(also: pantaloons)
(also: pantaloons)
A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called "trousers" by the enlightened and "pants" by the unworthy.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer. When disturbed by his voice the ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his pride of distinction.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe." The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A species of tree having several varieties, of which the familiar "itching palm" (Palma hominis) is most widely distributed and sedulously cultivated. This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver. The metal will adhere with remarkable tenacity. The fruit of the itching palm is so bitter and unsatisfying that a considerable percentage of it is sometimes given away in what are known as "benefactions."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
(also: art)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
(also: art)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A benighted person who prefers home-made deities and indigenous religious rites.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another — usually about as many times as it can be got there.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
Intent on making his quotation truer,
He sought the page infallible of Brewer,
Then made a solemn vow that he would be
Condemned eternally. Ah, me, ah, me!
—Stumpo Gaker
(author: quote)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Intent on making his quotation truer,
He sought the page infallible of Brewer,
Then made a solemn vow that he would be
Condemned eternally. Ah, me, ah, me!
—Stumpo Gaker
(author: quote)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.
When ignorance from out our lives can banish
Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.
—Juan Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
When ignorance from out our lives can banish
Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.
—Juan Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.
He extracted from his quiver,
Did the controversial Roman,
An argument well fitted
To the question as submitted,
Then addressed it to the liver,
Of the unpersuaded foeman.
—Oglum P. Boomp
(also: sex)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
He extracted from his quiver,
Did the controversial Roman,
An argument well fitted
To the question as submitted,
Then addressed it to the liver,
Of the unpersuaded foeman.
—Oglum P. Boomp
(also: sex)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
(also: women)
(also: queen elizabeth i)
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: women)
(also: queen elizabeth i)
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.
(also: suicidal novelists)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: suicidal novelists)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
—Joel Buxter
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
—Joel Buxter
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
(also: alcohol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: alcohol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
sign-up or face the consequences!
“"observers" must obey the call.”
join