A place where criminal lets you know he's sorry.

An instinct to approach and deal with things in uncommon ways. Two dimensions measure one's creativity - originality and initiative, which can in this order be described as quality and quantity.

hired guide who does the heavy lifting while you feel proud of your accomplishment and bravery.

(n) not a man at all, but a rapey alligator, dressed like jimmy buffett if jimmy had taken bath salts and pcp before breaking into a hardee's for a greasy burger. see (also: matt gaetz)

a neutral political stance sitting between the extremes of egalitarian not-quite-free-market bureaucratic republicanism and not-quite-egalitarian free-market bureaucratic republicanism

Being in a near-constant state of “Now what?”

(n.) a performer who either highlights the melancholy of life by pretending to be happy, or highlights the joy of life by pretending to be sad and miserable

a politician who gets the electorate involved.

It's coming any second now

(v.) Conducting disputes over minor marginal issues, while overlooking more serious ones.
Derived from the scenario of people arguing over what color to paint the bicycle shed while the house is not finished.

(also: pedantry)
(also: law of triviality)
(also: peter's principle)

(also: grammar nazi)

The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only. This important distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the mediæval Church and there was much bloodshed about it. Certain Lutherans, who affirmed the presence everywhere of Christ's body, were known as Ubiquitarians. For this error they were doubtless damned, for Christ's body is present only in the eucharist, though that sacrament may be performed in more than one place simultaneously. In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood — not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

(1903 – 1967) American biologist who created the oral contraceptive pill.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: gregory pincus quotes)

A form of incantation to conjure up a hope that is to be exorcised later by inattention.

n. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A judicial officer of limited jurisdiction and unbounded incapacity.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.
(also: death)

(v.) acting out of a belief that being good in one situation then allows you to be a dick in another.

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/why-good-deeds-can-cause-moral-backsliding.html

(n.) little black bird that suddenly appears every time roadkill is near

In financial affairs, to contribute to the development of a transfer company — one that transfers money from the pocket of the investor to that of the promoter.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)