am•bur hurd-ing :/ (adj)

One who lies on, gaslights, verbally & physically abuses their partner/spouse.

also:/
One who commits perjury.

also:/
One who fake cries, forces ugly and “sad” facial expressions, and continuously avoids questions she's being asked by the defense, and answers the questions she hears in her own small peanut brain.

Used in a sentence:/

“Can you believe how hard Ashley is Amber Hearding her husband?!? You can clearly see why Justin had to get away from her!”

“ Stay away from that one, the next thing you know she will be you Amber Hearding you to death!”

n. Learning—particularly that sort which is not derived from a regular course of instruction but comes of the reading of occult books, or by nature. This latter is commonly designated as folk-lore and embraces popular myths and superstitions. In Baring-Gould's Curious Myths of the Middle Ages the reader will find many of these traced backward, through various peoples on converging lines, toward a common origin in remote antiquity. Among these are the fables of "Teddy the Giant Killer," "The Sleeping John Sharp Williams," "Little Red Riding Hood and the Sugar Trust," "Beauty and the Brisbane," "The Seven Aldermen of Ephesus," "Rip Van Fairbanks," and so forth. The fable which Goethe so affectingly relates under the title of "The Erl-King" was known two thousand years ago in Greece as "The Demos and the Infant Industry." One of the most general and ancient of these myths is that Arabian tale of "
Ali Baba and the Forty Rockefellers."

(also: Rockefeller)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) human male's penis, also known by other names

A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authenticity and authority. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax, and attached to the paper, sometimes into the paper itself. Sealing, in this sense, is a survival of an ancient custom of inscribing important papers with cabalistic words or signs to give them a magical efficacy independent of the authority that they represent. In the British museum are preserved many ancient papers, mostly of a sacerdotal character, validated by necromantic pentagrams and other devices, frequently initial letters of words to conjure with; and in many instances these are attached in the same way that seals are appended now. As nearly every reasonless and apparently meaningless custom, rite or observance of modern times had origin in some remote utility, it is pleasing to note an example of ancient nonsense evolving in the process of ages into something really useful. Our word "sincere" is derived from sine cero, without wax, but the learned are not in agreement as to whether this refers to the absence of the cabalistic signs, or to that of the wax with which letters were formerly closed from public scrutiny. Either view of the matter will serve one in immediate need of an hypothesis. The initials L. S., commonly appended to signatures of legal documents, mean locum sigillis, the place of the seal, although the seal is no longer used — an admirable example of conservatism distinguishing Man from the beasts that perish. The words locum sigillis are humbly suggested as a suitable motto for the Pribyloff Islands whenever they shall take their place as a sovereign State of the American Union.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the most californian part of scandinavia

n. A vulgarian's name for a woman. A Lieutenant-Governor of California and Warden of the State Prison once reported the number of prisoners under his care as "931 males and 27 ladies."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the mother of solutions

"Mail" (also know as "post") is a purely human and entirely abstract concept developed in most civilised (and uncivilised) civilisations. It refers to the means by which information is transferred from deliverer to reciever, usually by that of an archaic paper-based medium, or its electronical equivalent.

The concept of mail was briefly considered on the planet Joquin Deux, but was quickly disregarded as little more than a modern fad. The way in which the Joquinths would deliver their mail was via psychic projection; shooting the information across the planet as wavelengths, to be sent directly into the head of the intended recipient. Some complaint ensued, however, as the physical sensation of info-waves penetrating the skull was found to resemble that of a gunshot; the bi-weekly delivery of 'How To Get Ahead in Marvolian Advertising' being frequently mistaken for assassination attempts. Upon receiving your mail on Joquin Deux, always be sure to check for an exit wound.

Ex. "Ah, I see the mail has been delivered. Not, in fact, my soul. That was a close one."

pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.
(also: you)
(also: the devils dictionary)

noun: a person coping with his (or her) childhood trauma by inadvertently choosing people who do not look out for his (or her) interest and thus, may be perceived as either naive or unintelligent due to outside perspectives that his (or her) decisions were misguided and unwise.
example: Over time, many people who are depressed or anxious can overcome their johnnydepp mindset.

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noun: a person whose coping mechanisms cause him/her to be prone to creating/engaging in emotionally draining situations.
example: Teenagers tend to be johnnydepps because they want to fit in.

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noun: a person who is perceived as a victim whether or not he/she has good intentions to help people
example: Mr.Bentley was a johnnydepp because he donated millions to charity, but people still chastised him for spending his money irresponsibly.

(v.) to fill the silence with noise (language without meaning or intent).
(also: british)

(also: blathering)
(also: babbling)
(also: droning)
(also: noise)

waffling vs. yarning
(also: yarning)

Acronym for non functional testicles

Basically when someone says he's got NFTs, he is saying he's infertile

activity carried out by suckers who don't know how to invest

a sport involving the use of mallets to guide wooden balls through metal hoops. presumably, it must follow that croquet + baseball = cricket.

people who overthink life

(also: philosophy)
(also: philanthropist)

Coofl is a useless website that the founder begging for help. He should find different method and place to promote his website (also: naked tax advice)

Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) a revolt against the authority of upper case and all formal, social-signalling tomfoolery.

(also: upper case)

The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.[hr
Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on ea]th again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost!
—Polydore Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) talking good, like what I do