The act of reminding people of the horrible things they already knew, allowing you slight relief from the guilt of doing nothing about it yourself.

When have brevity, mean fast

archimedes of syracuse (287-212 BC) was perhaps the greatest mathematical mind of his day. a student of the mouseion of alexandria, archimedes returned to his home city of syracuse to become an inventor of great renown.

he is reputed to be the originator of the theory of fluid displacement (and, related, an early critic of your primitive notions of modesty), a quick and consistent calculation method for the volume of a sphere, the archimedes screw (not a sex act, a means of pumping water), and possibly even a death ray he used on roman invaders.

in 212 BC archimedes was supposedly killed by a roman legionary who had been instructed to find the great mathematician and bring him before his commander, marcellus. while this legionary looked for his quarry, he stumbled upon a scruffy old man drawing circles in the sand; the old man snapped at the legionary not to scuff his circles, and was killed for his impertinence. naturally the old man turned out to have been archimedes. heh. cosmic irony.

also referred to by the more proper but less euphonic title 'alice's adventures in wonderland'

a famous 1865 work of literature written by lewis carroll. despite its surrealist subject matter, some fringe literary theorists actually believe the book was not written while hopped up on hallucinogenic toads at all (mostly because all the surrealist imagery turns out to be rooted in some rather dull puns that you'll only get if you took mathematics and classics)

famed for its beloved characters, such as tweedledum and tweedledee, the walrus and the carpenter, humpty dumpty, the jabberwock, the lion and the unicorn, the red queen, the mad hatter and the march hare... which only proves how few people have actually read the damn thing, since those characters aren't in the book, they're only in the sequel, 'through the looking glass' (well, okay, the hatter and the hare are in both, and the first book at least has the white rabbit).

see also 'yellow submarine,' the book's hippie grandchild

(n.) not to be confused with a black pearl. This is a common Asian tea ingredient that turns 20 year old boys into 14 year old highschool girls when they go out with members of the opposite sex party.

(n.) a contraption of silicon, glass and plastic that serves as a secondary brain so that people do not have to handle all that tedious thought by themselves

Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: pride)

a genre of political cartoon that flourished during the prelude to the French Revolution. Historians often consider it scathing satire when in fact it is drawings of political figures masturbating as if that were a point. While the term is historical, the spirit lives on whenever someone says Trump has a small penis.

Suicide but with help from another human being.

(n.) a party that celebrates surviving one year past a certain event. if the event is a birth it's called a birthday

A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven's aristocracy. A gentleman of God.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

an aphrodisiac given to someone else to override their romantic will

(v) to inhabit without paying rent, usually granted that one is a ghost

A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
(also: revolution)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A sovereign's right to do wrong.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A telephone that is easy to bring with you and runs on batterys (maby chargeable). It can often send text messages and maby has a camera.

(also: telephone)
(also: text messages)

(adj.) the condition of low temperature, pertaining variously to the weather, to food, to a sensation experienced when one touches a physical surface, to the cruel behavior of my heartless ex-wife, and various other referents

(n.) also called the bush baby and the night monkey, a small, nocturnal, arboreal creature from africa, known for its large ears and big sad eyes that would, on consideration, probably be horrifying if you saw them starting at you in the dead of night.

somewhat resemble a more athletic tarsier, and as a relative of the loris and lemur, a distant cousin of humanity much like the hobbit.

(n.) a pancake covered in square braille indents for people with blind tongues

(n.) little black bird that suddenly appears every time roadkill is near