A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. The number of plans for its abolition equals that of the reformers who suffer from it, plus that of the philosophers who know nothing about it. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
(also: leaving the planet)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

An ox wearing the popular religious yoke.

adj. Destitute of hair from hereditary or accidental causes—never from.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a real fun guy

wears a cool toque and might be into the goth scene, as he's often seen relishing in darkness and decay. can be a good guy to have around on pizza night.

The founding or endowing of universities and public libraries by gift or bequest.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. (Literally, seafoam, and by many erroneously supposed to be made of it.) A fine white clay, which for convenience in coloring it brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked by the workmen engaged in that industry. The purpose of coloring it has not been disclosed by the manufacturers.
There was a youth (you've heard before,
This woful tale, may be),
Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore
That color it would he!

He shut himself from the world away,
Nor any soul he saw.
He smoked by night, he smoked by day,
As hard as he could draw.

His dog died moaning in the wrath
Of winds that blew aloof;
The weeds were in the gravel path,
The owl was on the roof.

"He's gone afar, he'll come no more,"
The neighbors sadly say.
And so they batter in the door
To take his goods away.

Dead, pipe in mouth, the youngster lay,
Nut-brown in face and limb.
"That pipe's a lovely white," they say,
"But it has colored him!"

The moral there's small need to sing —
'Tis plain as day to you:
Don't play your game on any thing
That is a gamester too.
—Martin Bulstrode

(also: the devil's dictionary)

A member of the Parliamentarian party in the English civil war — so called from his habit of wearing his hair short, whereas his enemy, the Cavalier, wore his long. There were other points of difference between them, but the fashion in hair was the fundamental cause of quarrel. The Cavaliers were royalists because the king, an indolent fellow, found it more convenient to let his hair grow than to wash his neck. This the Roundheads, who were mostly barbers and soap-boilers, deemed an injury to trade, and the royal neck was therefore the object of their particular indignation. Descendants of the belligerents now wear their hair all alike, but the fires of animosity enkindled in that ancient strife smoulder to this day beneath the snows of British civility.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a thing in the middle (see monkey, malcolm)

usually refers specifically to the thing in the middle of an atom

activity carried out by suckers who don't know how to invest

Includes varieties such as classical, baroque, country, jazz, rock, ska, disco, punk, funk, metal, polka, folka and pretentious

The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
(also: real life)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
(also: Socrates)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself”
― D.H. Lawrence

an antiquated slang term for a plainclothes detective. the name probably originates from the popular image of them sneaking about as if wearing gumshoes- that is, galoshes, rubberized boots worn in mud or other messy conditions, in which one would feel compelled to walk more gingerly.

there is no known tendency for detectives or people in galoshes to get gum on a shoe. it could happen, sure, but still.

n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basis of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion — thus:
Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.

Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; therefore —

Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.

This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

as it happens, i think you'll find i'm the one who's spartacus

a game in which people attempt to predict certain things that will happen, forfeiting money or possessions if they are incorrect

the more upscale version of gambling is the stock market

To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)