also referred to by the more proper but less euphonic title 'alice's adventures in wonderland'

a famous 1865 work of literature written by lewis carroll. despite its surrealist subject matter, some fringe literary theorists actually believe the book was not written while hopped up on hallucinogenic toads at all (mostly because all the surrealist imagery turns out to be rooted in some rather dull puns that you'll only get if you took mathematics and classics)

famed for its beloved characters, such as tweedledum and tweedledee, the walrus and the carpenter, humpty dumpty, the jabberwock, the lion and the unicorn, the red queen, the mad hatter and the march hare... which only proves how few people have actually read the damn thing, since those characters aren't in the book, they're only in the sequel, 'through the looking glass' (well, okay, the hatter and the hare are in both, and the first book at least has the white rabbit).

see also 'yellow submarine,' the book's hippie grandchild

(n.) a zebra crossed with a kangaroo. probably evolved from a population of kangaroos that strayed into southern [link[africa[/link] and developed a stripey coat in order to camouflage in the treeless grasslands, analogously to other grazing animals of the region.

... does not actually exist. But then again, if it doesn't exist, why do I have a picture of it?

(n.) an elderly man in a pointy hat and robe with star patterns on it. one must hope they also have magical abilities to accompany this garb, or else they'll simply be a very sad and badly-dressed man.

one of several feast days on the gregorian calendar, commemorated by the discounting of storebought confectionery

(n.) a meeting of usually-separated family members, intended to remind them to be grateful that they are usually-separated

(n.) an ideal tool for the harvesting of grain, parting souls from the body of the living, or staging a peasant rebellion, consisting of a long handle and a sharp curvaceous blade. once upon a time in russia, partnered with the hammer but they aren't on speaking terms anymore.

that dance people from russia do with the squatting and the kicking and the "hey, hey, hey, hey!"

it is vital to bear in mind the two essential credos of the prisiadki dancer: one, we don't need no drugs cuz folk dancing is our drug. two, once you go cossack you never go back.

a play that's supposed to be pretty good or something. sprung from the mind of william shakespeare.

it's the tale of a prince of denmark whose father dies mysteriously, and he comes to believe his uncle killed said father for the throne after he either a) receives a visit from said father's ghost or b) merely hallucinates seeing the ghost. the rest of the play consists of him trying to trip his uncle into admitting it while he makes lots of vagina jokes, and in the end everyone dies. also there are two clowns who keep showing up to caper around so that the main actors have a chance to change costumes.

at least, i think that's the gist of it. it's kinda hard to make sense of all this iambic pentameter.

has very little to do with canadian bacon or british bacon

(n.) basically a small pork chop.

(n.) uh... ham.

(n.) a vile candy that beguiles you with a bright red shell, tempting you with the sweet taste of strawberries or cherries, only to reveal itself as filthy, tongue-searing cinnamon

(n.) the skin of a pig

this entry would have been funnier if you had read ham and pork first. i guess that's your problem.

(n.) the fat of a pig

(n.) the flesh of a pig

(n.) the flesh of a pig

(also: gambling)

(n.) the non-union, discounted equivalent of a penguin

(n.) an animal much like a bee, but characterized by pure evil and bent on wreaking misery throughout the cosmos.

(also: hornet), and for that matter (also: yellowjacket), cuz they're all the same damn thing, no doubt employing some fiendish masquerade to better infiltrate human society.

(n.) the quintessential hymenopteran insect, the most recognizable variety of bee is a small bombinating ball of fuzz colored in yellow and black. the bee is known for its diligence, its ecological value as a pollinator, its utility to humans as a producer of honey, wax, and other products, and its use of kamikaze tactics when threatened.

if you think we can get by without these fellas then you must bee crazy