(n.) a nation in the north of the Asian continent, primarily known for having such abundant reserves of human suffering that it became their primary export

Slang for a penis.

n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers — particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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Hail, holy Lead! — of human feuds the great
And universal arbiter; endowed
With penetration to pierce any cloud
Fogging the field of controversial hate,
And with a swift, inevitable, straight,
Searching precision find the unavowed
But vital point. Thy judgment, when allowed
By the chirurgeon, settles the debate.
O useful metal! — were it not for thee
We'd grapple one another's ears alway:
But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee
We, like old Muhlenberg, "care not to stay."
And when the quick have run away like pullets
Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

hell

To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

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They took away his vote and gave instead
The right, when he had earned, to eat his bread.
In vain — he clamors for his "boss," pour soul,
To come again and part him from his roll.
—Offenbach Stutz

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Certain abstentions.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a closet for keeping food, wines, bandages, Caprisun, gum, earplugs, paper plates, and plastic utensils

(n.) a feline predator of the americas, of a spotty complexion

to be sure you're looking at a jaguar, as opposed to a leopard, or cheetah, examine the spots closely to see if they resemble big splotches rather than small dots. Go on, get right up near that thing.

(noun):
The mind's ability to take a step back and observe itself, resulting in a profound realization that you are, in fact, stuck inside your own head. It's like discovering an inner narrator who constantly comments on your thoughts, actions, and embarrassing moments.

(also: Realizing you're stuck)

not weighed-down, those sheeple

(1863 – 1947) Owner of Ford Motor Company. Revolutionised mass-production techniques
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: henry ford quotes)

the process by which a new human being is brought into the world. traditionally occurs nine months after the act of coitus between a fertile male and female individual.

births are generally regarded as joyous occasions, until the oxytocin wears off and the dread sets in.

(n.) a horse from the wrong side of the tracks, which grew up meaner and could not afford scoliosis treatment

a holiday when you try to find a date for the day, or a 'valentine', and if you can't find one, you lose

a situation in which ideas can compete and evolve to be most agreeable with people's biases

The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. In literature, and particularly in poetry, the elements of success are exceedingly simple, and are admirably set forth in the following lines by the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape, entitled, for some mysterious reason, "John A. Joyce."

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The bard who would prosper must carry a book,
Do his thinking in prose and wear
A crimson cravat, a far-away look
And a head of hexameter hair.
Be thin in your thought and your body'll be fat;
If you wear your hair long you needn't your hat.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Supa Hot Fire [soo-pah haat fahy*uh*r]

*noun*

Not a rapper.

(also: Rap)
(also: Art)

“I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.”
― Albert Einstein
(also: Albert Einstein)

(n.) the study of ailments which exist only in the mind, though the bill, unfortunately, does not