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(n.) a particle even smaller than an atom, which apparently read "atoms cannot be subdivided into smaller particles" somewhere and decided "hell with you, I do what I want"

come in six refreshing flavors: up, down, top, bottom, strange, and charm.


(n.) an academic discipline that discusses and researches the motions of physical bodies, from tiny atoms up to massive stars and our entire galaxy.

physics was invented when archimedes was running home from the bathhouse to write down his thoughts on fluid displacement; he slipped and fell into a temporal anomaly, landing on the head of isaac newton, who thus also got some neat ideas about gravity in one of history's rare twofers.

... well, okay, it wasn't exactly that, but it was something like that.


the frozen wasteland in the north of the american continent (but not quite canada)

like most frozen fantasy lands to the far north, it is ruled by a sinister and shadowy dark lord, this particular one being named vince lombardi. main things to see here include cheese and sausage


"autonomous sensory meridian response:" a pleasurably shivery tingly sensation you get when you hear a sound you really like.

a surprising amount of online content has been created and put up on the internet, in order to help viewers experience this sensation.

... it's not pornography. we are assured that it is not pornography.


condition that exists when your baby does not hurt you no more. that which you cannot hurry and does not come easy; a game of give and take. can be experienced as a funny feeling that winds you up inside every time we touch. to be honest i don't know what love is... but i want you to show me.


only the best toy ever if you grew up in the 80s and 90s

in 1981, honorable japanese toy company takara released "diaclone," a line of toy robots that could be twisted and folded into nifty futuristic vehicles. one of their corporate samurai got the very original idea to market a line of these car-robot toys to horrible american children (probably because tonka and milton-bradley was already doing that with gobots and robotix), and also got the bright idea to make new ones modeled on real cars such as the formidable Toyota Land Cruiser, and the Volkswagon Beetle (called "the people's car" by adolf hitler himself)

to achieve this they sold the license for these "transformers" to the execs of american toy company hasbro, who decided to advertise their new cash cow with a crappy 80s cartoon and a marvel tie-in comic. the transformers were a smash hit; through the 80s you could always tell whose parents were rich enough to afford them (or at least, had formerly been rich before buying them). naturally they were so successful that hasbro has made every effort to run the franchise into the ground with a new cartoon every decade or so, plus letting michael bay make a series of porno movies that happen to occasionally feature transformers.


a legendary monster made up by the people of far-off wisconsin in a desperate attempt to convince people to go there and buy merchandise. clear parallels can be detected between the aliens supposedly seen in roswell, new mexico; mothman in parts of west virginia; and leonardo dicaprio in hollywood.

in any case, supposedly the hodag looks a bit like added a lot of spikes and fangs to a bull.

science fiction

also "sci-fi" (skiffy) if you're afraid of using too many syllables.

a genre of fiction, consisting of stories that, broadly speaking, dare to imagine new inventions, technologies, or scientific discoveries, and how they would affect the world. often this will consist of showing us how humanity would use these new discoveries to destroy itself or oppress each other; there are startlingly few stories where police using psychics to stop crime, or society having a robot taskforce, or people upgrading themselves with cyborg limbs, actually turns out to be a *good* thing (though this may just be because stories where only good things happen are boring).

some concepts you should know about so you won't look like a dweeb in front of sci-fi fans:
* the future, where a lot of these stories tend to take place
* aliens, folks who come from off this island earth. show up in a lot of sci-fi stories, usually invading us, getting invaded by us, or just sort of hanging around bars as a way for the special effects team to show off.
* robot, artificially constructed people, because naturally you'd want your smartphone to look like a person
* ftl: faster-than-light travel, required in any sci-fi story with space travel, or else it would take millennia to finish
* time travel: being able to leave today and go to yesterday, or tomorrow. prone to logical paradoxes.
* hard science fiction: sci-fi that tries to be as realistic as possible. is not a form of pornography
* space opera: stories where people fly around in spaceships and have fantastic adventures on other planets
* cyberpunk and other punk; stories that show how technological process won't fix society's usual problems


material intended to elicit erotic enjoyment in the consumer, usually by virtue of including naked people engaging in carnal acts. most pornography decays after too long (likely due to, ah, use), but if it survives for an extended period it may be promoted to normal art and placed in a museum. nowadays pornography mostly exists on the internet and is apparently doing its part to help close the gender income gap.

"there are two things you never want to see made: laws and kids' college funds."

ancient egypt

where to begin? egyptian history spans over 5000 years. egypt was ancient long before the single day on which rome was built.

to be as brief as is feasible, the upper and lower portions of egypt first became unified sometime between 3200 and 3000 BC, possibly by somebody named Narmer or Menes, who thus became the founder of the first dynasty of pharaohs. narmer's dynasty dicks around for a bit, leave behind a few prototype tombs in the village of saqqara, and is replaced by a second dynasty. that dynasty does more dicking around and is replaced again. this more or less sets the tone for the rest of egyptian history.

old kingdom egypt (3rd-6th dynasties); the big pointy pyramids you're thinking of come from the fourth dynasty
* an intermediate period (7th-11th dynasties)
middle kingdom egypt (11th-13th dynasties); the book of the dead, that famous egyptian book you've heard of, only shows up in rough draft form around this period
* another intermediate period (13th-17th dynasties)
new kingdom egypt (18th-20th dynasties); tutankhamun, the one pharaoh everyone has heard of, was the second-to-last pharaoh of the 18th dynasty
* sure, why not another intermediate period (21st-25th dynasties), followed by some twilight years (the late period extending to the 31st dynasty), during which egypt got conquered by persians

By this point it's already the 330s BC, and greece (led by alexander the great) took over egypt and left it in control of some doofus named ptolemy. not too long after that, it was conquered again by the romans, by which time we've only just arrived at caesar boinking cleopatra.


(n.) the romanticized image of a homeless vagabond, often depicted as a lovably unshaven traincar-hopping bum clad in battered clothing, whose meager belongings are carried over the shoulder on a bindle.

this depiction is, admittedly, slightly at odds with the type of homeless person one tends to meet in practice.


(n.) the african and south asian cousin of the european wolf, american coyote, and australian dingo, all constituting a family of wastrels with whom the domestic dog is not on butt-sniffing terms.

jackals had some sort of sacred significance in ancient egypt, where they were seen as guides to the afterlife for their habit of lurking around burial places (which jackals think of as "buffets")
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