mouse

the devils dictionary
n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women. As in Rome Christians were thrown to the lions, so centuries earlier in Otumwee, the most ancient and famous city of the world, female heretics were thrown to the mice. Jakak-Zotp, the historian, the only Otumwump whose writings have descended to us, says that these martyrs met their death with little dignity and much exertion. He even attempts to exculpate the mice (such is the malice of bigotry) by declaring that the unfortunate women perished, some from exhaustion, some of broken necks from falling over their own feet and some from lack of restoratives. The (also: mice), he avers, enjoyed the pleasures of the chase with composure. But if "Roman history is nine-tenths lying," we can hardly expect a smaller proportion of that rhetorical figure in the annals of a people capable of so incredible cruelty to lovely woman; for a hard heart has a false tongue.

(also: mice)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

mountain

trustycoffeemug
a very big and pointy rock that thrusts upwards from the surface of the earth, as though a magnificent pimple or blackhead on our planet's glorious face. i guess the sinkholes are sweat glands, or something. but never mind.

the climbing of a mountain is sometimes considered a form of recreation, evidently because it's there

medical tourism

medical tourist
average costs of medical procedures abroad

Dental Procedures:

Dental Implants:
Turkey: $1,200 - $2,000
Mexico: $1,500 - $2,500
India: $800 - $1,500

Teeth Whitening:
Turkey: $240 - $400
Mexico: $400 - $600
India: $100 - $300

Dental Crowns:
Turkey: $400 - $640
Mexico: $500 - $800
India: $300 - $500


Plastic Surgery:

Liposuction:
Turkey: $2,400 - $4,000
Mexico: $3,000 - $5,000
India: $2,000 - $4,000

Rhinoplasty (Nose Job):
Turkey: $2,400 - $4,000
Mexico: $3,000 - $5,000
India: $2,000 - $4,000

Breast Augmentation:
Turkey: $3,200 - $4,800
Mexico: $4,000 - $6,000
India: $2,500 - $4,500

Tummy Tuck:
Turkey: $4,000 - $5,600
Mexico: $5,000 - $7,000
India: $3,500 - $5,500

Facelift:
Turkey: $4,000 - $5,600
Mexico: $5,000 - $7,000
India: $3,500 - $5,500



Orthopedic Procedures:

Joint Replacement (Hip or Knee):
Turkey: $8,000 - $12,000
Mexico: $10,000 - $15,000
India: $5,000 - $8,000

Spinal Surgery:
Turkey: $10,000 - $15,000
Mexico: $12,000 - $18,000
India: $6,000 - $10,000

Cardiology Procedures:

Angioplasty:
Turkey: $7,000 - $11,000
Mexico: $9,000 - $13,000
India: $5,000 - $8,000

Heart Bypass Surgery:
Turkey: $10,000 - $15,000
Mexico: $12,000 - $18,000
India: $6,000 - $10,000

Cancer Treatment:

Chemotherapy:
Turkey: $5,000 - $8,000
Mexico: $6,000 - $10,000
India: $3,000 - $5,000

Radiation Therapy:
Turkey: $7,000 - $11,000
Mexico: $9,000 - $13,000
India: $5,000 - $8,000

Eye Procedures:

LASIK Eye Surgery:
Turkey: $2,000 - $3,000
Mexico: $2,500 - $3,500
India: $1,500 - $2,500

Cataract Surgery:
Turkey: $2,000 - $3,000
Mexico: $2,500 - $3,500
India: $1,500 - $2,500



Accommodation Costs:

Turkey: $30 - $80 per day
Mexico: $30 - $70 per day
India: $20 - $50 per day


Flight Costs:

From USA:
Turkey: $800 - $1,200
Mexico: $400 - $800
India: $800 - $1,200


From West Europe:
Turkey: $300 - $600
Mexico: $200 - $400
India: $500 - $800

leaving the planet

douglas adams

*This entry automatically adjusts itself to apply to the planet you are currently on.
(also: leaving the earth)
If the information below is not applicable to the planet on which you currently find yourself, then you are on the wrong planet and should rectify that at your earliest convenience.*

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.(also: nasa)
2. If they do not cooperate, phone a friend you might have in the White House- (202) 456-1414- to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (Ask the overseas operator for 0107-095- 295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you might as well try.(also: white house)
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 001-39-6-6982, and I gather that his switchboard is infallible.(also: pope)
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

notoriety

the devils dictionary
The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

immoral vs illegal

orikami
here's my hot take*: what's moral isn't always legal, what's legal isn't always moral.

legality and morality have a venn-diagram relationship, you know. they might mostly overlap, but dear god, please don't confuse one for the other. society's good at a lot of things, but accounting for nuanced situations through legal code.. is, uh, not one of them.
be your own pillar of strength and morality. be accountable to yourself. you know when you are crossing those lines, and you know it will backfire -- not necessarily because someone comes to punish you directly, but because what comes up must go down. and you need to know that when you transgress, you can make amends and redeem yourself. not because some legal system tells you 'pay $10000 or a year in prison or whatever, and it will make the situation better', but because you have learned and you have changed.

* /s, it's not even that hot.. but people act like what's legal is moral & vice versa with such conviction sometimes.

(also: normal vs moral)

time travel

douglas adams
Time travel is increasingly regarded as a menace. History is being polluted.

One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with. There is also no problem about changing the course of history- the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw. All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.

The major problem is quite simply one of grammar, and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveller's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you for instance how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be described differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations whilst you are actually travelling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own father or mother.

