n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a tiny alpine country nestled between france, germany, and italy. throughout history it has managed to stay wealthy and peaceful by providing other countries with things they need (formerly mercenaries, nowadays tax havens) without otherwise getting involved in international politics in any way whatsoever.

offers nice skiing, decent education, clean, orderly cities and quiet seclusion, but the price for this is that there's virtually no nightlife. you can have swiss banks or french brothels, but, it would appear, not both.

(n.) a revolting little filth beetle that is in the running for ultimate life form on the planet

(n.) a probably nonexistent cosmic force that supposedly determines whether chance-based outcomes are positive or negative. the central figure in a strange modern religion usually practiced in casinos and stock exchanges

A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A kind of inlaid work. From Moses, who when little was inlaid in a basket among the bulrush.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only. This important distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the mediæval Church and there was much bloodshed about it. Certain Lutherans, who affirmed the presence everywhere of Christ's body, were known as Ubiquitarians. For this error they were doubtless damned, for Christ's body is present only in the eucharist, though that sacrament may be performed in more than one place simultaneously. In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood — not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) one whose newfangled ideas indicate the imminent collapse of all proud and decent society, society evidently being constantly threatened by newfangled ideas

Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty, by the Mongolian to make a guy of himself and by the Afro-American to affirm his worth.
(also: racism)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.

---

'Twas a pair of boots that the lady bought,
And the salesman laced them tight
To a very remarkable height —
Higher, indeed, than I think he ought —
Higher than can be right.
For the Bible declares — but never mind:
It is hardly fit
To censure freely and fault to find
With others for sins that I'm not inclined
Myself to commit.
Each has his weakness, and though my own
Is freedom from every sin,
It still were unfair to pitch in,
Discharging the first censorious stone.
Besides, the truth compels me to say,
The boots in question were made that way.
As he drew the lace she made a grimace,
And blushingly said to him:
"This boot, I'm sure, is too high to endure,
It hurts my — hurts my — limb."
The salesman smiled in a manner mild,
Like an artless, undesigning child;
Then, checking himself, to his face he gave
A look as sorrowful as the grave,
Though he didn't care two figs
For her pains and throes,
As he stroked her toes,
Remarking with speech and manner just
Befitting his calling: "Madam, I trust
That it doesn't hurt your twigs."
—B. Percival Dike

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

See horse

whose voice will give you lovely dreams, if you listen to her talks and really reflect as you're going to sleep.

(also: meditation)
(also: magic)

A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction — prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a foodstuff consisting of a cylindrical tubule of visceral meat components. Widely appreciated by members of the German diaspora and those who have not seen them actually being made.

(also: food)

a chronic condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable onset of sleep. the main thing to remember about narcolepsy iszzzzzzzzzz...

(n.) a word noted for its groove and meaning; the residue left over after cooking good food, as punishment for enjoying yourself

A one hit wonder written and performed by Terry, the dog in the Wizard of Oz.

People are usually confused about these two terms as they are equally prescious. Dreamers with nothing but dreams are useless as we know.

(also: creativity)

The opposite of noise

(also: noise)