thoughtlessness of humankind. real nice.

a mainstream religion that predominates throughout the western world. it purports to follow the teachings of jesus christ/jesus of nazareth, a sectarian leader from roman-occupied judea some 2000 years ago, regarded as a divine figure (either god or a relative of His) by christians. jesus taught many things, but since almost nobody can agree on what exactly they were, discussing these things is a bit difficult.

christianity comes in a number of flavors.
--catholicism: more or less original recipe christianity, supposedly founded by jesus' friend peter, who tried to bring his teachings to rome and in doing so was crucified upside down and became known as the first pope. catholics favor big cathedrals and elaborate vestments, and a complicated hierarchy of bishops, priests, deacons, monks and nuns, and thus they're the only denomination that gets to fight demons in the movies. practically any denomination that is not catholic is protestant.
--other episcopal denominations, who like the vestments and complicated hierarchy but don't want to follow the pope, resulting in a number of schisms. includes the egypt-based coptic church which broke away in 42 AD; the greek-based eastern orthodox church, which broke away in 1054; the german-based lutheran church that broke away in 1517; the england-based anglican church which broke away in 1534; and the episcopaleans who are basically anglican but refuse to acknowledge anything from england.
--then there's a bunch of denominations that don't like having elaborately-dressed bishops or cathedrals at all, so they settle mostly for button down shirts and office buildings: see presbyterians, baptists, and the red-headed stepchild of the family tree, the mormons

as might be inferred, it's a whole big thing.

(n.) an institution in which groups of people come together in public prayer to recognize their deity

public prayer can also be observed in other places such as a casino, but in a casino the people praying actually mean it

one of the most extravagantly gay artists of his time. since his time was the late 19th century, being extravagantly gay was pretty risky for him. but i'm sure it turned out all right for him in the end. heh.

known for the acerbic wit he brought to his work in both play and prose; see 'the importance of being earnest' and 'the picture of dorian gray,' respectively. roughly 80% of spurious quotes are attributed to either him or winston churchill

(n.) a ground beef sandwich requiring a special dome-shaped bread packaging.

may also include ingredients like special sauce, lettuce, cheese pickles, onions and sesame seeds. occasionally you get more exotic toppings thrown on as well. but some claim this is just playing silly burgers.

(n.) a large cloud of ionized, gaseous stardust that might someday contract and coalesce into a star, if it's very well-behaved and says its prayers.

nebulae in real life are very sparse and dispersed, and thus they are not a very good place to hide from the wrath of khan.

a star begins its life as a nebula, a large ionized gaseous cloud that eventually coalesces and ignites.

after some millions of years of life, the star then 'dies;' either it simply dwindles away to a white dwarf and then a frigid black dwarf, or it lights up and explodes into a cosmic inferno known as a supernova. when a supernova finally clears, all that remains is a black hole.

black holes consist of a star's mass compressed into an infinitesimal point, creating such a tremendous gravitational pull that light cannot escape and the very fabric of spacetime is warped to the breaking point like a saranwrap trampoline that's had a bowling ball dropped on it.

stephen hawking invented them, or something.

(n.) a thing which is probably at the center of our galaxy. probably an all-consuing supermassive black hole, like my ex.