only the best toy ever if you grew up in the 80s and 90s

in 1981, honorable japanese toy company takara released "diaclone," a line of toy robots that could be twisted and folded into nifty futuristic vehicles. one of their corporate samurai got the very original idea to market a line of these car-robot toys to horrible american children (probably because tonka and milton-bradley was already doing that with gobots and robotix), and also got the bright idea to make new ones modeled on real cars such as the formidable Toyota Land Cruiser, and the Volkswagon Beetle (called "the people's car" by adolf hitler himself)

to achieve this they sold the license for these "transformers" to the execs of american toy company hasbro, who decided to advertise their new cash cow with a crappy 80s cartoon and a marvel tie-in comic. the transformers were a smash hit; through the 80s you could always tell whose parents were rich enough to afford them (or at least, had formerly been rich before buying them). naturally they were so successful that hasbro has made every effort to run the franchise into the ground with a new cartoon every decade or so, plus letting michael bay make a series of porno movies that happen to occasionally feature transformers.

(6th century BC) Principal figure of Jainism.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: mahavira quotes)

a lucrative industry built on exploiting people's insecurities and desire for companionship. A fool's game where experts are often single and unhappy.

(n.) a boss-man or pooh-bah, usually in sinister secret societies or chess clubs

The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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They say that hens do cackle loudest when
There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
And there are hens, professing to have made
A study of mankind, who say that men
Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
Make the most clamorous fanfaronade
O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
They're not entirely different from the hen.
Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
His blazing breeches and high-towering cap —
Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
—Hannibal Hunsiker

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.
(also: radical)
(also: governing people)
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

(also: united states of america)
(also: ununited states of america )

A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. The student of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly boast himself inaccessible to the light. "In time of peace prepare for war" has a deeper meaning than is commonly discerned; it means, not merely that all things earthly have an end — that change is the one immutable and eternal law — but that the soil of peace is thickly sown with the seeds of war and singularly suited to their germination and growth. It was when Kubla Khan had decreed his "stately pleasure dome" — when, that is to say, there were peace and fat feasting in Xanadu — that he

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heard from afar
Ancestral voices prophesying war.

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One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide the night.

(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

To dine.

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Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess,
Well skilled to overeat without distress!
Thy great invention, the unfatal feast,
Shows Man's superiority to Beast.
—John Boop

(n.) the hoary specter of death's pay-by-installment plan

(adj.) describing one who is in the process of mutating into a frailer, wrinklier, balder form of life

One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
(also: The Devil's Dictionary)

Suicide but with help from another human being.

an antiquated slang term for a plainclothes detective. the name probably originates from the popular image of them sneaking about as if wearing gumshoes- that is, galoshes, rubberized boots worn in mud or other messy conditions, in which one would feel compelled to walk more gingerly.

there is no known tendency for detectives or people in galoshes to get gum on a shoe. it could happen, sure, but still.

(n.) intense physical activity used to improve one's physical condition so that they may justify overeating and laziness to their own conscience

(n.) the real OG! tracing words through time and cultures (aka the memetic flow).

(n.) a razor-sharp grin attached to a large fish, with a dorsal fin to give fair warning

a crueler, land-based form of the animal prefers to swindle rather than outright eat its prey

(phrase) The timeless excuse of students seeking mercy for incomplete tasks, conjuring images of valiant guardianship over pint-sized terrors. A tale of unexpected responsibilities and heroic feats of sibling supervision, where chaos reigns and homework crumbles in the face of diaper changes and tantrums. A bittersweet plea for understanding, blending the frustrations of caretaking with the comedic antics of miniature humans.


(also: my dog ate my homework)

(n.) actually more of a dish, not a cup or goblet, despite what others would have you believe. also possibly a metaphor for something abstruse and religious

Orville (1871 – 1948) – Wilbur (1867 – 1912) – Created and flew the first aeroplane.
(also: 100 most influential people in the world)
(also: orville and wilbur wright quotes)

(n.) the ability to hold the interest of another, regardless of how nonsensical the things you say might be