The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.
(also: art)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

"O servant of the Prophet," said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, "how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?"

"Upholder of the Faith," that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda, "they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!"

"And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?" he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy.

"Uncle of the Full Moon," was the reply, "deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!"

For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then, "Sons of angels," he said, "the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned."

(also: war)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(v.) doing something you shouldn't be doing.. it'll bite you back.

(also: taking more than your share)
takers v. givers v. otherish

(also: luck)

a form of music once popular in cuba, generally characterized by quick pace, jaunty drums, bells, flute and violin sounds. usually meant to be accompanied by salsa dancing. goes down great with cocaine, one assumes

sort of the spanish tarantella

Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947, more commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the worlds most popular assault rifle, a weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple nine pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood, it doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It will fire whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy even a child could use it, and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists. One thing is for sure, no one was lining up to buy their cars.

v.t. To rebuke with stones. St. Stephen, for example, was lapidated like a Chinaman.

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Lamented St. Steve,
What Christian can grieve
For the way that you came to your death?
For the monument fair
Of memorial stones
Was reared in the air
O'er your honored bones
Ere yet you'd relinquished your breath.
No doubt as your soul exhaled
You were thanked by resolution;
For the builders' design had failed
Except for your execution.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A website that allows you to connect with people you barely remember from high school.

(adj.) describing something which appears cobbled together from unrelated components, like a quilt made by grandmother, a monster made by frankenstein or a car made by an albanian

A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the process by which a species changes and adapts. on a short term basis the process consists of ensuring that the less helpful members of the population do not breed. it does not always work.

One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

To recall with additions something not previously known.
(also: infinity)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the african and south asian cousin of the european wolf, american coyote, and australian dingo, all constituting a family of wastrels with whom the domestic dog is not on butt-sniffing terms.

jackals had some sort of sacred significance in ancient egypt, where they were seen as guides to the afterlife for their habit of lurking around burial places (which jackals think of as "buffets")

Superfluous; needless; de trop.

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The Sultan said: "There's evidence abundant
To prove this unbelieving dog redundant."
To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive,
Replied: "His head, at least, appears excessive."
—Habeeb Suleiman

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Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen.
—Theodore Roosevelt
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

when someone cancels plans you've made together and you realize you now have some free time to yourself.

(also: introvert)

(n.) a way of saying "creature" with an excess of saccharine folksy American charm

cultural stuff that is more inherently edifying and intellectually stimulating; this means nobody wants to actually pay for it, but fortunately it usually qualifies for government subsidy

(n.) just one of the paradoxes throwing a wrench in the explanations of scientific materialism.

(also: paradox)