a week that commemorates the week jesus christ returned to jerusalem, which ended with his betrayal, crucifixion and eventual resurrection. for catholic people this week marks the end of lent. for everyone else, it is simply the week leading up to discount chocolate at the grocery store.

* palm sunday: supposedly represents the day jesus returned to jerusalem
* holy monday: represents the day jesus cursed at a fig tree (or something)
* holy tuesday: represents the day jesus received the vision of his own impending death
* spy wednesday: represents the day judas iscariot arranged for jesus' betrayal. does not involve james bond.
* maundy thursday: no idea what a maundy is, but this supposedly represents the day of the last supper jesus enjoyed with his disciples
* good friday: represents the day of the crucifixion
* black saturday: represents jesus chilling while being dead
* easter

it can be assumed all of these involve some kind of praying or something.

v.t.
1. To correct an erring friend or admonish a needy one. Of women the word abandoned is used in the sense of indiscreet.
2. To confer the advantage of being rid of you. To recant

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Thank heaven, I have abandoned the follies of youth for those of age.
—Chauncey Depew


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) the act of hurling someone out of a window. No, that's actually it.

a method of poverty reduction in which poverty is located and bombed to oblivion

In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
(also: Congress)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

A supervillain who is currently building an army of intelligence vehicles named Tesla.

The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a horse from the wrong side of the tracks, which grew up meaner and could not afford scoliosis treatment

“I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”
― Kurt Cobain

The negligible factor in problems of legislation.

An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

a Herculean task that requires the strength of a thousand warriors and the willpower of a saint.

n. Lucid intervals in a disordered life.

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The Judge:
You lazy dog! all industry you shirk
As 'twere a crime — why don't you go to work?

The Tough Citizen:
I'm always planning to, but, may it please your
Honor, I do never get the leisure.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(phrase) The timeless excuse of students seeking mercy for incomplete tasks, conjuring images of valiant guardianship over pint-sized terrors. A tale of unexpected responsibilities and heroic feats of sibling supervision, where chaos reigns and homework crumbles in the face of diaper changes and tantrums. A bittersweet plea for understanding, blending the frustrations of caretaking with the comedic antics of miniature humans.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

(n.) a Sufi order, whirling towards God.


(the following link is not broken, though it appears to be)


(also: sufi)
(also: dance)
(also: trance)
(also: meditation)

(384 BC – 322 BC) – Greek philosopher and polymath
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: aristotle quotes)

a chronic condition characterized by sudden and uncontrollable onset of sleep. the main thing to remember about narcolepsy iszzzzzzzzzz...

(1816-1908): a frenchman and scientist in the field of biochemistry, and archenemy of louis pasteur. by modern reckoning pasteur won their last bout, by striking antoine's glass jaw of granular theory with the devastating right hook of germ theory

(v.) to evoke (eg. a feeling), not to be confused with illicit

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can.
(also: bicycle)