A candid man of affairs.
It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companions lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. When Voltaire's turn came he said: "Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues." Saying nothing more, he was encouraged to continue. "That," he said, "is the story."
(also: story)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a pattern of behaviour that demeans, weakens, demoralizes the soul. something that strengthens one's belief in a real-but-not-true passivity towards one's circumstances.

(also: real but not true)

A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. One who steals a whole herd of cattle, as distinguished from the inferior actor who steals one animal at a time—a superior stock actor, as it were.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) heir to a centuries-long tradition of warlord-employed assassins and spies hailing from japan. very easily identified by distinctive black full-body pajamas (one would think this might interfere with the spying and assassinating but evidently not)

cozumel, an idyllic island between cancun and cuba, offers opportunities for sightseeing, diving, and food which are not to be passed up by the adventurous traveler. however, it is paramount to be wary of the chief threat on the island, extremely pushy stall vendors

to walk down the corredor de artesanos is to run the gauntlet of shell jewelry, textiles, sunglasses, and the odd jar of local preserves. avoiding their gaze will not deter them. politely declining will not dissuade them. they cannot be haggled with, they cannot be reasoned with, they do not feel pity, remorse, or fear. they absolutely will not stop until the cash in your pockets has been converted into kitsch

but if you can get by them there's a pretty good taco place on the beach.

(1832 – 1891) German engineer who developed compressed charge internal combustion engine to run on petrol
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: nikolaus august otto quotes)

A place to collect expensive games, only to end up with none that you want to play. (also: water vapor)

The worst part of an egg

(also: egg)

a popular t-shirt, available at most Targets.

(n.) path that isn't straight

A playboy who knows were all the naughty girls live.

(n.) a stabbier form of tooth

In a republic, those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. The rabble is like the sacred Simurgh, of Arabian fable — omnipotent on condition that it do nothing. (The word is Aristocratese, and has no exact equivalent in our tongue, but means, as nearly as may be, "soaring swine.")
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a zebra crossed with a kangaroo. probably evolved from a population of kangaroos that strayed into southern africa and developed a stripey coat in order to camouflage in the treeless grasslands, analogously to other grazing animals of the region.

... does not actually exist. But then again, if it doesn't exist, why do I have a picture of it?

n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with. From the Latin mens, a fact unknown to that honest shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor over the way had displayed the motto "Mens conscia recti," emblazoned his own shop front with the words "Men's, women's and children's conscia recti."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the mother of solutions

a tiny alpine country nestled between france, germany, and italy. throughout history it has managed to stay wealthy and peaceful by providing other countries with things they need (formerly mercenaries, nowadays tax havens) without otherwise getting involved in international politics in any way whatsoever.

offers nice skiing, decent education, clean, orderly cities and quiet seclusion, but the price for this is that there's virtually no nightlife. you can have swiss banks or french brothels, but, it would appear, not both.

(n.) the ability to be disappointed enough with reality that one starts proposing improvements, a testament to mankind's sheer arrogance and easily-bored nature

(n.) a bunch of weird rituals and confected historical narratives intended to make fraternities for the middle-aged seem more respectable and mysterious. the rites and practices of freemasonry are very secretive and not shared with outsiders on pain of severe punishment; these practices can however be read about in countless publicly-available books on the subject