n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Oily, smooth, sleek.
Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous." And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

a prank where you forcibly submerge someone's head into a shallow ceramic pool of rushing water for several seconds

(noun): A persistent and measurable increase in the general price level of goods and services in an economy over a period of time. In simpler terms, it's when everything seems to cost more and your money is worth less. Just think of it as the ultimate prank played on you by the wealthy elite, where they laugh all the way to the bank while you're stuck holding the bag.

remember back in, what, 3rd grade, was it? when at the end of the school year there was nothing to do in class and we just sat in a line and gave the person in front a back rub? Back when we could be intimate, bonding like that. Nowadays we'd be all self-conscious and we would all be uncomfortably joking about sexual undertones, but back then it was just a thing we did as peers. But now that we're teenagers we can never be in that state of innocent, friendly intimacy.

(n.) an unplaceable sense of discomfort, illness, or infirmity, not to be confused with mayonnaise (though both should be avoided)

where dreams are made and broken, but always fabulous

(also: broken dreams)

Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of possession.

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His light estate, if neither he did make it
Nor yet its former guardian forsake it,
Is portable improperty, I take it.
—Worgum Slupsky
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) what kids/ teenagers call what's simply day-to-day household upkeep. a point of contention and a reason for whining.

(also: maturity)
(also: upkeep)
(also: household)

Pertaining to symbols and the use and interpretation of symbols.

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They say 'tis conscience feels compunction;
I hold that that's the stomach's function,
For of the sinner I have noted
That when he's sinned he's somewhat bloated,
Or ill some other ghastly fashion
Within that bowel of compassion.
True, I believe the only sinner
Is he that eats a shabby dinner.
You know how Adam with good reason,
For eating apples out of season,
Was "cursed." But that is all symbolic:
The truth is, Adam had the colic.
—G.J.
(also: symbol)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. Creation's afterthought; an animal that Adam did not name.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless. That is the view that prevails in the underworld, where the Brotherhood of Man finds its most logical development and candid advocacy. To denizens of the midworld the word means good and wise.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

(also: misfortune)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(1395 – 1468) – Inventor of the printing press.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: johann gutenberg quotes)

(1787–1851) French artist and photographer, who is credited with the invention of the camera.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: louis daguerre quotes)

(noun) A numerical dance floor where digits frolic and numbers tango. An essential collection of mathematical partnerships, showcasing the art of combining and multiplying. From the sprightly duo of 1 and 1 to the energetic ensemble of 12 times 12, these tables unveil the secrets of multiplication, transforming minds into nimble calculators and turning ordinary arithmetic into a dazzling symphony of mathematical harmony.

Teaching Tip: Help students memorize multiplication tables by incorporating mnemonic devices or songs that make the process more engaging and memorable. Use visual aids like multiplication charts or manipulatives to provide a concrete representation of the concepts. Additionally, encourage regular practice through interactive games or timed drills to reinforce multiplication facts.

A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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Altgeld upon his incandescent bed
Lay, an attendant demon at his head.

"O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief —
Some respite from the roast, however brief."

"Remember how on earth I pardoned all
Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall."

"Unhappy soul! for that alone you squirm
O'er fire unquenched, a never-dying worm.

"Yet, for I pity your uneasy state,
Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.

"Naught, for a season, shall your comfort mar,
Not even the memory of who you are."

Throughout eternal space dread silence fell;
Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.

"As long, sweet demon, let my respite be
As, governing down here, I'd respite thee."

"As long, poor soul, as any of the pack
You thrust from jail consumed in getting back."

A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide
While they were turning him on t'other side.
—Joel Spate Woop
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(n.) treatment of which has often been a manifestation of fear of the unknown, fear of "the other." having ginger hair is more common through certain populations, like Scots, Irishmen, Basque.

(link is working, though it appears broken)

A couple of G's, an R and an E, an I and an N
Just six little letters all jumbled together...

A form of penance practiced by the medieval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.

(also: god)

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)