n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Coofl is a useless website that the founder begging for help. He should find different method and place to promote his website (also: naked tax advice)

also referred to by the more proper but less euphonic title 'alice's adventures in wonderland'

a famous 1865 work of literature written by lewis carroll. despite its surrealist subject matter, some fringe literary theorists actually believe the book was not written while hopped up on hallucinogenic toads at all (mostly because all the surrealist imagery turns out to be rooted in some rather dull puns that you'll only get if you took mathematics and classics)

famed for its beloved characters, such as tweedledum and tweedledee, the walrus and the carpenter, humpty dumpty, the jabberwock, the lion and the unicorn, the red queen, the mad hatter and the march hare... which only proves how few people have actually read the damn thing, since those characters aren't in the book, they're only in the sequel, 'through the looking glass' (well, okay, the hatter and the hare are in both, and the first book at least has the white rabbit).

see also 'yellow submarine,' the book's hippie grandchild

Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
(also: patriot)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A performance given without a preparation.

Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

(n.) the red-tinted stepchild of precious metals, a mutt born of wanton copper and petulant, abrasive tin.

ever in the shadow of its more accomplished siblings gold and silver, bronze lived an unromantic yet functional existence as a material for weaponcrafting, until it reached high school in the 13th century and was bullied out of existence by steel

to burgle with bravado

(n.) Taking a utilitarian, thrifty attitude towards human remains.

Noun. The mystical force that transforms ordinary humans into button-pressing, world-changing wizards, or sometimes just makes the toaster work.

(also: power dynamics)

(n.) a peon; a lowly goombah; a low-ranking catspaw; a lackey; an errand boy; a mook

(n.) a member of an organization for young boys so that they may engage in outdoorsmanship, civic virtue and charity mugging; also someone who has the corny sense of morality attributed to such a person

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be prepared! that's the boy scout's marching song. be prepared! as thru life you go along
be prepared to hide your liquor pretty well. don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell
be prepared! to hide that pack of cigarettes. don't make book, if you cannot cover bets
keep those reefers hidden where you're sure they won't be found
be careful not to smoke them when the scoutmaster's around
for he only will insist that they be shared- be prepared!

be prepared! that's the boy scout's solemn creed. be prepared! and be clean in word and deed
don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice (unless you get a good percentage of her price)
be prepared! and be careful not to do your good deed, when there's no-one watching you
if you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind
and you come across a girl scout who is similarly inclined
don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared- be prepared!
-tom lehrer

An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods. For your lexicographer, having written his dictionary, comes to be considered "as one having authority," whereas his function is only to make a record, not to give a law. The natural servility of the human understanding having invested him with judicial power, surrenders its right of reason and submits itself to a chronicle as if it were a statute. Let the dictionary (for example) mark a good word as "obsolete" or "obsolescent" and few men thereafter venture to use it, whatever their need of it and however desirable its restoration to favor — whereby the process of impoverishment is accelerated and speech decays. On the contrary, the bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old in an unfamiliar sense, has no following and is tartly reminded that "it isn't in the dictionary" — although down to the time of the first lexicographer (Heaven forgive him!) no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary. In the golden prime and high noon of English speech; when from the lips of the great Elizabethans fell words that made their own meaning and carried it in their very sound; when a Shakspeare and a Bacon were possible, and the language now rapidly perishing at one end and slowly renewed at the other was in vigorous growth and hardy preservation — sweeter than honey and stronger than a lion — the lexicographer was a person unknown, the dictionary a creation which his Creator had not created him to create.

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God said: "Let Spirit perish into Form,"
And lexicographers arose, a swarm!
Thought fled and left her clothing, which they took,
And catalogued each garment in a book.
Now, from her leafy covert when she cries:
"Give me my clothes and I'll return," they rise
And scan the list, and say without compassion:
"Excuse us — they are mostly out of fashion."
—Sigismund Smith

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The part of immortality that we know about.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a stabbier form of tooth

ultimate cure for internet boredom and depression epidemic

n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a method of poverty reduction in which poverty is located and bombed to oblivion