When you can afford to give your dog the backyard it deserves.

(n.) a frightfully important person in the religion of Catholicism and other religions that are catholic-flavored. apparently known for habit of moving diagonally.

One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: god)
The Great Creator
Otherwise known as "Some guy trying to do his dissertation".

The wonders you see before you were created during undergraduate study of English and Contemporary Media in Cardiff Metropolitan University.
The wily little git managed to worm his way out of writing 10,000 words for a dissertation, but got more than he bargained for when he took on this ridiculous project.

He is quoted as saying:
"Creating universes is hard work, I've no idea how all those other deities manage it!"

What an arse.

n. A financial doctrinaire in 1896; in 1904 a purveyor of "crow" to the masses.
(also: list of all isms)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(i) not a bird nor a plane. Sometimes a man, sometimes a myth.
(ii) the decoder ring on a map. can you believe it, map creators stuck the lock and key together? amateurs. they couldn't even give us a puzzle or riddle to look forward to.

really want it to be etymologically linked to ledger, but alas.

beautiful (white)

a very unpopular charlie chaplin-lookalike

victim of patriarchy

(n.) a place that draws lines around itself to make it clear to the rest of the world that they are not a part of it

The phenomenon by which the value of currency goes down, as if it were being simultaneously attacked by the common cold and a horde of ferocious wildebeests. A process that makes your money worth less and less, until eventually it's worth about as much as the promise of a pension from a galactic government."

(1856 – 1939) An Austrian neurologist who founded psychoanalysis, which involved the investigation of the subconscious, dreams and human mind.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: sigmund freud quotes)

(n.) An intoxicant distilled primarily from fermented grain mash, whisky is a catalyst for terrible decision making, stupidity and easily avoided injuries when consumed. This is generally referred to as "having a good time".

a chronic condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable onset of sleep. the main thing to remember about narcolepsy iszzzzzzzzzz...

spartacus (103-71 BC) is a somewhat mysterious historical figure. a greek, or possibly a thracian (from what is today bulgaria), little is known of his life except that he was a military leader, then a gladiator, then he led a massive slave uprising against rome, one of the few wars in history where it's totally uncontroversial to side entirely with one of the belligerents.

since his background is so mysterious, he is one of those historical figures you could potentially turn out to be if you're ever a time traveler (blackbeard is another!)

(n.) a middle tier tyrant, above school principals but below agents of the government; roughly on the same level as a landlord but ruling at a place of work rather than domestic environment.

No better.

(n.) avoiding an excessive or impolitic amount of truthfulness

(also: truth)

(adjective):
A term used liberally by self-important individuals to describe the most mundane of accomplishments, as if they single-handedly discovered a cure for boredom or invented a revolutionary way to tie shoelaces. It's like witnessing someone pat themselves on the back for successfully opening a jar of pickles or managing to walk and chew gum simultaneously. Groundbreaking moments in the realm of exaggeration often involve feats of mind-boggling mediocrity, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads and wondering if we missed the memo on what constitutes actual progress.

Benefactor; philanthropist.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)