to behave under the knowledge that you could be taken out by a drone strike ten seconds from now, so it's no use waiting for anything ever.

A form of penance practiced by the medieval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.

(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

---

I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre,
And pick with care the disobedient wire.
That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook
With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.
I bide my time, and it shall come at length,
When, with a Titan's energy and strength,
I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O,
The world shall suffer when I let them go!
—Farquharson Harris
(also: instruments of torture)
(also: ancient instruments of torture)
(also: modern instruments of torture)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

food for lower-downs

a situation in which ideas can compete and evolve to be most agreeable with people's biases

And don't go through your sister's drawers

not exhibiting the cheating, hypercompetitiveness, or general lack of integrity expected of athletes

(n.) buffoonery or clowning-around

sucks to be tom, i guess

The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane. For illustration, this present (and illustrious) lexicographer is no firmer in the faith of his own sanity than is any inmate of any madhouse in the land; yet for aught he knows to the contrary, instead of the lofty occupation that seems to him to be engaging his powers he may really be beating his hands against the window bars of an asylum and declaring himself Noah Webster, to the innocent delight of many thoughtless spectators.

mostly russian
(also: russia)

(n.) the haunting knowledge that one has done something wrong despite their better judgment; generally a deterrent against future wrongdoing until the individual forgets about it

(also: shame)

swiss psychiatrist of the early 20th century. for some reason, he drew an awful lot of pictures of my parents fighting.

A certain literary quality frequently observed in popular novels, especially in those written by women and young girls, who give it another name and think that in introducing it they are occupying a neglected field of letters and reaping an overlooked harvest. If they have the misfortune to live long enough they are tormented with a desire to burn their sheaves.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name — liver, the thing we live with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg paté.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the momentary condition of the planet's atmosphere, particularly with regards to heat, cold, precipitation intensity,, earth, wind, fire, torrents of falling fish... that sort of stuff.

(n.) a complex thingy made of various interconnected bits of stuff. the web of a spider is made of silken strands strewn in a net-shape between tree branches and other detritus. the web of political intrigue is made of backstabs and power-grabs strewn between taxpayer dollars.

alternatively, "web" may also be a distinctly radical way of saying "the internet."

pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.
(also: you)
(also: the devils dictionary)

the ancient chinese art of mystical housekeeping

Bill Nye Day (n.) a kind of day when you don't feel like doing your job. When you walk into the classroom and the TV is in the room and lights are off, you know it's going to be a bill nye day. Bill Nye is a kid's show scientist, which many only watched in school on these kind of days.