(n.) the extremities on the end of one's hand, usually existing in bunches of four plus an additional one who sort of does his own thing (the thumb). if your brain is working correctly you can make them curl up in order to grab things.

for the obscene hand gesture, see the finger. for the fillets of breaded chicken meat, see chicken finger. for the first really good james bond movie, see goldfinger. for other things called fingers go somewhere else. leave me alone.

The least hateful form of dejection.
(also: please)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Fun fact: italians are either the best people ever, or racists

source: i'm italian

n. A person who goes to the capital of his country to increase his own; one who makes laws and money.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) what some wise-ass came up with when he was asked to design a horseless carriage.

Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
He lived in a period prehistoric,

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When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder,
Set down great events in succession and order,
He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
—Orpheus Bowen
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an arthropodal critter that combines features of the spider and the snake. some species are equipped with venom for the incapacitation of prey, for times when creepy legs are insufficient

A tide in the affairs of an army swayed by the attraction of loot.
(also: the devils dictionary)

the angry next door neighbor of spain. considers olive oil to be a dietary staple

Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: weakness)

(n.) a european nation that's doing very well since the divorce from slovakia

home to prague, the spookiest european capital, as well as... presumably other things

The act of reminding people of the horrible things they already knew, allowing you slight relief from the guilt of doing nothing about it yourself.

A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

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Old Paunchinello, freshly wed,
Took Madam P. to table,
And there deliriously fed
As fast as he was able.

"I dote upon good grub," he cried,
Intent upon its throatage.
"Ah, yes," said the neglected bride,
"You're in your table d'hôtage."
—Associated Poets
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A place where ships taking shelter from storms are shattered by customs officers.
(also: ship)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1743 – 1794) French chemist and biologist who had a leading impact on the chemical revolution.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: antoine laurent lavoisier quotes)

A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this is the Christian version: "Remember the seventh day to make thy neighbor keep it wholly." To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week, but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views. So great is the sanctity of the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious jurisdiction over those who go down to (and down into) the sea it is reverently recognized, as is manifest in the following deep-water version of the Fourth Commandment:

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Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able,
And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

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Decks are no longer holystoned, but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(adj.) of language; meant to persuade, imply and suggest, for all those times when plainspokenness would be too pussy

Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy.
"Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!"

An imaginary all knowing, all seeing being that children are taught to believe in, who rewards them once a year for behaving well.

Also (God for children)

Our prostrate brother, Homo ventrambulans.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)