n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, of 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence.
Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,

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Wedded a wandering English lord—
Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw,"
A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare
Unworthy the father-in-legal care
Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
To the business of being a lord himself.
His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
The moony monocular set in his eye
Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
In speech he eschewed his American ways,
Denying his nose to the use of his A's
And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
Entertained other views and decided to send
His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
Fell—suffering Cæsar!—in love with her dad!
—G.J.
(also: royalty)
(also: loyalty)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) basically a small pork chop.

“He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley
(also: Bob Marley)

a component of the social fabric of pre-meiji japan, samurai were warrior nobles sworn to the service of lords and emperors. in times of war they were highly trained combat elites in swordsmanship, horsemanship, archery and tactics; in peacetime they were expected to take on administrative duties or enjoy their own cultural pursuits such as calligraphy, poetry, and hanging out with geishas (not prostitutes... okay, mostly)

for the purposes of foolish ignorant pig westerners, samurai are just guys with ponytails and white robes who go around making "ho! ha! hokkaido!" noises.

(1475 – 1564) Renaissance sculptor, painter and architect
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: michelangelo quotes)

n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless. That is the view that prevails in the underworld, where the Brotherhood of Man finds its most logical development and candid advocacy. To denizens of the midworld the word means good and wise.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the state after having cleared all the muckity muck from the mucky pond -- the doubts, worries, envies, misfortunes. when giving something new a chance becomes possible.

(also: debt jubilee)
(also: phoenix)
(also: newborn)
(also: baby)

(n.) a food with extra carbohydrate covering

A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the buffone, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Well, we're all different
(also: life)

(n.) nature's hat. one of the few remaining patches of fur covering left on earth's dominant bald apes (see human)

n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said,
Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.
We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint,
Distil him for physic and grind him for paint,
Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame,
And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.
O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme:
For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?
—Scopas Brune

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: guidance)

Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade.

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The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.
—"Chronicles of the Classes"
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Providence without industry. The thrift of power.
(also: power)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

mushy, often colorful excrescence on the underside of tables

(n.) chaining yourself to an anchor and throwing yourself out to sea... except the anchor is a thick collection of personal beliefs that things are not good now and cannot change (or be changed), e.g. for the better; and the sea is life.

these anchors are sticky and hard to break, I know. so fight (or dance! sometimes you gotta switch the MO) with everything you have, to crash your previous relating to the world: life owes me, people don't love me, they don't respect me, and so on.
start building up whatever emotional need you have -- from within. people don't love you? ok, love yourself. love yourself like your life depends on it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15704926-love-yourself-like-your-life-depends-on-it life owes you? give your care, your attention, some skill, and make a habit of it in some definite (if small) way; and breathe; and you will know your rewards.
"make like a tree and have a long, stable life benefitting those around you."

(also: black-pilled)
(also: learned helplessness)
(also: doom and gloom)
(also: doomer)

(also: gold-pilled)
(also: stoicism)
(also: serenity prayer)
(also: solarpunk)
(also: long view)

A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
(also: spain)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n) not a man at all, but a rapey alligator, dressed like jimmy buffett if jimmy had taken bath salts and pcp before breaking into a hardee's for a greasy burger. see (also: matt gaetz)