adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun phrase) The regrettable instances where students deviate from expected conduct, testing the boundaries of classroom dynamics. It encompasses a spectrum of actions, from disruptive behavior and disrespect to defiance and disregard for academic norms. Such conduct poses challenges for teachers, demanding swift intervention, consistent discipline, and the delicate art of redirecting behavior towards positive engagement.

(also: your child is a good listener)

Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbé Belloc, who exorcised it with a bucket of holy water.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific — and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An animal that will be amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

(also: tin opener)

(1917 – 1963) 38th President of the US. Served at the height of the Cold War and helped defuse Cuban Missile Crisis.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: john f. kennedy quotes)

adj. Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling. The words are commonly Saxon — that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.

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The man who writes in Saxon
Is the man to use an ax on.
—Judibras

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Stupid is as stupid does.
(also: stupid)

like clicking that (also: stupid)button

(also: deep thought)

a variety of large feline, with subvarieties dwelling in eurasia, iberia and north america, identifiable by the long wispy ears and pointy beard, giving its countenance sort of a "wise old man" mien

not to be confused with the links that lead to other pages on this site, or the ones on a golf course

to burgle with bravado

a flavoring that is nigh omnipresent on food products in the western world between late summer and autumn. presumably there is some deep ritualistic significance behind this custom, though it remains doggedly beyond the understanding of our finest minds

originally used on pumpkins, a variety of pumpkin spiced watermelon

A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

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"Persevere, persevere!" cry the homilists all,
Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl.
"Remember the fable of tortoise and hare —
The one at the goal while the other is — where?"
Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease
Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace,
The goal and the rival forgotten alike,
And the long fatigue of the needless hike.
His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew
Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew,
He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place,
A winner of all that is good in a race.
—Sukker Uffro

(adj.) as in, caustic wit.

(also: biting)
(also: cutting)
(also: acidic)

(also: sarcasm)
(also: wit)
(also: humour)

n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(also: longanimity)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(c 563 – 483 BC) Spiritual Teacher and founder of Buddhism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: buddha quotes)

the purported secretive cabal consisting of key influential individuals in the many halls of power, and which engineers globally insidious undertakings of all descriptions, including the activities of satanic cults, the cia, the military, ancient egyptians, atlantis, alien invaders, the entertainment industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the arms industry, the confectionery industry, unhinged lone wolf assassins, the knights templar, your mom, french revolutionaries, freemasons, and underappreciated webcartoonists of the 2010s who just sort of stopped updating with no warning one day.

... but not coofl. definitely not coofl.

A fatal dose of medicine when administered by any other than the physician.

(n.) a special kind of grown-up root beer that quenches the sweltering fires in both your throat and your loins

for some reason quite popular among cowboys in the movies. well. "some" reason.

Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment, despite their obvious agency in this incomparable dictionary.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: dictionary)

(Noun) A social media platform that's turned into a breeding ground for narcissism and superficiality. It's a place where people go to brag about their achievements and make their lives look more glamorous than they actually are. From staged photoshoots to over-edited selfies, it's all about presenting a perfect image to the world. While it may seem harmless, Instagram is also notorious for promoting unrealistic beauty standards and perpetuating body image issues. It's also a hotbed for misinformation and fake news, as people share conspiracy theories and spread propaganda without any fact-checking. In short, Instagram is the perfect platform for those who want to live in a self-obsessed bubble and ignore the real issues of the world.

(also: instagram model)