n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

---

I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre,
And pick with care the disobedient wire.
That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook
With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.
I bide my time, and it shall come at length,
When, with a Titan's energy and strength,
I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O,
The world shall suffer when I let them go!
—Farquharson Harris
(also: instruments of torture)
(also: ancient instruments of torture)
(also: modern instruments of torture)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) an online fashion shop platform, or short for depopulation. take your pick.

a holiday when you try to find a date for the day, or a 'valentine', and if you can't find one, you lose

n. [1.] The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. [2.] The kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from Ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See NONSENSE.


(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a place that promises free jam tomorrow, provided prospective visitors have forgone jam today; reaching such a place is the central tenet of most major religions

(also: religion)

In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
(also: Congress)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) not to be confused with a black pearl. This is a common Asian tea ingredient that turns 20 year old boys into 14 year old highschool girls when they go out with members of the opposite sex party.

(n.) more often than not, a blessing in disguise. a call to refocus on what your body really needs for health. a reframing of values and priorities.

(also: pain)
(also: priorities)

Just about the most massively useful thing any interstellar Hitchhiker can carry.
(also: the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)

Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere "survivals" — things which having no longer any utility continue to exist because we have inherited the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. They were once real urns holding the ashes of the dead. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness.
(also: SYMBOLIC)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

where dreams are made and broken, but always fabulous

(also: broken dreams)

a computer program that pretends to be a different genre of pornography

A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
(also: time)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Dumb and illiterate.
(also: truth)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Slang for a penis.

(1483-1546) Sought to reform the Roman Catholic Church – starting the Protestant Reformation.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: martin luther quotes)

n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant who had been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt, but naïvely asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) a complicated coat hanger to drape your skin over. made from a white hard stuff made from hardened milk or something