to torture someone who may or may not be guilty until they tell you they're guilty

Disable comments in a video about freedom of speech.

Government by those who are wise in personal property and good in real estate.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1028 – 1087) First Norman King of England
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: william the conqueror quotes)

(n.) a flatbread smeared with crushed tomato and cheeses, topped with the spicier forms of meat and perhaps more exotic toppings. widely enjoyed as a form of food which the eater does not have to make themselves

was invented by italians, probably as a form of atonement for either opera or mussolini

Internet royalty who wields godlike powers of charity and clickbait.

To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbing and deadcatting of the opposition.

a dance where you are forcibly frolicked around a circle

A very cute small furry thing with a big bushy tail that is fun to -- no, wait, I think that's illegal. But they're still cute and furry.

(n.) the point at which a married couple simply can't make the holy and sacred bond of matrimony work anymore

(also: divorce rate)

To tipple, booze, swill, soak, guzzle, lush, bib or swig. In the individual, toping is regarded with disesteem, but toping nations are in the forefront of civilization and power. When pitted against the hard-drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scythe. In India one hundred thousand beef-eating and brandy-and-soda-guzzling Britons hold in subjection two hundred and fifty million vegetarian abstainers of the same Aryan race. With what an easy grace the whisky-loving American pushed the temperate Spaniard out of his possessions! From the time when the Berserkers ravaged all the coasts of western Europe and lay drunk in every conquered port it has been the same way: everywhere the nations that drink too much are observed to fight rather well and not too righteously. Wherefore the estimable old ladies who abolished the canteen from the American army may justly boast of having materially augmented the nation's military power.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The day of good deeds and a reformed life. The beginning of happiness

(also: tomorrow) when we get to it
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: 2019)

adj. Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling. The words are commonly Saxon — that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.

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The man who writes in Saxon
Is the man to use an ax on.
—Judibras

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) job that pays well and requires little to no real work; job held by a person who is too important to work

A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye, nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear, though in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow, and, with regard to the part of her that is audible, beaten out of the field by the canary — which, also, is more portable.

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A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang —
This quaint, sweet song sang she:
"It's O for a youth with a football bang
And a muscle fair to see!
The Captain he
Of a team to be!
On the gridiron he shall shine,
A monarch by right divine,
And never to roast on it — me!"
—Opaline Jones
(also: the devils dictionary)

(n.) the cockroach of the sea, considered more palatable than its land dwelling cousin

Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the leader of a nation lead by God

a frightfully important person working in the army. if such a person works instead for the navy, they are an admiral. if they don't like the sound of either of those names then they might instead call themselves marshal.

when one is not general, then one is actually specific, and the specific is on the opposite side of the world from the atlantic, and tyler perry built a film studio in atlantic, georgia, and georgia patton is a very famous general so you see, it's all coming together.

the existence of a postmaster-general, an attorney-general, or a surgeon-general does not imply that they lead an army of postmasters, lawyers or surgeons, although that would be mildly amusing.