(n.) a stuck-up self-important upper-class twit who probably had a silver spoon in every orifice since day one and had daddy's money to bail them out of whatever trouble they got themselves into, and who lords their fancy education over working class folk to play at being more sophisticated than they really are.

bitter? oh. a tad.

etymology: the word comes from 'toffee-nose,' an aptly-named medical condition commonly resulting from the disease called syphilis

an individual, often female, whose affection is more easily negotiable than is common

(n.) based af.

(also: lenin)

(also: capitalism)

a Herculean task that requires the strength of a thousand warriors and the willpower of a saint.

Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.
(also: reason)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Unable to leave.
(also: leaving the planet)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a Jewish religious official who performs pediatric surgery

n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
(also: the fool)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a song that best describes summer

(n.) professional term for a bruisey kind of boo-boo

(n.) activities that require discretion, secrecy, treachery, and dishonesty.

(also: politics)

(adj.) surpassing the surly bonds of our own mundane experiences in its singular excellence; nonexistent.

(n.) a vehicle that consists of one or more carriages that are propelled down a railway track. neither as loving as the o'jays would have you believe nor as sentient as thomas the tank engine would

Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific — and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) before disco, there was polka!

(also: disco)

(272 AD – 337) Roman Emperor who accepted Christian religion.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: constantine the great quotes)

n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig — Maria pseudo-hirsuta. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Porter, Thaddeus of Warsaw.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun):
The mind's ability to take a step back and observe itself, resulting in a profound realization that you are, in fact, stuck inside your own head. It's like discovering an inner narrator who constantly comments on your thoughts, actions, and embarrassing moments.

(also: Realizing you're stuck)

(n.) a category of hoofed animal known for its graceful fragility, probably one of those humanity will wipe out someday. Damn humanity.

many incredible antelope variations exist, particularly in africa; for example, the kudu, the oryx, the wildebeest, the diuker, and the dikdik. wait, that can't be right. dikdik? really? huh.

the first person to agree with me