(n.) someone of high rank or prestige, or someone whose delusion of rank and prestige needs to be indulged; a muckety-muck

(n.) a feline predator of the americas, of a spotty complexion

to be sure you're looking at a jaguar, as opposed to a leopard, or cheetah, examine the spots closely to see if they resemble big splotches rather than small dots. Go on, get right up near that thing.

(n.) a vehicle powered by pasta. well, in a roundabout sort of way.

n. A child of two races, ashamed of both.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An exuse your blood relatives will use to take advantage of you.

A private restaurent in china.

Calepine of Outré Fringe Linguistics

(n.) actually more of a dish, not a cup or goblet, despite what others would have you believe. also possibly a metaphor for something abstruse and religious

one who enjoys enjoyable things (probably gay)

(n.) one who collects evidence in order to ensure someone is punished for the committing of a crime, preferably the person who actually committed it

(n.) a tiny little insect that compensates for its shrimpiness with endless reinforcements. attracted to exposed foodstuffs, some of the more vicious varieties bite. known also for its monarchist sympathies

(n.) 1) a lowly delinquent and a no-goodnik; 2) a variety of music that revels in one's delinquency and no-goodnikness

A sovereign's right to do wrong.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

cozumel, an idyllic island between cancun and cuba, offers opportunities for sightseeing, diving, and food which are not to be passed up by the adventurous traveler. however, it is paramount to be wary of the chief threat on the island, extremely pushy stall vendors

to walk down the corredor de artesanos is to run the gauntlet of shell jewelry, textiles, sunglasses, and the odd jar of local preserves. avoiding their gaze will not deter them. politely declining will not dissuade them. they cannot be haggled with, they cannot be reasoned with, they do not feel pity, remorse, or fear. they absolutely will not stop until the cash in your pockets has been converted into kitsch

but if you can get by them there's a pretty good taco place on the beach.

(adjective):
The blissful feeling that washes over you when the universe aligns perfectly, like finding a matching pair of socks on the first try or experiencing the elusive "plop" sound when plunging a clogged toilet.


(also: acting like it is not sexual)

definitive
(also: guide)

(n.) a traveling attraction which offers clowns, stunt performances and trained animals.

circus is also the latin word for "circle," which explains why Piccadilly Circus is one of London's most disappointing tourist attractions next to pall mall

Every German who chugs a beer! Every Zulu with an assegai spear!
Every Chinaman in a junk! Every Mexican in a trunk!
Every Bedouin on a dune! Every Frenchman playing Claire de Lune!
Every Syrian and Kazakhstani! Every Giorgio and his Armani!
Every Spaniard playing second flute! Every Dane, Norwegian and Aleut!
Every single guy who's Aborigine! Every Englishman who's Walter Pidgeon-y
From Hollywood, home of big celebrities- to Vanuatu in the Outer Hebrides!
From New Yorkers eatin' steak tartare! To every friend of Pablo Escobar!
From the Taiwanese and Cuban Petes, to the Russians with their soup of beets
Every Tamil, Tatar, Thai, Tibetan; everybody else that we're forgettin'
Everyone from Niger, Tonga, Bali; the French Sudan which is now called Mali
Everybody up in Katmandu! Every Canadian, cuz we're there too
Every Tajikistani with a yak! Every Bolivian in a sack!
Every caner in Singapore! Everybody who's really sore!
Every Turk in a Teaneck diner, or South African diamond miner
Every gypsy playin' finger cymbals! Everyone who ever shopped at Gimble's
We are there.

An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

---

Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

"O servant of the Prophet," said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, "how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?"

"Upholder of the Faith," that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda, "they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!"

"And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?" he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy.

"Uncle of the Full Moon," was the reply, "deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!"

For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then, "Sons of angels," he said, "the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned."

(also: war)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)