A mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man- from The encyclopedia galactica.

"Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With."- from the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.

only the best toy ever if you grew up in the 80s and 90s

in 1981, honorable japanese toy company takara released "diaclone," a line of toy robots that could be twisted and folded into nifty futuristic vehicles. one of their corporate samurai got the very original idea to market a line of these car-robot toys to horrible american children (probably because tonka and milton-bradley was already doing that with gobots and robotix), and also got the bright idea to make new ones modeled on real cars such as the formidable Toyota Land Cruiser, and the Volkswagon Beetle (called "the people's car" by adolf hitler himself)

to achieve this they sold the license for these "transformers" to the execs of american toy company hasbro, who decided to advertise their new cash cow with a crappy 80s cartoon and a marvel tie-in comic. the transformers were a smash hit; through the 80s you could always tell whose parents were rich enough to afford them (or at least, had formerly been rich before buying them). naturally they were so successful that hasbro has made every effort to run the franchise into the ground with a new cartoon every decade or so, plus letting michael bay make a series of porno movies that happen to occasionally feature transformers.

If their food had some flavor, maybe Helen wouldn't have grown up to be such a world-wrecking bitch.

(n.) source of all life; is wet.

The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

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"There is no art," says Shakespeare, foolish man,
"To read the mind's construction in the face."
The physiognomists his portrait scan,
And say: "How little wisdom here we trace!
He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart,
So, in his own defence, denied our art."
—Lavatar Shunk
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) separate and distinct, as in pieces, like the body parts of one's relatives after one has offended the local mafioso

to be confused with discreet

(n.) the perfect tool for the discriminating lunatic who enjoys swinging something with a bit of heft but just feels a mace or club isn't slicey enough.

(1766 – 1834) English scholar who raised concern over growing population.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: thomas malthus quotes)

some feelings
(also: tragedy)

(v.) a tactic employed in contests of athletic or academic skill, which enables craftier competitors to level the playing field with superior athletes and academics

(also: lie)
(also: steal)

(n.) that wire chicken you sometimes see perched on top of buildings, pointing in the direction of the wind.

also called a weathercock. under no circumstances should you compress both of these words together to create a vaneycock.

The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

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We know by one's reading
His learning and breeding;
By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.
Read nothing, laugh never —
The Sphinx was less clever!
—Jupiter Muke
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

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The bones of Agamemnon are a show,
And ruined is his royal monument,

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but Agamemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its reductiones ad absurdum in monuments "to the unknown dead" — that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adverb): A word that means the opposite of "yes" but is often used ironically to actually mean "yes". Because why be straightforward when you can make people guess?

Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Land of sun, drunken tourists and self flagellating history. Green on the North and yellow on the south.

an ever increasing field that threatens to consume all unless someone comes up with a solution but that is someone else's problem…oh god it is already here.

(n.) a reptile with a hard shell surrounding its body, widely considered a symbol of persistence in the face of things that would discourage persistence.

Their ability to stack on top of one another has deep seated cosmological implications: (also: turtles all the way down)

In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.
"Old books? The devil take them!" Goby said.
"Fresh every day must be my books and bread."
Nature herself approves the Goby rule
And gives us every moment a fresh fool.
—Harley Shum

someone who defends something and thus supports it and is thus biased and is thus unfit to defend it