south africa

trustycoffeemug
The part of Africa where the natives got screwed by the Dutch, and then the British screwed both the natives and the Dutch, and then the Dutch and the British teamed up to really brutally screw the natives for decades.

Today the system of screwing ('apartheid') is dismantled and its aftereffects slowly being undone, but there's no help to be had for those crazy accents.

offensive

the devils dictionary
Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy.
"Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!"

attila the hun

trustycoffeemug
attila (b. probably circa 406 AD) was a king of the huns and also ruled over a number of tribes in central asia and eastern europe between 434 and 453. he spent a lot of his time in office beating up the roman empire, which heaved a giant collective sigh of relief when he finally passed away on his wedding night. after that the huge kingdom he built basically dissolved into infighting.

sort of a western prototype for genghis khan.

according to a german opera-writer he is also the brother of brunnhilde, valkyrie and apparent queen of iceland, though he doesn't do much in the story besides marry Kriemheld (who wants revenge for the death of her husband siegfried, who was killed because he had a love triangle going with brunnhilde because he'd helped his friend woo her and yadda yadda yadda, there's a magic treasure involved or something)

resplendent

the devils dictionary
Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade.

The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.
—"Chronicles of the Classes"
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

aging

trustycoffeemug
(n.) the hoary specter of death's pay-by-installment plan

(adj.) describing one who is in the process of mutating into a frailer, wrinklier, balder form of life

euclid

trustycoffeemug
euclid was a student of the great mouseion ("temple of the muses") in alexandria, like his later successor archimedes. among his many impressive scholarly works was a treatise outlining the four elements of the natural world.

of course, as any modern schoolchild knows, there are hundreds of natural elements, demonstrating that even a brilliant man like euclid was ultimately an ignorant savage in the grand scheme of things. suck it, old man.

palmistry

the devils dictionary
The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe." The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

japan

trustycoffeemug
a country spread across five islands in the easternmost part of east asia.

for some reason, frequently confused with china by outsiders, so let's get this out of the way:

china things: great walls. silken pajamas. jackie chan. mao zedong. confucius. crazy-ass operas.

japan things: ninja. samurai. sumo wrestlers. anime. cherry blossoms. mount fuji. karaoke.

things both places have: noodles. tea. buddhism. urban sprawl.

sabbath

the devils dictionary
A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this is the Christian version: "Remember the seventh day to make thy neighbor keep it wholly." To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week, but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views. So great is the sanctity of the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious jurisdiction over those who go down to (and down into) the sea it is reverently recognized, as is manifest in the following deep-water version of the Fourth Commandment:

Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able,
And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

Decks are no longer holystoned, but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

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