Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
He lived in a period prehistoric,

---

When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder,
Set down great events in succession and order,
He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
—Orpheus Bowen
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Insensible to the value of our advice.

---

"Now lay your bet with mine, nor let
These gamblers take your cash."
"Nay, this child makes no bet." "Great snakes!
How can you be so rash?"
—Bootle P. Gish
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Something given in expectation of something better. Today's payment for to-morrow's service.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) sadness which has an almost crippling effect

probably the force that led you to this online dictionary

A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.
Fresh from the farm or factory or street,

---

His marching, in pursuit or in retreat,
Were an impressive martial spectacle
Except for two impediments — his feet.
—Thompson Johnson
(also: problem)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

[warning: under construction]

(also: office cubicle monotony)


(link is not broken, though it appears to be)

(also: y2k panic)

(also: Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
(also: Cowboy Bebop)

a rite in which a newborn baby pledges lifelong belief in Jesus Christ

(n.) a larger arthropod and cousin of the spider. Not as widely feared, despite the fact that it comes with far more built in weapons

Slang for a penis.

(n.) something you and the next person over can both presumably see. and yet, you will never be quite sure you're seeing the same thing.

(also: Canadian)

a system in which people are defined by points based on how they live life, and that it can affect their daily life, such as flying out of the country, decisions in court. a lot like the credit score for bank cards.

A symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.

---

Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call
To battle: "The brokers are parasites all!"
Carnegie, Carnegie, you'll never prevail;
Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail,
Go back to your isle of perpetual brume,
Silence your pibroch, doff tartan and plume:
Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray —
Fly, fly from the region of Wall Street away!
While still you're possessed of a single baubee
(I wish it were pledged to endowment of me)
'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance
Lest its value decline ere your credit advance.
For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea,
Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free!
—Anonymus Bink
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a particle even smaller than an atom, which apparently read "atoms cannot be subdivided into smaller particles" somewhere and decided "hell with you, I do what I want"

come in six refreshing flavors: up, down, top, bottom, strange, and charm.

An imaginary all knowing, all seeing being that children are taught to believe in, who rewards them once a year for behaving well.

Also (God for children)

a frightfully important person working in the army. if such a person works instead for the navy, they are an admiral. if they don't like the sound of either of those names then they might instead call themselves marshal.

when one is not general, then one is actually specific, and the specific is on the opposite side of the world from the atlantic, and tyler perry built a film studio in atlantic, georgia, and georgia patton is a very famous general so you see, it's all coming together.

the existence of a postmaster-general, an attorney-general, or a surgeon-general does not imply that they lead an army of postmasters, lawyers or surgeons, although that would be mildly amusing.

(n.) an attempt to do oneself in through the most pleasant means at hand, including drunkenness, gluttony, and general revelry

(also: debauchery)
(also: hedonism)
(also: New Orleans)

me
(also: Chad)

(n.) the academic discipline of measuring time, usually making clocks.

... you thought it was something else. Admit it.