Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)
(also: weakness)

(n.) a large group of people, probably foreigners, to whom the logical reaction is senseless panic
(also: panic)

a category of economic systems where the working class controls the means of production for society

n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

a supposed king of england who supposedly ruled around the time the roman empire had withdrawn from the country in the late fifth century. supposedly.

known for being conceived by 'magical' rape-by-fraud, hanging out with wizards, pulling a sword out of a big rock, conquering a number of european places, being cuckolded by a frenchman, trying to drown hundreds of children, and finally getting killed by the one child he didn't manage to drown

although he probably did not actually exist, he is much better known than a majority of real english historical figures

(n.) a boss-man or pooh-bah, usually in sinister secret societies or chess clubs

Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
(also: alcohol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an academic discipline that discusses and researches the motions of physical bodies, from tiny atoms up to massive stars and our entire galaxy.

physics was invented when archimedes was running home from the bathhouse to write down his thoughts on fluid displacement; he slipped and fell into a temporal anomaly, landing on the head of isaac newton, who thus also got some neat ideas about gravity in one of history's rare twofers.

... well, okay, it wasn't exactly that, but it was something like that.

n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said,
Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.
We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint,
Distil him for physic and grind him for paint,
Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame,
And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.
O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:
For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?
—Scopas Brune

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

someone who makes shoes. Was that not obvious? Why did you have to look this up? You're not a bright one, are you?

n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper. In his character of editor he is closely allied to the blackmailer by the tie of occasional identity; for in truth the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species. Lickspittling is more detestable than blackmailing, precisely as the business of a confidence man is more detestable than that of a highway robber; and the parallel maintains itself throughout, for whereas few robbers will cheat, every sneak will plunder if he dare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a board game derived from earlier antecedents in Persia or China, in which players must use lesser pieces to successfully capture the enemy king

considered a good way to teach tactical thinking, presumably for some upcoming war where both sides politely take turns, held entirely on a featureless flat plane

(n.) the part of time that has not yet happened; the state of being the world shall eventually achieve when we all have jet-packs

(also: past), an antonym

A billionaire entrepreneur and inventor, who often seems to be more interested in making grandiose statements and seeking attention than in the practical realities of his many ambitious ventures. Known for his work on Tesla electric cars, SpaceX, and SolarCity, as well as for his erratic behavior and questionable business practices, Musk's ultimate goal remains something of a mystery, though it seems to involve a healthy dose of self-aggrandizement and a disregard for the concerns of others."

Pirates favourite beverage and a hell of a good time.
(also: alcohol)

(noun):
A rollercoaster ride of emotions and events, packed into seven neatly organized compartments called days. It starts with the innocent optimism of Monday, where dreams of productivity collide with the reality of hitting the snooze button.

(also: weak)

(also: Monday)
(also: Tuesday)
(also: Wednesday)
(also: Thursday)
(also: Friday)
(also: Saturday)
(also: Sunday)

"it matters little: very little love is not so bad, or very little life" -bukowski

the Merriam-Webster dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/

A pathetic way to ask for likes.

An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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When the world was young and Man was new,
And everything was pleasant,
Distinctions Nature never drew
'Mongst kings and priest and peasant.
We're not that way at present,
Save here in this Republic, where
We have that old régime,
For all are kings, however bare
Their backs, howe'er extreme
Their hunger. And, indeed, each has a voice
To accept the tyrant of his party's choice.

A citizen who would not vote,
And, therefore, was detested,
Was one day with a tarry coat
(With feathers backed and breasted)
By patriots invested.
"It is your duty," cried the crowd,
"Your ballot true to cast
For the man o' your choice." He humbly bowed,
And explained his wicked past:
"That's what I very gladly would have done,
Dear patriots, but he has never run."
—Apperton Doke

(also: the devils dictionary)