n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A fruit, for eating which the first man was justly turned out of Paradise. For, the first apple being a crabapple, the first man was an idiot for eating it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.
When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"
—G.J.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"
—G.J.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
. Predigested wisdom.
The flabby wine-skin of his brain
Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm
The driblet of an aphorism.
—"The Mad Philosopher," 1697
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
The flabby wine-skin of his brain
Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm
The driblet of an aphorism.
—"The Mad Philosopher," 1697
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. A kind of leather, probably.
Beated and chopped with tanned antiquity.
—Shakspeare
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
Beated and chopped with tanned antiquity.
—Shakspeare
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. An apartment in which one does penance in advance for the sin of asking for a postoffice.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.
—Judibras
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.
—Judibras
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The state and quality of human nature in which we flatter ourselves we resemble "the beasts that perish."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. An organism which, requiring a great number of other animals for its sustenance, illustrates in a marked way the bounty of Providence in preserving the lives of his creatures.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(Latin, "from bed and board.") A term of the divorce courts, but more properly applied to a man who has been kicked out of his hotel.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
sign-up or face the consequences!
“"observers" must obey the call.”
join