(also: guide)

Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific — and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a very unpopular charlie chaplin-lookalike

No, i'm spartacus

(v.) a concept used by those who feel imposter syndrome at growing up & taking charge of their own lives.
a consequence of the lack of spirited maturity traditions in a particular culture & context.

(also: maturity tradition)
(also: coming of age ritual)

(also: imposter syndrome)
(also: discomfort)
(also: doubt)

(n.) a big fancy piano sort of thing that you can play. alternatively, a series of meatsacks within your body which are used to play you.

n. A financial doctrinaire in 1896; in 1904 a purveyor of "crow" to the masses.
(also: list of all isms)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Asian milk tea with black pearl like things that I choke on regulary (It is hard to write that seriously).

"you're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!"

-a carefully crafted insult intended to describe one whose appearance might be called grabastic

exactly what it says on the tin.
not impossible, despite the popular belief and all those venn diagram memes about "choose 2 of 3"..
https://sive.rs/hsu

(also: omni-win)

A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
A pessimist applied to God for relief.

"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them."

"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something — the mortality of the optimist."

n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig — Maria pseudo-hirsuta. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Porter, Thaddeus of Warsaw.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) professional term for the more bleedy kind of boo-boo

Vacation's when you go somewhere... and you never come back
(also: hell)
(also: flying)

(n.) the late-night movie that plays within one's head while one is in the throes of sleep. a typical dream is likely to be some combination of unfocused, deranged, erotic, and terrifying.

a goodly amount of folklore surrounds the act of dreaming, with some believing them to be tinged with prophetic foresight or symbolic inner meaning. this is difficult to reconcile with the sheer weight of dreams of an erotic nature, since we all know that shit just ain't happening.

the everly brothers assure you that, should they want you and your charms in their arms, they may achieve this state of affairs within their dreams

(also: nightmare), for dreams that are scary
(also: wet dream), for dreams that are... wet.

n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

---

The bones of Agamemnon are a show,
And ruined is his royal monument,

---

but Agamemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its reductiones ad absurdum in monuments "to the unknown dead" — that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) essentially a goose but more bourgeois

n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) yes, a verb. live your poetry, people. Otherwise it's no bueno.
https://onbeing.org/poetry/stone-thobar-phadraig/

(also: magic)
(also: logopoeia)

(noun) /fæst fuːd/

A culinary masterpiece crafted with precision and lightning speed, designed to nourish your hunger while simultaneously shortening your lifespan. It's like a magic trick: one moment it's in your hand, the next moment it's clogging your arteries. Bon appétit, and good luck with your future heartburn!