(also: creation of the universe)

one of several feast days on the gregorian calendar, commemorated by the discounting of storebought confectionery

n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
(also: the devils dictionary)

Discipline, discipline; obedience, obedience; slavery and ignorance, pregnant with authority. A bourgeois body grotesquely fattened by a vulgar christian creature. A medley of fetishism, sectarianism and cowardice.

(also: cancel culture)

These creatures are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vast hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings. The whole business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front.

They spent a lot of their time in behavioral research laboratories running round inside wheels and conducting frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. The fact that once again man completely misinterpreted this relationship was entirely according to these creatures' plans.

(also: Dolphins)

(n.) one who gives something, usually money or an organ, for the benefit of another.

not to be confused with a donut. A donut would not make a good organ transplant. believe me.

(n.) an intense windstorm which forms around a low pressure front over warm tropical water.

generally sent by divine providence to shake florida up every once in a while, when things have gotten too sane

In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book.
"Old books? The devil take them!" Goby said.
"Fresh every day must be my books and bread."
Nature herself approves the Goby rule
And gives us every moment a fresh fool.
—Harley Shum

n. Creation's afterthought; an animal that Adam did not name.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the quintessential hymenopteran insect, the most recognizable variety of bee is a small bombinating ball of fuzz colored in yellow and black. the bee is known for its diligence, its ecological value as a pollinator, its utility to humans as a producer of honey, wax, and other products, and its use of kamikaze tactics when threatened.

if you think we can get by without these fellas then you must bee crazy

A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
(also: revolution)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) that which helps establish a rhythm and a balance to poetry. feel the flow of your words and thoughts, don't force it. forced rhymes are like nails on a chalkboard, and no one wants that.
unsurprisingly, it is etymologically (thereby, historically and psychologically) connected both to mathematics, precision, reason, as well as to soul, flow, symmetry. a bridge between oft-warring factions (of science and spirituality).

earlier, also written as:
(also: rime)
(also: rhime)

a game that begins to lay the psychological framework of addictive personality disorder within the minds of children, in a subtle-enough way that parents do not notice it, until the process is long-completed.

(also: indoctrination)

(noun) A whimsical journey of food transformation, featuring a cast of characters including the Mouth Gatekeepers, the Chomping Incisors, the Acidic Gastronauts, the Enzyme Wizards, and the Villainous Gut Bacteria. From the oral stage to the intestinal finale, this epic adventure involves grinding, churning, fermenting, and extracting vital nutrients, leaving behind a trail of amusing gas and occasional tummy rumbles.


(also: mouth)
(also: esophagus)
(also: stomach)
(also: small intestine)
(also: large intestine)
(also: anus)

The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

---

Moses Mendelssohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need an immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day."

"Pork?" shrieked the patient — "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"

"Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked.

"I swear it!"

"Good! — then I will undertake to cure you."
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, as a domestic horse to the hitching-post, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination — free, lawless, immune to bit and rein. Your novelist is a poor creature, as Carlyle might say — a mere reporter. He may invent his characters and plot, but he must not imagine anything taking place that might not occur, albeit his entire narrative is candidly a lie. Why he imposes this hard condition on himself, and "drags at each remove a lengthening chain" of his own forging he can explain in ten thick volumes without illuminating by so much as a candle's ray the black profound of his own ignorance of the matter. There are great novels, for great writers have "laid waste their powers" to write them, but it remains true that far and away the most fascinating fiction that we have is "The Thousand and One Nights."
(also: marriage)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane. For illustration, this present (and illustrious) lexicographer is no firmer in the faith of his own sanity than is any inmate of any madhouse in the land; yet for aught he knows to the contrary, instead of the lofty occupation that seems to him to be engaging his powers he may really be beating his hands against the window bars of an asylum and declaring himself Noah Webster, to the innocent delight of many thoughtless spectators.

The best time to do everything you have planned for today.

Oily, smooth, sleek.
Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous." And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.