The macabre altar used by capable comedians of all sort to display their priestly talent for reciting masses. The beneficiaries pay nothing less than 100% humiliation.

(n.) a filthy, poorly-dressed, drugged up young person who spends his time reading incomprehensible stream-of-consciousness poetry in some dingy coffee shop basement.

they were a major source of parental alarm in the 50s and 60s until they were replaced by hippies

(n.) a for-hire provider of therapeutic services, on a lower tier than professional psychiatrists but generally a higher tier than clowns or priests

(also: clown), (also: priest)

the ancient gaelic harvest festival, held at the midpoint between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice. by happenstance this causes the date to coincide with the modern holiday of halloween

the word would most properly be pronounced as "so-when," because the irish evidently just do not give a damn

n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a two-week-long suicide threat

victim of patriarchy

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe
(also: life)
(also: Marilyn Monroe)

A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

One of the most plentiful meats around. For some it is a dietary staple. Others a foreign delicacy.

(n.) an expensive yet high quality nut

Get your mind out of the gutter

(n.) an viewing device whose leisure delights are used to treat psychological problems such as independent thought, lack of apathy, and concern with the outside world

the leader of a nation lead by God

n. In Theology, a miscreant who does his thinking at home instead of putting it out. He is regarded by the priesthood and clergy with the same aversion that a barber feels for the man who shaves himself.



(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) A Scandinavian country bordered by Sweden, Russia and Norway. Entirely populated by lakes, these bodies of water were the bane of the Soviet Union.

pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.
(also: you)
(also: the devils dictionary)

A place where you ponder life's philosophical questions becomes a rock star and daydream.

(n.) a simp

(adj.) mildly objectionable without being truly evil, possibly in a sexy way

(noun): The ultimate magic trick, where prices rise, and your money vanishes, and nobody knows where it went. The government and the wealthy know the secret, but they ain't telling. Inflation, the ultimate way to redistribute wealth, and make the poor, poorer and the rich, richer, all while making the masses believe it's just a natural occurrence.