(n.) weapons intended primarily to fight food

(n.) one who sings. not to be confused with one who singes.

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger--but recognize the opportunity.”
― John F. Kennedy
(also: John F. Kennedy)

Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow that's big," time. Infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.
(also: space)

Someone who spends his life drunk half of the time, while either sleeping or getting drunk the other half.

(also: Me)
(also: Drunk)

(n.) noodles prepared by italians, as opposed to noodles prepared by east asian people, which are referred to as "takeout"

quotation marks used to denote that you totally did not just use that word.

a type of candy that is either unpalatable or made of sugar

where to begin? egyptian history spans over 5000 years. egypt was ancient long before the single day on which rome was built.

to be as brief as is feasible, the upper and lower portions of egypt first became unified sometime between 3200 and 3000 BC, possibly by somebody named Narmer or Menes, who thus became the founder of the first dynasty of pharaohs. narmer's dynasty dicks around for a bit, leave behind a few prototype tombs in the village of saqqara, and is replaced by a second dynasty. that dynasty does more dicking around and is replaced again. this more or less sets the tone for the rest of egyptian history.

old kingdom egypt (3rd-6th dynasties); the big pointy pyramids you're thinking of come from the fourth dynasty
* an intermediate period (7th-11th dynasties)
middle kingdom egypt (11th-13th dynasties); the book of the dead, that famous egyptian book you've heard of, only shows up in rough draft form around this period
* another intermediate period (13th-17th dynasties)
new kingdom egypt (18th-20th dynasties); tutankhamun, the one pharaoh everyone has heard of, was the second-to-last pharaoh of the 18th dynasty
* sure, why not another intermediate period (21st-25th dynasties), followed by some twilight years (the late period extending to the 31st dynasty), during which egypt got conquered by persians


By this point it's already the 330s BC, and greece (led by alexander the great) took over egypt and left it in control of some doofus named ptolemy. not too long after that, it was conquered again by the romans, by which time we've only just arrived at caesar boinking cleopatra.

n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) real loud and stuff

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

I do understand where you're coming from (esp re: being uncomfortable with normal/ tradition), but well, we disagree here in terms of what original means.. but that's ok, disagreement can give rise to clarity.

the hindsight-fueled ramblings of older individuals who forget their own past mistakes and offer vague platitudes.

(also: Relationship advice)

Asian milk tea with black pearl like things that I choke on regulary (It is hard to write that seriously).

A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

the best video game ever made
(also: spider)

A fatal dose of medicine when administered by any other than the physician.