vlad iii (1428ish-1476ish) was a ruler in romania who became famous for brutally massacring turkish people to get out of paying them back for their assistance in brutally massacring the hungarians

he was not a vampire, but at some point bram stoker, and then the entire world, decided he would be more interesting if he were a vampire. so now everyone just pretends he was. today, dracula-the-vampire is one of the most prolific characters in all of fiction, but has probably not seen a penny of the royalties himself, which just goes to show who the real bloodsuckers are.

a bunch of sounds that can make you feel 10 different feelings at once; good cure for when you're sad

"autonomous sensory meridian response:" a pleasurably shivery tingly sensation you get when you hear a sound you really like.

a surprising amount of online content has been created and put up on the internet, in order to help viewers experience this sensation.

... it's not pornography. we are assured that it is not pornography.

(adjective): A term bestowed upon something so captivatingly enchanting that it could charm the socks off a grumpy troll. Like a unicorn on roller skates, it possesses an otherworldly allure that leaves mortals entranced and speechless. Use with caution, as excessive exposure may result in an uncontrollable urge to break into spontaneous song and dance.

The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca maledicta). The father of Zoölogy was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire générale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horns every two years.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a group of individuals who verbally, physically, mentally, and legally submit periods of service to the needs of their country. Historically, support and approval of military has highs and lows, globally. Historically, most needs of military members are not fully honored by the countries they submit service to.

(also: oath)
(also: vow)
(also: submit)

n. (Literally, seafoam, and by many erroneously supposed to be made of it.) A fine white clay, which for convenience in coloring it brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked by the workmen engaged in that industry. The purpose of coloring it has not been disclosed by the manufacturers.
There was a youth (you've heard before,
This woful tale, may be),
Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore
That color it would he!

He shut himself from the world away,
Nor any soul he saw.
He smoked by night, he smoked by day,
As hard as he could draw.

His dog died moaning in the wrath
Of winds that blew aloof;
The weeds were in the gravel path,
The owl was on the roof.

"He's gone afar, he'll come no more,"
The neighbors sadly say.
And so they batter in the door
To take his goods away.

Dead, pipe in mouth, the youngster lay,
Nut-brown in face and limb.
"That pipe's a lovely white," they say,
"But it has colored him!"

The moral there's small need to sing —
'Tis plain as day to you:
Don't play your game on any thing
That is a gamester too.
—Martin Bulstrode

(also: the devil's dictionary)

(n.) A frozen hell in the extreme north of the American continent. Inhabited primarily by roving packs of hockey fans, wolverines, and gravy.

(also: roving packs)

(v.) to borrow an item with full intent to apologize to the owner if/when caught

(also: theft)

People who always interrupt you when you need some privacy (also: excuses to be disrespectful)

An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).
(also: fly)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians — who are Hogmies.
(also: humans)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

actually camels are not horses! horses are odd-toed ungulates, while camels belong to the order of even-toed ungulates, and are therefore more closely related to cows, pigs, goats, sheep, deer, antelope, giraffes, and even whales

now you know, and knowing is half the saddle.

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.

---

The pig is taught by sermons and epistles
To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
—Judibras

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a force. the water we swim through, in every conscious and unconscious moment, and take woefully for granted.

(also: death)
(also: this is water)

some eastern european country. they might have roses or quaint folk dances or something. Who knows.

(n.) one who sees to the care and cleanliness of a building. the keeper of hidden broom, wielder of the sawdust of arnor. into his boiler room, you shall not pass.

(n.) a contraption of silicon, glass and plastic that serves as a secondary brain so that people do not have to handle all that tedious thought by themselves

Coofl is a useless website that the founder begging for help. He should find different method and place to promote his website (also: naked tax advice)