A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
(also: the devils dictionary)

(n.) see currency, medium of exchange, storehouse of value, moolah, simoleons, shekels, dinero, cash. something designated as having value equivalent to a certain amount of goods or services; this designated value is considered one of the lies that forms a central pillar of civilization.

An advantage that accrues to A by denial of the right of B to take the property of C.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

so undeniably true that you cannot possibly take the risk that you might accidentally show it false

In financial affairs, to contribute to the development of a transfer company — one that transfers money from the pocket of the investor to that of the promoter.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

when you ride a bike without the seat on just the pole

(also: pole dancing)

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

(n.) an inanimate object that is, usually for entertainment purposes, given voice and animation by a person. this person is usually called a puppeteer or a lobbyist

puppets come in many forms, from the humble googly-eyed sock worn over one's hand, whereafter the fingers can be moved to make its "mouth" flop around like that of a fish corpse; to the marionette, controlled by long strings affixed to its joints and artfully tugged by the fingers of a mustachioed italian man. these are just examples. could also be something much better.

“Slutty,” but spelled wrong.

charles bukowski: the man, the poet, the big big drinker.
and he will tell you to reinvent yourself,

and to go through your own struggles, rather than seeking approval from someone like him.

(n.) the foremost of one's enemies, opponents, or adversaries. an archenemy can define one's character as much as a friend or ally can, and in a sense, having one is therefore a necessary step to self-actualization.

famous archenemies include:
united states and soviet union
britain and france
sherlock holmes and professor moriarty
batman and joker
humanity and nature
louis pasteur and antoine béchamp
elvis and robert goulet

and so on

A piece of material suitable for consumption to gain energy within one's body. Unfortunately it will not help with crippling sadness, but some may treat it as though it does.
(also: crippling sadness)
(also: common misunderstandings)

sexily delirious from the oppressive heat.

A computer built by a race of hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings to calculate once and for all the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, to which the answer is 42.

This computer was so large that it was frequently mistaken for a planet - especially by the strange ape-like beings who roamed its surface, totally unaware that they were simply part of a gigantic computer program. And this is very odd, because without that fairly simple and obvious piece of knowledge, nothing that ever happened on the Earth could possibly make the slightest bit of sense.

Sadly however, just before the critical moment of readout, the Earth was unexpectedly demolished by the Vogons to make way - so they claimed - for a new hyperspace bypass, and so all hope of discovering a meaning for life was lost for ever.

phrase used to get you to stop repeating the joke

The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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They say that hens do cackle loudest when
There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
And there are hens, professing to have made
A study of mankind, who say that men
Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
Make the most clamorous fanfaronade
O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
They're not entirely different from the hen.
Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
His blazing breeches and high-towering cap —
Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
—Hannibal Hunsiker

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Mother, in the language of children. Contraction of mommer.

❝are bad❞

An average sized man who was born on an island, and died on a different island. He als had some interesting adventures in between.

An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the satirist is popularly regarded as a sour-spirited knave, and his every victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent.

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Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung
In the dead language of a mummy's tongue,
For thou thyself art dead, and damned as well —
Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.
Had it been such as consecrates the Bible
Thou hadst not perished by the law of libel.
—Barney Stims
(also: humor)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)