A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

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TO MY PET TORTOISE

My friend, you are not graceful — not at all;
Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's
To look at, and I do not doubt it aches.

As to your feet, they'd make an angel weep.
'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

No, you're not pretty, but you have, I own,
A certain firmness — mostly you're backbone.

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)
Are virtues that the great know how to use —

I wish that they did not; yet, on the whole,
You lack — excuse my mentioning it — Soul.

So, to be candid, unreserved and true,
I'd rather you were I than I were you.

Perhaps, however, in a time to be,
When Man's extinct, a better world may see

Your progeny in power and control,
Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

So I salute you as a reptile grand
Predestined to regenerate the land.

Father of Possibilities, O deign
To accept the homage of a dying reign!

In the far region of the unforeknown
I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I see an Emperor his head withdraw
Into his carapace for fear of Law;

A King who carries something else than fat,
Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

A President not strenuously bent
On punishment of audible dissent —

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)
An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

Subjects and citizens that feel no need
To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

All progress slow, contemplative, sedate,
And "Take your time" the word, in Church and State.

O Tortoise, 'tis a happy, happy dream,
My glorious testudinous régime!

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about
By slouching in and chasing Adam out.
(also: god)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun):
The mischievous work of a wire-wielding poltergeist, lurking in the shadows of your pockets and bags, eagerly plotting to turn your headphones into a tangled mess of frustration. It's a cosmic prank that rivals the greatest slapstick comedy, as if Charlie Chaplin himself orchestrated the chaos. Untangling the knotty mess becomes a high-stakes puzzle, a battle of wits against an invisible foe with a PhD in knotting. It's a spectacle that leaves you questioning your life choices and contemplating a career as a professional knot detangler. So grab your patience, your sense of humor, and a strong cup of coffee, because in the world of tangled headphones, laughter is the only way to keep your sanity intact.



(also: headphones)

Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Incredibly good Swedish band led by mathematician composer papa Emeritus IV. The names of other band members - the Nameless ghouls - are secret. Former lead guitarist Omega however, revealed his identity after leaving the bandand founding Magna Carta Cartel. Their music overcombines many different instruments, genres and effects

(also: Thobias Forge)

n. One who worships at the shrine of his ancestral cell
(also: list of all isms)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.
(also: the devils dictionary)

(n.) ∅


"what was silent in the father speaks in the son"
"mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful,
the hanged man and the bloodhound."
"tarantulas, with their backs turned on life"



"so let's play with the face of hate.
hate me for a moment.
hate everything i am."
"hatred will heat you when you're cold,
hatred will be there when you're alone"

"i wasted time, and now, doth time waste me"



(also: soul-crushing)
(also: hate crimes)
(also: enemies)
(also: revenge)
(also: keeping score)

(also: zero-sum games)
(also: zero-sum thinking)

the point at which you are most expected to pay attention

Asian milk tea with black pearl like things that I choke on regulary (It is hard to write that seriously).

(n.) a way of saying "creature" with an excess of saccharine folksy American charm

(n.) wanna-be lawmaker and trump-acolyte, see also misogynist "bootlicker".

Land of sun, drunken tourists and self flagellating history. Green on the North and yellow on the south.

(1564- 1616) English poet and playwright.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: william shakespeare quotes)

the mother of solutions

Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific — and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.
(also: [enemy)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a shaggy, garishly-dressed, drugged up young person who spends his time zoned out of his mind in some kind of psychedelic rock concert and protesting the general state of things and stuff

they were a major source of parental alarm in the 60s and 70s until they were replaced by, oh, let's say punks

(1571 – 1630) German mathematician and astronomer who created laws of planetary motion.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: johannes kepler quotes)

A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

not weighed-down, those sheeple