(n.) one who tracks down and apprehends people for money, usually criminals who have jumped bail.

somewhat similar to a private detective but less likely to wear a monochrome trench coat or monologue to oneself in the rain

Scandal ruining the coofl

The thing you should not do it.
(also: don't panic)

A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Alas, things ain't what we should see
If Eve had let that apple be;
And many a feller which had ought
To set with monarchses of thought,
Or play some rosy little game
With battle-chaps on fields of fame,
Is downed by his unlucky star,
And hollers: "Peanuts! — here you are!"
—"The Sturdy Beggar"
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Tim Dillon Discord Server also known as a "Honeypot for retards"

(n.) a food that takes the form of an O made of fried sugar-dough. even though such toruses are theoretically without beginning or end, donuts tend to be gone very quickly.

a sport which tests the extent of one's whacking ability: winning a round of golf will often require one to produce whacks of great intensity, but also gentler and more controlled whacks, and a canny player will certainly need to know the comparative advantages of different shafts and heads.

the aim is to produce only the minimum amount of whacks necessary in order to fill a hole.

the game is popular in scotland (anyone surprised?)

now pardon me while I use the ball washer.

An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

---

Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes —
O'er Ceylon blow your breath,
Where every prospect pleases,
Save only that of death.
—Bishop Sheber
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
(also: the devils dictionary)

also "sci-fi" (skiffy) if you're afraid of using too many syllables.

a genre of fiction, consisting of stories that, broadly speaking, dare to imagine new inventions, technologies, or scientific discoveries, and how they would affect the world. often this will consist of showing us how humanity would use these new discoveries to destroy itself or oppress each other; there are startlingly few stories where police using psychics to stop crime, or society having a robot taskforce, or people upgrading themselves with cyborg limbs, actually turns out to be a *good* thing (though this may just be because stories where only good things happen are boring).

some concepts you should know about so you won't look like a dweeb in front of sci-fi fans:
* the future, where a lot of these stories tend to take place
* aliens, folks who come from off this island earth. show up in a lot of sci-fi stories, usually invading us, getting invaded by us, or just sort of hanging around bars as a way for the special effects team to show off.
* robot, artificially constructed people, because naturally you'd want your smartphone to look like a person
* ftl: faster-than-light travel, required in any sci-fi story with space travel, or else it would take millennia to finish
* time travel: being able to leave today and go to yesterday, or tomorrow. prone to logical paradoxes.
* hard science fiction: sci-fi that tries to be as realistic as possible. is not a form of pornography
* space opera: stories where people fly around in spaceships and have fantastic adventures on other planets
* cyberpunk and other punk; stories that show how technological process won't fix society's usual problems

v. (from videogames) to take a lot of damage from the enemy team and dole it back out
n. to be the one who does so

an affirmation of maximum certainty and assuredness that something will be accomplished or carried out. a vow may be of peace or inaction, such as that of a pacifist. A vow may be of action, such as that of a soldier promising to deliver a memento to a loved one.

(also: military)
(also: oath)

the brighter and happier cousin of finland

(noun phrase) The caped crusader of education, equipped with an arsenal of dry-erase markers and a utility belt stocked with endless supplies of patience. They possess the extraordinary ability to keep a straight face while defusing classroom chaos and turning learning into a thrilling adventure. With their superhuman multitasking skills, they grade papers at the speed of light and deliver knowledge with the power of a thousand encyclopedias.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

(n.) a choking, gasping, strangled bellowing that accompanies mirth. the best medicine, except for real medicine

n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

I do understand where you're coming from (esp re: being uncomfortable with normal/ tradition), but well, we disagree here in terms of what original means.. but that's ok, disagreement can give rise to clarity.

(n.) a witticism. something oscar wilde would say at a party. basically what every entry on this website amounts to.

when something is born it will die after its life
meaning we are all born to die

v.t. To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)