confessions

trustycoffeemug

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  1. total entries 600
  2. follower 4
  3. score 41202

jackal

trustycoffeemug
(n.) the african and south asian cousin of the european wolf, american coyote, and australian dingo, all constituting a family of wastrels with whom the domestic dog is not on butt-sniffing terms.

jackals had some sort of sacred significance in ancient egypt, where they were seen as guides to the afterlife for their habit of lurking around burial places (which jackals think of as "buffets")

fox

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a somewhat roguish canine creature, not quite as rugged as a wolf, roughly analogous to wood-elves in the same manner domestic dogs are analogous to hobbits. usually red in color with splashes of white.

species of fox live on every continent except antarctica. the hunting of foxes in britain is an example of the kind of pointlessly cruel idiocy (see bloodsport) characteristic of the upper class.

whales

trustycoffeemug
(n.) big swimming sacks of flammable oil that make mooing/whimpering noises and breach for the amusement of tourists

saving them from imminent extinction is a major goal of environmentalists, and hunting them to extinction is a major goal of crusty old men with peg-legs, norwegians and japanese people

dude

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an informal term of address with multiple possible meanings

1) an easygoing, purposeless southern Californian beach bum

2) (in the Old West) a preening cityslicker dandy who is out of his element in more rugged climes
exactly what these two have to do with each other fair boggles the mind

peas

trustycoffeemug
(n.) small green leguminous vegetables. we know a remote farm in lincolnshire, owned by mrs. buckley, where peas grow, every July...

do you really mean that? i thought we were going to have a, a picture of a snowy field on this entry. isn't that the fun of it? we have the snowy field and then we cut to the can of peas. a big dish of peas. we're talking about this buckley broad and she's picking them. right? i don't understand you, what's...

why? why would i link on "in?" that doesn't make any sense. sorry, there's no known way to write an article about peas and segue into the link for the word "in." get me a jury and show me how that's done and i'll go down on you. that's just idiotic, if you don't mind me saying so. "in." impossible. meaningless. you're not thinking. there's too much editing going on around here. i accept edits from one person under protest, two i don't sit still. who the hell are you, anyway? why the hell are you asking me for more links? jesus.

you don't know what i'm up against here. this is a very wearying one. unpleasant to write. unrewarding. i wouldn't edit any living writer the way you're doing this. the right text for this article is the text i'm writing. and now i've spent like twenty times more text on this article than anything else i've ever written. you are such pests. what is it you want? What, in the depths of your ignorance, what is it you want? whatever it is you want, i can't deliver. i just don't see it. no money is worth this.

anyway, here under protest is beef burgers

puppet

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an inanimate object that is, usually for entertainment purposes, given voice and animation by a person. this person is usually called a puppeteer or a lobbyist

puppets come in many forms, from the humble googly-eyed sock worn over one's hand, whereafter the fingers can be moved to make its "mouth" flop around like that of a fish corpse; to the marionette, controlled by long strings affixed to its joints and artfully tugged by the fingers of a mustachioed italian man. these are just examples. could also be something much better.

face

trustycoffeemug
(n.) bit of flesh stuck to the front of your head. the standard issue face tends to include two eyes, a mouth, and a nose.

one with hidden sinister intentions is said to be two-faced
according to one expert, the world may be seen crashing down all around one's face, unless it's only mesh and lace

(v.) to aim one's face at another's face, for face-to-face combat, or, as some call it, conversation

election

trustycoffeemug
a means of selecting political leaders in which candidates perform for the amusement of the citizenry and attempt to suppress their objectionable characteristics, in exchange for which eligible citizens award them points in the form of little slips of paper with the candidates' names written on them. the points are then tallied to determine the winner and everyone goes home unhappy

elections are generally seen as mercifully less exciting than the previous system of violent uprisings and revolutions

puma

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a large feline from the americas, also called a cougar or a mountain lion. evidently prefers to wear its hair much shorter than the true lions, perhaps indicating that they have embraced the old skinhead look

in actuality pumas are fairly distant cousins to pantherine cats such as lions and tigers (bears, incidentally, are standing well apart from that family cat-tree entirely)

cougar

trustycoffeemug
(n.) another name for puma, which is also commonly called a mountain lion

to be quite honest you should probably stick with using one of those two latter terms, to avoid confusion with... ah... your mom's friend who is very physically affectionate with young men your age.

potato

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a particularly seditious form of vegetable; unlike corn, which is dutifully regimented in rows of stalks, potatoes tend to dwell underground, where they might be up to any kind of subversive activity

still, they can be served a lot of ways and most of them taste pretty good.
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