(n.) one who wanks; a tosser.

(also: tosser)

A place where ships taking shelter from storms are shattered by customs officers.
(also: ship)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. a product made for picking ears

the place we take ourselves when we refuse much needed help

(noun): a bewitching enchantress armed with a smile that could disarm james bond himself. known for her ability to effortlessly steal scenes with a single pout, she possesses the power to make hearts skip beats and leave mortals weak in the knees.

real name of united states of america according to my ass
(also: america)

(n.) a reasonably big lumpy rock that floats around in space

(also: planet)

vipers (always venomous):
*rattlesnakes (snakes with built in warning maracas; not mariachi players)
*fer-de-lances (snakes with fancy french names; not medieval knights)
*bushmasters (south american jungle snake; not a porn category)
*puff adders (north african grassland snake; not a good smoking buddy)
*night adders (another african grassland snake; not played by rowan atkinson)
*copperheads (and cottonmouths, which are basically the same things)

elapids (sometimes venomous):
*cobras (hooded snakes; not affiliated with the klan)
*king cobras (hooded snakes; not affiliated with the british royal family)
*coral snakes (colorful snake; not a harmless milksnake, though it strongly resembles one, leading to one of nature's more fun gambling games)
*death adders (snake with a cool name; does not play death metal)
*kraits (very venomous snakes from india; not meant to be smashed by donkey kong)
*taipan (very venomous snakes from around india; not a tie or a pan)

colubras (rarely venomous):
*boomslangs (not similar to boomerangs)
*kingsnakes (not the last scion of numenor seeking to reclaim throne of gondor)
*garter snakes (a harmless bum who just wants to crash in your garden; not an article of women's underwear)

pythons (never venomous, they simply crush the life out of prey instead)
boas (constrictors like pythons; not feathery scarves)

there are more but let's be honest, you don't care

a smol creature dedicated to destroying ur belongings with its epic cuteness and sharp beak

Life...is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast

a state of emotional distress experienced while ashamed of emotion, preferring the aesthetic of stone-hearted rationality and objectivity.

(n.): A brooding, melodramatic strategist who's convinced he's always the smartest person in the room. Often found lounging on a throne while his minions do the grunt work. Has a flair for dramatic entrances and is known to monologue for hours on end.

(also: anime)

A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to some one that it might be taught to talk.

An abstract word with a negative connotation, long on power, short on truth. An obscene mask painted on the mean face of a shrewd vulgarian for the purpose of dominating the multitude of sentimentalist idiots and imbeciles.

An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

an ever increasing field that threatens to consume all unless someone comes up with a solution but that is someone else's problem…oh god it is already here.

Tim Dillon Discord Server also known as a "Honeypot for retards"

(n.) source of all life; is wet.

so called money that make me have less money
(also: money losing methods)

Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
He lived in a period prehistoric,

---

When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder,
Set down great events in succession and order,
He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
—Orpheus Bowen
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)