the devil's dictionary

a holiday which appears to originate from Gaelic traditions surrounding the autumn harvest festival

in modern america, a typical halloween consists of children wearing expensive costumes to disguise their identities, and wandering from house to house begging for candy, a custom which was difficult to explain to the soviet union

for adults, the custom consists largely of watching horror-themed movies with various levels of eroticism, and dressing up in costumes with various levels of eroticism.

“Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.”
― Rumi
(also: rumi)

“Where there are ruins, will undoubtedly be snakes.”
—Indiana Jones

Odd little electronic devices worn around the wrist (or other convenient appendage). The apparent function of these instruments, is to determine the time of day, though their actual suitability for this purpose is somewhat questionable.

The problem is that the process of programming one is so insanely complicated and involves so much stress, anxiety and general irritation, by the time you have actually figured out how to set it to, say, 5:42 p.m. you are much more likely to cut off your hands at the wrists and dispose of them, watch and all, than do something so thick-witted as to actually wear it. For this reason most enlightened regions of the Galaxy have given up on the whole business, and they are now extremely hard to come by.

One of the few remaining civilizations still hanging on to this affectation is the planet Earth, whose ape-descended lifeforms still consider the digital a pretty neat idea.

(also: time)

The name for a state within the USA, once known as Massachusetts. But because the capital is so much easier to say, and because no one knows where the hell it is without its capital existing, the name of the state might as well be its capital: Boston.

Example:
Dood1: hey, didn't you say you were going to Massive Two Shits or whatever?

Dood2: what? Oh you mean Boston? Yeah I went, it was filled with cholos from the vineyards.

(adj.) persistent, dogged, and not easily dispelled or dissuaded. like a stall vendor in a latin american tourist trap. or a d, i suppose.

series of letters of decreasing size that you could certainly memorize. Every eye chart is the same sequence, and it's only 66 letters.

A fragment, a decomponent part, a remain. The word is used variously, but in the following verses on a noted female reformer who opposed bicycle-riding by women because it "led them to the devil" it is seen at its best:

---

The wheels go round without a sound —
The maidens hold high revel;
In sinful mood, insanely gay,
True spinsters spin adown the way
From duty to the devil!
They laugh, they sing, and — ting-a-ling!
Their bells go all the morning;
Their lanterns bright bestar the night
Pedestrians a-warning.
With lifted hands Miss Charlotte stands,
Good-Lording and O-mying,
Her rheumatism forgotten quite,
Her fat with anger frying.
She blocks the path that leads to wrath,
Jack Satan's power defying.

The wheels go round without a sound,
The lights burn red and blue and green.
What's this that's found upon the ground?
Poor Charlotte Smith's a smithareen!
—John William Yope

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) something untrue that people will nonetheless believe in, and thus the exact reverse of scientific research

me

The fall guy in either his best friend's (freedom fighter) causes or his girlfriend's (terrorist) machinations.

(also: freedom fighter)
(also: terrorist)

"it matters little: very little love is not so bad, or very little life" -bukowski

adj. Destitute of hair from hereditary or accidental causes—never from.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

"Without music, life would be a mistake.”― Friedrich Nietzsche
(also: Nietzsche)

(n.) 1) a trait which is inherited in a non-physical, non-genetic way, such as language. 2) the most insufferable goddam thing you can conceive of if it cloned itself, had sex with the clone and then ate the resulting babies for the +2 insufferability bonus.

Includes varieties such as classical, baroque, country, jazz, rock, ska, disco, punk, funk, metal, polka, folka and pretentious

(n.) sort of a pirate for hire. not the same as a pirate of course; they have much more respectability due to fighting for the right reason (stealing money from foreigners) instead of the wrong reason (stealing money from anyone they please)

An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The common battle cry of the American Hillbilly. It is typically proceeded by a challenge or a wager. Then a display of superiority followed by the death of the challenged. Though it is usually an epic display, the countless lives lost has some officials thinking of banning it.