Most readers get as far as the Future Semi-Conditionally Modified Subinverted Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional before giving up: and in fact in later editions of the book all the pages beyond this point have been left blank to save on printing costs.

Note: The term "Future Perfect" has been abandoned since it was discovered not to be.

The Encyclopedia Galactica has much to say on the theory and practice of time travel, most of which is incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't spent at least four lifetimes studying advanced hypermathematics, and since it was impossible to do this before time travel was invented, there is a certain amount of confusion as to how the idea was arrived at in the first place. One rationalization of this problem states that time travel was, by its very nature, discovered simultaneously at all periods of history, but this is clearly bunk.

The trouble is that a lot of history is now quite clearly bunk as well.

Here is an example. It may not seem to be an important one to some people, but to others it is crucial. It is certainly significant in that it was the single event which caused the Campaign for Real Time to be set up in the first place (or is it last? It depends which way round you see history as happening, and this too is now an increasingly vexed question).

There is, or was, a poet. His name was Lallafa, and he wrote what are widely regarded throughout the Galaxy as being the finest poems in existence, the Songs of the Long Land.

They are/were unspeakably wonderful. That is to say, you couldn't speak very much of them at once without being so overcome with emotion, truth and a sense of wholeness and oneness of things that you wouldn't pretty soon need a brisk walk round the block, possibly pausing at a bar on the way back for a quick glass of perspective and soda. They were that good.

Lallafa had lived in the forests of the Long Lands of Effa. He lived there, and he wrote his poems there. He wrote them on pages made of dried habra leaves, without the benefit of education or correcting fluid. He wrote about the light in the forest and what he thought about that. He wrote about the darkness in the forest, and what he thought about that. He wrote about the girl who had left him and precisely what he thought about that.

Long after his death his poems were found and wondered over. News of them spread like morning sunlight. For centuries they illuminated and watered the lives of many people whose lives might otherwise have been darker and drier.

Then, shortly after the invention of time travel, some major correcting fluid manufacturers wondered whether his poems might have been better still if he had had access to some high-quality correcting fluid, and whether he might be persuaded to say a few words on that effect.

They travelled the time waves, they found him, they explained the situation- with some difficulty- to him, and did indeed persuade him. In fact they persuaded him to such an effect that he became extremely rich at their hands, and the girl about whom he was otherwise destined to write which such precision never got around to leaving him, and in fact they moved out of the forest to a rather nice pad in town and he frequently commuted to the future to do chat shows, on which he sparkled wittily.

He never got around to writing the poems, of course, which was a problem, but an easily solved one. The manufacturers of correcting fluid simply packed him off for a week somewhere with a copy of a later edition of his book and a stack of dried habra leaves to copy them out on to, making the odd deliberate mistake and correction on the way.

Many people now say that the poems are suddenly worthless. Others argue that they are exactly the same as they always were, so what's changed? The first people say that that isn't the point. They aren't quite sure what the point is, but they are quite sure that that isn't it. They set up the Campaign for Real Time to try to stop this sort of thing going on. Their case was considerably strengthened by the fact that a week after they had set themselves up, news broke that not only had the great Cathedral of Chalesm been pulled down in order to build a new ion refinery, but that the construction of the refinery had taken so long, and had had to extend so far back into the past in order to allow ion production to start on time, that the Cathedral of Chalesm had now never been built in the first place. Picture postcards of the cathedral suddenly became immensely valuable.

So a lot of history is now gone for ever.

medical tourism

medical tourist
Here are some important things to consider before deciding to become a medical tourist:

Quality of Care: Research the medical facilities and doctors that will be providing the treatments. Make sure to choose a reputable clinic or hospital and consider factors such as the quality of the facility, the qualifications of the medical professionals and patient reviews.

Cost Comparison: While medical tourism can often be less expensive than receiving treatments in your home country, it is important to compare the total cost of the treatments including travel expenses and any additional costs such as post-operative care.

Language Barriers: If you are not fluent in the language of the country you are traveling to, it is important to consider the language barriers you may face when communicating with medical professionals and navigating the healthcare system.

Availability of Follow-Up Care: Consider the availability of follow-up care in the country you are traveling to and make sure you have a plan in place for post-operative care if needed.

1.Legal Considerations: Research the laws and regulations surrounding medical tourism in the country you are considering and make sure you are aware of any potential legal implications.

2.Health Risks: Consider any health risks associated with traveling and undergoing medical procedures, especially if you have any pre-existing medical conditions.

3.Travel Insurance: Make sure to have adequate travel insurance that covers medical expenses and any other related costs.

4.Cultural Differences: Be aware of cultural differences in the country you are traveling to and make sure you are prepared to navigate any cultural barriers you may face.

5.These are just some of the important things to consider before deciding to become a medical tourist. It is important to do your research and plan carefully to ensure a safe and successful medical tourism experience.

hippie

trustycoffeemug
(n.) a shaggy, garishly-dressed, drugged up young person who spends his time zoned out of his mind in some kind of psychedelic rock concert and protesting the general state of things and stuff

they were a major source of parental alarm in the 60s and 70s until they were replaced by, oh, let's say punks

football

trustycoffeemug
(american) an american variation of football, refined to have even more complicated rules so that the on-field action becomes even more slow and excruciating. while nobody in recorded history actually knows how this game is played, and americans are too embarrassed to admit it, it seems to involve large men trying to dogpile each other while a pig's bladder is thrown out of bounds.

ostrich

the devils dictionary
A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design. The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

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