(n.) more often than not, a blessing in disguise. a call to refocus on what your body really needs for health. a reframing of values and priorities.

(also: pain)
(also: priorities)

A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: bypasses)

The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

n. The kind of political and social reformer who is more concerned to bring others down to his plane than to lift himself to theirs.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.

---

Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call
To battle: "The brokers are parasites all!"
Carnegie, Carnegie, you'll never prevail;
Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail,
Go back to your isle of perpetual brume,
Silence your pibroch, doff tartan and plume:
Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray —
Fly, fly from the region of Wall Street away!
While still you're possessed of a single baubee
(I wish it were pledged to endowment of me)
'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance
Lest its value decline ere your credit advance.
For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea,
Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free!
—Anonymus Bink
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) intense physical activity used to improve one's physical condition so that they may justify overeating and laziness to their own conscience

a means of selecting political leaders in which candidates perform for the amusement of the citizenry and attempt to suppress their objectionable characteristics, in exchange for which eligible citizens award them points in the form of little slips of paper with the candidates' names written on them. the points are then tallied to determine the winner and everyone goes home unhappy

elections are generally seen as mercifully less exciting than the previous system of violent uprisings and revolutions

(n.) an unexpectedly successful colony of the americas originally established as a free range insane asylum. currently a popular destination for sun and sand, until people actually go there and see how little of both there actually is

n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has "lost his mind." It is in the former and more legitimate sense, that the word is used in the famous epitaph:

---

Here Huntington's ashes long have lain
Whose loss is our own eternal gain,
For while he exercised all his powers
Whatever he gained, the loss was ours.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Coofl is a useless website that the founder begging for help. He should find different method and place to promote his website (also: naked tax advice)

the bit of eastern europe that is least likely to be confused for russia. known today for being that place dracula and crappy cars come from

(n.) one who tracks down and apprehends people for money, usually criminals who have jumped bail.

somewhat similar to a private detective but less likely to wear a monochrome trench coat or monologue to oneself in the rain

(n.) 1) a foul play in the grand game of civilization. 2) that which cannot be further discussed without the consultation of a lawyer.

(n.) medium sized insectivore with protruding nasal implement.

n. The part of immortality that we know about.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the ancient chinese art of mystical housekeeping

n. Dr. Bartlett, of the Bulletin.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to some one that it might be taught to talk.

Dirndl - the traditional dress of women in Bavaria and Austria. Can sometimes be very low cut, but either way, it's cute as hell. Like the two-plaited women wearing them