A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: National Basketball Association)



Eastern Conference

Atlantic

Boston Celtics
Brooklyn Nets
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers
Toronto Raptors

Central

Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Detroit Pistons
Indiana Pacers
Milwaukee Bucks

Southeast

Atlanta Hawks
Charlotte Bobcats
Miami Heat
Orlando Magic
Washington Wizards


Western Conference


Northwest
Denver Nuggets
Minnesota Timberwolves
Oklahoma City Thunder
Portland Trail Blazers
Utah Jazz

Pacific

Golden State Warriors
Los Angeles Clippers
Los Angeles Lakers
Phoenix Suns
Sacramento Kings

Southwest

Dallas Mavericks
Houston Rockets
Memphis Grizzlies
New Orleans Hornets
San Antonio Spurs

Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

series of letters of decreasing size that you could certainly memorize. Every eye chart is the same sequence, and it's only 66 letters.

a logical fallacy where I don't follow

n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Liability to attacks of laughter is one of the characteristics distinguishing man from the animals — these being not only inaccessible to the provocation of his example, but impregnable to the microbes having original jurisdiction in bestowal of the disease. Whether laughter could be imparted to animals by inoculation from the human patient is a question that has not been answered by experimentation. Dr. Meir Witchell holds that the infectious character of laughter is due to the instantaneous fermentation of sputa diffused in a spray. From this peculiarity he names the disorder Convulsio spargens.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(noun):
Hilariously disastrous stories that make you question humanity's ability to navigate the simplest of tasks, like opening a door or using a toaster without setting the house on fire.

(also: tales from pizza guy)

spartacus (103-71 BC) is a somewhat mysterious historical figure. a greek, or possibly a thracian (from what is today bulgaria), little is known of his life except that he was a military leader, then a gladiator, then he led a massive slave uprising against rome, one of the few wars in history where it's totally uncontroversial to side entirely with one of the belligerents.

since his background is so mysterious, he is one of those historical figures you could potentially turn out to be if you're ever a time traveler (blackbeard is another!)

A fancy word for "beat to death"

(also: violence)

n. (Reporterese.) Milk.

(also: milk)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1917 – 1963) 38th President of the US. Served at the height of the Cold War and helped defuse Cuban Missile Crisis.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: john f. kennedy quotes)

n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways—by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.

---

But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion
Let those immersed
And those aspersed
Decide by the Authorized Version,
And by matching their agues tertian.
—G.J.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A peace only achievable via massive amounts of warfare. It has only been achieved once after World War II. Only twenty minutes and ended with the French Captian Boniface Martin calling the British General Ashton Chesterfield a right British twat and proclaimed his intention of defiling his wife with his French penis.

To ask a higher price that you can get.

a genre of comedy where you empathize with people, making you laugh

an african big feline, not too different from the north american lynx but with big vaguely chalupa-shaped ears

(v.) a revolt against the authority of upper case and all formal, social-signalling tomfoolery.

(also: upper case)

a media juggernaut spun off from a 1970s fantasy movie about samurai cowboys who reenact world war ii in space

it's so beloved that all its fans loathe it

The moon is the only natural sattelite of the earth, formed 4.5 billion years ago by a rock the size of mars called theia colliding with the earth, the resulting debris formed the current moon.

(n.) the act of borrowing something at a very favorable rate to the borrower.