confessions

trustycoffeemug

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general

trustycoffeemug
a frightfully important person working in the army. if such a person works instead for the navy, they are an admiral. if they don't like the sound of either of those names then they might instead call themselves marshal.

when one is not general, then one is actually specific, and the specific is on the opposite side of the world from the atlantic, and tyler perry built a film studio in atlantic, georgia, and georgia patton is a very famous general so you see, it's all coming together.

the existence of a postmaster-general, an attorney-general, or a surgeon-general does not imply that they lead an army of postmasters, lawyers or surgeons, although that would be mildly amusing.

golf

trustycoffeemug
a sport which tests the extent of one's whacking ability: winning a round of golf will often require one to produce whacks of great intensity, but also gentler and more controlled whacks, and a canny player will certainly need to know the comparative advantages of different shafts and heads.

the aim is to produce only the minimum amount of whacks necessary in order to fill a hole.

the game is popular in scotland (anyone surprised?)

now pardon me while I use the ball washer.

doctor

trustycoffeemug
a title typically bestowed upon one highly trained in the practice of medicine and restorative health treatments. typically found either in a hospital or a golf course

for the highly trained in other fields, the label is still typically applicable but nobody is ever gonna use it. sorry.

alice in wonderland

trustycoffeemug
also referred to by the more proper but less euphonic title 'alice's adventures in wonderland'

a famous 1865 work of literature written by lewis carroll. despite its surrealist subject matter, some fringe literary theorists actually believe the book was not written while hopped up on hallucinogenic toads at all (mostly because all the surrealist imagery turns out to be rooted in some rather dull puns that you'll only get if you took mathematics and classics)

famed for its beloved characters, such as tweedledum and tweedledee, the walrus and the carpenter, humpty dumpty, the jabberwock, the lion and the unicorn, the red queen, the mad hatter and the march hare... which only proves how few people have actually read the damn thing, since those characters aren't in the book, they're only in the sequel, 'through the looking glass' (well, okay, the hatter and the hare are in both, and the first book at least has the white rabbit).

see also 'yellow submarine,' the book's hippie grandchild

wizard

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an elderly man in a pointy hat and robe with star patterns on it. one must hope they also have magical abilities to accompany this garb, or else they'll simply be a very sad and badly-dressed man.

sickle

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an ideal tool for the harvesting of grain, parting souls from the body of the living, or staging a peasant rebellion, consisting of a long handle and a sharp curvaceous blade. once upon a time in russia, partnered with the hammer but they aren't on speaking terms anymore.

prisiadki

trustycoffeemug
that dance people from russia do with the squatting and the kicking and the "hey, hey, hey, hey!"

it is vital to bear in mind the two essential credos of the prisiadki dancer: one, we don't need no drugs cuz folk dancing is our drug. two, once you go cossack you never go back.

hamlet

trustycoffeemug
a play that's supposed to be pretty good or something. sprung from the mind of william shakespeare.

it's the tale of a prince of denmark whose father dies mysteriously, and he comes to believe his uncle killed said father for the throne after he either a) receives a visit from said father's ghost or b) merely hallucinates seeing the ghost. the rest of the play consists of him trying to trip his uncle into admitting it while he makes lots of vagina jokes, and in the end everyone dies. also there are two clowns who keep showing up to caper around so that the main actors have a chance to change costumes.

at least, i think that's the gist of it. it's kinda hard to make sense of all this iambic pentameter.
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