Originally the ninth month of the year until some Roman jerk decided he wanted to destroy all known naming conventions and slide two extra months in the world's biggest and most successful hold my beer.

(also: Hold My Beer)

(1483-1546) Sought to reform the Roman Catholic Church – starting the Protestant Reformation.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: martin luther quotes)

(1395 – 1468) – Inventor of the printing press.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: johann gutenberg quotes)

(n.) a gliding lemur-creature hailing from southeast asia, presumably having emigrated there from some sort of other planet inhabited by nightmares

despite the implication of the name, it is not a hybrid of the colubra and the galago

(v.) a tactic employed in contests of athletic or academic skill, which enables craftier competitors to level the playing field with superior athletes and academics

(also: lie)
(also: steal)

The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

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"There is no art," says Shakespeare, foolish man,
"To read the mind's construction in the face."
The physiognomists his portrait scan,
And say: "How little wisdom here we trace!
He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart,
So, in his own defence, denied our art."
—Lavatar Shunk
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a soft, heavy yellow metal that was formerly of such great monetary value that people would risk their lives to procure it; nowadays recycled to make awards and, in the process of making electronics, is of secondary importance to sand

A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the imprudence of turning about to face Retribution when it is taking exercise:

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What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go
Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know
That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An imaginary all knowing, all seeing being that children are taught to believe in, who rewards them once a year for behaving well.

Also (God for children)

my book
(author: douglas adams)

the sneaky place where the truth often hides

A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
—John D. Rockefeller
The reward of toil and virtue.
—J.P. Morgan

The savings of many in the hands of one.
—Eugene Debs

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To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the bio-capsule in which an unborn life form resides before finally being evicted in a process known as birth

An erroneous appraisement

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Brony - A term used to refer to adult male fans of the TV show My Little Pony, well known for its strange fandom thanks to the show being designed for viewers of all ages.

Spelled "Bronies" in the plural form, and the lesser-used female term is "Pegasister" ("Pegasisters" for plural).

n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(c. 1200 BC) Iranian prophet who founded the religion of Zoroastrianism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: zoroaster quotes)

(n.) the closest thing to god that humanity has yet created, and very likely to destroy us some time in the future. the internet is like a vast beehive of information of which computers are mere waxy cells.

according to legend, the heart of the internet is a gigantic central server built into a volcano, guarded by armies of orcs in little button-down shirts and maybe al gore or something

(1028 – 1087) First Norman King of England
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: william the conqueror quotes)

I am right even if you disagree