Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol.
It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life for
(also: Encyclopedia Galactica)

There is an art, or, rather, a knack to flying.

The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Pick a nice day and try it.


The first part is easy:

All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fall to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is the second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prize your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.

If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, bob and float.


Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of "Good God, you can't possibly be flying!"
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.

(also: boeing)
(also: airbus)

n. In architecture, the upper part of a column, upon which, in all good architecture, sits the thoughtful stork pondering unutterable things.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Adding two-digit numbers is like combining two groups of friends. Imagine you have 47 friends in one group and 69 friends in another group. To find out how many friends you have in total, you count the friends from each group separately. You count 4 tens from the first group and 6 tens from the second group, which gives you 10 tens. Then, you count the 7 ones from the first group and 9 ones from the second group, which gives you 16 ones. So, when you add the tens and ones together, you have 10 tens and 16 ones, which equals 116 friends in total!

(also: Subtracting two-digit numbers)
(also: Counting and making change with money)
(also: Measuring and converting units of length)

(n.) see currency, medium of exchange, storehouse of value, moolah, simoleons, shekels, dinero, cash. something designated as having value equivalent to a certain amount of goods or services; this designated value is considered one of the lies that forms a central pillar of civilization.

black
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

one of the more pervasive postulates in the field of hooey.

in summarium, the idea that veins of vague, unquantifiable "energy" crisscross the planet, intersecting at points of equally vague significance, usually ones humans handily chose to mark with photogenic landmarks such as stonehenge

equivalent to "dragon paths" in chinese culture, to "songlines" in australian aboriginal culture, and (functionally) to aliens building the pyramids in sane person culture.

(n.) what inevitably happens when you cut off the tail end of culture and leave it hanging, when you rip the religion (aka nascent metaphysics) out of a culture's foundation and deem it 'passe', 'ignorant' or some such without providing a suitable alternative. a bastard child of culture who, on a bad day, develops bpd, does coke, and engages in love-bombing, isolation, gaslighting and other manipulation.

(also: culture)
(also: religion)
(also: metaphysics)

See horse

If their food had some flavor, maybe Helen wouldn't have grown up to be such a world-wrecking bitch.

A dead Quaker.

The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naïvely asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the academic discipline of measuring time, usually making clocks.

... you thought it was something else. Admit it.

a wonderfully obscene and versatile hand gesture consisting of a balled fist save for one raised middle finger, knuckles facing the target of your ire.

symbolically represents a visiting ambassador from a faraway land rich in all the ***loves*** I don't give.

(n.) an organ somewhere in, I'm guessing, the torso, that probably does something important with blood or bile or somesuch

n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

---

When ignorance from out our lives can banish
Philology, 'tis folly to know Spanish.
—Juan Smith
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a rite in which a newborn baby pledges lifelong belief in Jesus Christ

(n.) politely saying sorry after you hit them with a hockey stick

(n.) a phenomenon that blesses only the most dedicated. to know you have truly suffered in this life, your reward is the physical evidence of your suffering.