trustycoffeemug

(n.) a janitor; someone whose job is to complete work of the non-paper variety

a ludicrous idea that some people had to explain the creation of the universe. you would think if the universe were an egg it would be healthier for us.

There are a number of theories as to the ultimate cause which brought the universe into existence.

personally, i prefer to believe we were laid by an unimaginably vast chicken as a cosmic egg, and in honor of that, the egg is to be worshiped. will our souls ascend to a grand new state of being in the divine hatching, or will we be burned in the eternally frying pan of damnation?

that which occurs when the other shoe finally drops, and that shoe sets off an elaborate rube goldberg device that culminates with your balls being snapped in a mousetrap hold-down bar. so to speak.
(also: consequence)

(n.) 1) the broad, flat thing that would kill you if you fell from a great height. the thing you are most likely standing on whenever gravity works as intended; 2) the dead remains of coffee

(v.) 1) to confine a young person to their room, as punishment for misbehavior; 2) to confine electric currents to an equalized surface, as punishment for trying to zap people

ground is a lot of things, it transpires.

(n.) what unpaved ground largely consists of. ain't exactly rocks and it ain't exactly decaying organic matter, but a perverted blend of both

(v.) to borrow an item with full intent to apologize to the owner if/when caught

(also: theft)

(v.) a tactic employed in contests of athletic or academic skill, which enables craftier competitors to level the playing field with superior athletes and academics

(also: lie)
(also: steal)

(n.) a complex thingy made of various interconnected bits of stuff. the web of a spider is made of silken strands strewn in a net-shape between tree branches and other detritus. the web of political intrigue is made of backstabs and power-grabs strewn between taxpayer dollars.

alternatively, "web" may also be a distinctly radical way of saying "the internet."

someone who wears an animal costume for their own amusement. this presumably excepts people who wear animal costumes for the amusement of audiences at sporting events (mascots). but I'm still keeping an eye on that phillie phanatic guy.

(n.) a comic presented to its audience through the power of the web. the web provides a platform on which comics need not be subject to the gimlet eye and cruel iron fist of the newspaper syndicate, thus freeing webcomic creators to fully realize their true creative vision (usually furry porn)

describing the middle class who ascended to prominence and superceded the landed aristocracy in the seventeenth century. they successfully embarrassed their social betters by proving there was a path to success beyond an inborn divine mandate, while selling out the lower class by perpetuating the cycle of labor exploitation.

also their taste in decor leans incontestably toward the brummagem.

(n.) essentially a goose but more bourgeois

(n.) buffoonery or clowning-around

sucks to be tom, i guess

a week that commemorates the week jesus christ returned to jerusalem, which ended with his betrayal, crucifixion and eventual resurrection. for catholic people this week marks the end of lent. for everyone else, it is simply the week leading up to discount chocolate at the grocery store.

* palm sunday: supposedly represents the day jesus returned to jerusalem
* holy monday: represents the day jesus cursed at a fig tree (or something)
* holy tuesday: represents the day jesus received the vision of his own impending death
* spy wednesday: represents the day judas iscariot arranged for jesus' betrayal. does not involve james bond.
* maundy thursday: no idea what a maundy is, but this supposedly represents the day of the last supper jesus enjoyed with his disciples
* good friday: represents the day of the crucifixion
* black saturday: represents jesus chilling while being dead
* easter

it can be assumed all of these involve some kind of praying or something.

(n.) little black bird that suddenly appears every time roadkill is near

(n. or v.) the act of destroying or damaging something or someone else for one's own advantage.

something which the beastie boys cannot stand and know you planned

"you're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!"

-a carefully crafted insult intended to describe one whose appearance might be called grabastic

(adj.) describing something which appears cobbled together from unrelated components, like a quilt made by grandmother, a monster made by frankenstein or a car made by an albanian