The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
(also: art)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a large group of people, probably foreigners, to whom the logical reaction is senseless panic
(also: panic)

A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes, by way of providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.
(also: death)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The soul mate of a sad moth,and you separated them.

an epic poem written by the 1st century roman poet virgil, it describes the flight of trojan refugees following the destruction of their home city in the conclusion of the trojan war. the central character, a young royal named aeneas, leads his people west, hoping to find a place of sanctuary, finally finding it in alba longa.

the strong implication of the story is that aeneas and his band of trojan refugees will eventually be responsible for founding the city of rome, thus giving romans a more impressive and mythical pedigree (the story even attempts to explain the long rivalry between romans and carthaginians by having aeneas get up to hanky panky with a carthaginian woman with the somewhat stupid name of dido).

do you believe this story? you probably shouldn't.

socially scarce, and thus socially valuable

(n.) a nation in the north of the Asian continent, primarily known for having such abundant reserves of human suffering that it became their primary export

(1878 – 1953) Absolute ruler of the Soviet Union from 1924 to his death. Led the Soviet Union in WWII.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: joseph stalin quotes)

(n.) the stuff that makes a great man or woman.
(v.) "I will my life forward." "I will (to) keep my promises."

(also: willing)
(also: voluntary)
(also: volition)

(n.) thing that is not to be disclosed or revealed. as the saying goes, three may keep a secret if two of them are dead

A form of incantation to conjure up a hope that is to be exorcised later by inattention.

(1917 – 1963) 38th President of the US. Served at the height of the Cold War and helped defuse Cuban Missile Crisis.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: john f. kennedy quotes)

motor retaining nut on an airplane rotor. named so because, if it becomes loose, your only real option is to pray to jesus.

(noun):
A mythological figure in spandex, armed with superpowers and a wardrobe that defies practicality. They battle villains, save the day, and occasionally face existential crises about their secret identities.

(also: superhero)
(also: american art of saving the day)

A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another — usually about as many times as it can be got there.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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Moses Mendelssohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need an immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day."

"Pork?" shrieked the patient — "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"

"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.

"I swear it!"

"Good! — then I will undertake to cure you."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.

A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

---

Altgeld upon his incandescent bed
Lay, an attendant demon at his head.

"O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief —
Some respite from the roast, however brief."

"Remember how on earth I pardoned all
Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall."

"Unhappy soul! for that alone you squirm
O'er fire unquenched, a never-dying worm.

"Yet, for I pity your uneasy state,
Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.

"Naught, for a season, shall your comfort mar,
Not even the memory of who you are."

Throughout eternal space dread silence fell;
Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.

"As long, sweet demon, let my respite be
As, governing down here, I'd respite thee."

"As long, poor soul, as any of the pack
You thrust from jail consumed in getting back."

A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide
While they were turning him on t'other side.
—Joel Spate Woop
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a logical fallacy where I don't follow

A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)