(n.) the ability to be disappointed enough with reality that one starts proposing improvements, a testament to mankind's sheer arrogance and easily-bored nature

Muhammad
Isaac Newton
Jesus of Nazareth
Buddha
Confucius
St. Paul
Ts'ai Lun
Johann Gutenberg
Christopher Columbus
Albert Einstein
Louis Pasteur
Galileo Galilei
Aristotle
Euclid
Moses
Charles Darwin
Shih Huang Ti
Augustus Caesar
Nicolaus Copernicus
Antoine Laurent Lavoisier
Constantine the Great
James Watt
Michael Faraday
James Clerk Maxwell
Martin Luther
George Washington
Karl Marx
Orville and Wilbur Wright
Genghis Kahn
Adam Smith
William Shakespeare
John Dalton
Alexander the Great
Napoleon Bonaparte
Thomas Edison
Antony van Leeuwenhoek
William T.G. Morton
Guglielmo Marconi
Adolf Hitler
Plato
Alexander Graham Bell
Alexander Fleming
John Locke
Ludwig van Beethoven
Werner Heisenberg
Louis Daguerre
Simon Bolivar
Rene Descartes
Michelangelo
Pope Urban II
Umar ibn al-Khattab
Asoka
St. Augustine
William Harvey
Ernest Rutherford
John Calvin
Gregor Mendel
Max Planck
Joseph Lister
Nikolaus August Otto
Francisco Pizarro
Hernando Cortes
Thomas Jefferson
Queen Isabella I
Joseph Stalin
Julius Caesar
William the Conqueror
Sigmund Freud
Edward Jenner
Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen
Johann Sebastian Bach
Lao Tzu
Voltaire
Johannes Kepler
Enrico Fermi
Leonhard Euler
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
niccolo machiavelli
Thomas Malthus
John F. Kennedy
Gregory Pincus
Mani
Lenin
Sui Wen Ti
Vasco da Gama
Cyrus the Great
Peter the Great
Mao Zedong
Francis Bacon
Henry Ford
Mencius
Zoroaster
Queen Elizabeth I
Mikhail Gorbachev
Menes
Charlemagne
Homer
Justinian I
Mahavira

(n.) the most direct breed of tyrant, maintaining their brand of tyranny by the sinister means of owning the place you live in

n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a handily decimalized system of measurements that encapsulates means for gauging distance (meter), volume (liter), mass (gram), and temperature (degree celsius). eschewed by americans as one of those things they do to pretend they're not part of the world.

a one-off decision by lawmakers to let democracy determine the course of governance.

(n.) activity meant to occupy most of a person's life, both to keep the person out of trouble and to help establish their value to society, which is represented by money

(also: job)

(n.) essentially a goose but more bourgeois

A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity. Some of the smaller sects have no sacraments at all — for which mean economy they will indubitably be damned.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Specifically, a cave-dweller of the paleolithic period, after the Tree and before the Flat. A famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony consisted of "every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented" — in brief, all the Socialists of Judah.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the sneaky place where the truth often hides

a frightfully important person working in the army. if such a person works instead for the navy, they are an admiral. if they don't like the sound of either of those names then they might instead call themselves marshal.

when one is not general, then one is actually specific, and the specific is on the opposite side of the world from the atlantic, and tyler perry built a film studio in atlantic, georgia, and georgia patton is a very famous general so you see, it's all coming together.

the existence of a postmaster-general, an attorney-general, or a surgeon-general does not imply that they lead an army of postmasters, lawyers or surgeons, although that would be mildly amusing.

Penal servitude for the semi-intelligent, a cowshed of imbecility. A Circe who transforms her adoring fans into dogs and pigs. A prostitute for the master, a pimp of the foreigner. Child-eater, parent-slanderer and scoffer at heroes.

spartacus (103-71 BC) is a somewhat mysterious historical figure. a greek, or possibly a thracian (from what is today bulgaria), little is known of his life except that he was a military leader, then a gladiator, then he led a massive slave uprising against rome, one of the few wars in history where it's totally uncontroversial to side entirely with one of the belligerents.

since his background is so mysterious, he is one of those historical figures you could potentially turn out to be if you're ever a time traveler (blackbeard is another!)

Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947, more commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the worlds most popular assault rifle, a weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple nine pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood, it doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It will fire whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy even a child could use it, and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists. One thing is for sure, no one was lining up to buy their cars.

(noun): The state of mind where you're not sure if you're one step away from a breakdown, or if everyone else is just really bad at dealing with life.

Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the belief that any sacrifice is worth it to make the world a worse place

A magical elixir that transforms non-morning people into semi-functioning human beings.

(phrase) The ingenious defense strategy employed by academically challenged individuals when faced with unfinished assignments. A whimsical excuse that taps into the profound appetite of canines for academic knowledge, transforming homework into a delectable delicacy. The phenomenon amuses teachers, inspires disbelief, and perpetuates the legend of scholarly pups with insatiable appetites.


(also: homework)
(also: student)
(also: teacher)