The act of reminding people of the horrible things they already knew, allowing you slight relief from the guilt of doing nothing about it yourself.

A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment, despite their obvious agency in this incomparable dictionary.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: dictionary)

(n.) professional term for the more bleedy kind of boo-boo

(noun):
The noble act of toiling tirelessly and sacrificing precious moments of life in pursuit of success, while inadvertently fueling the relentless machinery of capitalism.


(also: success)
(also: best military cadences)

A magical elixir that transforms non-morning people into semi-functioning human beings.

(n.) if you gotta push some papers around, ok, sure; but if something awful happens on your watch, don't pass it off with the excuse of "I was just doing my job". you are still instilled with the gift and the responsibility to stay aware of your surroundings, your actions and consequences, and to stay connected with your soul.
https://medium.com/the-retrospective/hannah-arendt-on-the-banality-of-evil-4e75fd840c68

(also: bullshit jobs)
the harms of (also: balkanization)
the harms of (also: decontextualization)

(also: the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)

Bo-gie
/ˈbōɡē/
(Noun)

“Bogie” is a term used by the British during the Revolutionary War used to describe a person perpetrating perilous performances against them.

Example:
“There's a (bogie) shoving melted candle wax up my ass over here!”

One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

the purported secretive cabal consisting of key influential individuals in the many halls of power, and which engineers globally insidious undertakings of all descriptions, including the activities of satanic cults, the cia, the military, ancient egyptians, atlantis, alien invaders, the entertainment industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the arms industry, the confectionery industry, unhinged lone wolf assassins, the knights templar, your mom, french revolutionaries, freemasons, and underappreciated webcartoonists of the 2010s who just sort of stopped updating with no warning one day.

... but not coofl. definitely not coofl.

n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a specimen of utter dependency and helplessness. often equipped with such sad eyes and default facial expressions.
perhaps the sadness of the toys they have access to playing with -- the supposed, pale mimicry of real prey -- is too much for them to bear.

(n.) the red juice that makes one alive

(n.) a mythical being that rises from a moldering grave to drain the life blood of unsuspecting prey; probably inspired by earlier tales of landlords or moochers

noun: living beings, whether animals or creatures, that provide solace and grievance depending on one's mood.
Example: my dog is an important member of my family.

The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and answered, absently: "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high promontory into the sea. Thus perished in his pride the most famous humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe! No successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward Bok, of The Ladies' Home Journal, is much respected for the purity and sweetness of his personal character.

(n.) curdled lactate. intended to be eaten.

A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
—John D. Rockefeller
The reward of toil and virtue.
—J.P. Morgan

The savings of many in the hands of one.
—Eugene Debs

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To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)