confessions

trustycoffeemug

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  1. total entries 618
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meme

trustycoffeemug
(n.) 1) a trait which is inherited in a non-physical, non-genetic way, such as language. 2) the most insufferable goddam thing you can conceive of if it cloned itself, had sex with the clone and then ate the resulting babies for the +2 insufferability bonus.

courage

trustycoffeemug
(n.) bravery; ability to act in the face of fear, pain or grief

among other things this quality is believed to make a king of a slave, induce the flag on the mast to wave, and put the 'ape' in 'apricot'

indira gandhi

trustycoffeemug
(1971-1984)

the second most famous indian person named gandhi to be assassinated. india's first female prime minister, famous for getting the country mixed up in a war with pakistan and for testing huge-ass nuclear weapons in the indian desert. one suspects she was in margaret thatcher's book club

eventually killed by her own sikh bodyguards in 1984, which got the rest of india very upset with the sikhs. and so the wheel of human intrigue turns onward.

archenemy

trustycoffeemug
(n.) the foremost of one's enemies, opponents, or adversaries. an archenemy can define one's character as much as a friend or ally can, and in a sense, having one is therefore a necessary step to self-actualization.

famous archenemies include:
united states and soviet union
britain and france
sherlock holmes and professor moriarty
batman and joker
humanity and nature
louis pasteur and antoine béchamp
elvis and robert goulet

and so on

soviet union

trustycoffeemug
a partnership between russia and a number of other eastern european states that existed between 1922 and 1991. this union formed one of the major blocs in world politics at that time, along with the nato bloc consisting of the united states and its buddies, and the third bloc that didn't give a damn.

the soviet union and the nato bloc were in a state of cold war for decades following world war ii, which was such a bonding experience that everyone felt a little let down when it finally ended. as a memory of those happier times, america and russia continue to occasionally dick with each other.

assassination

trustycoffeemug
(n.) the art of killing important people so as to prevent them from doing important things. assassinations are events of massive historical significance and have caused such tragedies as wars, revolutions, and walter cronkite tearing up during a public news broadcast.

elvis

trustycoffeemug
a singer (to be precise, both a wailer and a crooner) who enjoyed enormous popularity between the nineteen-fifties and nineteen-seventies, culminating with his going to seed and an ignominious death on the toilet

known for his distinctive voice and sense of style, he has been called the king of rock and roll. although he had a surname (presley), it is rarely necessary to use it, as he is the most famous bearer of the name 'elvis' in history.

these facts, taken into consideration with the hordes of those who seek to impersonate him at las vegas and who insist they have seen him alive and well long after his death, suggest that he is roughly on par with jesus of nazareth in his religious significance

karl marx

trustycoffeemug
(1818-1883): an unruly german whose writings on political economy and good labor relations formed the basis for our modern understanding of communism.

debates will be ongoing on whether he would have approved of any of his fans from russia

thanksgiving

trustycoffeemug
an autumnal holiday celebrated in the americas (both the united states and canada, though on different days) to commemorate any of the following:

1) the historical colonization of the americas (possibly including the displacement of the indigenous people)
2) overeating
3) enduring the presence of family

attila the hun

trustycoffeemug
the roman world was in a mess; the emperor caused no end of stress
then in the year four-forty-one, there came this guy, attila the hun
run away! Here comes attila
flee today! he'll sack your villa
can't you see? he's come to kill ya
swipe your bed, and then your pilla
attila was a nasty king; he and his huns wrecked everything
he lived by arson and the sword, burned down france cuz he got bored
run away! here comes attila
far away! go to manilla
kills more people than godzilla
swipes your sheets and then your pilla
to a wedding attila went, looking sharp like a hunnish gent
made a quick speech, went to bed; very next morning, was found dead
fare thee well, goodbye attila
bury him deep neath the rolling hillas
he wore shorts made of chinchilla
his favorite ice cream was strawberry

attila the hun

trustycoffeemug
attila (b. probably circa 406 AD) was a king of the huns and also ruled over a number of tribes in central asia and eastern europe between 434 and 453. he spent a lot of his time in office beating up the roman empire, which heaved a giant collective sigh of relief when he finally passed away on his wedding night. after that the huge kingdom he built basically dissolved into infighting.

sort of a western prototype for genghis khan.

according to a german opera-writer he is also the brother of brunnhilde, valkyrie and apparent queen of iceland, though he doesn't do much in the story besides marry Kriemheld (who wants revenge for the death of her husband siegfried, who was killed because he had a love triangle going with brunnhilde because he'd helped his friend woo her and yadda yadda yadda, there's a magic treasure involved or something)

king arthur

trustycoffeemug
a supposed king of england who supposedly ruled around the time the roman empire had withdrawn from the country in the late fifth century. supposedly.

known for being conceived by 'magical' rape-by-fraud, hanging out with wizards, pulling a sword out of a big rock, conquering a number of european places, being cuckolded by a frenchman, trying to drown hundreds of children, and finally getting killed by the one child he didn't manage to drown

although he probably did not actually exist, he is much better known than a majority of real english historical figures
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