(n.) intense physical activity used to improve one's physical condition so that they may justify overeating and laziness to their own conscience

(n.) bit at the front or top of many life forms, where the brain is kept.

among the reasonable, the head is said to be good upon the owner's shoulders; among the infatuated, it is said to be above their heels; one who is in the throes of panic has lost their head; and so on. clearly matters of head are quite culturally significant

Specifically, a cave-dweller of the paleolithic period, after the Tree and before the Flat. A famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony consisted of "every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented" — in brief, all the Socialists of Judah.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: creation of the universe)

One forgotten of the gods and living to a great age. History is abundantly supplied with examples, from Methuselah to Old Parr, but some notable instances of longevity are less well known. A Calabrian peasant named Coloni, born in 1753, lived so long that he had what he considered a glimpse of the dawn of universal peace. Scanavius relates that he knew an archbishop who was so old that he could remember a time when he did not deserve hanging. In 1566 a linen draper of Bristol, England, declared that he had lived five hundred years, and that in all that time he had never told a lie. There are instances of longevity (macrobiosis) in our own country. Senator Chauncey Depew is old enough to know better. The editor of The American, a newspaper in New York City, has a memory that goes back to the time when he was a rascal, but not to the fact. The President of the United States was born so long ago that many of the friends of his youth have risen to high political and military preferment without the assistance of personal merit. The verses following were written by a macrobian:

---

When I was young the world was fair
And amiable and sunny.
A brightness was in all the air,
In all the waters, honey.
The jokes were fine and funny,
The statesmen honest in their views,
And in their lives, as well,
And when you heard a bit of news
'Twas true enough to tell.
Men were not ranting, shouting, reeking,
Nor women "generally speaking."

The Summer then was long indeed:
It lasted one whole season!
The sparkling Winter gave no heed
When ordered by Unreason
To bring the early peas on.
Now, where the dickens is the sense
In calling that a year
Which does no more than just commence
Before the end is near?
When I was young the year extended
From month to month until it ended.

I know not why the world has changed
To something dark and dreary,
And everything is now arranged
To make a fellow weary.
The Weather Man — I fear he
Has much to do with it, for, sure,
The air is not the same:
It chokes you when it is impure,
When pure it makes you lame.
With windows closed you are asthmatic;
Open, neuralgic or sciatic.

Well, I suppose this new régime
Of dun degeneration
Seems eviler than it would seem
To a better observation,
And has for compensation
Some blessings in a deep disguise
Which mortal sight has failed
To pierce, although to angels' eyes
They're visibly unveiled.
If Age is such a boon, good land!
He's costumed by a master hand!
—Venable Strigg

(n.) path that isn't straight

(n.) the element Superman came from

euphemism for milkshake

a wonderfully obscene and versatile hand gesture consisting of a balled fist save for one raised middle finger, knuckles facing the target of your ire.

symbolically represents a visiting ambassador from a faraway land rich in all the ***loves*** I don't give.

(n.) wanna-be lawmaker and trump-acolyte, see also misogynist "bootlicker".

(n.) the nearest relative to humanity in the animal kingdom, sharing our boundless savagery but generally looking cuter in tiny clothes or while riding a unicycle

not to be confused with bonobos, assuming one wishes to keep their face glued onto their skull

The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.
(also: America)
(also: the devils dictionary)

(adjective):
A term used liberally by self-important individuals to describe the most mundane of accomplishments, as if they single-handedly discovered a cure for boredom or invented a revolutionary way to tie shoelaces. It's like witnessing someone pat themselves on the back for successfully opening a jar of pickles or managing to walk and chew gum simultaneously. Groundbreaking moments in the realm of exaggeration often involve feats of mind-boggling mediocrity, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads and wondering if we missed the memo on what constitutes actual progress.

(n.) a european who drinks olive oil from the flask and despises spaniards

1. A malignant tumour in the arena of human rights activism.
2. A criminal, guilty of perjury, various assaults and charity/tax fraud.
3. A profoundly disturbed person being enabled by her own hangers-on and the media to never address her mental health issues.

(n.) noodles prepared by italians, as opposed to noodles prepared by east asian people, which are referred to as "takeout"

the point at which you are most expected to pay attention

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

(n.) someone best left alone in a room with lots of beakers and chalkboards in the hopes that they'll accidentally figure out how to make nuclear weapons. or root beer. whichever.

A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man. All werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as humane as is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh.
Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human form during the night. "The next time that you take a wolf," the good man said, "see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning you will find a Lutheran."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)