The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To seek a justification for a decision already made.
(also: stupid)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an organ somewhere in, I'm guessing, the torso, that probably does something important with blood or bile or somesuch

(n.) the earliest iteration of the popular 90's toy Etch-A-Sketch

A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.
(also: apparatus)
(also: elevator)

---

Once I seen a human ruin
In an elevator-well,
And his members was bestrewin'
All the place where he had fell.

And I says, apostrophisin'
That uncommon woful wreck:
"Your position's so surprisin'
That I tremble for your neck!"

Then that ruin, smilin' sadly
And impressive, up and spoke:
"Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,
For it's been a fortnight broke."

Then, for further comprehension
Of his attitude, he begs
I will focus my attention
On his various arms and legs —

How they all are contumacious;
Where they each, respective, lie;
How one trotter proves ungracious,
T'other one an alibi.

These particulars is mentioned
For to show his dismal state,
Which I wasn't first intentioned
To specifical relate.

None is worser to be dreaded
That I ever have heard tell
Than the gent's who there was spreaded
In that elevator-well.

Now this tale is allegoric —
It is figurative all,
For the well is metaphoric
And the feller didn't fall.

I opine it isn't moral
For a writer-man to cheat,
And despise to wear a laurel
As was gotten by deceit.

For 'tis Politics intended
By the elevator, mind,
It will boost a person splendid
If his talent is the kind.

Col. Bryan had the talent
(For the busted man is him)
And it shot him up right gallant
Till his head begun to swim.

Then the rope it broke above him
And he painful come to earth
Where there's nobody to love him
For his detrimented worth.

Though he's livin' none would know him,
Or at leastwise not as such.
Moral of this woful poem:
Frequent oil your safety-clutch.
—Porfer Poog

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) job that pays well and requires little to no real work; job held by a person who is too important to work

a device used to convert electricity into a lack of productivity.

(n.) a variety of music that gives one the impression of being bearhugged by a fat, friendly bavarian even when none are present

different question, please

(5 – AD 67) – Christian missionary and one of the main writers of the New Testament.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: st. paul quotes)

One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded recognition in the Hebrew. (Leviticus, xvii, 7.) The satyr was at first a member of the dissolute community acknowledging a loose allegiance to Dionysus, but underwent many transformations and improvements. Not infrequently he is confounded with the faun, a later and decenter creation of the Romans, who was less like a man and more like a goat.
(also: mythology)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) any belief.

(also: meditation)
(also: step out of the car)
(also: Tara Brach)

n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
(also: the devils dictionary)

to stand on one's knees, shins, and hyperextended toes

A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger--but recognize the opportunity.”
― John F. Kennedy
(also: John F. Kennedy)

(1451 – 1506) – Italian explorer landed in America.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: christopher columbus quotes)

(adj.) of the same name

(also: name)
(also: names)
(also: naming)

The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and answered, absently: "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high promontory into the sea. Thus perished in his pride the most famous humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe! No successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward Bok, of The Ladies' Home Journal, is much respected for the purity and sweetness of his personal character.

the most pointless crime, because everybody knows mass cannot be truly destroyed (or created)