one who spends their wealth in a socially acceptable way

(n.) the point after having done something you really wanted to do when you remember why you weren't supposed to do it

(also: guilt)

(1870 – 1924) Leader of the Russian Revolution and new Communist regime from 1917 to 1924.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: lenin quotes)

Well, I'm not telling *you...*

An advantage that accrues to A by denial of the right of B to take the property of C.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a special notice intended to take advantage of those who lack free will

adj. Figuratively, as: "The pond was literally full of fish"; "The ground was literally alive with snake" etc.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a city
In the winter time the temperature falls well below the legal minimum, or rather it would do if anybody had the common sense to set a legal minimum. The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

In the summer it's too darn hot. It's one thing to be the sort of life form that thrives on heat and finds, as the Frastrans do, that the temperature range between 40,000 and 40,004 is very equable, but it's quite another to be the sort of animal that has to wrap itself up in lots of other animals at one point in your planet's orbit, and then find, half an orbit later, that your skin's bubbling.

Spring is over-rated. A lot of the inhabitants of New York will honk on mightily about the pleasures of spring, but if they actually knew the first thing about the pleasures of spring they would know of at least five thousand nine hundred and eighty three better places to spend it than New York, and that's just on the same latitude.

Fall, though, is the worst. Few things are worse than fall in New York. Some of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats would disagree, but most of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats are highly disagreeable anyway, so their opinion can and should be discounted. When it's fall in New York, the air smells as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe, the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building.

(also: new orleans)

(also: Murica)
The most free place on Earth, Hell yeah. Be wary of Florida and it's inhabitants, they're a different breed.
(also: inhabitants of florida)
(also: freedom)

Harmless.

The feeling of intense contentment and excitement while watching your pet (or your fav hooman) cuddle/lay next to you .

(also: Happiness ) Cloud11

Life...is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast

A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
(also: time)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A peace only achievable via massive amounts of warfare. It has only been achieved once after World War II. Only twenty minutes and ended with the French Captian Boniface Martin calling the British General Ashton Chesterfield a right British twat and proclaimed his intention of defiling his wife with his French penis.

An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoölogists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greenland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolf-man) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movements, especially the American variety (felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.
—Balthasar Pober
(also: man)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A lawyer with a roving commission.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

the belief that fetus is a person, but that it's okay to let people die

Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

(adj.) beautiful and desirable due to being different from that which is boringly familiar