trial

the devils dictionary
A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors. In order to effect this purpose it is necessary to supply a contrast in the person of one who is called the defendant, the prisoner or the accused. If the contrast is made sufficiently clear this person is made to undergo such an affliction as will give the virtuous gentlemen a comfortable sense of their immunity, added to that of their worth. In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediæval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial. A beast that had taken human life, or practiced sorcery, was duly arrested, tried and, if condemned, put to death by the public executioner. Insects ravaging grain fields, orchards or vineyards were cited to appeal by counsel before a civil tribunal, and after testimony, argument and condemnation, if they continued in contumaciam the matter was taken to a high ecclesiastical court, where they were solemnly excommunicated and anathematized. In a street of Toledo, some pigs that had wickedly run between the viceroy's legs, upsetting him, were arrested on a warrant, tried and punished. In Naples an ass was condemned to be burned at the stake, but the sentence appears not to have been executed. D'Addosio relates from the court records many trials of pigs, bulls, horses, cocks, dogs, goats, etc., greatly, it is believed, to the betterment of their conduct and morals. In 1451 a suit was brought against the leeches infesting some ponds about Berne, and the Bishop of Lausanne, instructed by the faculty of Heidelberg University, directed that some of "the aquatic worms" be brought before the local magistracy. This was done and the leeches, both present and absent, were ordered to leave the places that they had infested within three days on pain of incurring "the malediction of God." In the voluminous records of this cause célèbre nothing is found to show whether the offenders braved the punishment, or departed forthwith out of that inhospitable jurisdiction.
(also: judge)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

lettuce

the devils dictionary
n. An herb of the genus Lactuca, "Wherewith," says that pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted of the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg, salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with sugar. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

wasp

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an animal much like a bee, but characterized by pure evil and bent on wreaking misery throughout the cosmos.

(also: hornet), and for that matter (also: yellowjacket), cuz they're all the same damn thing, no doubt employing some fiendish masquerade to better infiltrate human society.

rumor

the devils dictionary
A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,
By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
—Joel Buxter
(also: humor)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

dude

trustycoffeemug
(n.) an informal term of address with multiple possible meanings

1) an easygoing, purposeless southern Californian beach bum

2) (in the Old West) a preening cityslicker dandy who is out of his element in more rugged climes
exactly what these two have to do with each other fair boggles the mind

inspirational quotes

quote
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
― Victor Hugo

pretentious

orikami
(adj.) first, you have people creating something, exploring it, shaping it, embracing it. and then, someone comes and declares that it's some rule- and etiquette-bound contest. someone wants to be a middleman and get a cut of the cultural profit (also: cred) for doing not much of anything, by drawing and upholding such lines. keep the highbrow-clean-safe-technical-predictable in, and keep the inspired-shocking-crumbling-developing out. the judgment-perversion sneaks its foothold in, and then some next generation grows up thinking *the lines* are the whole of the importance of the thing!
strange how it comes about, eh?..

not (also: original)
not (also: authentic)
(also: gatekeeping)
(also: middlemen)
(also: social games)
(also: excuses to not live)

sign-up or face the consequences!


“"observers" must obey the call.”
join

sign up

announcements

8 how to use coofl
8 privacy policy and user agreement