An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the satirist is popularly regarded as a sour-spirited knave, and his every victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent.

---

Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung
In the dead language of a mummy's tongue,
For thou thyself art dead, and damned as well —
Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.
Had it been such as consecrates the Bible
Thou hadst not perished by the law of libel.
—Barney Stims
(also: humor)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1642 – 1727) – British mathematician and scientist.
(also: isaac newton quotes)
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)

“Where there are ruins, will undoubtedly be snakes.”
—Indiana Jones

(n.) the study of ailments which exist only in the mind, though the bill, unfortunately, does not

someone who doesn't believe my accusations of wrongdoing, and thereby sees the wrongdoing as right

A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

---

TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the political concept that posits that left-wingers I disagree with and right-wingers I disagree with are equally wrong.

A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread per capita of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.
(also: SCARABEE)
(also: mice)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(259 – 210 BC) – King of the state of Qin who conquered and united different regions of China in 221 BC.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: shih huang ti quotes)

(also: earth)

Certain abstentions.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a country spread across five islands in the easternmost part of east asia.

for some reason, frequently confused with china by outsiders, so let's get this out of the way:

china things: great walls. silken pajamas. jackie chan. mao zedong. confucius. crazy-ass operas.

japan things: ninja. samurai. sumo wrestlers. anime. cherry blossoms. mount fuji. karaoke.

things both places have: noodles. tea. buddhism. urban sprawl.

how the Earth is miraculously just right to allow the existence of the type of life that exists on Earth.

A one hit wonder written and performed by Terry, the dog in the Wizard of Oz.

(n.) a nation in the north of the Asian continent, primarily known for having such abundant reserves of human suffering that it became their primary export

When someone repeatedly joins and subsequently leaves a Discord server between chat sessions.

*Coofl has joined the server
Coofl 4:20PM - Less than 50% of white people have pink pussy.
Coofl 4:21PM - Incredible
Coofl 4:21PM - Goodbye
*Coofl has left the server

There he goes Coofling again.

n. A dagger which in mediæval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
(also: weapon)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a song that constantly plays in the background whenever italian things are happening

you know the one i mean.