(n.) bit of flesh stuck to the front of your head. the standard issue face tends to include two eyes, a mouth, and a nose.

one with hidden sinister intentions is said to be two-faced
according to one expert, the world may be seen crashing down all around one's face, unless it's only mesh and lace

(v.) to aim one's face at another's face, for face-to-face combat, or, as some call it, conversation

a long, brown-furred, small carnivorous animal valued for it's dark black fur

A dead Quaker.

(n.) a traditional form of halloween decoration consisting of a vegetable that has been mutilated and disemboweled. a candle is then placed inside the hollowed-out specimen so that the baleful light may evoke the visage of a hideous, grinning face, to be presented on one's doorstep on halloween night.

the real horror comes days after that when you have to clean it up.

(also: pumpkin)

where to begin? egyptian history spans over 5000 years. egypt was ancient long before the single day on which rome was built.

to be as brief as is feasible, the upper and lower portions of egypt first became unified sometime between 3200 and 3000 BC, possibly by somebody named Narmer or Menes, who thus became the founder of the first dynasty of pharaohs. narmer's dynasty dicks around for a bit, leave behind a few prototype tombs in the village of saqqara, and is replaced by a second dynasty. that dynasty does more dicking around and is replaced again. this more or less sets the tone for the rest of egyptian history.

old kingdom egypt (3rd-6th dynasties); the big pointy pyramids you're thinking of come from the fourth dynasty
* an intermediate period (7th-11th dynasties)
middle kingdom egypt (11th-13th dynasties); the book of the dead, that famous egyptian book you've heard of, only shows up in rough draft form around this period
* another intermediate period (13th-17th dynasties)
new kingdom egypt (18th-20th dynasties); tutankhamun, the one pharaoh everyone has heard of, was the second-to-last pharaoh of the 18th dynasty
* sure, why not another intermediate period (21st-25th dynasties), followed by some twilight years (the late period extending to the 31st dynasty), during which egypt got conquered by persians


By this point it's already the 330s BC, and greece (led by alexander the great) took over egypt and left it in control of some doofus named ptolemy. not too long after that, it was conquered again by the romans, by which time we've only just arrived at caesar boinking cleopatra.

an individual, often female, whose affection is more easily negotiable than is common

A place where criminal lets you know he's sorry.

(interjection):
A digital chuckle emitted from the depths of the internet, signifying amusement, mild amusement, or the socially acceptable response to a mediocre joke.

Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.
(also: america)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The major problem with the medical profession in the most advanced sectors of the galaxy had to tackle after cures had been found for all major diseases, and instant repair systems had been found for all physical injuries and disablements except some of the more advanced forms of death, was that of employment.

Planets full of bronzed healthy clean limbed individuals merrily prancing through their lives meant that the only doctors still in business were the psychiatrists, simply because no one had discovered a cure for the Universe as a whole -- or rather the only one that did exist had been abolished by the medical doctors.

Then it was noticed that like most forms of medical treatment, total cures had a lot of unpleasant side effects. Boredom, listlessness, lack of... well anything very much, and with these conditions came the realization that nothing turned, say, a slightly talented musician into a towering genius faster than the problem of encroaching deafness, and nothing turned a perfectly healthy individual into a great politician or military leader better than irreversible brain damage.

Suddenly, everything changed. Previous best selling books such as How I Survived an Hour with a Sprained Finger were swept away in a flood of titles such as How I Scaled the North Face of the Megapurna with a Perfectly Healthy Finger But Everything Else Sprained, Broken or Bitten Off By a Pack of Mad Yaks.

And so doctors were back in business recreating all the diseases and injuries they had abolished in popular easy to use forms. Thus, given the right and instantly available types of disability even something as simple as turning of the 3-D TV could become a major chanllenge, and when all the programmes on all the channels actually were made by actors with cleft pallettes speaking lines by dyslexic writers filmed by blind cameramen instead of merely seeming like that, it somehow made the whole thing more worthwhile.

(n.) Christianity, classic recipe. Distinguished by its use of big elaborately decorated places of worship and tall fancy hats. Originators of the oral sex loophole for preserving virginity.

“You never fail until you stop trying.”
― Albert Einstein
(also: Albert Einstein)

Nassau's gone funky.
Nassau's gone soul.

(adj.) that which has the audacity to be other and different

(n.) a hypothetical creature that is extraterrestrial in nature, which is to say, very audaciously other and different. as with ghosts, bigfoot, fairies, and god, one of those things that is not confirmed to actually exist but many people insist they've seen

has very little to do with canadian bacon or british bacon

"Logopoeia, my dear friend, is a fancy word for the magic of words. It's what happens when language gets together with the mind and puts on a show that would make Shakespeare green with envy. Think of it as a linguistic firework display exploding with meaning and creating a beautiful mess of thoughts and emotions.

Words have rhythm they have pace, and when used correctly they can take you on a journey to the furthest reaches of the imagination. Logopoeia is when words do just that, when they dance across the page, tapping their toes and waving their arms in the air, creating a symphony of sound and sense.

So, next time you come across a piece of writing that makes your heart sing, that makes you laugh out loud or that just leaves you feeling completely bewildered, remember that it's all thanks to the power of Logopoeia."

See Also: Poetry, Prose, Rhetoric, Phonaesthetics."

adj. Pertaining to a kind of marriage between a man of exalted rank and a woman of low degree by which the wife gets nothing but a husband, and not much of a husband. From Morgan (J. P.), a king of finance, by a transaction with whom nobody gets anything at all.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) music for the moody angst-ridden teenager types, evolved from styles played in the caribbean

Mediocre actress and controversial public figure

one who enjoys enjoyable things (probably gay)